mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au (Mark Doherty) Ranma 1/2: Love is never easy. (Part 1 of 2) by Mark Doherty(mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au) Aaaahhhh!!!! SEQUEL WARNING!!! This is a sequel to my first fanfic, Ryouga and Ukyou. Like most series/sequels, you'd best read the original fanfic before you read this. Otherwise, you are probably going to be confused. That is because the first R&U fanfic was an alterniverse fic, and therefore some things are different. This fanfic changes things even more, so please bear that warning in mind as you read it. Of course, since I've hacked around with things a bit, some characters won't quite be the same, although they are usually close. Aren't disclaimers fun? Please note the new email address, the old one still works but I'd really prefer it if you use this one if you want to reply. Fair warning: This one doesn't focus as much on Ryouga and Ukyou as the first one did. Comments, criticisms, and gifts of small African Antelopes will all be graciously accepted. Your comments are the only way I can find out how to improve my work. (Okay, so I could do a writing course too. I prefer this way. It's cheaper, for a start.) Thanks to Brian Zumbahlen for some story ideas. They helped mesh this mess together. Characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I deserve to be cursed in the spring of drowned gerbil for thinking of using them. Please don't sue me, I am but a poor and penniless student, with delusions of grandeur. Cameos from other series are copyright their respective owners. For those who don't want to bother with the first, here is a quick run down of changes from normal Ranma continuity: - Firstly, Ryouga is cursed as a female, Ukyou as a piglet. This is and was their only curse. - Ryouga never became Ranma's rival/enemy. Instead, he is Ranma's friend, having left with him on Ranma's ill-fated trip to China. Also, Ukyou decided to not renew her engagement with Ranma when she came after him. Currently, she is a friend of his, although it is still a bit uneasy since he was almost the one who cursed her. - Ryouga and Ukyou are engaged. Amazingly enough, it is through their own will, not through interfering in-laws. Still, the way it originally came about was strange enough... - There is a Chinese Herbalist, Po Shin (Potion) floating around (not literally, can't I use a metaphor?). He has, through an unfortunate decision, developed a phobia about anyone when they are in their Jusenkyo cursed form. He's terrified of them. Luckily for him, it doesn't affect him when they are in their original forms. He doesn't like Ryouga much, and vice versa, but he has sort of put enmity aside for the moment. - Mousse isn't fawning over Shampoo. His love life is a bit up in the air at the moment. He is cursed as per normal, ie a duck. Currently, he is helping Potion at Potion's herb store. - Did I mention that Ukyou has never had the fact that she is a girl revealed to the school? And, just as importantly, that Ryouga pretends to be a girl at school? So the students think that Ukyou is a boy, and Ryouga(who is called Ryoko) is a girl. Ryouga's secret is relatively safe regarding the curse now, because the students think that 'she' has been cursed in similar water to Ranma, except that 'hot water turns her into her cursed form, cold water turns her back to normal'. People will believe anything if you give a good enough show. - This fanfic starts soon after Shampoo has returned to China, after Ranma revealed his curse to her. And, as always, a few conventions explained: - The suffix -chan is used (outside conversation) to note a character's cursed girl form. Other people's cursed forms will be denoted by the curse as a suffix, i.e. Jane-Three Toed Sloth, or Jane-T. - [] are thoughts. - <> is chinese speech. - {} are panda signs. - ** are used for two things. Firstly, outside of quotation marks, they are used for animal speech. eg *Hello.* Mousse-Duck quacked. In quotations, they are sounds, such as clearing of throats("*ahem*"). Or "*blarp*", for example. No, I don't use *blarp* in the story, I just wanted to put it here for no good reason. Like the first, there is enough swearing to make me decide to put a quick warning here. Is it my imagination, or are my intros getting too big? "What thing is love for (well I wot) love is a thing. It is a prick, it is a sting, It is a pretty, pretty thing; It is a fire, it is a coal Whose flame creeps in at every hole." - George Peele(1558-1597) ********************************* Love is never easy, All too often that is true. In this cold, cold world, Love is the flame that warms lovers; And the flame burns those who love, when the loved love them not too. ********************************* A large man, who wore tight fitting red military style clothes, complete with hat, stood in the middle of a room filled with monitors. Around him, several scientists sat at consoles. With the long cape he was wearing, he looked like one of the Village People. And if you said that to him, you could kiss goodbye to your ill advised life. "Well?" he rumbled. One of the scientists looked at the man. "My Lord Bison, we haven't found anyone with the fighting potential you are looking for." "Keep searching." Bison said. "I need more good fighters for my army. Then, I shall crush..." "Excuse me, is this table three?" a voice asked from behind Bison. Everyone in the room turned to look at the speaker. He was a young man, who looked to be about sixteen years old or so. He had black hair held by a yellow and black bandanna. He wore a yellow shirt and black pants, which were tied at the shins. Over his shirt, he wore an apron which had the words 'Ucchans Okonomiyaki' on it in kanji. In his right hand he held an okonomiyaki, which was on a paper server. "Who are you?" Bison asked, his voice cold. "Hibiki Ryouga." Ryouga answered. He looked around. "I guess this isn't table three. Oh well, don't mind me. I'll find my own way out." He turned, and walked off through the door. "Damn salespeople. Even here, they find me." Bison muttered. "Sir!" one of the scientists exclaimed. "That boy!" "What is it?" Bison asked, turning to the excited scientist. "We've had readings on him before. We've had androids spot him all over the world, but whenever we try to pick him up, he mysteriously disappears before we could get there." the scientist explained. "Is he good enough?" Bison asked, cutting to the chase. "Sir, just have a look." the scientist said, pointing to a monitor which had an image of Ryouga, and several computer generated fighting statistics laid over Ryouga's face. Bison raised an eyebrow as he saw the figures. "Get him. Get him now. Before he leaves the base." The scientist nodded, and hit a scramble button. But it was far too late. Ryouga was long gone. ********************************* "That's my daughter's doll!" a man screamed. "Thief! Give me back my pet cat!" a girl shouted. A high pitched giggle drifted eerily through the streets, chilling the bones of all who knew the beast responsible for it. In a small store, a young man with short black hair looked at another man who had longer black hair and wore glasses. "It is time." the young man intoned. This man wore black pants, a grey shirt that was buttoned down the side of the chest, and he wore a bandolier/belt full of pouches. Around his neck hung a small face/breathing mask, and some plastic goggles. "Good luck Potion." the other boy said. This one wore black pants, over which he wore a long white robe. The young man nodded, and selected his weapon of war. He controlled his breathing before he exited his store. "Get back here girl!" another shout came. "Oooooo! Widdle Azusa _so_ happy!" a chillingly kawaii girl's voice floated in from the distance, mixing in with faint screams of horror. Potion stepped into the middle of the street, standing in between his herbal store and an okonomiyaki store which was called Ucchans. Calmly, slowly, he girded himself for war. Since his right hand was occupied with his secret weapon, he used his left to put on the goggles and face mask he used when there was a chance he was going to use his mixtures or herbs in combat. The street was clear, all of sound mind and body had retreated to the safety of the buildings when they heard the distant cries of impeding doom. In the distance, a small figure skidded crazily around a corner to face the man. The figure belonged to a young girl, who had brown hair. Everything about her, from her cute short dress to her pink rollerblades just screamed cute. Sickeningly cute. The girl stopped her momentum as she stared at the interloper blocking her passage. The man narrowed his eyes as he faced his nemesis. "That's right." he said softly to himself, as he raised his right hand to display his greatest item in the fight he was about to face. "Come and meet your doom." The girl narrowed her eyes as she saw Potion wave his challenge to her. "Jean-Pierre Michael Clavier!" she screamed out kawaiily. Presumably it was her battlecry, because she began to skate towards him, quickly gaining speed. Potion stood his ground as the kawaii horror glided towards him. "Just a little closer, demoness." he whispered. He whipped back his hand, in preparation. "A... little... closer........ now!" he shouted to himself, and threw the cute little bunny rabbit doll he had been holding at Azusa. As soon as he had let go of the doll, he raced back to the relative safety of his store. "Jean-Pierre Michael Clavier!" Azusa screeched, and leapt on the doll like a starving lion pouncing on a slow moving herd animal. She raised the doll in triumph, before hugging it tightly. "Oooooo! You're so cute!" Azusa said to the doll. Potion looked at Azusa through the window in the front of his store. "Three... two...." he said. With a smirk, he continued "one... sucker." The rabbit doll exploded in a cloud of red smoke. Azusa screeched as she was covered in the smoke. Within seconds, she was hidden from view. "That'll teach you to steal my breakfast just because it's 'kawaii'." Potion muttered. The smoke cleared. Azusa realised, to her horror, that she was covered from head to toe in a horrible red rash. "Waaaahh!" she cried. "What did Azusa do to deserve this!?" She looked around desperately. She had to get out of here. She couldn't be seen like this. She started to skate off, wincing at the contact of her clothes on her skin as she did so. "Victory is mine, Mousse." Potion told his current (and possibly temporary) assistant as he removed his mask and goggles. "You spent a lot of money on that." Mousse pointed out. "Do you think it was worth it?" Potion nodded. "Of course it was worth it. I would have spent ten times as much to make that kawaii bomb, just for her expression. Besides..." he grinned. "Besides, now I can start selling my kawaii bombs to anyone sick of Azusa. I'll make a killing." Mousse sighed, adjusting his glasses. He was surrounded by merchants. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it could get tiring. If it wasn't Potion, it was Ukyou, or Nabiki. Still, Nabiki was nice enough, he admitted to himself. When she wasn't trying to get him to do something for her. "You know what's so great about finally getting that annoying little thief?" Potion asked. "I thought that just getting her was enough of a reason." Mousse said reasonably to a nearby clove of garlic. He wasn't wearing his glasses again. "Well, yes." Potion said. "And it means that nothing could dampen this day." "Goodbye." Mousse said, walking in the approximate direction of the door. "Where are you going?" Potion asked. "Away from you for the rest of the day." Mousse replied as he finally managed to open the door. "I don't want to be caught in whatever it is that you just called down upon yourself." "Ha!" Potion cried. "Nothing could harm me! I am invincible!" he cried, before he realised that his audience had left. "Oh well." he said with a shrug. ********************************* In the yard of a residence in Tokyo, two people were fighting near a koi pond. A young bluish-black haired girl was trying her best to hit a boy who had black hair tied back in a pigtail. She wasn't succeeding in her aim. "Ha!" the boy cried as he flew over one of the girl's kicks. "You're too slow Akane. A tomboy like you is never going to be able to hit me." Akane narrowed her eyes. She began to glow with the blue aura that only a truly annoyed martial artist could pull off. She never seemed to have any trouble with summoning it. "Shut up Ranma!" she growled, and then she pulled a mallet out of... where the HELL had she pulled it out of? One second, she was unarmed, the next she had a four foot long mallet in her hand. Even by strange and esoteric martial artist standards, it was an impressive feat to pull a weapon out of thin air. Ranma showed his appreciation for Akane's ability to access an alternate dimension where mallets evolved instead of humans, by being beaten over the head with said mallet. To further show his respect for Akane's mallet, Ranma was sent into the stratosphere by the wooden war hammer. Hidden on the top of the nearby dojo roof, a figure shook their head. "Hmm..." the person said softly to, apparently from the voice, herself. "How can she not see it? She was losing that fight until she used the mallet. Why didn't she use it before? I must observe her for a while longer before I talk to her." The woman idly twirled her green hair as she watched the fuming Akane stomp back into the house. ********************************* In an okonomiyaki store called Ucchans, a young person, apparently a boy who had long dark brown hair, worked at the grill. Although she looked like a boy when she wore her bindings, Kuonji Ukyou was in fact all female. Unlike her fiance, who was a half-girl, half-guy. With directional problems. But then again, Ukyou turned into a pig. Nobody's perfect. Ukyou flipped an okonomiyaki over on the grill in her store. She looked around for Ryouga for the hundredth time since he had taken that order two hours ago, and sighed. "Ryouga no Baka." she muttered to herself. And then she sighed again. [Great. I'm starting to sound like Akane.] she thought. "Is this table... oh good, I'm back." Ryouga said as he stepped up to the counter. Ukyou blinked. Several times. Then she looked at her watch. Then she looked at Ryouga again, before she started to clap her hands, giving him an honest ovation. "What? What is it?" Ryouga asked, embarrassed at the stares Ukyou was drawing from the customers. "Two hours. You made it back in two hours. That's pretty good, sugar." Ukyou answered. Ryouga blushed slightly. "Well, I tried my best to get back quickly." he said abashedly. ********************************* After the close of business for the day, Ukyou and Ryouga walked to the Tendo Dojo. Even though they had decided to be true to an at first spurious engagement between them, they didn't want to rush things by living together just yet. Ryouga helped Ukyou out around her restaurant. Usually, he did so by setting up the tables, cleaning everything up after the close of business, and other things that involved him not having to find his way to a customer. Sometimes, like today, Ukyou let him try waitering, to see if he could do it without getting lost. He couldn't. After seeing that they were starting to get customers from their school, Ukyou decided to always stay in her boy disguise when she was chefing. After all, any who saw her at school and then saw her without her bindings cooking at her restaurant might make the connection. Even taking into consideration just how dense the people around here could be. So it was that they walked to the Tendo Dojo, with Ukyou making sure that Ryouga didn't get lost. "What about tying a rope to my hand. You know, tying the other end to the counter or something?" Ryouga asked. They were talking about ways to keep him from wandering off while waitering. Ukyou thought about it. "Hmm... it might work. But you'd have to tie the rope to the ceiling. If you tied it to the counter, you'd be clotheslining the customers every time you served an order. And you'd look ridiculous, you do realise that?" Ryouga sighed. "True. I guess I'm just no good at this." Ukyou patted him on the arm. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm going to teach you how to cook. That way, at least when you get good enough you can man the grill, and let me have some time off." "I guess." Ryouga said as they continued to walk. "So... about my idea of you working as a girl so we can attract more customers..." Ukyou began slowly. Ryouga sighed. Recently, she had asked him if he had considered waitering as a girl. He had said he'd think about it, which had proved to be the wrong answer. Ukyou had latched onto the idea, and since Ryouga couldn't realistically ask her to dress as a girl thanks to their school disguises, he was left without a way out of agreeing. "Well, it's a pity I can't waiter properly now, is it?" Ryouga said with a chuckle. "Nice try." Ukyou said, with a glint in her eye. ********************************* Ryouga-chan looked at her gym clothes with a slightly disgusted expression. After several weeks of pretending to be a girl at school, she was starting to get used to these sorts of clothes, but she didn't know if she would ever feel completely comfortable them. And she had to wear a sports bra when she was actually here for sport, an act she could do without. She had seriously considered doing sport as a boy, since the school did know that she was a half-boy/half-girl. But they thought that she was originally a girl, and Ryouga didn't want to be labelled a pervert for competing as a boy. Ranma was already called that for swimming as a girl, and Ranma, of course, had no choice in what form he used when in water. So whenever she was actually at school for sport, she grit her teeth, found a closet or empty room to change in(she had learnt after the first time to check the place she was in _before_ she changed), used her notoriety as being someone hopeless with directions as an excuse for never changing in the change room, and then she did sport with the girls. Afterwards, she always had to find a way to escape the gaggle of girls so that she didn't get dragged into the changing rooms. Often, Akane would have to help. "Your turn Ryoko." the teacher said as she looked over at the girl who was both her greatest headache and her greatest pride. The teachers speculated over what Ryoko had gone through in her life to become such a strange girl. A tomboy, there was no dispute over that. There was Ryoko's problems with finding her way, which indicated some sort of trauma in her life. Her violent reactions to affection from any boy except the Kuonji kid(Ryouga-chan had sent a few boys to the nurses office for asking for dates before Ukyou had come along). Her unnatural shyness, taken to a point where she would go to elaborate lengths to change away from the other girls. Not to mention the fact that she had been given some sort of curse where she could turn into a man... The teachers agreed that whatever had happened to Ryoko in her life, she deserved the small 'breaks' she was given. They didn't comment on her turning up in stained men's travelling clothes. They didn't say anything when she took four days to make it from the cafeteria to her home room. They didn't even say anything when she had once walked into the men's showers in her guy form and transformed back into a girl before walking out again, having apparently not even noticed the embarrassed group of boys who had been getting clean. Berating her for such actions seemed too much like whipping a small puppy who was staring at you with doleful eyes. The teacher watched as Ryouga-chan started performing a series of incredible leaps and handstands on the gymnastics horse. And there was one of the reasons to be proud of her, the teacher realised. Ryoko might not be the brightest girl around(her geography teacher took medication every day just before he had to teach Ryoko's class), but she did do fine in the arts area. Culture, history, and several other fields that didn't involve science or maths she was just fine at. And languages. She was years ahead of most of the other students when it came to language studies. But it was sports that made her stand out. In softball, as a pitcher, her fastballs almost seemed to smoke. She had proven herself in gymnastics, having won against Kodachi in the martial arts version. There were rumours she was a decent skater, although where those rumours came from nobody knew. She was a strong swimmer, making up for skill with strength. Discus... well, after the first time she tried that, she had had to apologise for wrecking an house that was three streets from the school. She was good at running, as long as you could get her to go in the right direction. And so on... and so forth. Ryoko had a future in a fair few sports if she wished it. "That's good Ryoko. But could you do it again without the spinning kick?" the teacher asked with a small sigh. Yes, Ryoko had a future. If she could ever do anything without involving martial arts in it. Ryouga-chan blushed slightly, and let out an inane chuckle. "Sorry. Force of habit." Outside the gymnasium, a thin young boy with shortish black hair, who had dark circles under his eyes crouched down, staring in through a window. He was wearing the Furinkan boys sports uniform, which consisted of white shirt and sneakers with a light grey set of pants. In his hands he held a camera, which he was using to take pictures of Ryouga-chan through one of the windows. His name was Gosunkugi Hikaru. Almost no-one called him Hikaru. "Until you came along, I was content to worship Akane from afar." Gosunkugi said to himself as he took a few snaps of Ryouga-chan. "But as soon as I saw you, Ryoko, I fell in love with you. The way you asserted yourself with Kunou... so unlike the other girls." Gosunkugi took a few more pictures. "And then that Kuonji guy came along. Out of nowhere, he came and claimed to be your fiance. How could that be? Everyone's seen how you react around any other guy. Why was Kuonji different? Why?" Gosunkugi whispered. "Kuonji no baka." he said, taking another photo. "Kuonji no baka." Snap, another photo. "Kuonji no..." "Yes?" Ukyou asked from directly behind Gosunkugi. She was in a boys sports uniform, the same as he was. Well, except for the ever present bandolier and spatula combination(the coaches seemed to accept it as 'allowable uniform extras'). She was, of course, disguised as a guy. Ranma, Daisuke and Hiroshi (Ranma's two friends) jogged up. "Taking photos of Ryoko again?" Daisuke asked. "Man, you are brave." "Yeah, after what her brother did to Kunou I wouldn't have thought that anyone would have the guts to do it." Hiroshi added. "I guess you do have that." "What is he talking about?" Ukyou asked Ranma as she took him away from the others. "It was before you got here." Ranma answered as Gosunkugi snuck off. "Nabiki took a photo of Ryouga as a girl that he didn't like much. Kunou bought it, Ryouga found out, and Ryouga beat up Kunou publicly to make sure that everyone thought that 'Ryoko' had an insanely overprotective brother. Now no-one takes photos of Ryouga as a girl unless he's wearing full uniform. Or more." "So what about the weird little guy?" Ukyou asked. Ranma shrugged. "I don't know. Braver than he looks, I guess." ********************************* Later that day... Kunou shook his head as he rose to his feet. Somehow, Saotome had used one of his tricks to win another fight. Worse yet, Kuonji had bashed him over the head with that infernal weapon of his while Ryoko had accidentally distracted him by trying to hug him. (What had actually happened was that Kunou had tried to glomp onto Ryouga-chan, she had tried to strangle him to show how pleased she was at his presence, and Ukyou had spatulaed him just to add injury to insult.) "Every man has a weak spot." Gosunkugi said from next to Kunou. Kunou turned to look at the scrawny kid. "What are you?" "Gosunkugi Hikaru. Freshman. You wouldn't know me. No-one does." Gosunkugi responded. "And you know of Saotome Ranma's weak spot?" Kunou asked disdainfully. Gosunkugi shook his head. "Saotome Ranma comes second to Kuonji Ukyou in my worries." "Then do you know Kuonji Ukyou's weak spot?" Kunou asked tiredly. "No." Gosunkugi admitted. "Then don't bother me until you find out what it is." Kunou said, and walked off. ********************************* "Here Ranma, try these. I made them in Home Ec today." Akane said, holding out a brown paper bag to Ranma as they walked home from school. Ranma nervously stared down at what could well be his impending doom. "Uh... what are they?" he asked, hoping to delay the inevitable taste test. "Just some cookies." Akane said. Ranma looked at the offered bag, then he looked at Akane, then he looked at the bag again. "Oh come on!" Akane said, exasperated. "They won't kill you." Ranma sighed. "Alright, alright." He reached down into the bag and looked at the cookie. It looked ok. He smelled it. It smelled ok. He thought about tasting it, but discarded that idea as suicidal. "Are you going to eat it or not!?" Akane asked, anger creeping into her voice. "Well of course I'm... what is that!?" Ranma asked pointing excitedly behind Akane. "What?" Akane said, turning her head to look where Ranma was pointing. As soon as she turned, Ranma threw the cookie away with all his strength, hurling it into orbit. "I don't see anything!" Akane shouted as she turned to look at Ranma again. He was busy pretending to chew, making an act of eating her cookie. Akane stared at him suspiciously. Ranma pretended to swallow the 'cookie', before he smiled and said "My mistake." Akane, however, was not quite that stupid. She began to glow with her blue ki aura. "Akane?" Ranma managed before she punted him into the distance. "Jerk." Akane said to herself as she turned her back to the dwindling figure of her iinazuke and walked home. Since she turned her back, she missed seeing a shrunken figure bound over the rooves in the direction that Ranma had flown in. Nearby, a relatively youngish looking woman with long green hair stepped out of a side street and looked at the retreating figure of the young girl. "Masterful." she said to herself as she looked at Akane's back. "But a little sloppy on the follow through." ********************************* Ukyou and Ryouga-chan walked towards Ukyou's okonomiyaki-ya, her restaurant. "You do realise we're being followed?" Ryouga-chan asked easily as they walked. Ukyou nodded. "Of course. He's not that good at following us. It's this kid from our class. His name is Gosunkugi Hikaru. Apparently he has a thing for you." Ryouga-chan groaned. "Not another one. I thought they'd given up after what I did to Kunou." "Ranma told me about that. And the guys haven't stopped drooling over you, they're just a little less obvious about it with you. I always thought it was the way you treated Kunou that made them shy. I guess I was even more right than I thought." Ryouga-chan shrugged. "Kunou might not be the best fighter around, but he can sure take his hits. He's always survived my beating him, so I don't worry too much. But that time... if Ranma told you about it, you might appreciate just how angry I was." "Well, I could guess. But I've never been in that sort of position myself, so I could only guess." Ukyou admitted. Further talk was cut off as they reached Ucchans. Right outside the store, Mousse and Potion were standing, looking agitated. "We need to talk." Mousse said. "Preferably without having to put up with that." Potion added, looking at Ryouga-chan. "Hey! What do you mean by that!?" Ryouga-chan snarled, stalking towards Potion. Potion backed up nervously. "Your curse you idiot!" "Oh." Ryouga-chan said. She figured that whatever Potion had to say had to be important, so she decided that she'd let his stupid fear of Jusenkyo curses go for the moment. She was about to change back into a guy anyway. Ukyou took Ryouga-chan's arm as she walked into the store. "Stay here." she said over her shoulder. "I'll fix up Ryouga." The two girls walked out into one of the back areas of the store. A couple of minutes later, Ukyou and Ryouga walked back into the serving area. Mousse and Potion had drawn up chairs at one of the tables, so the chef and the lost boy joined them there. "I've got some bad news." Potion said. "Half bad, anyway." Mousse retorted. "What's the problem?" Ukyou interjected. "Shampoo's back." Potion said simply. Ukyou crinkled her eyes. She never had repaid that Chinese bimbo for cooking her when she was a pig. Not to mention the way she had taken Ryouga's memories of Ukyou away. Ryouga snarled softly. He never had repaid the girl for cooking Ukyou. And he owed her for taking away his memories of Ukyou. He hated thinking about that incident, he always cringed with shame at the way he had treated Ukyou while he had been under the effects of the memory loss. "Nothing wrong with that." Mousse said calmly. "I was really worried she'd be punished pretty badly for letting Ranma live. She's not really the problem here." Potion nodded. "True. Very true. Shampoo's not too bad, as long as you don't become a threat to her. It's the person who came with her that I worry about." "Who came with her then?" Ryouga asked, starting to get interested. "The crone." Mousse said. "The old troll." Potion added helpfully. Ukyou and Ryouga looked at each other. With a long suffering sigh, Ukyou looked back at the two Chinese men, and said "Who?" "Cologne." Potion said in a dead tone. "The matriarch of my village." Mousse added. "Trouble." Potion said. "Definitely." Mousse finished. "Oh." Ukyou said. ********************************* Outside the shop, Gosunkugi crept up to the window so that he could listen in on the conversation. "...is Cologne?" he heard a man's voice ask. There was a pause, and then another man said with a slight Chinese accent "You have to understand something..." Gosunkugi wouldn't find out what he had to understand, as the cookie that Ranma had launched with all his strength streaked down and clonked him on the head. As his eyes rolled up, Gosunkugi slid to the ground. ********************************* "Who is Cologne?" Ryouga asked. Mousse and Potion looked at each other for a few seconds before they turned back to the others. "You have to understand something about the Amazons..." Potion began before he was interrupted by a thud outside. Ukyou stood, walked to the entrance, opened the door, walked outside, looked at something for a few seconds, and then walked back in again, closing the door behind her. "Well?" Potion asked. "Nothing worth worrying about." Ukyou answered. Potion shrugged. "Anyway, the Amazons are ruled by a council of elders, which are usually all women. The head of this council is Cologne. She is a terror." Mousse nodded. "She is old beyond all the others. But her skills have not atrophied with age. She is the greatest warrior the village has, and that is no small accomplishment." "Her experience, her wisdom, her knowledge. All are weapons at her disposal. Deadly weapons." Potion intoned. "Even my Mistress, Mai Ling..." "Who?" Mousse asked. Potion sighed and clapped a hand to his forehead. "Spice." he muttered. "Ah." Mousse said, nodding in understanding. "The herbalist Spice. She is one to respect." "Or else." Potion added tiredly. He looked at Ryouga and Ukyou and said "My teacher's real name is Mai Ling. A nice, simple name. But she hates to be called that. Which is why I do it. She got accepted into the Amazon village long ago, I don't know how, and she took on the name Tsupai-Su. Spice. It seemed appropriate." "So you guys aren't born with those weird names?" Ukyou asked. "What's wrong with my name?" Mousse asked defensively. "*ahem* Yes. Well." Potion said, looking embarrassed. "Actually, Spice is the only I know who uses an assumed name. My real name is Po Shin. His real name is Mu Zu. Xian Pu. And so on. Those are our real names. It's mainly that one place that gives out the names." "You didn't come from the village." Mousse pointed out. "True. But I did come from a nearby village. And my parents had a thing for the Amazons. They were actually disappointed they had a boy. So they called me Po Shin, in the way of the Amazons." Potion explained. "That's why I prefer to be called Shin by anyone from outside Joketsozuku. I know just how stupid my name sounds to most people. To the Amazons, it sounds just fine, so they call me by my full name." "Well this is just _incredibly_ interesting, but what about this woman you were talking about?" Ryouga cut in. "Sorry." Potion said. "Even Spice is in awe of Cologne's skills." "The point is that the _matriarch_ of my village is here." Mousse said. "There's only two reasons why she'd be here. Knowing her, it's probably both. The first is, of course, Ranma. The second is me, and how I helped everyone escape the village, and how I interfered in the Kiss of Death." "Cologne came to my store while Mousse was out." Potion took over the story. "She wanted to see him. Things are not looking good for him _or_ Ranma." "I'm sure Ranma can take care of himself." Ryouga said confidently. Potion snorted while Mousse shook his head. "I have a great deal of respect for Ranma's abilities." Mousse said. "But he is _not_ that good. No-one younger than sixty is." "Ranma doesn't stand a chance." Potion added. "Cologne will wipe the floor with him if she thinks that he is really a girl, like he said he was to Shampoo." Ryouga and Ukyou looked at each other for about a second before they were out of their seats, heading to the door. "Lock up behind you!" Ukyou shouted over her shoulder. "Wait! We'll come too." Mousse said as he and Potion ran to catch up. Potion locked the okonomiyaki store's door behind him. He spared a quick glance for the unconscious Gosunkugi before he ran off to catch up with the others. "Vagrancy near my store." he muttered. "I'm going to have to talk to my real estate agent." ********************************* "Hey Ranma!" Ryouga shouted out as he ran into the Tendo house, with the others following him(no, of course he didn't find his way there without help). "Shampoo is back!" They walked into the dining room, to see the purple haired Amazon girl, Shampoo, hanging off of an embarrassed Ranma's arm. Akane was nearby, staring in fury at either Shampoo or Ranma. Or both, it was hard to tell. The other Tendos and Genma-Panda were there too, eating what looked to be a Chinese banquet. "I know." Ranma said with a slightly resigned voice. Akane was going to kill him. He was sure of it. Shampoo looked at the new arrivals and waved to them. "Nihao! Anyway Ranma, I have very big surprise for you." Ranma put on a sickly grin and said "Oh. And what is that?" "I bring what you want more than anything else." Shampoo answered. "Your promise to go away forever?" Akane whispered to herself. "I bring nanniichuan." Shampoo continued. All of a sudden, the eyes of three men and a panda were fixed on the Amazon girl. "Did..." Ryouga began, hope in his voice. "...you..." Ranma said as a grin started to spread across his face. "...say..." Mousse continued, holding his glasses over his eyes, an expression of mixed shock and joy on his face. "...gruffle?" Genma-Panda finished. He held up a sign that said {Nanniichuan? Man water?} Shampoo nodded. [If she brought it with her, why aren't I gibbering right now?] Potion thought as he looked at Shampoo with a suspicious gaze. [The way I get around people with curses, I should be a mess if she had water on her.] Ukyou was looking at an happy Ryouga. [I hope this is the cure he needs.] she thought. [I guess if he gets cured, we'll have to tell the school something. I wonder how much she brought... being a guy would have to be better than being a pig...] "Shampoo brought some for Ranma, give as wedding gift." Shampoo said. "Was hard bringing it, but luckily we only have to carry enough for one." The four male Jusenkyoites slumped. "Enough..." Ryouga said softly, a resigned expression on his face. "...for..." Ranma said, looking at the other men who had travelled to the cursed springs. "...one?" Mousse said, sighing. [So much for that.] he thought. {Typical.} Genma-Panda signed, an annoyed expression on his face. Nabiki shook her head. [All they need is a banana and people would think they were monkeys. How do they continue each other's sentences like that?] Shampoo nodded again. "What wrong? Shampoo figure Ranma only one who need water. Ranma father seem ok with panda form." {I'm not _that_ ok with it!} Genma-Panda waved a sign furiously while Ryouga and Mousse bit back sighs. They never had told Shampoo that they'd been cursed as well. Now, it seems, they were paying for holding back. Akane had latched onto the more important bit Shampoo had said. "Wedding present?" she asked in a dangerous tone. Shampoo nodded. "Wedding of Ranma and Shampoo." she said happily. "What makes you think you're marrying him? You don't think that law of yours means anything here, do you?" Akane asked. "Shampoo best bride for Ranma." Shampoo answered, glaring at Akane. "Certainly better than other choice." "What do you mean by..." Akane began before someone cackling interrupted her. "Ahh." a two foot tall crinkled old woman, who was balancing on a five foot long staff like one of those pencil figurines, said. "The vitality of youth." she added as she used her staff like a pogo stick to bounce next to Shampoo. Her long white hair flowed down behind her as she stared at the assembled throng with incredibly large eyes. "Hey! You're that old lady that attacked me earlier today!" Ranma said as he looked at the woman. The old woman cackled. "Just seeing if you were a worthy mate for my Shampoo." she said. "Excuse me? Who are you?" Tendo Soun asked. "I am Shampoo's Great Grandmother. I am the leader of our village. I am here to help her with son-in-law." she answered. "I am not your son-in-law!" Ranma snarled. "I'd hoped you were wrong." Mousse whispered to Potion. "The crone is only going to make life miserable." The old woman turned to look at the two Chinese men. They saw her gaze, and looked back at her. "Hello again Cologne." Potion said politely. "Cologne?" Ranma asked. "That Great Grandmother name." Shampoo answered. "Mousse." Cologne said as she stepped closer to the young hidden weapons expert. "You've been interfering." "Only because I had to." Mousse answered. "I am not afraid of you or the elders. I am proud of what I did." Faster than anyone could see, let alone stop, Cologne shot her staff forward, poking Mousse in the chest. "Let's see how proud you are after a while." Cologne said with a knowing smile as she removed her staff from Mousse's chest. "What did you do?" Mousse asked, feeling the spot where he had been hit. "Let's just say I know all about your trip when you ran." Cologne answered. "And you'll be begging for me to undo what I just did soon enough. Where will your pride be then?" "Why you..." Mousse snarled. He shot his sleeves forward, unleashing from within them a cascade of chains, each with a different weapon attached to the end. Cologne dodged the assault easily. As Mousse's weapons shredded the floor where she had been standing, she leapt next to him and tapped him on his head with her staff. He blinked before he fell to the floor. "Just a little lesson. He'll be fine soon enough." Cologne explained. "Well, at least he won't be paralysed for long. I can't say anything about how he'll be besides that..." She pogoed over to the table and began to eat some ramen. "What about this nanniichuan?" Ranma asked as he looked at the paralysed body of Mousse. He figured nothing could be done for the guy anyway, so it was time to set his priorities. "Give to you when you promise to marry Shampoo." Shampoo answered. Potion checked over Mousse. He wasn't an expert on shiatsu spots, but he did know a fair few. He _really_ didn't like the fact that he hadn't recognised the one Cologne had used on Mousse, the one that had had no apparent effect. "So how do we know you really have this stuff?" Nabiki asked as she looked at Shampoo. "Why don't you show us it, to prove that you have it." "Shampoo no idiot." Shampoo answered. "Not bring it here. It safe, hidden." "You'll get it after the wedding ceremony." Cologne added as she pogoed over next to Shampoo. "Come Shampoo. We'll expect you at the Nekohanten by eight tonight, son-in-law. If you're not there, I guess you don't want the water, and I'll have to pour it down the sink." She left the room, with Shampoo following her. "Nekohanten?" Ryouga asked. "It's the cafe Shampoo is working at." Ranma answered absently as he thought about being a full man again. Nabiki looked at the prone Mousse. "So, how is he?" she asked. "I don't like this." Potion admitted as he poked a spot to deactivate the paralysing point Cologne had used. As Mousse sat up, Potion added "That thing she did to his chest... I don't like it at all. I'm going to take him to Dr Tofu. Maybe he will know what Cologne did." Nabiki looked at Ranma, who was looking nervous, probably because Akane was giving him a stare of death. Ryouga was looking into the distance, probably thinking about the nanniichuan, and Ukyou was next to him, looking thoughtful as well. Kasumi seemed pretty much oblivious to the trouble around her, and Soun and Genma-Panda were still eating as if nothing had happened. "I'll come with you." she decided as she helped Potion get Mousse to stand. "I feel like an ice cream, and there's a little store near the doctor I like to go to." she added, just to make sure everyone didn't misinterpret her motives. But everyone else besides Mousse and Potion were ignoring her anyway, so she shrugged her shoulders and followed Mousse and Potion out. ********************************* Mousse was sitting on a bed in Dr Tofu's clinic, as Tofu examined him. Potion was nearby, watching on with interest. Nabiki was there too, reading a magazine with a bored expression. "She hit him just there, you say?" Tofu asked Potion, pointing to a spot on Mousse's chest. Potion nodded. "Could you take off your robe?" Tofu asked Mousse. "I need to look at this." Mousse took off his shirt. Nabiki looked up for a second, smirked, and looked back to her magazine. Tofu sighed. "Alright. Could you take off your weapons and all that chain as well?" Mousse looked down at the huge amount of chain that was wrapped around his chest like a steel version of Ukyou's binder. Various weapons stuck out of the metallic jacket at crazy angles. It was a testament to Mousse's skill at hidden weapons that he could wear all this and still appear unarmed. It was also a testament to his strength that he could stand up while fully armed. "You must have a fun time going through metal detectors." Nabiki noted without looking up. Mousse shrugged. "I have never been through one." he admitted as he started to unravel the chain. "But I know ways of hiding these weapons even from machines." Ten minutes later, he had managed to uncover his chest. Potion whistled. "You are nowhere near as scrawny as you look, are you?" As Tofu examined the small red spot where Cologne had struck(and it was a testament to Cologne's skill that she had penetrated Mousse's protective chain barrier to get in the shiatsu attack), Mousse quickly looked down at his very well toned body. "I keep in shape." Mousse answered simply. "You need to, to be able to perform the moves of the hidden art." "I'll say you keep in shape." Nabiki said from nearby as she stared openly. The three men looked at her, and she said "What? A guy can look at a girl's body, but a girl can't do the same to a guy?" Tofu shook his head, and turned back to examine the red spot. "This is interesting." he admitted after a few seconds. "It looks like this woman you told me about has performed the Full Body Cat Tongue. It's not a commonly used point." "Why not? What does it do?" Mousse asked. "Well, it makes you very sensitive to hot water." Tofu answered. "Even cold water will seem like hot water to you now. But I can't see why she would use that as an attack." "You mean... I can't use hot water?" Mousse asked as a worried expression worked its way over his face. Tofu nodded. "I'm afraid so. There isn't a counter shiatsu spot, but there is one called the Tokyo Grandpa Point that I can use to give you a once off ability to take hot water. After that, I'm afraid it'll be cold baths for you." "Uh... there's a problem there." Potion admitted. "Yes." Mousse added. "Have you ever heard of..." "He's Jusenkyo cursed." Nabiki cut in. "As a duck." "Oh. Jusenkyo." Tofu said, as a thoughtful expression drifted over his face. "And as a duck? Well, in that case I'd better give you that Grandpa Point now. I can't perform it when you're a duck. Turn around." Mousse turned so that his back was to Tofu. Tofu jabbed him in a spot on his back, before he nodded. "That should do it." Tofu said. "But remember, that will only work once. We will have to find a way to counteract the Cat's Tongue. I'll start searching through my books to see if I can find something." "Hmm..." Potion said as he thought about something that had been bugging him. "Ah ha! I knew I remembered the name of that Shiatsu point from somewhere. The phoenix pill. That will cure him. I'm sure of it." "And how much will it cost?" Nabiki asked, as she finally stopped stealing looks at Mousse's chest. Like she said, what's fair for one gender is fair for another. "I wish it was that easy." Potion answered. "Phoenix pills aren't very easy to come by. I know a man over in China who might be able to get one, but he would take at least three months. Possibly even up to a year." "Three months to a year? Stuck as a duck?" Mousse asked as he started to put his chains back on. "There has to be a quicker way." "What about Shampoo?" Nabiki asked. "What about her?" Mousse returned. "Didn't she say she had water to cure a man of his curse? If you used that, it wouldn't be so urgent to get the pill, because you wouldn't turn into a duck anymore." Mousse slowly nodded. "You're right. But she's not going to just give it to me." "You've got that right. 'Shampoo give on wedding night' or something like that." Potion said. "The only way you'll get it is to steal it or to get Ranma to give it to you." "And Ranma would have to marry Shampoo." Mousse said. "I don't dislike him or anything, but that would be a disaster. I know them both well enough to know that a marriage between them would be pure hell for both. And for anyone nearby as well." "Well then." Nabiki said decisively as she stood. "We'll just have to get that water before Ranma is 'forced' into marrying her. So that we can stop a lot of tragedies. Like Ranma going to China, thus losing me one of my most profitable ventures." Mousse nodded as he finally managed to fix his chains. He put his robe back on, and stood. "You coming?" he asked Potion. Potion sighed. "I don't know... we're talking about Jusenkyo water here. I don't know what being near that stuff could do to me." "I thought nothing could hurt you." Nabiki said with a slight trace of sarcasm. "Fine. I'll come." Potion said decisively. ********************************* Potion dangled his hand in the koi pond at the Tendos simply for something to do. Nabiki was nearby, noting down things in a small notebook. "You think Mousse is going to be able to convince Ranma to give up the nanniichuan?" Potion asked idly. Nabiki looked up from her notebook. "No." she answered simply. "Ranma won't give up his chance to be a guy again that easily." Potion looked up from the pond to look at Nabiki. "Why are you helping out?" Potion asked. "I never pegged you for the selfless type." "Ahahaha." Nabiki said sarcastically. [Well,] she thought, [you'll be paying a lot more for my services from now on, Mr Tactful.] "Tell me, Shin, do you think about how many people around here have curses?" Potion shuddered. "All the time." he admitted. "The fact that one of them will soon be rid of their curse excites me no end. I'd move, but the business is just too good around here." In the distance, as if on cue, the faint sounds of maniacal laughter could be heard. From another direction, a faint 'Aiya!' drifted by. "Well the old woman might try this shiatsu trick on the others." Nabiki explained. "If I find out what the cure is, they'll come to me." "I haven't heard you asking Mousse for money over this yet." Potion pointed out. "Most ventures need an initial investment in order to make returns." Nabiki pointed out. "If Mousse can't get the nanniichuan, he'll have to cure himself of this thing in some other way. He'll find the cure, I'll reap the benefits." Potion opened his mouth for a reply when he saw Mousse jump down from the roof of the dojo, where he had been talking to Ranma. Mousse strode towards the other two, his body language giving off angry signals. Mousse was muttering to himself. "Stuck up... arrogant... selfish..." Mousse snarled, and then he said something in Chinese that made Potion wince. "Go well, did it?" Potion asked as Mousse halted in front of them. "No." Mousse replied, biting off the word. "He didn't believe me. He thought I was lying so that I could get the water for myself. I was about to beat some sense into him, but he ran off." "Ranma ran from a fight?" Nabiki asked dubiously. "He's gone for the nanniichuan." Mousse said. "He thought it was more important than dealing with me." "You mean its almost eight?" Nabiki asked, glancing hurriedly down at her watch. "I've got a meeting of Young Swindlers to get to." She blinked, before she realised that she hadn't meant to say that out aloud. "Anyway," she continued, trying to distract the two Chinese men from what she had just said, "I have to go." Nabiki hurried off into the house. Mousse shook his head. "Never mind." he said more to himself than Potion. "I might have to fight for the nanniichuan, so it's best she doesn't join us. Come on Potion, we have to hurry." Mousse strode purposefully forward, his mind set on the task ahead. And not the ground at his feet... "Uh... look out for..." Potion managed before there was a loud splash, "...the pond." he finished lamely. Mousse-Duck floated in the pond, looking slightly forlorn. "So much for the Grandpa Point." Potion muttered to himself as he walked to the house to ask for some hot water. Mousse's 'safety barrier' was about to be taken away. After he turned back into a man, his temporary resistance to Cologne's shiatsu point would be gone. "Quack." Mousse-D swore softly to himself as he clambered out of the pond and waited for Potion to return. ********************************* Ucchans... For some reason, Ukyou had decided not to reopen the shop after her and Ryouga had returned from the Tendos. Neither her nor Ryouga really felt like working right now anyway. Right now, they were both sitting at one of the restaurant's tables, facing each other in the empty shop, each of them just staring off into space. Together they might be, but they were alone in their thoughts. They were both thinking of Jusenkyo. What it had done to them. What it had done to their friends. What it had done to each other. Time passed slowly as they sat there, neither of them saying anything. A wall clock ticked over to the 7:40 position. It was then that Ryouga made one of his most selfless, if not completely thought out decisions. Ukyou hated her curse. It brought her nothing but pain. If Ukyou got the nanniichuan, she'd at least be human all the time. Ranma really had it easy with his curse, compared to Ukyou. And therefore, he had to get the Jusenkyo water off Shampoo, so he could give it to Ukyou. Ukyou reached a decision. Ryouga had far more trouble because of his curse than Ranma ever did. She could see how pretending to be a girl at school got to Ryouga at times. Especially when Kunou was around. She had to get the Jusenkyo water off Shampoo, so that she could give it to Ryouga. They shook themselves out of their reveries, and looked at each other, sharing the sort of silent communication that happened rarely, even amongst 'connected' couples. "The Nekohanten." they said simultaneously, before they both nodded. Within seconds, they had left Ucchans, on their way to a blind date with destiny. Let's just hope that destiny had at least showered for the date. ********************************* Mousse and Potion were running down the ill lit streets of Nerima. "We have to hurry!" Mousse shouted to Potion. "We have to beat Ranma there!" Potion responded by coming to a dead halt. Mousse took another few steps before he saw that Potion had stopped. Mousse skidded to a halt too, and looked back at the herbalist. "What is your problem?!" Mousse shouted, putting on his glasses so that he was sure he was glaring at Potion and not some garbage bin. Potion shook his head. "I... I... can't..." he stuttered. "C...can't go any f..fur...further." "Why not?" Mousse asked, annoyed at the delay. "I...I can f...feel it." Potion responded. "It's c...close. J...Jus... Jusenkyo. M...must be J...Jusen... water." Mousse slowly grinned. "So Shampoo was telling the truth!" "Y...you go a...ahead." Potion stuttered. "I'll g...guard your re...rear." Mousse looked at the herbalist for a second before he sprinted off. Now was not the time to be worrying about anything but the nanniichuan. "I...I ha...hate this." Potion muttered to himself. ********************************* Akane and Ranma were walking to the Nekohanten. Well, Akane was walking. Ranma was dancing around Akane, singing out "Never going to be a gu-hurl again!" over and over. It was annoying her no end. "I don't see what you're getting so worked up about." Akane said in an exasperated tone. "It's probably just a trick anyway." Ranma ignored her as he continued his song and dance. "And what about this marrying Shampoo bit?" Akane asked. "Are you that desperate for a cure?" "Whatsa matter Akane?" Ranma asked, not letting up on his dancing. "Jealous?" Akane waited until he danced too close before she laid a fist into his face. "No." she said simply as Ranma slid to the ground. ********************************* Mousse looked around. "Which one of these buildings is the Nekohanten?" he wondered to himself. He wasn't wearing his glasses again. "It has to be..." Mousse said. And then there was a splash. And a quack. As someone drew their mop bucket back into their home, there was a moment of complete silence as Mousse-D realised he was stuck in this form. And then Nerima reverberated with the earsplitting scream of a duck... ********************************* Just outside the Nekohanten, Shampoo and Cologne waited. Next to them, on the ground, sat a bucket full of water and a sealed barrel. Cologne said as the two Amazons saw Ranma and Akane walking up the street. Shampoo wondered. Cologne said. Ranma and Akane stopped near the Amazons. Ranma was looking a little worse for wear for some reason. "Well, 'Romeo'," Akane whispered sarcastically to Ranma as they stared at the Amazons, "what now?" "Easy." Ranma whispered back. "Watch." Shampoo walked forward, so that she was closer to Ranma. "Ranma come for wedding, get nanniichuan, yes?" she asked as she pointed back to the barrel near Cologne's feet. "You come to say you love Shampoo?" "Of course I love you Shampoo! You're the only one for me." Ranma said as he rushed forward to take Shampoo's hands in his own. "Oh Ranma!" Shampoo said dreamily. She closed her eyes, and puckered her lips, certain that Ranma was about to kiss her. Akane was beginning to look a _little_ annoyed. Cologne looked somewhere, anywhere but at Shampoo. To think that a fellow Amazon could act so... so... cutesy. It was enough to turn her stomach. And so Ranma seized his opportunity. While Cologne and Shampoo were distracted, he dove past Shampoo, grabbed the nanniichuan barrel, and rolled out of Cologne's reach before he leapt back against a store wall so that he had even more distance between him and the Amazons. Shampoo blinked, and opened her eyes as Cologne cursed. Akane calmed down slightly when she saw that Ranma had been faking it. Calmed down ever so very slightly. "Yes!" Ranma crowed, holding the nanniichuan barrel aloft in a sign of victory. Then, his battle senses told him to dodge, so he jumped away from where he had been standing. A small spatula and a thin throwing knife landed in the wall behind where he had been standing. Either weapon would have pinned him to the wall, had they hit. Ranma turned from his quick look at the weapons to see Ukyou, Ryouga and Mousse-Duck surrounding him. "Uh... what's this all about, guys?" he asked. Mousse-D just quacked evilly. He was not in a good mood right now. Who would be? Just recently stuck in this form... it'd be enough to make a saint angry. And Mousse was no saint. "Give us the nanniichuan, Ranma." Ukyou said, drawing her battle spatula. Ryouga pointed his finger at Ranma. "Ukyou needs it more than you do Ranma. Give it up." "Ahh... actually, I was here to get it for you." Ukyou said to Ryouga out of the corner of her mouth. "Hey, get your own water." Ranma said. "I went to a fair bit of effort to snag this." "Sorry Ranma." Ryouga said. "But you leave me no choice." He walked forward, ready to beat Ranma into submission. Ukyou circled around to the other side of Ranma, ready to back Ryouga up. Mousse-D's eyes widened. He had to get to that barrel first! He took wing, and dived at Ranma. "Cut it out guys!" Ranma said as he dropped into a defensive stance. "Even this water isn't worth this." Slightly away from the fight, Shampoo started to walk forward. "Shampoo help husband." she said. She was stopped by a staff being thrust out in front of her. "Wait, Shampoo." Cologne said as she pulled her staff back from blocking Shampoo. "Let's see how son-in-law handles himself. You can help him next time." Shampoo sighed. "Ok Great Grandmother. If that what you want." Ranma found himself dodging attacks from some of his best friends. "Argh! Would you guys quit it!?" he yelled as Ryouga narrowly missed with a punch. "Hmph." Akane sniffed, looking away from the fight. She was still less than pleased with Ranma from his act with Shampoo. "He deserves what he gets." "Aiya." Shampoo whispered to Cologne. "Sure lot of people want water. Why that duck trying to get it?" Cologne chuckled as she watched the antics. "I'm sure I don't know." she said. "What do you think you're doing!?" Ranma shouted as he fended off the attacks of a boy, a girl, and a duck. *I won't be stuck like this!* Mousse-Duck quacked as he flapped around Ranma's head. "Ukyou needs this more than you!" Ryouga snarled as he feinted towards Ranma. "Baka!" Ranma yelled. "This is _guy_ water! You'll be cursing her as a man!" Ryouga stopped fighting for a second as he considered this. Near him, Ukyou drew a bead on the small nanniichuan barrel with one of her throwing spatulas. She was hoping that she could knock it out of Ranma's hand so that Ryouga could get it. She didn't want the water for herself. While she'd prefer to be _anything_ rather than a pig, even being a man, she knew that out of all the cursed people around here it was Ryouga whose life was most affected by Jusenkyo. He pretended he was a girl to go to school, for pity's sake! Oh sure, in the short time Ryouga would have problems at school if he was cured, but he could pretend that he was permanently 'cursed' as a boy or something. And Ukyou figured that the long term happiness he would receive from being a whole man again would be worth giving up her chance for a 'better' curse. Ryouga shook himself out of his reverie. Ranma had been busy fending off Mousse-D, so Ranma hadn't managed to escape while Ryouga had been preoccupied. "If Ukyou wants to use it," Ryouga began as he started to attack Ranma again. "I can live with her being a half guy." he said as Ranma dodged. "Sure, I'd prefer it if she didn't have a curse, but I want her to at least have a cursed body she can live with. Her pig form has brought her nothing but misery." Ranma hesitated slightly in his dodges as he thought about this. Ukyou snapped her hand back, ready to throw her cooking missile. Mousse-D dove at Ranma's face, hoping to make Ranma drop the barrel. Ryouga, annoyed at Ranma's dodging, dived for Ranma's legs, hoping to bring him down. As Ranma went down from a combination of Mousse-D's distraction, his own inattention, and Ryouga's tackling manoeuvre, the barrel he had been trying to protect flew from his hand. Even as Ukyou snapped her hand forward to throw her shuriken spatula, she saw the barrel fly off. Honed instincts took over, and she automatically adjusted her aim in the milliseconds she had before she released the throwing weapon. As the spatula left her hand, her brain caught up to her reflexes, and she realised that her carefully aimed spatula wasn't so carefully aimed anymore... If you were uncharitable, you could have called it a comedy of errors. Except for two things. Firstly, no-one had really done anything wrong, its just that when you added all their actions, it came up trouble. And secondly, none of the four teenagers found what happened next funny... The rogue spatula hissed unerringly towards its target. Then it hissed unerringly _into_ its target. The barrel exploded in a shower of wet splinters as the errant spatula shattered the water carrier. With a splash, the Jusenkyo water hit the ground. Perhaps even then, Mousse might have been able to use it, since he was in his small cursed form. But an unfortunate geological fact about Neriman soil reared its ugly head. Neriman soil soaked up water better... _far_ better than any sponge you'd care to name. It was a sort of ecological evolution, since in Nerima it rained _a lot_, and the soil had to cope somehow. It coped by being _very_ absorbent. Within seconds of the water hitting the ground, there was little more than a damp piece of earth to indicate it had ever been there. The sound of Ranma thumping the ground with his fist in frustration, Mousse-D's noisy crash as he lost the concentration needed for flying, Ryouga's wrenching groan and Ukyou's sigh were not as loud as the silent sound of four people's crushed hopes. Akane looked at the four devastated Jusenkyoites from where she had been studiously avoiding the fight. She had been about to join in to force Ranma to not be so selfish, but now it was too late. "Ranma no baka." she whispered to herself as she shook her head. [All you had to do was not fight, and one of you would be cured now.] she thought to herself. [I guess even friends can act like idiots occasionally.] ********************************* "What a waste of perfectly good water." Cologne noted as she and Shampoo looked on. Shampoo looked over at Akane. "Still way to get something out of this." she said matter-of-a-factly as she picked up the bucket they had brought out with the barrel. "Lucky we bring some cat water too. Just in case." ********************************* "Damn it!" Ranma shouted as he wriggled out from underneath of Ryouga. Ryouga slowly stood, at the same time that Ranma did. Ukyou walked over to stand next to them, while Mousse-Duck waddled over. They all stared at the rapidly drying spot where the Jusenkyo water had fallen. "I'm sorry." Ukyou said. "I ruined it for all of us." Ryouga sighed. "I guess what's done is done. There'll be other chances for a cure. It wasn't your fault Ukyou." He waited a few seconds, before he said "It was Ranma's." [There might be other chances for you.] Mousse-D thought as he looked at himself. [You're not basically stuck in your cursed form.] Akane started to walk towards the others. Behind her, Shampoo snuck up, the bucket of cursed cat water held at the ready. "You thorn in my side last time I here." Shampoo whispered as she stealthily closed the gap between her and Akane. "Let's see how you like curse. Bet you no take it well." Ranma was the first of the other Jusenkyoites to shake himself out of his reverie. He looked around, and saw Shampoo about to splash Akane with a bucket of something. Considering what he had just been fighting over, he made an understandable conclusion about the bucket's contents. "Akane! Look out!" he shouted as he leapt towards her. Akane turned to look behind her, just as all eyes were drawn to her and Shampoo. Too late. Ranma realised that half-way through his leap. He was going to be too late. Akane desperately raised her hands to block the impeding attack, knowing in her heart that you couldn't block water with your arms... "Stop!" a voice cried out majestically from nearby. Shampoo started, causing the water in her bucket to splash all over Akane. The owner of the majestic voice sighed. "Unbelievable." ********************************* Everyone there looked at the dripping wet Akane. Unless Shampoo had been using Spring of Drowned Girl, the water had had no apparent effect. "Why it no work?" Shampoo asked, confused. Meanwhile, everyone looked at the person who had cried out. A woman, who looked to be in her thirties, stood nearby. She was tall, and she had long emerald green hair, and light brown eyes. She wore light blue pants and a dark brown shirt, over which she had a similar bandolier of pouches to the sort Potion wore. "When I say stop, you're supposed to stop!" the woman shouted at Shampoo. "Silly upstart of a girl. Can't even follow a simple direction." "Spice!" Shampoo said, surprised. "What you do here?" "Show some respect girl." the woman, apparently Potion's trainer, Spice, replied. "I don't have to answer your questions." Cologne shook her head. she said in Chinese. Spice shrugged. Cologne asked, pointing to the wet, obviously annoyed, but uncursed Akane. Shampoo asked, disappointed. Spice replied, ignoring Shampoo. Cologne asked. Spice looked over at Shampoo. she said. Shampoo muttered to herself as she walked over to stand near the Nekohanten, far enough away from the others that she couldn't hear what they were saying. As the Chinese women continued to talk, Ranma looked down to Mousse-D. "Mousse, change back so you can translate for us." he said. "Quack." Mousse-D answered hesitantly. Or, to put it another way, he said *There may be a problem there...* Cologne looked over to Ranma, and interrupted her conversation with Spice to say "He won't be changing back. I've made sure of that." "What do you mean by that?" Ryouga asked, anger in his eyes. Cologne ignored him, and returned to her conversation with Spice. "You can't change back?" Akane asked Mousse-D as she walked up to stand next to Ranma, wringing out her short hair as she did so. Mousse-D shook his head. "Why not?" Ryouga asked. Mousse-D looked at him for a second before answering. "Quack quack, quack. Quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack, quack quack." "I don't suppose you can write signs like Genma can?" Ukyou asked hopefully after they had all realised that a duck couldn't talk. Mousse-D shook his head, and held up his wings, indicating that he couldn't write with them. Then, after a few moments of consideration, he walked over to some soft ground and used his bill to sketch out a message on the dirt. The others looked at the message he had written for a few seconds before Ukyou turned to Ryouga and said "Can you read Chinese?" Ryouga looked embarrassed. "Not really." he admitted. "But I can speak a fair few words." Mousse-D sighed, scratched out his Chinese writing, and re-did it in Japanese. "'Ask Potion. This really hurts my bill. I am breathing in dirt.'" Akane read. Meanwhile, Spice and Cologne had finished their talk. Cologne turned, and pointed at Akane. "You interfered tonight, girl." Cologne said. "Hey, leave her out of this." Ranma said, taking a couple of steps towards Cologne. "This is women's business, boy. Stay out of it." Cologne replied calmly. "Girl, since you seem to think you can go where you shouldn't, and since Mousse can't fight for himself, I offer you a chance to return him to normal." Akane looked at Mousse-D. "Go on." she said. "All you have to do is beat Shampoo in open combat, at any time you wish. With no interference from the others. If you win, I shall gladly give you the phoenix pill, which will cure Mousse." "And if she loses?" Ukyou asked. "Why, she gives up on Ranma of course. And I throw away the cure." Cologne answered. "It wouldn't be a fair fight if one side had nothing to lose." "You can have Ranma as far as I am concerned." Akane replied. "If you want me to fight Shampoo, I'm ready." "Are you nuts?" Ranma asked. "You can't take on Shampoo! She'll kill you!" "Butt out Ranma!" Akane snarled. "I'm a martial artist too. Or have you forgotten that? I can handle this fight." She started to walk towards a smirking Shampoo when she found a duck, a girl, and two guys in her path. *You can't take Shampoo.* Mousse-D quacked. Of course, no-one understood him. "Mousse is a friend." Ryouga said. "If you've only got one chance to help him, then I can't let you do it until you've trained." "I'm with Ryouga." Ukyou added. "No way are we letting you ruin Mousse's life just to satisfy your pride." "If that's your attitude, you fight her." Akane said angrily, turning to go. "See if I care." "No." Cologne said, watching from nearby. "I want you to do it. I won't give the cure to any of the others." Akane turned to look at Mousse-D, before she sighed. "Oh all right. I'll train first. But it makes no sense to me that I have to do this. Ryouga is Mousse's best friend, he should fight." "I chose you." Cologne answered. "Just send word when you're ready. I'm sure this fight will be very entertaining." With a cackle, she pogoed into the restaurant. "Sure it be very short too." Shampoo added, before going into the Nekohanten as well. Just as the two Chinese women left, Potion walked up. "Hello people." he said. "What happened to the water? I felt its affects on me drain away just before." Ryouga wordlessly pointed to the soaked ground. "I guess the earth must have diluted its affects on me or..." Potion began before he saw Spice. "Oh no." he groaned. Then, he got a hold of himself, and bowed. "Mistress Mai Li..." "Call me Spice, boy. Do I have to pound that into you?" Spice asked irritably. "Whatever, whatever, 'Spice'." Potion answered in an annoyed tone. "What are you doing here?" "Actually..." she said as she walked over to stand before Akane. "I came here to offer you training." "Me?" Akane asked. "Training? What sort of training? Who are you?" "I am Spice." Spice answered. "I can train you as no other can. To reach your fighting potential." Potion walked over to Ukyou and Ryouga and started whispering something to them. He pantomimed something, that looked like someone swinging a hammer onto one of those carnival strength testers. Ranma ignored them as he looked suspiciously at Spice. "But my Dad has always trained me." Akane said. "I don't think he'd appreciate someone else coming in to do it. And I don't even know if you are a good teacher." Potion finished talking to Ryouga and Ukyou. All three turned to Akane, and Potion said "Trust me, she can teach you things your father has never heard of." Ukyou shrugged. "I guess if Potion's right, you'd better take her offer. You need to be at your best if you want to beat Shampoo." Ryouga looked suspiciously at Potion, before he turned to Akane. "Yes, _if_ what he just told us is true, then this woman is the perfect person to train you." "Why is that?" Akane asked. "Because..." Spice began, as she pulled out a mallet, in a similar way to the way Akane did, "...I can train you in this." "A mallet?" Ranma asked incredulously. "You want her to fight with a mallet? Bwahahahaha!" Spice calmly swung around and malleted the young martial artist with the speed of a striking cobra. As Ranma collapsed to his knees, dazed by the blow, Spice shook her head. "The foolishness of youth. Respect the mallet, lest it destroy you." Ranma slowly stood. "Lucky shot." he said, feeling his head for bumps. Spice shrugged as she let her mallet disappear. "Famous last words." she said. "And for the last person I heard say them, they were their last words." "You want me to train with a mallet?" Akane asked dubiously. "I couldn't possibly win with that." "You can. And you will. If you take me as a teacher." Spice answered. Potion walked up next to Akane. "Take her help." he whispered. "I know it seems stupid, but she does know what she is doing. With her training, you can defeat Shampoo, and get rid of her once and for all." "All right." Akane said. "I will be your student." Mousse-D shook his head. [To this, I entrust my future?] he thought to himself. ********************************* Later, at Potions store, Potion stood on the opposite side of the serving room to Mousse-D. "You know..." Potion said, sweating slightly as he looked at the duck. "I can see a certain employee-employer relationship problem occurring if you're stuck like that, what with my... problem." Mousse-D just looked back at him. Potion sighed, and shook his head. "Alright, just stay as far away from me as you can, ok?" Mousse-D quacked an affirmative. Potion shuddered as he looked at the Jusenkyo cursed mallard. "And I think I'll be helping Spice out with Akane's training. The sooner you can get out of that form the better." ********************************* Akane and Spice were sitting in the dojo, facing each other. "Exactly what style do you teach?" Akane asked. "Before I answer that, tell me this: " Spice said, "Why did you accept my offer so easily? I expected to have to woo you a bit first." "That's easy. Mousse needs my help." Akane answered. "Besides Ukyou, he's Ryouga's best friend, and Ryouga is a friend. In a way, that makes Mousse a friend as well. And I wouldn't feel right just leaving him as a duck." "Ahh." Spice said. "I see. Tell me, honestly. How good do you think you are as a martial artist?" "I'm ok." Akane answered. "I did just fine before Ranma came along. He might be better than me, but that doesn't mean I can't handle myself. I'm sure I can learn that herbal stuff you use, if you think it will help." Spice smiled. "That won't come until much later. I have something else I plan to teach you first." "Really? What is that?" Akane asked. "From daughter to daughter in my family, over hundreds of years, the females of my family have studied an almost unique style, one I had thought that none could learn. Until I saw you, in the videos Potion sent me. Your cooking was interesting, to be sure. But it was something else I saw you do that convinced me to offer to you my services. Something that few can do properly." "What was that?" Akane asked curiously. "I saw you do this." Spice answered. She pulled a large mallet out of thin air, much as Akane did when she summoned her mallet. "Yes, I saw you pull that out before." Akane admitted, looking at the mallet with respect. "I certainly did. And so can you. I've seen you fight with a mallet, and I know you can learn the style my ancestors have passed down to me. The style that has brought the women of my family through many trials. The Katayama Kizuchi Style. The art..." Spice held her hammer high, letting sunlight glint off the wooden surface. "...of the mallet." "Uhh... right." Akane said dubiously. Spice smiled as she lowered her mallet. "I've seen the way you use your own hammer. You obviously don't think of it as a serious fighting weapon, but as more of a 'Ranma punisher'. But you're wrong. So wrong. Think back on your fights with Ranma. How many times have you won by pulling out your mallet? You have natural skills in the weapon. Use them! With training, you'll be able to fight with the best of them. Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps even with Cologne. One day in the far, far future. Very, very far future. We're talking eons here." "I... guess... you _could_ be right." Akane said hesitantly as she thought over the ways she had used her mallet to get Ranma. "Trust me." Spice said as she pocketed her mallet back into whatever dimension she had drawn it from. ********************************* Ranma crept along the dojo roof, treading silently. He crouched down when he reached one of the holes that had been caused either by Akane tossing him through the roof, or one of his and Ryouga's... healthier... spars. He didn't know which. He'd have to point it out to Nabiki soon, so that she could come down upon the roof repairers like the wrath of an angry god(exactly like the wrath of an angry god, except most gods didn't leave you destitute. They just gave you the more merciful option of an horrible and ironic death, like drowning you in liquid gold if you were a thief.) Ranma was worried about Akane. Out of nowhere, this Spice woman had come and started to train Akane, not allowing anyone to sit in on the sessions. And the whole point of the training was to pit Akane against Shampoo, an highly skilled and certainly dangerous opponent. Dangerous especially if Akane won, thanks to the Kiss of Death. But hell would freeze over, the demons would set up ski slopes, and hell would then become a ski resort and tourist spot before Ranma would go any further than he already had in admitting he was worried about Akane. So he expressed his worry in his usual way. He spied on Akane, ready to aid his fiance whether help was wanted or not. Ranma put his eye to the hole, and looked down. His eyes widened as he saw Akane... well, if he hadn't known any better, Ranma could have sworn that Akane was going through kata with that mallet that she used. Ranma blinked, and looked again. Yes, he'd seen right. Akane was in the middle of the dojo, mallet in hand, calmly (Calmly? By the gods! That can't be Akane!) going through several weapons kata. The kata looked to have been designed for use with a weapon like a mallet. But that was ridiculous. Who would know mallet kata? "Having fun?" Spice asked from directly behind Ranma. Ranma jumped in shock. How had she snuck up on him like that, especially up here? He turned, and stammered in embarrassment "I wasn't... uh... spying. I was... I was... bird watching. Yeah! You see..." "Spare me." Spice said as she held up a hand to stop Ranma's babbling. Ranma stopped trying to talk, and looked at Spice for a second or two before saying "You know, I haven't heard why you're helping Akane out in this. What do you get out of it." "If Akane asks, I will tell her. But not you. That will have to do. It's none of your business, boy." Spice replied. "Look..." Ranma looked around to make sure there were no witnesses, before he reluctantly said "I... uh... don't want to see her get hurt." "This is martial arts, not knitting. Getting hurt is all a part of life. She can handle it." "Yeah, yeah, I know. But I've faced Shampoo. Akane isn't good enough to take her out." Ranma insisted. "She will be." Spice promised. She stared at the young man for a few moments before she said "Maybe you're not as bad as Akane paints you to be." "What?!" Ranma half-shouted, at the idea that Akane was insulting him to an almost stranger. "Never mind. Please leave. I have much to get Akane to do, and your presence only delays that." "Just you make sure she doesn't take on Shampoo." Ranma said. "She can't win, and even if she did, she'd be running from Shampoo for the rest of her life, thanks to that Kiss of Death thing. We can figure out another way to help Mousse." "I know what I am doing. So does Akane. Now go away." Spice said. Ranma walked over to the edge of the dojo, and nimbly leapt down to land near the koi pond. He walked off inside, intent on getting his mind off Akane's problems somehow. Maybe he'd visit Ukyou. Spice watched him leave. "Yes." she whispered to herself. "Not as bad as you were painted to be at all. It will take time, but you and Akane will be perfect together. I certainly wouldn't wish you two on anyone else. And luckily, time is one thing youth has." Spice shook herself out of her revery, and walked lightly over to the edge of the dojo roof. She jumped, landed, and walked back into the dojo, closing the door behind her. ********************************* Ryouga walked along next to a lake, grimly dragging his right leg. He didn't have a clue where he was, but what was so new about that? The reason he was dragging his leg was because some weird animal(that looked sort of like a cat) had seen him and latched onto him with a gigantic hug. After a while, Ryouga looked down at the creature. "Don't you have anything better to do?" he asked it. The animal looked up at him. "Miya." it replied. Ryouga sighed. "I didn't think so." he said, and he started off again, dragging his leg. ********************************* "Bwee." Ukyou-Piglet said irritably. Currently, she was being carried by Akane, who was walking to Ukyou's okonomiyaki restaurant. Ranma was walking next to her, not on the fences for once. He was carrying Ukyou's spatula and clothes. "Don't sweat it Ukyou." Ranma said. "Getting splashed by that old lady with the ladle happens to the best of us." Akane nodded. "It's amazing how she only ever hits you, Mousse, Ryouga or Ukyou." she noted to Ranma. Ukyou-P nodded. Between the current Jusenkyo members of Nerima, the old woman was known as 'she of the water'. Potion, who was often nearby when the woman worked her water magic (probably because he was the only non-cursed person affected by it), believed her to be a test sent to them by the gods. None of the others disagreed. "Well." Akane continued. "Hopefully Shampoo will be meeting her soon." Ranma shuddered at the thought of Shampoo in her cat form. "So... is this Spice woman teaching you anything useful?" he asked carefully. Ever since Akane had started training, he had barely seen Akane, except in school or just after it, such as now. Every other spare moment of her time was taken up in training. Ranma hadn't known that Akane had it in her. "She's... abrupt." Akane admitted. "But she does seem to have a kind heart. And she's a hard taskmaster, as hard as Ryouga was when he was teaching me gymnastics. But she knows things about a mallet that I'd never learned. I never thought I could do so much with it! It's opening up whole new parts of the Art to me." Ranma started to sweat slightly at the thought of whole new worlds involving a mallet. He knew that it probably meant whole new worlds of pain for him. "So do you trust her?" he asked, getting straight to the point. He hardly saw the woman, since she only stayed at the dojo to teach Akane, going back to wherever she lived for dinner and such. Akane nodded. "I think so." "Then have you asked her why she's training you?" Ranma asked. "Well...no." Akane admitted. "I figured she was just impressed with my ability to pull out a mallet. That's the impression I got when I met her. But I haven't actually asked her her reasons. That would be rude." "Something for nothing?" Ranma asked dubiously. "Living with Pop taught me that that doesn't happen too often. She has to have some reason. And it might not be one that'll help you out." Ukyou-P nodded from Akane's arms. Ranma was right, coming all the way from China to train someone had seemed a little suspicious to her as well. "You two worry too much." Akane said as they reached Ucchans. Ranma and Ukyou-P looked at each other, but neither said(or bukeed) anything. ********************************* The next day, in an hallway in Furinkan High, two girls were carrying an unconscious Ryouga-chan between them. There was a small stream of blood leaking from Ryouga-chan's nose. The girl in front, who had long straight black hair, and who was carrying Ryouga-chan by the feet, looked over her shoulder at the other girl and said "Have you ever seen a girl react like that to Sex Education before?" The other girl, who had short hair, also black, shook her head as she adjusted her grip on Ryouga-chan's shoulders. She hesitated before saying "Did you notice how she didn't get even slightly embarrassed at the bits on guys, but she freaked out when the teacher reached the bits on girls? I mean... draw your own conclusions. Look at the way she gets embarassed whenever we try to lead her to the changing rooms after P.E. Remember that time Naoko smuggled that ecchi magazine into school?" The first girl thought for a second, before she said "Oh, you mean the one with those guys. I sure remember the one on page 37." They both giggled before the second girl turned serious again. "Well anyway, when Ryoko saw that, she only seemed to be a bit disgusted by it. She certainly didn't seem to like it." "Pretending to be shocked by that sort of stuff is half the fun though." the first girl protested. "But I don't think Ryoko was faking it." the second girl insisted. "And remember how she used to threaten any guy who tried to date her? And that curse thing she picked up recently... don't you think she took to her male side a bit too easily? Almost like she preferred it." "I can't blame her. Her male form is a dream." the first girl sighed. The girls finally reached the nurses station. After making sure that Ryouga-chan was taken care of, they left to get back to class. "Anyway," the second girl said as they left the nurses office, "you don't think she's... you know." The first girl thought about it. "Naaahhh." she decided. "Maybe you'd have a point if it wasn't for one thing. Ukyou. He seems like a pretty good catch, and he and Ryoko are engaged after all. I don't see her trying to get rid of him like she always did with the other boys. Face it, she's just shy. Incredibly shy." "And I suppose she's just being bashful whenever she beats up Kunou?" the second girl retorted. "Hey, shy doesn't mean she has to put up with being pawed by Kunou." the first girl said reasonably. "Besides, she once told us she was raised as a boy. Maybe that's why she's so shy around us. She just hasn't grown up around other girls like we did." "I guess you're right." the second girl admitted. "But I think we have to do something to stop Ryoko's fainting spells. It's embarrassing for the rest of us." "Maybe if we took her to the baths. Maybe then she'd be able to overcome her shyness." the first girl suggested. "Uh... but isn't her curse activated by hot water? Wouldn't the pretty understandable reactions by the other bathers just make her shyer?" "Well, we'll think of something." the first girl said as they reached the door to their classroom. "This sort of shyness just isn't good for a person. As her friends, we have to help Ryoko overcome this." The second girl nodded. "No matter what it takes." she said as she opened the door to the classroom. "No matter what it takes." the first girl agreed in a whisper as the teacher looked at them, before they both walked inside, returning to their seats. ********************************* Akane ran through the mallet katas that Spice had taught her. They seemed to come so naturally to her. Almost as if her body had always known how to wield the mallet, given a little push. Still, she wondered to herself how long it would take before she was ready. She hated long, drawn out waits... ********************************* The next day, Kunou strode out of the school building as lunch started. He stopped purposefully in the middle of the schoolgrounds, and struck an heroic pose. "Today is the day!" Kunou pontificated. Most of the nearby students were giving him a wide berth, whispering things like 'Don't look at him', 'Man, he's a weirdo' and 'I wonder who's going to knock him out today'. "Today is the day I finally break Kuonji's unholy influence over sweet, innocent Ryoko." he continued. "Ukyou, your time has come. Today is your last day amongst the living!" ********************************* Ukyou and Ryouga-chan were in the schoolgrounds, looking for a private place to talk. They had never told anyone they did this, but they told each other about whatever gossip they heard from the girls(Ryouga-chan) and the boys (Ukyou). It made them the second most informed set of people in the school, right after Nabiki(of course). It was just one of those things they took a guilty pleasure in doing, where they knew they shouldn't be telling but couldn't help it. Besides, it was the best way to find out who lusted after them(and a fair few girls did lust after Ukyou, just as many of the boys did for 'Ryoko'), and therefore who to be wary of. "Kuonji, fight me!" Kunou's voice rang out from nearby. Ukyou turned to try and find out where the kendoist was, only to have a boken glance off the side of her ribs. "I thought you fought with 'honour'." Ukyou gasped, feeling her side. "An unfortunate blow. You turned at an inopportune moment, when I was just trying to warn you off with my blade." Kunou admitted, as he looked at Ukyou. "Still, what's done is done. It is time to fight, Cook." "You leave Ukyou alone, Kunou!" Ryouga-chan snarled, stepping in front of the slightly injured okonomiyaki chef. "You have to go through me first. As always." "Gladly I shall face you, dear Ryoko." Kunou said. "After I despatch he who has an unholy hold over you. Kuonji." "Leave them alone Kunou." Akane said from the sidelines of the usual crowd that was drawn to these things. "Dear Akane!" Kunou said, turning to face the girl. "Don't tell me you wish to fight me? Competition between my loves? Aaahhh, they love me well if they fight over who should spar with me." Akane's face darkened. Then it brightened as she considered her new training. "All right Kunou. I'll fight you." "Hey! Hey!" Ryouga-chan said, waving her hands from where she was standing. "What about me? I wanted to fight Kunou!" "You should take Ukyou to the nurse's office." Akane said to her. "Get he... him checked out." Ryouga-chan turned and looked at Ukyou, who was still clutching her side. With a sigh, she said "Oh well. With Kunou, there's always a next time. Come on Ukyou." She took Ukyou's hand, and began to lead her off. "It's... this way, you... jackass." Ukyou wheezed as she grit her teeth from the pain. "Eh heh heh. Sorry." Ryouga-chan mumbled before they walked off. "So where is that sorcerer Saotome?" Kunou asked. "Though he not be here, I see he still holds you in his foul grasp." "Ranma isn't here." Akane said easily as she prepared to draw her mallet out of it's pocket dimension. "So you only have to deal with me." ********************************* Ranma was currently high up in the air, a result of Akane's usual even temper. He was chatting to some green haired girl who was dressed in clothing that had a similar colour scheme to Ryouga's bandannas. She was flying next to Ranma, matching his air speed as they hurtled along. "So anyway, I say 'What, like your cooking?', and she punts me up here!" Ranma was saying. "Can you believe it?" "You... you treat your wife like that?" the girl asked, baring her fangs. "Hey, she's only my iinazuke, and that's not by my choice!" Ranma protested. Electricity started to arc around the flying girl. "And to insult her cooking, when she's trying her best! You're no better than Darling!" "Uh..." Ranma said nervously, realising just what a disadvantage he had up here. She could manoeuvre, since she could fly. He couldn't. So much for answering the girl's question of 'What are you doing up here?'. "How could you!?" the girl screamed as she took one of Ranma's hands in one of her electrically charged ones. Zak zak zak. ********************************* Akane pulled her mallet out and readied it as Kunou fell into his own ready stance. "Well, I'm ready." Akane said. "No no no no no!" Spice said as she jumped between the two combatants. How she had known to be there wasn't apparent. Perhaps she had been spying uh... observing Akane. "I'll not have it! Akane, you're not ready to fight yet." "I've taken Kunou on plenty of times." Akane said. "I can take him now." "We might only be four days into your training, but you have to realise that you're at a delicate stage. I told you not to get into any fights for a while." Akane sighed, before she pocketed her mallet. "Sorry." she muttered. "You interfere?" Kunou wondered as he looked at Spice. "Perhaps you wish to date me then?" Spice looked at the kendoist for a second before she opened one of the small pouches on her bandolier, took out some blue powder and threw it in his face. "Anyway Akane," Spice said, ignoring Kunou as he collapsed behind her, "please don't get into any fights until I think you're ready. It's counter- productive." "What did you do to him?" Akane asked, pointing at Kunou, who was snoring on the ground. Spice shrugged. "Plain old knockout powder. It won't last more than a few minutes. He was annoying me." ********************************* Ukyou and Ryouga-chan were in the nurse's office. Ukyou had obviously already mostly recovered from Kunou's attack, but she was still lying back in a bed. Ryouga-chan was sitting in a chair next to the bed. "How embarassing." Ukyou said. "To be taken off guard like that." "Don't worry about it." Ryouga-chan said. "You can beat it out of Kunou next time we see him. If I don't get to him first." "I can't believe he thinks I'm holding you under some sort of spell." Ukyou said. "Does anyone else get this sort of trouble?" They jumped a bit when they heard a crash from outside. "Airen!" Shampoo's voice cried out. "Well..." Ukyou began, before she was cut off by another shout from somewhere outside. "Ryoko! Where has that demon Kuonji hidden thee? Or mayhap it was YOU Saotome!" Kunou's voice drifted by. Obviously Kunou had recovered. "Go _away_ Kunou! I have to give Ranma his lunch." Akane yelled. Ranma screamed "No! Don't tell me you _cooked_?!" For some reason Ranma sounded like he was in pain or something. Almost like he'd been electrocuted by an alien woman or something. But no, that would be ridiculously unlikely. "*ahem* Anyway, I..." Ukyou tried again. She stopped as she heard the sound she dreaded more than anything else. Laughter. Horrible, horrible laughter. "Ukyou-sama! Where are youuuuu!?" Kodachi cried out. "Get that ribbon outta my face!" Ranma shouted. Ukyou sighed. "I guess this place just attracts them." she said, as they heard the sounds of a brawl start up outside. "Them?" Ryouga-chan asked, as she wondered how long it was until lunch was over. Probably about the same time as that fight outside would take, she realised with a sigh. "Morons." Ukyou answered simply, as they heard a loud crash from outside. She pulled a pack of cards out of her uniform's pocket, and looked at Ryouga-chan. "Poker?" she suggested. They both winced as they heard a particularly shrill section of Kodachi's laughter. Ryouga-chan nodded. "Poker." she replied, and waited for Ukyou to deal the cards onto a small cabinet next to the bed. ********************************* Potion stood on the roof of his store. In his right hand he held a large vial full of an orange liquid. He carefully stepped to the edge of the roof, and looked down. "Right." he said. "Time to see if this potion of flying works." With a graceful leap, he arced into the sky. "I'm flying! I'm flying!" Potion cried out in joy. Then, he realised something. "I'm falling! I'm falli..." With a thud, he hit the ground. "Ooooh." he groaned. "Lucky this... hard concrete was here to... break my fall. I would have hated to have landed on that soft garbage just over there." With a sigh, a groan, and the sounds of protesting bones, Potion picked himself up off the now cracked sidewalk. He looked at the vial, which was still in his hand, unharmed by his fall. "Needs more salt I guess." he said with a sigh as he walked back into his store to try making the potion of flying again. He ignored the gazes of the passing people. ********************************* It was five days into Akane's new training when Spice thought of something. "You know, I still haven't seen you cook. Except on video." she said to Akane as Akane went through her kata. "And I should show you how I cook." Of such things were the greatest of disasters made... ********************************* Ryouga and Ukyou walked into the Tendo dining room. They both blinked as they saw that Ranma, Mousse-Duck, Potion, all the Tendos except Akane, and Genma-Panda were gathered around the table, staring at a bunch of cookies. "What's up?" Ryouga asked. "We're just deciding on who should try these cookies." Nabiki answered. "I thought Ranma was the fall guy for Akane's cooking." Ukyou said. She thought about what she said, before she tried to 'de-blunt' her words. "I mean... I thought that Ranma tried Akane's cooking first." Ranma shook his head. "This isn't Akane's cooking." Ryouga shrugged, reached over, and took a cookie. "So what's the problem then?" He asked as he bit off some of the cookie and chewed. "Hey this is delicious. Very tangy. I can't see anything wrong with it." "Even Shin refused to eat it." Ranma said. Which was the same thing as saying about a joke 'even Kodachi didn't laugh at it'. Ryouga gagged, and tried to spit out the cookie. But he was too late, he had already swallowed some of it. Potion nodded. "I'm no idiot. Mistress Spice cooked that stuff." "Why would that..." Ryouga began, before he keeled over, unconscious. ********************************* Ryouga stood in triumph in the middle of the blackened ashes of what had once been the proud structure of the Tendo Dojo. Ranma's broken body lay beneath Ryouga's foot, a trophy to his might. Nearby, Kunou was slumped over a tree. No more would he harass any girl. Ukyou was sprawled near the pond, her own battle spatula serving as her destroyer, its sharpened end pinning her grisly remains to the ground. A red splotch on Ryouga's left shoe was all that was left of the young Akane. Somewhere within the blackened house lay the remains of Nabiki, Kasumi, Genma and Soun. They had not even been worthy of Ryouga's efforts, instead the collapsing house had served to remove them. Ryouga looked around and laughed heartily at the destruction he had wrought. With a grin, he raised Potion's heart, which was still beating, over his head. Behind him, there was a thump as Potion's corpse fell to the ground. "Not so invincible now, eh?" Ryouga asked the heart, before he crushed it between his hands. Ryouga put his bloody hands on his hips, and laughed and laughed and laughed and... With a splash of water, Ryouga was brought back to reality. Ryouga-chan shot up, and had a quick look around. She was still in the dining room. The others were standing over her, concerned looks evident on their faces. Potion was holding a bucket, and was looking at Ryouga-chan with a calculating expression. He was, of course, just about as far away from Ryouga-chan as he could get and still be in the room. "What the HELL was that all about!?" Ryouga-chan snarled to Potion. [As if I'd ever do that sort of thing.] she thought to herself as she remembered the dream. Potion raised his hand, and showed Ryouga-chan three fingers. "What am I holding up, and how many of them are there?" he asked. "What?" Ryouga-chan replied wittily. "Answer the question." Potion stated calmly. "Three fingers, okay?!" Ryouga-chan answered irritably. "You're not seeing any weird colours? You don't have a sudden urge to mate with a goat? Feel any need to take over the country? Do you think you're a boy or a girl?" Potion asked relentlessly. "What are you going on about?" Ryouga-chan asked, annoyed at Potion's questions. "My head is killing me, I think I'm going to be sick, and I just had one of the most horrible dreams I've ever had. But nothing weird like what you just asked." Potion shook his head in wonder. "She's losing her touch. You're lucky to get off with just a bad dream and some minor pain." "What do you mean?" Ranma asked. "Spice's foods are a bit... exotic." Potion explained. "Quack." Mousse-D interjected. The duck was on the opposite side of the room to Potion, at Potion's request. Potion looked at the duck. "Well, ok. So she drugs her foods with all sorts of stuff. She just likes her foods spicy." "Quack." Mousse-D retorted, which translated to *We're not talking about pepper or cinnamon here. There's more magic in one of her meals than in half the springs of Jusenkyo.* "Still, she never uses anything permanent." Potion said, trying to ignore the duck. "Quack." Mousse-D muttered. That translated to *If you're lucky.* Ryouga-chan groaned, and stood up. She fixed Potion with a glare. "Shut up. My brain is about to explode, and I don't want to hear about it. I'm going to find my room, collapse, and hope I don't start dreaming again." Potion shrugged and grinned nervously. [Just as long as you don't get any closer, I don't care what you do.] he thought. [Why did I use _cold_ water to wake him?] Akane stuck her head into the room. "Could you keep it down in there?" she asked. "Spice is teaching me some of her recipes, and I need to concentrate." Having said her piece, Akane went back to the kitchen. "Oh no." Potion said. "If Spice is as dangerous a cook as you say..." Ranma began, looking worried. "And Akane is learning from her..." Ukyou continued, starting to eye the exit. "Quack." Mousse-D finished. What he meant was *Then we have to get back to work. Such a pity. Goodbye!* "I just remembered a customer I have to serve." Potion added, as he saw Mousse-D edge towards the door. "What a pity. Still, have to make a living, right?" With that, he headed for the door too. "That's right." Ukyou added. "That okonomiyaki can't cook itself." Ukyou began to walk towards the door, whistling nonchalantly. "Wait!" Ryouga-chan called to Ukyou desperately. "I'll go with you!" "I thought you were feeling sick." Ranma said sarcastically. "I'm feeling much better!" Ryouga-chan said, wincing as daggers of pain shot through her head. Ranma shook his head as his friends abandoned him like rats running from a sinking ship. He looked around, and saw that he was alone. The Tendos and Genma must have snuck off while he wasn't looking. "Hmm..." he said to himself as he warily eyed the direction of the kitchen. "Maybe now is a good time to see how Shampoo is doing at that new cafe." He nodded decisively to himself, and ran for the door. It wasn't as if he was running for his life. Oh no, he was just off to visit a friend, and incidently get some food. If that happened to prevent him from being here to try Akane's food, then that was no fault of his own. Right? Right. ********************************* Spice looked calmly at the Miso monster that was currently slurping out onto the floor. The thing gurgled as it looked at the two chefs with hunger in its made-out-of-tofu eyes. "Not again." Akane muttered irritably, looking at the food demon. Spice shook her head and sighed. "Oh well. I guess we can think of this as combat practice. Let's see how much you've learned." Akane grinned, and pulled her mallet out of the air. Sadly, the miracle of life that was the Miso monster would never get a chance to grow, to have children. For Fate, cruelest of the gods, had chosen it to be born where the almighty Mistress of the Mallet, the Harridan of the Hammer, the Demoness of the Blunt Instrument, Tendo Akane, made her abode. Scientists all over the world would have mourned the passing of a new species like this. All Akane did was mop up the remains after applying mallet justice (like mob justice, only more painful) to the offending food creature. "Let's try that again." Spice said calmly. "Except this time without that *ahem* 'pepper' I gave you." Akane sighed. "It was a strange colour for a pepper. I mean... orange?" Spice shrugged. "There are all sorts of peppers." she said lamely. She reached into one of her pouches, and handed Akane a small satchel full of a black and grey powder. "Here, this is the right colour for pepper." "What is it?" Akane asked, as she took the satchel. "Just something I picked up recently." Spice answered. "I'm curious to see what you can do with it." When Akane turned to begin cooking again, Spice surreptitiously readied herself for fight or flight. After all, who knows what that powder would do when used by someone like Akane? "Okay!" Akane said determinedly as she stared at the ingredients in front of her. "Let's try for stir fry!" [Let's hope her stir fry doesn't make sushi out of us.] Spice thought as she watched on in interest. [Potion was right. Akane does have untapped potential. Unfortunately, like the raging hurricane, or the deadly tsunami, I don't think her talent can be controlled.] Spice watched as the stir fry Akane was cooking began to turn a purple shade. [Or survived.] she finished to herself. ********************************* Nighttime. In her small bedroom, Ukyou prepared for bed. She took off her shirt, before unwrapping the binding she used to hide her gender. She sighed in relief as she removed the tight bandage. A minute later, she was in her pyjamas, and in bed. Exhausted by a hard days work, she was soon asleep. So she didn't hear the thud as Gosunkugi finally lost his grip on the windowsill and fell to the distant ground. He rose from his fall, groaning in pain. After checking his camera to make sure it was undamaged, he let loose a small half-grimace, half-smile. "I knew your engagement was faked." Gosunkugi muttered to himself. "And now I have all the proof I need. Your days are numbered Kuonji Ukyou!" Having said his piece, he began limping his way home, so that he could develop the photos he had just made. ********************************* Gosunkugi was in the room in his house that he used for developing photos, his amateur darkroom. Currently he was staring at a row of photos that were set out to dry. He was alternating between a triumphant expression and an uncontrollable blush. "I can't understand why someone like Ryoko would pretend to be engaged to this girl." he said to himself. "They must have done it to protect Ryoko from all those boys that kept trying to date her until Ukyou came along." he decided. "Yes, that must be it." "This can be the wedge I was looking for!" Gosunkugi crowed. "Ukyou will have no choice but to step out of the way once I reveal this evidence." His face fell as he thought about this. "But wait... if I'm right, and Ukyou is only pretending to be engaged to Ryoko so that the boys don't date her... that means that if I reveal the fact that Ukyou is a girl then all the boys will be after Ryoko again. I won't have a chance with her then!" "What to do? What to do?" he muttered to himself. "Do I tell, or do I keep it a secret?" ********************************* Ranma clutched his stomach and groaned. Something he had eaten hadn't agreed with him. In fact, 'hadn't agreed' was a bit of a tame way of putting it. Wars between nations had started from smaller cases of disagreement. Ever since Spice had started helping Akane out in the kitchen, Akane's cooking had gone from indescribably bad to 'very describable if you spoke groan' bad. Whatever the stuff was that Spice was giving to Akane to cook with, it was lethal. And to think he had thought she couldn't get any worse in the kitchen. How wrong he was. Ranma blinked as he felt his vision blur in and out. At least he had made it to his room before the full effects of the food had hit him. It would have been embarrassing to moan pitifully in front of everyone. "Ranma!" Akane's voice drifted out from below. "Come and have dessert!" Ranma sighed. The only thing that was keeping him from crying right now was his macho pride. And that was only just barely holding out. This situation was like Akane's cooking. It sucked. ********************************* Nabiki was in Ucchans, currently enjoying one of those free meals she seemed to be able to swindle out of Ukyou at will. Of course, Nabiki eating out had _nothing_ to do with Akane being the one to cook dinner that night. "You know..." Nabiki said as she looked around. Business was a bit slow at the moment, and there were few customers. Because of this, Ukyou was able to listen to Nabiki instead of work. "Have you ever considered expanding your range?" "What do you mean?" Ukyou asked. "Like offering other foods." Nabiki said. "I'm not sure what you're getting at." Ukyou replied. "Something besides the okonomiyaki you cook." Nabiki hinted. "Oh! I see!" Ukyou said, her voice suddenly filled with understanding. "You mean cook something different to what I already offer." "That's right." Nabiki answered. "Hmm..." Ukyou said as she thought about it. "Vegetarian okonomiyaki? I'd bet that would sell. Snack sized okonomiyaki? Okonomiyaki and fries?" "How about anything but okonomiyaki?" Nabiki suggested. Ukyou blinked, as she looked at Nabiki. Then she blinked again. "Or perhaps I could try okonomiyaki of the worlds..." she continued suddenly. "French okonomiyaki, with snails in it. Or Italian okonomiyaki with..." "They've done that. It's called pizza." Nabiki said with a sigh as Ukyou went off into her own little okonomiyaki world. After a while, Nabiki shook her head and left. "Australian okonomiyaki? I wonder if I could get my hands on some kangaroo meat..." Ukyou continued to herself. "Maybe German okonomiyaki with..." There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Where this statement leaves people who don't like okonomiyaki, I don't really know. "Or kosher okonomiyaki... I already don't serve pork after all." Ukyou said. See? Too much of anything is not a good thing. ********************************* Gosunkugi looked at the thick white envelope he held in his hand as he entered the Furinkan grounds. Within the envelope were the negatives and photos he had taken of Ukyou. Now all he had to do was decide what to do with them. Nothing, or show them to Kunou? His eyes widened as he saw the object of his desires standing nearby, talking to Ranma. Gosunkugi carefully snuck a little closer in an attempt to overhear the conversation. ********************************* "So how's Akane doing in her training?" Ryouga-chan asked Ranma as they waited for school to start. With Ryouga's tendency to wander, he often had to talk to Ranma to find out just what was going on in the house he lived in. "I dunno." Ranma answered. "That Spice woman keeps everyone out when they're training. She's a bit annoying when it comes to her 'secret techniques'." "I saw Mousse yesterday." Ryouga-chan said. "The sooner he gets a cure the better. He's pretty good about his curse, but I think he's reaching his breaking limit. Much longer as a duck and he could go crazy." "Yeah..." Ranma drawled. "I... uh... well I tried to get that pill thing off the old crone while Akane was busy." "Well?" Ryouga-chan asked. "That close. I was that close." Ranma said. "But she's fast for her age, and just when I got close to grabbing it she held it over a drain and threatened to drop it in. The crone said that she had fun 'playing' with me, can you believe that? Then she said that next time I tried to get the pill she would destroy it and be done with it." "Damn." Ryouga-chan swore. "Maybe if we helped train Akane she'd be able to win sooner." "Oh come on." Ranma snorted. "Shampoo's been training all her life. She comes from a place where they all train to fight. Akane can train for as long as she wants, she ain't gonna win against Shampoo." Ryouga-chan shook her head. "Well I think you're wrong. She can win. I'm sure of it." "Ryoko! Ryoko!" a voice shouted from nearby. "My love!" "Kunou." Ryouga-chan said in a resigned tone. "At least most of the time he only wants to fight me." Ranma said to Ryouga-chan, sympathy in his voice. "Most of the time. How do you put up with him?" Ryouga-chan clenched her fists as she saw Kunou running toward her. "I don't." she said simply. "Ryoko! Come, date with me! Let me sweep you off your feet, and take you out on a romantic tour of the town." Kunou offered as he skidded to a halt in front of Ryouga-chan. Ranma smiled as he watched Kunou and Ryouga-chan face each other. Kunou certainly did know how to push Ryouga's buttons. He almost felt himself pitying the guy. But then again, Kunou was after his girl side as well, so Ranma didn't pity him all that much. "Ha!" Ryouga-chan snorted at Kunou's date offer. "I'd sooner date that Gosunkugi guy Ukyou was telling me about!" From his nearby hiding spot, Gosunkugi let out a dreamy sigh. "She... wants to go out with me..." he breathed, his mind shorting out at the idea. As the usual thing happened, in that Ryouga-chan beat up Kunou, Gosunkugi drifted off into a happy little dream world. "She'd sooner date me than Kunou!" he breathed to himself happily. In the background, Kunou fell to the ground. Soon, Ranma, Ryouga-chan and the usual crowd were gone, leaving only the fallen Kunou, and a hidden Gosunkugi, who was frozen by his ecstatic thoughts. ********************************* "Akane..." Kunou muttered, twitching in his induced sleep. Gosunkugi walked out from behind the tree he'd been hiding behind. He looked at the unconscious kendoist. "Pig-tailed goddess..." Kunou breathed. Gosunkugi crouched down next the swordsman. He stared at the envelope he still had in his hands, before he looked at the upperclassman again. "Ryoko!" Kunou shouted, shooting up into a sitting position. He shook his head, before he looked at Gosunkugi. "Oh. It's you. Did you find Kuonji's weakness?" Gosunkugi looked back at Kunou. [I don't owe him anything.] he realised. [And if I told him about Ukyou, that would give him an opportunity to get to Ryoko. That's no help to me. But if I keep Ukyou's secret, that means that everyone else will stay away because of the 'engagement'. That'll give me the chance I need. I can ask Ryoko out!] "I'm sorry Sempai." Gosunkugi said. "I couldn't find out anything about Ukyou. _He_ has no weaknesses." "I should have known better than to consider relying on one such as yourself." Kunou said. "Go away, and bother me not again." Gosunkugi stood from his crouch, and walked off, feeling happier than he ever had before. As he passed a rubbish bin, he looked at the envelope. "Won't be needing these." he decided as he tossed the photo filled packet into the bin. "Now all I have to do is ask Ryoko on a date." he said confidently. Then he thought about it, deflating as he did so. "I can't ask Ryoko on a date!" he wailed to himself. "What would I say? I'd be too embarassed! What do I do!?" A couple of nearby male students looked over at the now hyperventilating Gosunkugi. The first guy turned to the second and said "It's always the quiet ones." "It's always the quiet ones that what?" the second guy asked as he looked at Gosunkugi, who seemed to be practising giving imaginary flowers to an imaginary person. "Hey, I don't want to know what exactly it is they do. I'm not that sick." the first guy said. "But it's always the quiet ones." The second guy nodded. "I hear you." he said. ********************************* Spice and Akane were in the dojo. Spice watched as Akane went through the mallet kata that Spice had taught her. "I think you are ready for the next phase." Spice said as Akane went through a complicated kata that probably would have caused a lot of pain if it had hit someone. "What's that?" Akane asked, continuing her movements. "A live opponent." Spice answered. "Really? I've been waiting to try out some of these moves on Ranma." Akane said. Spice shook her head. "No. We'll rope him into this later. For now, I have a better opponent in mind. For a start, he's easier to hit than Ranma. And for seconds... you don't have to worry too much about hitting him. He's a walking punch sponge. He'll soak up almost anything you give him." "Really? Who is he?" Akane asked as she finished the last of her kata. Spice walked over to the door of the dojo and opened it. Potion walked in, looking as if he _really_ didn't want to be there. "I'll get you for this one day." he whispered to Spice as he walked past her. "You said you wanted to train regularly against a martial artist so that you wouldn't get beaten easily." Spice whispered back as she closed the door and led him over to Akane. "This way, both you and Akane get the practice you need." "Are you sure about this sensei?" Akane asked, eyeing Potion. "I've never seen Shin fight, but from what Ryouga said, I'm not sure he's up to this." Spice shook her head. "He's not a very good fighter, that's true. But he can take hits like you wouldn't believe. You don't have to hang back with him." Potion nodded. "Yes. If I'm going to do this, then I don't want you hanging back. I can handle your strikes. Let's see if you can beat me." Akane narrowed her eyes as she put her mallet into a ready position. "Okay. If that's the way you want it." ********************************* In the dojo, Akane fought Potion as Spice looked on. Potion blocked Akane's mallet with his crossed arms, before he tried a high kick at her head, which she dodged by weaving to the side. "So..." Akane said as she whopped him one to the head. "Who's running your business while you're doing this?" Potion rubbed his head for a moment, before he went on the attack again. "Oh," he said as he tried a set of punches that Akane blocked with her mallet handle, "I've left it in capable hands." ********************************* At Potion's store, a customer was standing at the counter. "I think I'll have some of that crushed tiger root as well." he said, pointing to a jar. Mousse-D waddled over to the jar, and somehow managed to open it with his wings. Taking a scooper in his beak, he scooped some of the powder out. Mousse-D looked at the customer questioningly, and quacked in an asking tone. "No, no." the customer said. "That'll be enough. I think that's all I want." Mousse-D nodded, careful not to drop any of the powder in the scoop in his beak. He waddled over to some wrapping cloth, and dumped the powder on it. Showing impressive dexterity for a duck, Mousse-D managed to wrap the herbs. "And how much is that?" the customer asked. Mousse-D quacked, and used his bill to quickly tap out an amount on the counter. After the customer paid him, Mousse-D put away the money before he quacked pleasantly to the customer and waved one of his wings in a farewell gesture. The customer took his herbs, and was about to leave before he hesitated. "You know..." he said to the duck, "...you're much better than that other guy. The one with the short hair. You should work here more often." Mousse-D watched the customer go. Well, at least he was serving customers now, instead of just unpacking herbs. ********************************* Nabiki walked along a dark street, coming back from a late night meeting of her local business club. When two thugs stepped out in front of her, and another two stepped out behind her, she showed her usual amount of fear. None. She raised an eyebrow, and said "You have to be kidding." "We've heard about you." one of the thugs said. "You think just because you have some people under your thumb, that you're something? Well, we're here to prove you wrong." Nabiki narrowed her eyes as the thugs slowly advanced on her. Her hand started to edge towards the razor sharp credit card shuriken that she kept for situations like this one. Perhaps it was time to reveal her secret fighting arts... With a thunk, a thin throwing knife struck the ground in front of the thug closest to Nabiki. Everyone looked up to see who had thrown the knife. Balanced on a lamppost was Mousse-Duck, trying his best to look heroic. "Quack." he said dangerously. As Nabiki sighed and rolled her eyes, the thugs started laughing uproariously. Mousse-D responded by lifting his wings. Thin throwing knives, of the same design as the one in the ground, sprung from each of the feathers on his wingtips. It didn't take the thugs long to stop laughing when Mousse-D started throwing knife after knife at them. And he didn't seem to be running out of weapons... The thugs took off as the duck continued to throw more and more knives at them with worrying accuracy. After the thugs had disappeared, Mousse-D waddled over to Nabiki. "My hero." Nabiki said without inflection as she looked at Mousse-D. It was hard to tell whether she was being sarcastic or not. Mousse-D blushed, an interesting sight on a duck. Nabiki sighed. "Come on. Since you've decided to be my knight in shining feathers for the night, you can accompany me home." she said as she picked up the duck. Mousse-D blinked in surprise as he was picked up. After a few seconds, he sighed and settled in against Nabiki's chest. "Just don't get any ideas." Nabiki warned as she started walking. "I do know you're still a guy, after all." Mousse-D gave her an innocent look. *Me?* he quacked. "You're not fooling anyone." Nabiki replied, not being taken in by the duck's innocent look. Mousse-D shrugged. He wouldn't take advantage of a situation like this, it just wasn't him. Besides, he couldn't think of anything to take advantage of. He was a duck. What could a duck do? Get into X-rated movies free? Spy at window sills, when he had poor eyesight? Find a girl who was _really_ adventurous? Mousse-D shook his head as Nabiki carried him to her place. Being a duck was really beginning to drag. It was alright when he had been a duck some of the time, but this was really beginning to get annoying. ********************************* Spice looked at Akane as the girl fought Potion. As usual with these fights, Potion was taking a lot of hits, but he was winning through the simple fact that he had the far superior endurance. While Akane was panting heavily, sweat running down her face, Potion looked barely winded. Spice sighed. "Stop. Stop. This is just no good." The two combatants drew back from each other and looked at her. "Is there something wrong?" Potion asked. "Well, you're still pitiful at fighting, but that's to be expected." Spice answered. "You never did learn it that well. But the problem I am thinking of is Akane." "Yes?" Akane asked. "Am I doing something wrong?" Spice sighed. "I watched you for a while before I appeared to you. I saw you use your mallet a few times. Always against Ranma, I noticed. And always when you were angry. When I started training you, I did it as I had learned. I taught you to fight with calm. I think that's the problem here." "Uh... what?" Potion asked intelligently. "Akane's anger." Spice answered. "I think it is like... fuel... if you will. When she gets angry, it seems to interact with her fighting aura, and it allows her to do things she might not be able to do normally. Hyper-accuracy with a mallet, for example. Strength far beyond the normal, enough to punt someone across town. The ability to hit a very highly trained martial artist, a martial artist she normally can't hit no matter how hard she tries." "Are you saying that I have to get angry to win?" Akane asked doubtfully. "But that goes against the whole idea of martial arts. Focus, an inner core of calm. Anger only gets you into trouble. That's what I've been taught." Spice shrugged. "As was I. But to every rule, there is an exception. Anger is usually bad, that is true. It makes you make mistakes. But beyond anger... there is fury. A tightly controlled anger, that allows you to use your anger without the mistakes it usually entails." "So you want me to get angry when I fight?" Akane asked. "Oh no." Spice answered, a small smile on her lips. "I don't want you to get mad. I want you to get furious." ********************************* Potion stared dubiously at the piece of paper Spice had given him to memorise. Akane was nearby, psyching herself up, trying to get herself angry. Spice watched the two, resisting the urge to sigh. "Kawaiikune..." Potion muttered to himself as he read one of the words on the paper. "Can't cook..." he continued. After another few seconds of reading, he turned to Spice and said "Can't you just get Ranma in here to do this? He's more qualified to anger Akane than I am. He's had more practice, for a start." "Just do it Potion." Spice said. Potion sighed, shook his head, and started reading the piece of paper again. Spice walked over to Akane and placed her hand on Akane's back. "Do you think you can get angry enough?" she asked. "No." Akane admitted. "I can't just get angry at someone for no good reason. I don't think this is going to work." "Just try it." Spice said, patting Akane. "Trust me. This may be what we need to release your inner potential. Just think of things that have happened in your life that have made you angry. That will help." Spice walked off to stand in a corner, so that she would be as far away from the fight as possible. Meanwhile, Akane was thinking over everything in her life that had ever made her angry, just as Spice had told her to. "Ranma no baka." she whispered to herself, as she thought about so many things that Ranma had done that you would have needed a ream of paper to list them. The blue aura that tended to appear around her when she was angry started to glow about her. "Kunou no baka." she added, as she thought about Kunou's speech to the school, so long ago now, that had started her morning fights with a crowd of boys who had been intent on defeating her. Her aura was definitely growing brighter. "Shampoo no baka." she growled, thinking of the Amazon girl's... forward courting of Ranma(not that _she_ cared, blah, blah, etc). You could have lit a fair sized room with that aura of hers by now. "Ranma. No. Baka." she hissed, stoking that fire just that bit more by returning to the most annoying presence in her life. The blue aura was starting to get blinding. Spice looked over at Akane. "I think she's ready." she whispered to Potion. Potion looked over as well. Then, after a couple of seconds, he calmly turned to Spice and quietly said "If she kills me, I will haunt you forever." "Just say your lines." Spice replied, as she edged back so that she was _way_ out of the fighting area. Potion cleared his throat, and stepped closer to the neon Akane. "*ahem*. Uh... Kawaiikune." he said. Akane looked at him. "Can't cook." Potion added. Akane hissed. "You know, Ranma was right." Potion said, deciding to pull out his trump card. "You really are _ugly_ when you're angry." Stoke a fire, it gets bigger. Add some wood, the fire will last for longer. Add some lighter fluid, and watch it flare. Do all this in the middle of a room full of unstable explosives, and you'd still be safer than Potion was right now. With a growl of rage, Akane swept a mallet out of Hammerspace, and leapt at the erstwhile herbalist. As the background sounds of rapid-fire whacks, growls, and screams filled the air, Spice looked on with a faintly sick expression. "Well." she said to herself. "It appears I have created a monster." There was a particularly nasty double thud, from Akane malleting Potion into and through one of the dojo walls. She leapt out of the dojo after him. She was obviously not in the best frame of mind. "Perhaps I shouldn't have hit those shiatsu spots on her back. The ones that stop a person's self control." Spice mused to herself. She shrugged, and added "Oh well." ********************************* Potion groaned as the painful light of consciousness hit him. He groaned again as the equally harsh light of reality hit him. Someone had actually pummelled him into unconsciousness. Akane had beaten him hard enough for him to pass out... That just _didn't_ happen. Oh sure, he might not be able to break twelve cinder blocks with a casual flick of his wrist, and he might not be able to throw ten punches in the time it took Ranma to do fifty, but the ability to hit did not alone a martial artist make. Kodachi was a Martial Artist Gymnast, Mousse was a Hidden Weapons Martial Artist, Ranma was an Anything Goes Martial Artist... And Potion was an Endurance Martial Artist. A man who had studied the varied and varying techniques of toughening the body, the mind, and the spirit against the myriad forms of attack possible. As a result of his intensive, consuming, tunnel-visioned study of this one aspect of martial arts, he was honestly a tough cookie. A hard nut to crack. He was, quite frankly, tougher than the average bear. And that was how he really won his fights. Not through the use of his sneezing powders, his sleeping potions, and all that herbalist gunk. No, it was the fact that he could outlast almost anyone, take more hits than should be humanly possible, his ability to keep going when most would have been knocked out that made him able to stand up to the people he fought. And Akane had beaten him. Potion shuddered as he clutched his aching head. She had been a terror. No. She had _personified_ terror. She had gone... well, berserk was the only word to describe it. It was terrifying, to see a friend attack you with an almost maniacal anger in their eyes. And it hadn't been normal. Even Akane, whom Potion could admit was a little quick tempered, even Akane didn't get that angry that quickly for that little a reason. Something had happened. "Still alive I see." Spice said calmly from nearby. Potion groaned as he slowly stood. He looked around, and saw that Akane was not in the dojo. There were several large holes in the walls from where Akane had knocked him in and out of the dojo several times during the fight. He faced Spice, and said "What did you do to her?" "Hmm?" Spice hummed. "Oh, she was a bit... excited. So I threw her some Number 710 to knock her out, and then I carried her to her bed. She'll be fine in an hour or two." "That's not what I meant. Come on, Mistress Spice. I was your faithful student for ten years, despite the abuse you heaped on me. I thought you trusted me at least a little bit." "Very well." Spice said. "It was like I said. In order to reach her fighting potential, I think Akane has to learn how to properly utilise her anger as a weapon. In order to do that, she has to get really _really_ angry a few times while she is sparring so that she knows how to channel the emotion properly when she goes into the real battles." "And...?" Potion prompted as he fished around in his bandolier pouches for an healing herb of some sort that would get rid of his killer headache. He had the bad feeling that he didn't have anything quite that strong on him. "And so right before your fight I hit some of her pressure points." Spice answered. "What, ones that made her angry?" Potion asked as he gave up on his search for a super painkiller, settling on a moderately good one he kept on him. He popped the pill he had selected into his mouth. "Not quite." Spice answered. "I hit a set that basically block off her inhibitions. Her self control. What some say separates us from the beasts. I didn't make her angry, I just took away her ability to stop herself from getting angry. And it looks like it worked." "Maybe a bit too well." Potion replied as he felt his headache recede slightly. "Perhaps. But think on this. She beat you, and she beat you easily. Usually you outlast her in your spars. Certainly she has never managed to beat you so readily before. But with her anger, she became something more than what she normally was." "Dangerously uncontrollable?" Potion suggested. "Just dangerous describes it well enough." Spice said matter-of-a-factly. Potion winced as he felt the several bumps on his head. "You've got that right." ********************************* Akane woke up in her bed with a splitting headache. She tried to remember why she was there, but for some reason it was all vague. And for some reason, she felt that it didn't matter that she couldn't remember everything. Especially when what she did remember was... "I won." she breathed. "I won easily." She smiled. Winning felt _good_. ********************************* Agent 424128 looked around desperately. He was lost, in a foreign land where he did not know the language. And if he didn't find the local British Ambassador's office within the next hour, then Scotland was doomed. "Excuse please." he said to the first person he found after he had escaped from the nefarious clutches of Dr Foon. "Know English?" he asked the young man he had stopped, hoping against hope. "A bit." the young man admitted, before he switched to English. ^What do you want?^ ^Could you tell me the way to the British Embassy?^ Agent 424128 asked. ^The fate of a whole country is at stake!^ ^Well, I guess I know the way. I remember passing a British Embassy recently.^ Ryouga said. Pity that the embassy had been in America. ^Ah! Thank you so much!^ the agent said after Ryouga gave him some directions. ^It really was lucky I ran into you. Knowing English, and all that.^ ^I learnt English on my travels.^ Ryouga replied. He pointed around the street they were in, and said ^I wasn't born here in Akita, you know.^ ^I thought this was Osaka.^ the agent said. ^Boy, I must be really lost. You would know what town you're in, being a native and all. Thanks for all your help!^ ^Don't mention it.^ Ryouga said, before he walked off. ********************************* Ukyou waited for her turn on the gymnastic bars. She was sitting down next to Daisuke and Hiroshi. Ranma was currently impressing the crowd of boys who were watching with his own gymnastic talents. "So Ukyou." Daisuke said. "I hear your fiance gets lost a lot." "She doesn't do it that often." Ukyou protested. "You know..." Hiroshi began. "I heard that she never gets dressed with the other girls for gym and swimming. Is she a bit shy?" "I bet she isn't so shy when she's alone with you, hey?" Daisuke said, nudging Ukyou. "Hey, it's not like that!" Ukyou snarled. "We don't see you changing with us for sport either." Hiroshi realised. "Why not? Where do you get changed?" "Maybe he gets changed with Ryoko." Daisuke said, putting all sorts of innuendo into his voice. Ukyou rubbed her temples as Ranma's two friends started ribbing her over the way that she and Ryouga never got changed with the other students. "Would you two shut up?" she asked. "Looks like we hit a nerve there." Daisuke noted. "That means we must be close to the truth, eh Daisuke?" Hiroshi asked. Daisuke nodded knowingly as Ukyou buried her head in her hands. ********************************* Soun and Genma-Panda were sitting on the porch of the Tendo house, playing Go. Neither of them took any notice of the sounds emanating from the dojo. After several thwaps, a couple of thunks, a few mingled screams(one man's screams of pain, one girl's angered screams), some sounds that wouldn't have been out of place in a meat tenderiser, and a final crash, Potion crawled out of the dojo. Slowly, labouriously, he pulled himself over to the house. He looked, quite frankly, like hell. Well, that wasn't quite true. Hell didn't, by general consensus, look like it had been beaten to within an inch of its life. "How goes the training?" Soun asked Potion as he crawled past. Potion looked up at the older man. "Ooooohhhhh.... just... just... you know." Potion slurred. "Kumquaty. No. No. That's.... that's not it. Just peachy. Yeah." Genma-Panda nodded, and held up a sign that said {Good to hear.} Potion managed to nod before he collapsed, unconscious. Soun and Genma-Panda continued their game, ignoring the passed out Chinese man nearby. ********************************* Spice and Akane stood in the dojo, facing each other. "You have learnt well, Akane." Spice said solemnly. "I am proud of you. You are on the road to the mastery of a very specialised art indeed." "Thank you sensei Spice." Akane replied. "Do you think I am ready to take on Shampoo? I am so sick of waiting. And I don't think Potion is up to more of this, endurance or no endurance." Spice smiled, and nodded. "Yes, your patience has been exemplary. And now it's time for that patience to pay off. It is time... to challenge Shampoo." ********************************* Potion strode into the Nekohanten. Well, actually, he limped. Currently, he was liberally covered in bandages. He'd seen better days, to be frank. "What happen to you?" Shampoo asked as he walked up to her and Cologne. "I had an argument with something very disagreeable." Potion replied. "So what brings you here then?" Cologne asked. "Akane sends word. It's time." Potion replied. Shampoo grinned. "At last violent girl stop quaking in boots and challenge Shampoo. Shampoo show appreciation by winning quick." Potion looked at Shampoo. He looked like he was about to say something, before he shook his head and left the restaurant. Cologne read all she needed to out of that one look. "Perhaps you should train a bit." Cologne said to Shampoo. "Just to be sure." ********************************* A crowd was gathered in a park near the Nekohanten, where a fighting ring had been setup. In one corner of the ring stood Akane, while in the other, Shampoo stood ready. "Win is by knockout or surrender." Cologne said from just outside the ring. "Hurry up and get this over with, Shampoo. Start the fight." "Pervert girl have no chance against Shampoo." Shampoo predicted pridefully as she faced Akane. "That's what you keep saying Shampoo. You, Ranma, all of you think I'm some sort of big joke as a fighter. Well, I'm a martial artist too. I was beating a horde of boys everyday before Ranma came along. I am as good, if not _better_ than you. And it's time to prove it." Akane replied calmly. "Shampoo enjoy making Akane eat words, along with bonbori." Shampoo said as she readied herself for combat, her two bonbori held at the ready. Akane smiled and reached behind her back. She pulled her mallet out of wherever it was she kept it, making it almost look like she was pulling the mallet out of a back-sheath. "You fight Shampoo with that?" Shampoo asked with a grin. "You crazier than Shampoo thought." "Damn it Akane!" Ranma shouted from the sidelines. "Think on what you're doing! Shampoo's much better than you." Spice calmly walked up behind Ranma and poked him in a spot in his back. All of a sudden, Ranma froze. His eyes rolled around, trying to see what had happened. "Oops." Spice said sarcastically. "Silly me. My hand must have slipped and accidentally poked one of your paralysing pressure points. How clumsy of me." Ranma grit his teeth and made a gargling sound. "I'll deal with you later, Ranma." Akane warned him, as she took her attention off him and back to the coming fight. The fight started out slow, each fighter cautious at first. But soon it was apparent that Shampoo had the upper hand, as she beat Akane back. "What's wrong with her?" Potion whispered to Spice in the crowd. "She's better than this." "I forgot about the shiatsu point." Spice realised as Akane blocked one of Shampoo's bonbori with her mallet. "Akane's gotten used to fighting without restraint. Now she's fighting with it again, and she's losing." Shampoo almost smiled as she fought Akane. This was surprisingly easy, considering that Spice had a decent reputation as a trainer amongst the Amazons. Perhaps Akane just hadn't been a very good student. "Maybe Akane should run back to hide behind Ranma." Shampoo said as she beat against Akane's defences. "You no worth my time." There was a small flaw in the training Spice had given Akane. All those times that Spice had used the 'No Control Point' had affected Akane more deeply than any could have thought. It had produced a psychological effect which had remained unnoticed till now since this was the first time in a while Akane had fought without the help of the shiatsu point. The interesting affect was as follows: there was now a 'line of no return' built into Akane's anger. She could only get so angry before she went a little bit... berserk. Shampoo had just edged her over that line. Until that point in the fight, Akane had just been annoyed, her ability to get angry stunted by all the times she had been recently made angry through the artificial method of the Shiatsu points. Now, Akane was angry. Very angry. When she went over the line from annoyed to angry, she _really_ went over the line. With a scream of rage that Potion knew all too well, Akane threw Shampoo back from her, and began to advance on the surprised Amazon. Shampoo found herself being forced back as a raging Akane beat against her defences. Akane attacked again and again and again and you just knew that sooner or later, something had to give. With a looping swing, Akane breached Shampoo's defences, and thwacked her mallet into Shampoo's stomach. Never letting the momentum fall, she swung her mallet around again, hitting the staggering Amazon's chin. With one last swing, this time at a more horizontal angle, Akane hammered Shampoo on the temple. Shampoo's will fought her body in an attempt to stay upright, and lost. She keeled over as consciousness faded. Akane held her mallet high, grinning at her victory. After a few seconds of shocked silence, the crowd roared its approval. "Ah... I love moments like these." Potion said to Mousse-Duck over the din of the crowd. The duck was near enough to make him nervous, but not near enough to make him irrational. "Quack?" Mousse-D asked, which translated to *Seeing a friend win?* Amazingly enough, Potion seemed to understand him. "Sort of." he replied. "Actually, it's more like seeing a friend win when you've bet that she will." Mousse-D nodded sagely. Potion was one of the few who had bet on Akane. But then, no matter what Potion might say about Spice, they both knew just how good a trainer she could be when she wanted. And Akane had certainly proved that she could be quite a learner. ********************************* Akane kept her mallet ready as she walked over to the edge of the ring closest to Cologne. "Well?" she asked. Cologne tossed her the pill box. "Not bad, girl. Not bad at all." she said. "Perhaps you are a martial artist after all." Akane was about to reply when someone cupped her cheek with their hand. She turned her head to see Shampoo was about to kiss her on the cheek. "Stop, Shampoo." Cologne warned. Shampoo blinked. "But Great Grandmother, she beat me. That means Kiss of Death." "A Kiss of Death is for outsiders." Cologne said. "She is Spice's student. That makes her one of us." Shampoo blinked, then cursed out something in Chinese. "This not over, girl." she warned Akane as she walked off. Akane blinked. "What do you mean, I'm one of you?" she asked Cologne. Cologne cackled. "Spice married into our village long ago. By doing so, she became an Amazon. As her student, you become an honorary Amazon as well. That means that Shampoo can't give you the Kiss of Death for being beaten by you in combat. I think it will be a good lesson to her in finding other ways to get back at you." "Great." Akane said. She looked down at the phoenix pill that she held in her hand. "Why did you make me fight for this?" she asked. "Why not Mousse? He's the one you poked." "I have my reasons girl. They remain my own. Let's just say I thought you needed motivation." Cologne said. Akane looked puzzled, but decided to let it drop. She pocketed her mallet back into its dimension, and walked away. As she left, so did the crowd. ********************************* Cologne watched as the teenagers walked off. a woman's voice said from behind the old crone. Cologne turned, and stared at Spice. she asked. Spice nodded. Cologne asked. Spice shook her head sadly. Cologne prodded. Spice answered. She looked off into the fading light of the dusk sky. Cologne answered. Spice smiled. Cologne answered. Spice asked absently. Cologne answered. Spice said, turning to face Cologne again. Cologne chuckled. Spice vowed. Considering the fact that they were talking about their students fighting each other, it was one of the politest conversations ever. Cologne answered. Spice predicted. Cologne chuckled. ********************************* Mousse looked at his human hands as tears ran down his cheeks. He was in the bathroom of Potion's store, standing naked in the bath. On the counter, the empty phoenix pill box lay. "Yes. Oh yes." he said, revelling in the feeling of being a man again. ********************************* Ryouga walked into the dojo. When he saw Akane, he smiled to himself, since he had planned to thank her for helping Mousse. The fact that he'd planned to thank her after going to the bathroom, and the fact that he turned up here instead seemed hardly worth mentioning. "Akane, I want to thank... you... for..." Ryouga trailed off. Akane's back was to him, but he could sense something was wrong. He was getting the same feeling from her that he sometimes felt from Ukyou, when her defences were down and she was thinking about Jusenkyo or Ranma's abandonment. It was the same feeling that he felt himself when he had a really bad day at school because of his girl form, or whenever he had a really bad journey. It was depression. Akane was depressed. And that, Ryouga decided, was not normal. "Akane... what's wrong?" Ryouga asked, stepping closer to her. "Was Ranma acting like a jerk again? That's just the way he..." "It's not Ranma." Akane said softly. Ryouga waited for her to say more, but she didn't elaborate. "What's wrong Akane?" "I won today, right?" Akane asked, still with her back to Ryouga. "Well, yes." Ryouga answered, confused. Akane turned to look at Ryouga. Her face was streaked with tears. "I... can't... REMEMBER!" she hissed. "What do you mean?" Ryouga asked hesitantly. He had seen the fight. He knew what he had seen. He had his suspicions as to what had happened to Akane. "I remember the start of the fight, and Shampoo really getting on my nerves, but then everything turns vague. Like I wasn't in control of my own memories. Next thing I remember, I'm posing for the crowd, with Shampoo knocked out. I DON'T POSE! Whoever won that fight, it wasn't me. I was... I don't know... possessed." Ryouga shook his head. "Possessed by your anger maybe. You just let your anger get the better of you. It happens. Or at least, it does to me. I've had fights like the one you just told me about, where it's hard or impossible to remember parts of the fight where I was too angry. Trust me on this, Akane, as long as you can keep control out of fights, you should never let yourself worry about it. It'll only eat away at you. Just accept that if you get angry you might get like that, and you won't have anywhere near the troubles. That's what I do." "Are you sure about that?" Akane asked doubtfully. "Take it from someone who knows." Ryouga said. "There's nothing wrong with getting angry. And that's all that has happened to you." "So what should I do?" Akane asked. "Uh... celebrate your win?" Ryouga suggested. "I've always found that as long as I don't keep my anger bottled up like I did when I was younger, I'm fine. Sparring with Ranma is usually the way I use to get rid of extra anger. Dealing with Kunou is a good outlet too. Come on, you won that battle fair and square. You helped Mousse regain his humanity. You proved your devotion to your training had payed off. You should celebrate. Come inside." Akane looked at him for a moment. "You _are_ sure that there's nothing wrong with me?" she asked. "This never used to happen. In my spars with Potion, I remember getting really angry, but it's all hazy for some reason. I know that that fight with Shampoo was not normal." "Well I'm not worried. So you shouldn't be either." Ryouga answered. "Come on, let's go inside. Kasumi's cooked you something special." Akane wiped her face before she smiled. "You know, " she said as they left the dojo, "you can be pretty sweet at times." Ryouga blushed in response. ********************************* Spice walked out of the shadows that surrounded the dojo. She watched the backs of Ryouga and Akane as they walked into the house. "It appears I may have erred." she said. "How wrong you can be, young bandanna boy. For you, perhaps, the berserk state is normal and nothing to worry about. But not Akane. In the long run, I do not like to think what this is going to do to her." Spice looked at the sky. "Those shiatsu spots I used on Akane are definitely starting to look like a mistake now. To unbalance her like that... it was most unexpected. Most unwanted." She paused, before adding "Most unfortunate." ********************************* With a yawn, Potion walked into the small kitchen that served both his and Mousse's needs. Today was the first day in a long time that he felt even half healthy, for yesterday was the first day in a while that he hadn't fought Akane. Blinking bleary eyes, he opened a cupboard and looked inside. Nothing was in there. Of course, with him being so busy being Akane's sparring partner, and with Mousse as a duck until last night, no-one had been doing the shopping. The larder was in desperate need of restocking. For a brief moment, Potion tossed up the idea of going over to Ucchans to eat breakfast. Then, he thought about it more carefully. Okonomiyaki. Gods, how he was sick of the stuff. That was the problem with having a good restaurant so close to where you worked and lived, you tended to eat there too often. Sooner or later, you were bound to crave for something else. Potion flipped open a few more cupboards, searching desperately for something, anything to eat. Finally, in the shadowy corner of one of the shelves he didn't use, he found a small sack. He pulled it out, and looked at it. It was liberally covered in warnings, written both in Chinese and Japanese, saying things like 'Danger!', 'Do not shake or expose to flame!', and other things that Potion had never heeded before. He opened the sack, and gazed at the grain inside. "Well." he said to himself. "I guess it's better than nothing. Maybe I'll try making that fried porridge recipe that Scottish man taught me once." He nodded to himself as he went over to the stove. "I'm sure Mousse won't mind me taking some of this stuff." he reasoned to himself as he turned the stove on. ********************************* Mousse was woken from a pleasant dream by the sound of a tremendous explosion. He shot from his futon into a crouched position, ready to fight whatever menace threatened his adopted home. As soon as he found the door. A few seconds later, a sooty Potion staggered into Mousse's room. "What do you PUT in that grain of yours!?" he groaned. "Grain?" Mousse asked, puzzled. "You know..." Potion said as he looked down at his blackened, tattered clothes, "...the one in the kitchen." "Oh!" Mousse said, nodding in understanding. He walked over to where he had laid out his robes the night before. He reached into the robes, and pulled out a clucking chicken. "You mean the gunpowder-laced feed for my chicken here? I have to give her some pretty volatile chemicals for her to lay those explosive eggs I use in combat." Potion looked at the chicken for a second. Then he said "I'm going out for okonomiyaki." before he left the room. ********************************* "Hohohohohohohoho!" Kodachi shrieked as she leapt into Potion's store. Mousse shuddered. It was customers like this one that made him wonder just how long he'd be staying in this job. He shook his head as he saw Potion and Kodachi start a surprisingly friendly conversation about chemicals. It was almost scary to see Kodachi act so normal, but she was often like this when she talked to someone about her work when they knew about chemicals. "Hmm..." Potion was saying as he politely tried a cookie that Kodachi offered him. "Wow. Strychnine. Been a while since I've had this. Ahhh... that brings back memories of my mothers cooking. Thank you. It was delicious." "Why thank you." Kodachi chortled. "I was going to go over and give them to Ukyou-sama. My brother spoke highly of this batch before he passed out." It was times like these that Mousse pitied Ukyou. Kodachi had fallen in love with Ukyou when she first saw her. (Ukyou had been in her boy disguise at the time, and she's never given away enough clues for Kodachi to realise that she is actually a girl.) Someone falling in love with someone else normally wouldn't be a problem. But when it was Kodachi... the mind boggled (and the body shuddered). Kodachi pursued Ukyou on and off, attacking Ryouga-chan occasionally as well. She had started bringing Ukyou drugged foods recently. Ukyou had had the sense to throw them away as soon as Kodachi wasn't looking. Unfortunately, since Ukyou was showing no ill effects from her stuff, Kodachi assumed that she could handle her more... exotic creations. So she had started baking some poisoned foods recently. Ukyou, it was safe to say, was getting just a little annoyed at Kodachi's persistence. "... just send my order over to my house like normal." Kodachi finished, and with a chilling laugh, she bounded out of the door as black rose petals flew around her. Mousse looked at the blur he hoped was Potion. "Why do you put up with her?" he asked. "Kodachi?" Potion asked as he saw the gymnast girl leap into Ucchans. "She's one of my best customers." In the distance, they heard Kodachi's voice drift over. "Hohohoho! Ukyou-sama! How _are_ you?" "I don't think she's as bad as you, Ukyou and Ryouga do." Potion continued. "She's actually very friendly." "Get out of my store!" Ukyou screamed in the background. "She just has strange ways of expressing her love." Potion said. "You grew up in a village where men aren't seen as much. My parents were just weird. But we both had better role models for growing up then she did. It's hard to get her to open up, but I think it's a miracle she came out as well as she did." Mousse shrugged. "If you say so." he said dubiously. Potion nodded as he saw Kodachi leap out of Ucchans. She was chortling as she dodged several throwing spatula. "Yes." he said. "She's not as bad as most think. Not as far as I'm concerned." There was a pause, before he added "Though all the gods know that I pity whoever marries her." ********************************* Night bathed an anonymous street of Nerima with the soothing touch of darkness. Shampoo-Cat walked along idly, seeing what she could see. She had just finished work for the day, and she was on her way to see Ranma. She had been splashed along the way by some old woman (Akane would have been thrilled to hear of this encounter with the dreaded water wielding old woman). She was thinking about Ranma. Her husband to be. She wasn't too happy about the way Ranma had lied to her about his curse, but luckily her Great Grandmother had cleared things for her. She would marry Ranma. Pride allowed no other option. Pride, and perhaps a little love. She had missed Ranma when she had returned to China, even when she had thought Ranma was a girl. Perhaps this meant love? Or perhaps not. Shampoo didn't care. Ranma was going to be her husband, and she didn't plan to let anything stand in her way. Not even this stupid curse. Why couldn't it have been a good spring she had landed in? Spring of Drowned Tiger. Spring of Drowned Warrior. Spring of Very Big Thing with Wickedly Sharp Claws. Something that could stand up in a fight. Not this weak little cat's body. And her groom-to-be seemed to be affected strangely by this form. It almost seemed like Ranma was afraid of her when she was a cat... Shampoo-C sighed as she trudged along. Maybe she should have gone to the Nekohanten as soon as she had been splashed, so that she could have turned back into a girl before finding Ranma. As a cat, the journey to the Tendo Dojo was effectively tripled due to a cat's shorter stride. But she had been eager to see Ranma, and so she had decided to just go straight there. Now she was getting bored. Shampoo wished that something or someone would come along to help alleviate this boring trip. She looked around, before she spotted Potion in the distance, walking towards her. Shampoo meowed with relief. Here was someone who knew her, and was a friend (of sorts). Best of all, Potion not only knew about the Jusenkyo curses, he had demonstrated to Shampoo before that he had some way of detecting them. He'd know she was cursed, and be able to get some hot water for her. She'd much prefer seeing Ranma in her own body. Up the street, Potion stiffened as he felt a cold sweat trickle down his back. He looked around the darkened street, but he couldn't see anyone. He couldn't understand it. He felt his Jusenkyo fear rising, but there wasn't anyone there. He knew where Mousse was, and it wasn't here. Ukyou usually bweed to him when she was in her pig form. And he would have seen anyone human by now. That meant that.... Oh. No. There was _someone_ else with a curse around. Just to give him a little shock, and for a bit of fun, Shampoo-C playfully leapt out of the shadows and into one of his arms. Although she didn't know it, Shampoo had the distinct honour of being the first person in their Jusenkyo form to touch Potion. Turned out that maybe his fear was reasonable after all. Potion screamed as he felt something akin to hot ice travel up his arm. He flung Shampoo-C away, and looked at his badly blistered arm. Shampoo-C looked at Potion with anger in her eyes. How dare he treat her like that? How dare he? She stalked towards him as she began to yowl. Potion looked from his arm to the cat and back again. "Damn." he said, and ran. "Why me?" he asked himself as, while he still ran, he fished around in his pouches for some salve. Shampoo-C yowled, and chased after him. ********************************* Ukyou stood outside her store drinking a cool glass of water. Business was over for the day, and she was just enjoying the quiet before she retired for the night. Ryouga was on one of his little 'trips' again, and so he hadn't helped her out today. Oh well, he'd get back eventually. He always did. She perked her ears as she heard a distinctive wail. "Waaarrgghhh! Get away from me!" Potion screamed as he ran down the street. Shampoo-C meowed in response, still chasing. She was having too much fun right now to stop. Like Ukyou before her, she found that having someone run from her while she was in her cursed form was liberating. And unlike Ranma, the other person who reacted like this, Potion wasn't her husband to be, so she could chase him without worry of what happened to him. "'Scuse me!" Potion shouted as he ran too close to Ukyou. His right arm, which had been pumping in opposite time to his left one, knocked her glass. Ukyou had about a second to think [Oh great.] before she was splashed. After a second of struggling, Ukyou-P wriggled out of her clothes. She saw Shampoo-C approach, and held up a piggy hoof to stop her. Shampoo-C screeched to a halt. She looked at the piglet in front of her. It was the one she had cooked for Ranma once. Ryoko's pet(or was it Ryouga? No matter, a pig was a pig, it didn't matter what it's owner's name was). And it was standing in the middle of a set of clothes. Shampoo might not be the smartest cookie around, but she added two and two(came up with seven) and realised that the pig must be cursed too. *Why did you stop me? I was having fun.* Shampoo-C meowed. As with her native Chinese, she didn't have any trouble speaking cat. *So. Shampoo.* Ukyou-P bukeed. *I don't know what you just said, but I still owe you for last time you were in town. You tried to _cook_ me!* *I don't speak pig, but I don't like your tone, whoever you are.* Shampoo-C yowled. She unsheathed her claws. *Now go away before I hurt you.* Ukyou-P looked at Shampoo-C's threatening posture, and her eyes narrowed. *So you want to fight huh?* she bweed. *Fine with me.* She walked over to where her bandolier lay, and used her mouth to pull out one of her throwing spatulas. After a quick bit of experimentation, she found that she could hold it in her hooves and use it like she used her battle spatula in her human form. She stood on her back feet, and dropped into her ready stance, her spatula primed for battle. Shampoo hadn't seen much, if anything of Ukyou yet, so she didn't recognise the cursed form of Ryouga's fiance. But she knew a threat when she saw one, and she dropped into an attack posture, one that didn't involve trying to stand like an human, but as a cat. The two animals glared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Shampoo-C attacked, swiping at Ukyou-P as she hissed. Claw was blocked by spatula, as Ukyou-P wielded her weapon, standing just as she would if she was in her normal form. They disengaged, and Ukyou-P decided to take a turn at striking at Shampoo-C. She swung her mini spatula at Shampoo-C, but found her strike blocked by the claws of the cat. Another swing, and another, both of which Shampoo-C dodged. The fight, weird even by Nerima standards, was on. ********************************* Mousse held his new glasses in his hand. Finally. Finally he had had the sense (with Nabiki's prodding) to go see a doctor about his eyesight. It turned out that he was wearing the wrong prescription glasses, which is why he still saw things as being slightly blurred when he wore his old ones. It was also why he tended not to wear his glasses unless he had to(the wrong prescription gave him headaches, and his fighting style needed concentration more than sight anyway). Now, it was time to try out his new glasses. No more fuzzy vision. No more headaches. He'd be able to see properly. At long last. Mousse slowly, almost reverently put on his new glasses. The world swam into sharp focus, and he smiled a smile of joy. He looked around. Interesting as the inside of a small shop was, he decided that he wanted to see the sky. So he walked over to the door, and opened it, grinning at how easily he was seeing everything. He stepped outside, and looked at the night sky, joy in his eyes. After a few seconds of enjoying the stars, he noticed sounds of battle from nearby. There was the faint clash of weapons, but there seemed to be something... off... about the noise. Mousse looked around until his eyes focussed on the sight of a small black piglet which was standing upright like a human and was holding a small spatula in an attack position, just like Ukyou did. Near the pig, a cat, slightly bigger than the pig, which had purple-white fur was in what looked remarkably like an opening unarmed attack posture. The cat's forepaw claws were extended. This brief moment of peace was shattered as the cat raked its claws at the pig. The pig blocked the blow with its spatula, and then responded with a swing of its spatula. The cat dodged out of the way, and tried batting the pig in the eyes with its tail. The pig ducked this attack, and charged at the cat, spatula held above its head. Mousse shook his head, and took off his glasses. He carefully wiped them with his robe before he put them back on. He looked at the animals, to confirm that they were still fighting each other with advanced _human_ fighting moves. Now would be a good time to note that although Mousse knew of Ukyou's curse, he hadn't actually seen her in her pig form. He certainly didn't know about Shampoo's curse yet. Mousse had put his glasses on just in time to see the pig get in a hefty whack to the cat's head with the spatula. The cat shook its head, meowed, and then hissed as it attacked back. The pig soon found itself on the defensive as the cat started a range of lightning quick paw swipes. Mousse sighed, and took off his new glasses. He turned and walked back to Potions store. After bumping into the wall, he felt around for the doorway, and pulled himself inside. [So much for the new prescription.] he thought as he stumbled up the stairs to his room. [I wonder if I can get a refund.] Outside, a piglet and a cat continued their fight. ********************************* Nabiki was walking home after a tough day of debt collecting when she saw the cat fight. Er... pig fight? Well, whatever. Nabiki knew a photo opportunity when she saw one, and she started taking snaps with her ever handy camera. The next morning, the photo developer whom Nabiki used shook his head as he flicked through the newly developed photos. He looked at one where Ukyou-P had clamped her jaws onto Shampoo-C's tail. Then, he had a look at the one where Shampoo-C was about to impale Ukyou-P with her claws. Finally, he examined the photo where Ukyou-P stood in triumph over an unconscious Shampoo-C. In that picture, Ukyou-P had her mini spatula raised over her head, and she had a piggy grin splitting her face. "Maybe I should drop that no questions asked policy just this once." the man said to himself as he placed the photos in the usual envelope he gave Nabiki. ********************************* That same morning, at the Furinkan school, class was about to begin. Ukyou was just about to sit down when Ryouga-chan walked in. Ryouga-chan looked around. She was dressed in her usual men's travelling clothes of yellow shirt and black pants tied at the shins. The teachers had long since given up on telling her to wear a dress, and these days they couldn't even be bothered enforcing her to wear any sort of uniform. The teachers figured she wasn't at school often enough to worry about it anyway. "What happened to you?" Ryouga-chan asked Ukyou, concern in her voice, as she walked up to her fiance. Ukyou had a bandage around her left forearm, another covering her right cheek, and she had a bandaged wound that Ryouga-chan couldn't see, along her right ribs. "I had a run in with Shampoo." Ukyou answered as they sat down next to each other at class. "What!? Why that... I'll kill her!" Ryouga-chan vowed. "Don't worry about it." Ukyou said easily. "Have you ever heard that expression 'you should see the other guy'?" "Uh... I guess." Ryouga-chan said. Ukyou smiled. "Well, you should see Shampoo. Today is a good day." "By the way, I just saw Nabiki. She said something about filling out an order for you. What was that all about?" Ryouga-chan asked. Ukyou's smile just grew wider. "Oh, just a bit of business." ********************************* Nabiki counted out the money Ukyou had given her. She'd known that those photos of that animal fight would pay off. When she had shown them to Ukyou, just to see her reaction, Ukyou had almost pounced at the chance to buy them. Not so that other people wouldn't see them, but so that she could have them to look at herself. Nabiki grinned to herself. Ukyou had even paid to have the photo of her in her pig form standing victorious over Shampoo-cat enlarged. Really enlarged. Even Kunou didn't get his photos as big as what Ukyou had ordered. And the best thing was that once she'd filled Ukyou's order, she could sell the negatives to a certain Amazon girl. Nabiki was sure that Shampoo would be more than glad to make sure these photos didn't get out too much. Even if she had been in her less recognisable cat form, Shampoo wouldn't want these photos getting out. Today was a good day, Nabiki decided, as she softly whistled to herself. ********************************* Cologne asked Shampoo when she saw her. Shampoo wasn't in the best of shape. Her head was bandaged, her right arm was in a splint, and she had several bandages applied in strategic places on her body. She was also still a bit out of it from the concussion she had sustained. In her opinion, the worst thing about the fight the night before was not that she lost, but that she didn't win. She should have won. She had been in a form that was faster and more agile than her opponent's, she was the best fighter of her village, and yet she had lost. Why? (In the end, Shampoo had lost the fight because of three reasons - 1: Because Ukyou had more experience with her cursed form, since she had had it for longer, and therefore she knew what she could do in it better. 2: Ukyou had, thanks to her mini-combat spatula, been using a fighting style closer to the one she used as a human, unlike Shampoo, who had tried to use a cat's natural techniques, an unwise manoeuvre when you were still new to the form. And 3: That was the way the cookie happened to crumble. The vagaries of chance were something that could never be predicted.) Shampoo answered Cologne, before she weaved her way back to her room. Cologne shook her head. If Shampoo was so out of it that she'd talk to her like that, then perhaps it was best she didn't pry. After all, what you didn't know couldn't hurt you (tell that to anyone who didn't know that standing near hard radiation was dangerous). ********************************* Ryouga and Ukyou were in her bedroom. Sadly for most readers(and the writer, can't I have fun too?), they were fully clothed and nowhere near the bed. "Uh... don't you think this is a bit of a strange thing to hang in here?" Ryouga asked as he helped Ukyou hang up a large poster on the wall opposite her bed. Ukyou made sure the poster was set straight on the wall before she backed up. Ryouga backed up too, and they both looked at it for a while. The poster was one of Nabiki's enlarged photos, the one depicting Ukyou-P's mighty victory over Shampoo-C. "I don't know." Ukyou finally said to Ryouga. "It looks perfect to me." Ryouga looked at it for a bit longer, before he said "Well, I don't know much about art... but I think I like it." Ukyou grinned. "So do I." she said. "So do I." ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ Ranma 1/2: Love is never easy. (Part 2 of 2) by Mark Doherty(mdoherty@mailbox.uq.edu.au) Disclaimers were in the first part, but we should all know by now that Ranma 1/2 is Takahashi Rumiko's to do with as she wills. ********************************* Ukyou faced a dilemma. The annual 'Miss Martial Arts Takeout' race was going to be held next Sunday. The organisers had contacted her and told her that if she wanted someone to enter the race, she had to nominate soon. The problem was, the only two choices to compete for the race were herself and Ryouga in his female form. Akane, the only other person Ukyou would have considered asking, had already been roped into competing for another store. Ranma was apparently competing too. If life was simple, Ukyou would just enter herself in the race. The prizes for the winning racer and shop sponsor were very enticing after all... But there was no guarantee of winning, and Ukyou knew that she'd do some of her best business by setting up her shop at the starting point for the race, much as the other stores would do. She couldn't afford to lose the business she would get just to enter the race. And Ryouga still couldn't cook well enough to man the okonomiyaki stall. Then, there was the major reason. School. And the fact that she still disguised herself as a boy. Unless she really disguised herself for the race, the students from Furinkan might recognise her. Unlike the skating match where she had not been in her boy disguise, people would be up close and personal, and there would be more of a chance of people seeing through a disguise. No, she couldn't risk competing, for both herself and Ryouga. That left Ryouga. A fine martial artist, there was no doubt of that. Ukyou took great pride in being engaged to someone who was not only a decent, honourable and nice guy (Ukyou was the most rational person around, except when it came to love or okonomiyaki) but Ryouga was also one of the best martial artists around. Problem was, the guy couldn't navigate his way around her shop, let alone find his way to whatever place the finish line was at! If she could figure out a way to keep Ryouga going in the right direction, Ukyou would gladly enter him (or, to be exact, his female side) in the race. After spending some time thinking on it, it was with a heavy heart and a soon to be lighter wallet that she called Nabiki on the telephone, and told her about her problem. An hour later, Nabiki sauntered into Ucchans, with Mousse behind her. "You took some time getting here." Ukyou noted. "Was there a problem?" Nabiki shook her head as she and Mousse sat down at the counter. "No, I just had to find and read the rules on the race first." She smirked, and held up a small card, which had 'MMAT Rules' written on it. "Didn't take long to memorise." she added. "So? What did you get?" Ukyou asked. Nabiki turned to Mousse, ignoring Ukyou's question. "Are you hungry Mousse? I am. What say we eat something. I'm sure Ukyou would love to shout us some food." "I wouldn't want to impose." Mousse said hesitantly. Ukyou sighed and said "No, no. No bother. What would you two like?" After giving their orders, Nabiki became miraculously talkative again. "This competition is just ripe for exploitation." she said as she waited for her meal. "How do you mean?" Ukyou asked absently as she flipped an okonomiyaki. "Well, there are only three rules." Nabiki answered. "Firstly, all contestants have to be female. Secondly, the first girl to reach the finishing house and get the person there to eat their food is the winner." "And the third rule?" Ukyou asked as she served Nabiki and Mousse their okonomiyaki. "Why..." Nabiki grinned, "... the third rule is there are no other rules. That is what makes this so easy. You can enter Ryouga, or should I say 'Ryoko'. He'll blast the others out of the water." "We're talking about a man who got lost in a map factory." Ukyou said tiredly. "How can he win a race when he can't find the start line, let alone the finishing one?" "That's where my erstwhile companion here comes in." Nabiki answered, pointing to Mousse. "What?" Ukyou managed. "No rules Ukyou." Nabiki said, drawing out the three words. "That means that there isn't, oh say for example, a rule against Ryouga having a duck show him the way." "Uh huh." Ukyou said in a neutral tone. "So what you're saying is that he won't get lost if he's led by someone who talks to potplants? Nabiki, that's having the blind lead the lost." "Actually, I can see remarkably well when in my duck form." Mousse replied. "I used to guide Ryouga when we were travelling together in China." Nabiki nodded. "That's what makes this so perfect. They've worked together before like this. They can do it again. And there isn't a rule in the book that says they can't." Ukyou's face slowly split into a grin as she thought about it. "With Ryouga competing, and actually going the right way, we could actually win! Think what that would do for this store! I LIKE IT!" Nabiki smiled. "Good. Then you won't mind paying for it, will you." Ukyou deflated from her happy mood. "I guess not." she said dismally. She turned to Mousse, and asked "What do you get out of this anyway?" Mousse looked embarrassed. "*ahem* That's between Nabiki and me." Ukyou shrugged. If he wasn't going to tell her, then he wasn't going to tell her. "So what did Ryouga think of all this?" Mousse asked. "We'll want to practice before the race, just to make sure we've still got that duck-girl connection." "Um..." Ukyou began, fidgeting. "I... haven't told him about the race yet." "I'd be willing to get him to do it..." Nabiki began. "For a price?" Ukyou finished. Nabiki nodded. "I'll get back to you on that. I'll see if I can convince him first." "Well okay. But don't expect the same low price when you come back." Nabiki said easily. [I'd never expect a low price from you.] Ukyou thought as she smiled at Nabiki. ********************************* When Ukyou asked Ryouga to compete in the contest, she found it easier than she thought. A little bit of pleading, a sad expression on her face, and mentioning just how badly she wanted him to compete, and he would have agreed to bring her a rock from the moon. (And if anyone could have done that, Ryouga could have.) The day for the contest rolled around. At the starting area, people mingled with the contestants as they waited for the race to start. The food booths were doing a roaring business, and Ukyou was loving the money she was raking in at her booth. Nabiki walked over to Akane who was, like the other contestants, dressed in the uniform of the shop she was competing for. The uniform looked surprisingly good on her. "Hey Akane, looking good there." Nabiki said easily as she looked at her sister. "You think so?" Akane asked. Nabiki nodded. "Anyway, I've come to wish you luck." Akane raised her eyebrows. This didn't seem like normal Nabiki behaviour. Nabiki looked around, and drew Akane close. "Try your best to win this sis." she whispered. "I'm not sure we can afford the three vacuums that Daddy calls our guests. At least Ryouga isn't around as much as Ranma and Genma, but they're all literally eating us out of house and home. We _need_ that free years supply of ramen prize that the winner gets." Akane sighed. Her mistake, Nabiki wishing her luck was in character after all. Still, Nabiki's reasons were sort of motivational. Sort of. And any motivation helps when you're someone like Akane, since she was the sort of person who didn't bow under pressure. Luckily, Nabiki wasn't stupid enough to tell Akane that she had given practically the same speech to both Ryouga and Ranma as well. Nearby, Ryouga-chan looked at her okonomiyaki outfit dubiously. She was just glad that it was a pretty androgynous uniform, and that it wasn't something involving pink or a skirt, like some of the other uniforms she had seen on the other girls walking around. She was standing next to the booth Ukyou was using to sell food. Mousse-Duck was perched on Ryouga-chan's shoulder. "Thanks for doing this Ryouga." Ukyou said when there was a lull in business. "I really appreciate you helping with this. If you win, the publicity and the prizes they give to the winning store will really help out." "I'll try my best." Ryouga-chan said. Mousse-D quacked his agreement. "But why wear this stuff?" she asked, fingering the yellow shirt of her okonomiyaki outfit. Ukyou shrugged. "Helps advertise the stores, and it allows the viewers to tell the contestants apart. I think you look very cute." Ryouga-chan blushed and cleared her throat. Mousse quacked something that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle. "Could I have a shrimp okonomiyaki?" a customer asked as he stood at the front of the stall. "Certainly. Coming right up." Ukyou said, turning from Ryouga-chan to cook the okonomiyaki. "Umm... why is there a duck on your shoulder?" the customer asked Ryouga-chan hesitantly as he looked between the chef and takeout girl. "There is?" Ryouga-chan asked, showing no outward signs that she was joking. Maybe she wasn't, she could be absent minded at times. "He's our good luck mascot." Ukyou responded. That certainly hadn't been the first time they'd been asked _that_ question today. "Oh." the customer said, shrugging. After all, this was Nerima, he couldn't be too shockable if he lived here. In the distance, they heard Shampoo cry out "Nihao Ranma! You come to see Shampoo win?" Ryouga-chan sighed. "Shampoo. Great. And Ranma. This race is going to be interesting." "Quack." Mousse-D said encouragingly. "Don't forget Akane." Ukyou replied. "She's no pushover these days either." "One day I'm going to work out how you talked me into this." Ryouga-chan warned Ukyou. Ukyou grinned. "Win it for me." "I... I guess." Ryouga-chan replied, blushing slightly. Mousse quacked an 'it's in the bag' quack, before Ryouga-chan walked off to find the start line. Mousse-D quacked, and pointed a wing in the right direction after he saw Ryouga-chan was heading off towards the business district. Ukyou sighed and shook her head as she served the customer. Maybe she should have thrown this stall to the wind and competed herself. But that would have meant risking her boy disguise, which wouldn't be wise considering the complicated mess she and Ryouga had gotten into at school. She'd just have to hope Ryouga could manage it. ********************************* After Ranma-chan managed to de-glomp Shampoo, she wandered off to find Akane. She found her at the starting line, getting ready to race. "Uh..." Ranma-chan began, using a better opening line than she usually did with Akane. At least she wasn't insulting her yet. "Yes, what is it Ranma?" Akane asked. "I guess I should wish you good luck or something..." she managed. "Thanks. I think." Akane said hesitantly. Before they could kiss each other passionately (several years before they could, the way those two acted), Shampoo walked up. "Violent girl come to see Shampoo win?" she asked Akane sweetly. Akane snorted. "You have a short memory there Shampoo. I beat you in the last competition we had." Shampoo's face darkened slightly. "That no happen again. Shampoo swear it." With a ruffle of feathers and an "Is this the starting line?", Ryouga-chan and Mousse-D arrived. "Quack." Mousse-D quacked, giving his greeting to the assembled people. Or perhaps he was giving a treatise on the path of a sub-atomic particle in a neutrino wave. I don't know, I don't speak mallard all that well. And I don't know much about physics either, as scientific types who read this paragraph have probably realised. "Lost girl seem to be pet lover." Shampoo noted as she looked at Mousse-D. She shook her head. She couldn't shake the feeling she knew that duck. "Shampoo have score to settle with pig of yours." Ryouga-chan narrowed her eyes. "You started it when you cooked her, you Chinese bimbo. For the moment, you're even, and Ukyou likes it that way. But if you go after her, I'll kill you." "All contestants please report to the starting line." a voice blared over the megaphone. "Oh well. I suppose it's time to race. Good luck, I guess." Ranma-chan said, waving vaguely at both Akane and Ryouga-chan. [This competition is such a joke.] she thought to herself. "Aiya! Husband wish Shampoo good luck!" Shampoo said to herself dreamily. "So what have you got to deliver?" Akane asked Ryouga-chan, as she tried to ignore Shampoo. "Okonomiyaki." Ryouga-chan answered, shocking no-one. "What about you Akane?" "Just some eel." Akane admitted. "I'm only doing this because Dad sold me into racing for a meal for the family on one of those nights you weren't there." "He's as bad as Genma at times." Ryouga-chan noted. "Hey! Take that back. My father is not as bad as Mr Saotome." Akane said, looking at Ryouga-chan with threats in her eyes. "Well, you've got me there." Ryouga-chan admitted. "Mr Tendo isn't anywhere near as bad as Mr Saotome." "Hmph. That's better." Akane said, calming down. Meanwhile, Cologne had motioned Shampoo over to the sidelines so that she could speak to her. "Shampoo, you must use this opportunity to regain your honour." Cologne said. "You have to beat Akane. And show son-in-law that this isn't as easy as he thinks." "I show pervert girl she just lucky last time." Shampoo vowed. "Just remember..." Cologne said, "...they can't win if they lose their food." Shampoo smiled, as she realised what Cologne meant. ********************************* The megaphone crackled to life again, as the announcer said "Today's destination has been chosen at random..." Nearby, Nabiki smirked. She'd bet Kunou that by the end of today she could get his 'loves' to turn up to his house. Since she had some dirt... ah... some _information_ on one of the organisers, she'd managed to get the delivery site changed to Kunou's house. Nabiki didn't follow the 'win or lose' maxim. She followed the 'win even when you lose' idea, and to do that you had to cover every angle possible. No matter who won this, at least she'd get something out of it. "So if all you lovely ladies are ready..." the announcer said, "...then it's time to get set and... GGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" With the announcer's cry, Ranma-chan and Shampoo leapt out in front of the competitors. "Maybe Akane not as good as she think." Shampoo said as she saw that she and Ranma-chan were easily leading the pack. "Don't be too sure of that!" Akane shouted as she zoomed by on a skateboard. As Shampoo snarled and started to run faster, Ranma-chan grinned. "Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought it would be. Still, wouldn't want to lose." she said, before she increased her pace. Meanwhile... "Quack quack quack!" Mousse-Duck said. Or, to put it another way, *Where the &$#@ are we, and how did we get there so quickly?* Ryouga-chan looked around at her surroundings, careful not to dislodge the duck on her shoulder. She stared as what appeared to be two giant rats bounded past, both heading off into the sparse scrub of a sunbaked desert. In the background, a feral wombat downed a large water buffalo(as they are wont to do). "Okay." Ryouga-chan said. "So we might not be on the main path. Doesn't matter. We can still win this. I think. Right?" *Oh yeah. Right.* Mousse-D quacked derisively as he stared nervously at the several nearby dingoes that were eyeing him hungrily. Even by Ryouga's standards, getting lost to another country in a few seconds was impressive. It must have been the pressure. Still, it seemed that Team Ucchans was out of the race. ********************************* And back at the race... Ranma-chan dodged desperately as Shampoo tried to destroy the food in Ranma's takeaway box with a finger jabbing attack technique Cologne had once taught her. All it would take was one hit to her takeaway box, and Ranma-chan would be out of the race. She grinned as she kept dodging. This was certainly better than staying at the dojo, doing nothing. Nearby, Akane drew her mallet just in case Shampoo got any funny ideas. After all, it was better to be prepared. As Ranma-chan dodged, and Akane just stayed out of Shampoo's way, Shampoo incidently took out the takeaway boxes of the other contestants, until the only ones still in the race were the three girls. Oh, and Ryouga-chan. But the chances of her finding her way back in time seemed slightly slim, to say the least. ********************************* Ryouga-chan ran as hard as she could, not bothering to look where she was going. Sometimes, when she got super lost super fast, she found that the best way to get back to where she had been was to just go as fast as she could in a random direction. She blinked as she saw a large mansion rise in front of her. Mousse-Duck started quacking excitedly as he saw the building. "You mean..." Ryouga-chan gasped as she stopped running. "That's it? That's where I have to go?" Mousse-D nodded. Actually, he didn't have a clue. After all, even though his eyesight wasn't too bad when he was a duck(and when he was wearing his glasses, a truly strange sight on a duck), he still didn't have the best eyesight out there. Still, the building looked to be the one they were supposed to go to. Ryouga-chan grinned. "Yes! Ha Haaaa!" She almost danced up to the entrance to the mansion. Seeing that it was open, she walked inside, still grinning. Her grin slipped when she saw who lived here. Kunou turned to look at her. "Ryoko!" Kunou shouted joyfully when he saw Ryouga-chan. "You came! That means that you shall be the one I love!" "What?" Ryouga-chan asked in a dangerously quiet voice. "Yes!" Kunou went on, oblivious to Ryouga-chan's unenthusiastic response. "Though it pains me to leave Akane and the pig-tailed goddess unprotected, I know that I must choose. And you have shown your worthiness by arriving here first." Kunou, overcome by his happy emotions, hugged Ryouga-chan. Five seconds later, a girl and a duck looked down at the mangled remains of a kendoist. The duck looked up from his shoulder perch, before he flapped off into the mansion. A couple of minutes later, Mousse walked back in, in his human form. His hair was still wet, and he had managed to find one of his robes somewhere. "Isn't he the guy we have to deliver the food to?" Mousse asked. "Yes." Ryouga-chan answered absently. "What's your point?" "That an unconscious man can't eat!" Mousse retorted. "Did you have to knock him out so hard?" "Old habits are hard to break." Ryouga-chan answered, looking slightly embarrassed. Then she noticed that Mousse was wearing his normal clothes. "Wait a second." she said. "How did you manage to get a spare robe here?" Mousse shrugged. "I keep a spare set on me. In my hair, if you must know." Ryouga-chan heroically fought the urge to ask how Mousse managed to hide an entire set of clothes when he was a duck, since ducks didn't have hair. Finally, Ryouga-chan managed to win over her desire to ask. Kunou stood with a groan. "I see Kuonji's evil hold still remains over you." Kunou said. "Fear not, brave Ryoko, for I shall break his spell one day, so that you may be free." "Uh huh." Ryouga-chan said absently. She held up her delivery box, and said "Got a delivery for you." "You brought food for me?" Kunou asked, his face splitting into a grin. "Truly, a grand day. If only my other loves were here as well, to make this day perfect." There was a combined boom, slam, and crash as Shampoo exploded through one of the walls, Akane rushed in through the door, and Ranma-chan fell through the roof. Why they chose those particular entrances, especially Ranma-chan, would have to remain a mystery. Kunou looked around at the girls, before he raised his face to the heavens, and gave silent thanks to whatever god had heeded his prayer. ********************************* "How did you get here first?" Ranma-chan asked Ryouga-chan as she stood. "I guess I was just too fast for you." Ryouga-chan replied, grinning. A crowd of people gathered at the open door, looking in. Amongst the crowd was Ukyou, Cologne, Spice and Genma-Panda. {My son is sure to win.} Genma-Panda signed to Ukyou. "Get real. Ryouga's sure to win." Ukyou replied. "He already got past the hard bit, getting here." "I think you're discounting my great granddaughter." Cologne noted from nearby. "That would be a mistake." "Akane has trained hard." Spice said from where she stood next to Cologne. "She has previously beaten two out of the three contestants left. Victory is within her grasp. I am confident of my pupil." Akane shook her head as she saw Ranma-chan and Ryouga-chan get into an argument. Then she saw Shampoo sneaking towards Kunou, and so she raced over to confront the Amazon. "Where do you think you're going?" Akane asked. "Get out of Shampoo's way." Shampoo said. "Shampoo win this." "Oh no." Akane said. "Kunou's eating _my_ food, you got that?" "Girls, girls." Kunou said placatingly. "There is no need to fight. If you all love me, then I am sure we can all live together here." The girls forgot their rivalry for a second to look at the kendoist. Then Shampoo turned to look at Akane. "He for real?" she asked. "I've been asking myself that for a while." Akane admitted. "I think he is." "Oh well." Shampoo said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Still need him to eat food to win." With that, she vaulted over Akane, holding her ramen ready to feed to Kunou. Then Ranma-chan rocketed out from nowhere, knocking Kunou out of Shampoo's path. "Why husband interfere?" Shampoo asked angrily after she landed where Kunou had been standing. "Hey, I don't want to lose this." Ranma-chan said, preparing her own ramen to give to Kunou. Nearby, Mousse looked at the various blurs. He started searching around in his robes, saying "Now where did I put my glasses?" Ryouga-chan was looking at the fight in confusion. Then she looked down at her okonomiyaki box, and said "Oh! That's right. I'm supposed to make him eat this. Almost forgot." She looked back to the fight, trying to spot an opportunity to 'attack'. Akane pulled Ranma-chan back from Kunou, and offered him some of her own eel. "Here Kunou, try this." she offered. "For you, anything." Kunou said, moving his mouth towards the food. But then Shampoo jump kicked Akane's eel box out of her hands. As Akane raced off to try and save her food, Shampoo turned to face Kunou. Who wasn't there anymore. He rushed past Shampoo, intent on the sight of Akane kneeling on the floor where her food had fallen to. "Akane!" Kunou cried as he rushed over to the Tendo girl. "Let me take your mind off your spilt food!" "Forget that!" Ranma-chan said, chasing after Kunou. "Eat this first!" she cried, waving her bowl of ramen. Shampoo narrowed her eyes, before she grinned. As Ranma-chan rushed past, she threw one of her chopsticks in front of Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan's instincts took over when she saw something fly in front of her eyes, and she dodged to the side, knocking hard into Mousse. As the two martial artists tangled up, Ranma-chan dropped her ramen bowl. "I've had enough of this!" Mousse snarled as he and Ranma-chan disentangled and stood. He pulled out a pair of glasses from his sleeves, and put them on to ascertain his 'attacker'. "First that thing with the nanniichuan, and now this. Ranma, you're going to have to pay!" "It was an accident!" Ranma-chan protested. Mousse threw his sleeves forward, unleashing his weapons at Ranma-chan. She dodged the chained explosion as best she could, quickly retreating outside so that she'd have enough room to take Mousse out. Mousse followed her out, still throwing weapons at the redhead. Kunou looked around. He had been busy 'tending' to Akane, so he had missed Mousse's attack on one of his loves. "Whither the pig-tailed girl?" he asked. "Tell you if you eat food." Shampoo offered, holding up her bowl of ramen. It was what Ryouga-chan had been waiting for. An easy target. She took one of her bandannas, and threw it with unerring aim. The cloth missile smashed through the bowl, taking out the food. Ryouga-chan's face split into a grin when she saw the shocked expression on Shampoo's face. Shampoo turned slowly to face the half-girl. She started to tremble in rage, as she growled "You... you... you..." "You!" Akane shouted, standing up from where she had been looking at her own ruined food. She pointed at Shampoo. "This is all your fault!" She looked at a hose for a second, and considered using it to take revenge on Shampoo. But then, why waste her training? She pulled out a mallet. And then she charged Shampoo. Shampoo, like Ranma-chan before her, decided that she needed to get outside where she could fight properly. And so Shampoo backed out, dodging Akane's blows. Akane followed her out, leaving only Kunou and Ryouga-chan. Although there was still a crowd of people looking through the door, waiting to see who would win the contest. Kunou shook his head. "Truly, they fight long and hard over me. It is a curse, to be so wanted." He looked to Ryouga-chan, and said "Well then, my tigress, what reward can I give you for proving your devotion to me, by besting your rivals?" Ryouga-chan did something that took a mighty effort for her. She controlled her temper. With an inward shudder at Kunou's attitude towards her, she said "Eat this, ok?" "Very well, I shall eat for you." Kunou said magnanimously, taking the okonomiyaki Ryouga-chan was offering him. "And the winner is Hibiki Ryoko." the announcer said as Kunou ate the okonomiyaki. He walked over to Ryouga-chan, and stuck a microphone up to the girl's face. "To what do you attribute your win?" Ryouga-chan looked nervously at the camera that the cameraman following the announcer was carrying. "Uh... applied violence?" she said cautiously. "Well there you have it." the announcer said to the camera. "Amazingly, the same answer as what the winner of last years contest used. What a coincidence!" "We won?" Ukyou asked herself. "We won? YES!!! Yes yes yes yes!" She started to do a little dance. To a fledgling business like hers, this sort of free publicity, coupled with the prizes that were to be given to the store would help out a lot. Much later, after an inconclusive fight with Akane, Shampoo headed off home, hoping to avoid Cologne. "Oh well. At least Akane not win." she said to herself philosophically. At the same time, Ukyou was congratulating a grinning Ryouga-chan and a very bruised Mousse. "So you had no trouble finding the place?" Ukyou asked the two in amazement. Mousse and Ryouga-chan looked at each other for a second, before turning back to Ukyou. "Not really." Ryouga-chan said. "Why?" ********************************* At the Tendo dining table, the Tendos, Ranma and Genma were seated, eating a dinner that had a large amount of ramen in the menu. The man who had won the prize, Ryouga, wasn't there. I'd tell you he was lost somewhere, but telling you such an obvious thing would just be insulting your intelligence. (Ukyou and Mousse, the other parts of 'Team Ucchan', were at Ucchans. Ukyou was enjoying the increase in business that Ryouga's win had given her store, and Mousse was there to get some free okonomiyaki as Ukyou's way of thanks for helping out. And he was there to help out by serving the customers, although Ukyou hadn't told him about that part yet.) Everyone seemed to be enjoying their dinner, except for Ranma, who appeared to be a little lost in thought. "I can't believe I lost to Ryouga." he said to himself. "To think that a son of mine would lose a martial arts contest." Genma sighed in between mouthfuls of food. "What a disgrace. Tomorrow we start training you from the start, Ranma." Having said his piece, Genma turned his full attention to eating. "I can't believe I lost to Ryouga." Ranma muttered to himself. "And I can't believe you're getting so worked up over this." Akane said to him. "You didn't even want to race, remember? It took your dad forcing you into it to make you do it, same as me." "That's not the point." Ranma retorted. "The point is, I lost to _Ryouga_." Akane sighed, and rolled her eyes. "I give up." "Maybe I can challenge him to a rematch." Ranma said thoughtfully. "Except this time I don't have to wear that stupid uniform." Akane shook her head as Ranma ranted. The rest of the family, all too used to this sort of thing, just went on with their dinner. ********************************* Cologne narrowed her eyes as she spied on Ryouga-chan and Ukyou, who were talking underneath a tree in the schoolyard of Furinkan. Her protege, Shampoo, had lost the takeout race to this half-girl. Her student had lost to the pig girl as well, although Shampoo still did not know that Ukyou was the pig that had beaten her. This couple had humiliated her Shampoo, and they had to pay in some way. They had to pay, for Amazon pride had been slighted. But it had to be in a way that couldn't be linked back to her. Both were good friends of Ranma, and things would be easier to manipulate if she wasn't on his bad side. If she thought she could entrust this Amazon revenge to Shampoo then she would have. But her great granddaughter had proven most unreliable recently, and Shampoo had already lost to both of these people before. Cologne needed to find a pawn to use. "Hohohohohohohohohoho! Get away from my Ukyou-sama, you harridan!" a shrill voice cried out. Cologne smiled as she saw a leotarded Kodachi attack Ryouga-chan with quite a bit of skill. "You'll do quite nicely." she decided. ********************************* Kodachi slammed her fist into an unoffending wall in frustration. Yet again Ukyou and that Ryoko girl had double teamed on her, throwing her out of the schoolgrounds. "It's all that slut Ryoko's fault." she hissed to herself as she prepared herself to get back to her school. "You're right." Cologne said from behind Kodachi. "So why don't you do something about it?" Kodachi turned around. Then she looked down. "Oh! A little troll is offering me advice." "I am not a troll!" Cologne shouted. "But you've got the advice part right. Have you ever considered making sure of Ukyou's attentions?" Kodachi narrowed her eyes. "Tell me more, good troll." Cologne grit her teeth. Good help was so hard to find, so for the moment she could put up with this mad girl's insolence. "What about this..." she began. ********************************* Kodachi leapt from roof to roof as she followed an oblivious Ryouga-chan. Finally, after Kodachi had spent two days in patient waiting(very patient by Kodachi's standards), Ryouga-chan accidentally separated from all her friends who acted as her guides. "What is it with this girl?" Kodachi wondered as she skidded to a halt, having seen Ryouga-chan make another sudden and inexplicable turn. "Just where is she going?!" Kodachi shook her head. It didn't matter. There was no-one else on the street below besides her prey. It was time to spring the trap. ********************************* Ryouga-chan bit back a snarl of frustration. She didn't know where she was. Again. This, it was safe to say, sucked. At least it couldn't get much worse. "Hello there Ryoko." Kodachi said silkily from behind her. Ryouga-chan turned. "Kodachi." she said flatly. Time after time the gymnast had attacked Ryouga's female form. Time and time again Ryouga-chan or Ukyou or both had fought her off. Ryouga-chan was definitely not in the mood for this. Still... maybe Kodachi could be of some use. "I don't suppose you know where we are?" Ryouga-chan asked, hoping against hope that Kodachi would be civil for once. "Why yes." Kodachi purred. "I do know." She pulled several globes out of her leotard and threw them at Ryouga-chan's feet. "What...?" Ryouga-chan managed before the globes erupted in a whitish cloud of gas. As soon as she smelt the gas she started to feel weak. "Welcome to hell, little demon girl." Kodachi said softly from where she was standing at a safe distance from the knockout gas. As Ryouga-chan slid to the ground, Kodachi started to giggle. "I love it when a plan comes together." she said as she waited for the gas to clear. "I might even have to thank that herbalist for the ingredients to this. They've proven to be most... effective." ********************************* Ukyou sighed as she cleaned the grill after another long day of work. Yet again her fiance had gone and gotten himself lost. It was turning into a bad joke amongst the guys she hung out with at school. A very dirty, very bad joke. She raised her head when she heard a knock at the front door. "Don't they know I'm closed?" she muttered to herself as she walked out from behind the counter and went to the door. She opened the front door and saw that no-one was there. She was about to close the door when she looked down. On the ground, easily visible in the darkness of night because of the light from the store, was a black rose which lay atop a thick white envelope. Ukyou sighed before she idly kicked the rose as far away as she could. Then she gingerly picked up the envelope, hoping that Kodachi hadn't applied any contact poison to it. "What does it take to make you give up?" she wondered as she opened the envelope and shook the contents out onto the ground. Her eyes widened as she saw a yellow and black piece of cloth flutter to the ground, followed by a piece of paper. After another moment a photo fell out of the envelope and landed face down, so that Ukyou couldn't see what was on it. Ukyou picked up the piece of cloth. It was one of Ryouga's bandannas. "No." she said. "She couldn't have. Ryouga's way too strong for her." She picked up the letter and read it. It read: 'My Dear Ukyou-sama. Hello! I invite you to my residence so that we may go out on a date. Perhaps a movie and dinner? I know you want to come. If not, I'll just have to amuse myself in other ways. Love Kodachi. PS Ryoko says hi. She's such a nice girl. What a pity it would be if anything happened to her.' Ukyou crumpled the letter into a tight ball. "She doesn't seriously think I'm going to fall for this one does she?" she growled to herself. "Ryouga tosses those bandannas all over the place when he fights. They're as easy to come across as Sailor Moon merchandise. Ryouga could beat her with one hand tied behind his back." Having reassured herself, she started to walk back into her store before she saw the photo. "Almost forgot about that." she said to herself. "Let's see what sick little photo of herself she's sent me this time." Kodachi had sent packages like this one before(that was why Ukyou was so careful in opening the envelope). And in the previous letters, Kodachi usually sent some sort of photo of herself in some sort of sexy pose that would have put Ryouga in the hospital for a blood transfusion from nosebleeding if he'd seen them. Ukyou found them funny, in a sad sort of way. Idly she flipped over the photo. Then she stared at it for a few seconds. Grimly she entered her store. Seconds later she walked out again, her combat spatula strapped to her back, her bandolier fully stocked with throwing spatulas. Slowly she shut the door to her store and locked it. She started to walk off before she seemed to remember something. She walked back to where the photo was and looked at it again for a second. Then she ground her heel into the photo, which was of Ryouga-chan chained up in some room with Kodachi standing nearby grinning. Without a word, her face taut, she walked off in the direction of the Kunou household. ********************************* Ryouga-chan slowly opened her eyes. She found herself staring straight into the eyes of Kodachi, and so she closed them again. "Awake already?" Kodachi asked. She was standing about five feet away from Ryouga-chan, who was chained by the feet to the floor and by the arms to the ceiling of a bare room. Ryouga-chan opened her eyes again before she looked at the chains holding her. She pulled on them, and found that they had no give. Not even she was strong enough to break these things. It was time to use one of the Saotome school's tricks that Genma had taught him on their travels. "Can't we talk about this?" Ryouga-chan asked, using the Saotome Buying Time To Try And Think Of A Way To Escape Technique. "Talk? Talk!?" Kodachi shrieked. "Yes, let's talk. Let's talk about how you've been keeping me from my Ukyou-sama, you scheming little harridan. Let's talk about how you've entrapped him, how you've coerced him into your steamy little fake engagement." "Our engagement is not fake!" Ryouga-chan protested. "Hasn't been for a while." she mumbled to herself. "Of course it's fake!" Kodachi shouted. "It's there for everyone to see! My Ukyou-sama would never let himself fall in love with a harlot like you. You have some sort of hold over him. You've blackmailed him into pretending to be your fiance. And tonight I will find out what that hold is." "It's called love!" Ryouga-chan snarled. "Something you've never felt I bet. Oh, you might claim to love your 'Ukyou-sama', but you know nothing about he... about him. I was his friend before I was his fiance. We built our love on that friendship! Can you say the same? Are you really his friend?" "Shut up! SHUT UP!!!" Kodachi screamed. She pulled some gas globes out of her leotard and threw them at Ryouga-chan. For some reason the globes exploded several inches from Ryouga-chan, almost as if they had hit some sort of barrier. Still, they did their job and knocked Ryouga-chan out again. "Just shut up." Kodachi whispered to herself. ********************************* Kunou was going through a practice session with his boken when he heard a crashing sound from within his mansion. With a raised eyebrow, he walked inside to try and find out what was going on. Soon enough, he found the cause of all the noise. "Kuonji." Kunou said as he stared at a very angry okonomiyaki chef. "How dare you invade my sanctorum?" Ukyou ignored him. Instead she was looking around, looking into rooms. "Don't ignore me in my own house!" Kunou snarled, flourishing his boken. Again, Ukyou ignored him. Kunou, angered by the chef's insolence, charged at her. Sadly, Kunou had not learnt one of the important rules of the universe. Don't take on an angry iinazuke. Kunou's and Ukyou's martial skills were almost equal in a normal circumstance, but right now nothing on this or any other Earth was going to stop her. With an almost casual flick of her wrists, Ukyou spatulaed the charging kendoist into the wall, where he stuck, leaving a heavy imprint. "Perhaps I'll just rest here a while." Kunou decided as he slid down the wall, letting unconsciousness overtake him. Ukyou walked further into the mansion, searching for Ryouga. Occasionally she would almost absently avoid one trap or another that the Kunou family's incompetent set of ninjas had set up. She... was not happy. ********************************* Kodachi leant against a wall in the room where Ryouga-chan was trapped. She looked bored. Next to her, in a wall panel, there were a set of buttons, each with a label underneath them. One said 'Trap Release'. Another said 'Reset Trap'. Far more ominously, one said 'Puree'. She looked up when the door to the room exploded inwards. In the frame where the door had been stood Ukyou, an ugly ki aura surrounding her. In her white- knuckled hands she held her combat spatula. "Release my fiance." Ukyou growled. "I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement." Kodachi said, a small smile playing across her lips. "Forget it." Ukyou replied. "I'll deal with you after I release Ryoko." She transferred her combat spatula to her left hand, so that she could keep it between her body and Kodachi. Then she started to run over to where Ryouga-chan was chained. "Ukyou-sama! Stop!" Kodachi cried out desperately. Ukyou tried to stop running as she heard the note in Kodachi's voice. Even though she didn't trust Kodachi, something in her voice convinced her to do as she asked. As Ukyou skidded to a halt, she felt something cut through her shirt. Stunned, she backed up slightly. "Near invisible wires." Kodachi explained. "They'll cut through you like you weren't there. And they're all around dear Ryoko there. Plus, the release mechanism is over here by me. One false step, and I can have those wires contract. Things wouldn't be very pretty for poor Ryoko then, now would they? If you want me to deactivate my little web, all you have to do is agree to go out on a date with me. On your honour." Ukyou stared down at her shirt in shock. It was a complete loss, and would take some severe repairing to be wearable again. The thick binding she used to hide her gender had a thin vertical slice, evidence that she had been lucky to just lose an item of clothing. If she'd tried stopping a couple of inches closer, things would have been messy. She whirled and faced Kodachi. "Leave us alone!" she snarled as she faced the gymnast. "We're happy without you interfering!" Kodachi didn't reply. Perhaps it was because she was staring at Ukyou, her mouth wide open. To be more exact, Kodachi was staring at the damaged binding that held Ukyou's secret. Right now, it wasn't much of a secret... If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? What is the sound of one hand clapping? And, most importantly of all, how could you tell when the shit was about to hit the fan? By the COMPLETE SILENCE just before it splattered all over the rotors... Right now, not only could you have heard a pin drop, you could have told which company had made it and what metal it was made from just by the sound alone. It was _that_ quiet. Snap. Could you hear that? That was the sound of a mind breaking. Kodachi did something she had never done before. She fainted. "Well." Ukyou said as she stared at the fallen Kodachi. "She took that a bit better than I thought she would." ********************************* Ryouga-chan woke with a groan. Her eyes shot open as she remembered the danger she had been in before she had been taken out. "You're ok." Ukyou said with relief from where she was sitting nearby. They were back at Ucchan's, in Ukyou's room to be exact. Ukyou was sitting in a chair near her bed, in which Ryouga-chan was lying. She had changed shirts while Ryouga-chan had been out. "I guess we won." Ryouga-chan said as she rubbed her sore head. Ukyou thought about it. She remembered the look in Kodachi's eyes, just before the gymnast had keeled over. Ukyou had seen unbelievable horror screaming through those eyes. And despite all the trouble Kodachi had caused, Ukyou had found herself _pitying_ the girl. It was for this pity that Ukyou had put Kodachi to bed before she had deactivated the wire trap and carried Ryouga-chan out of the Kunou mansion. Thankfully Ryouga was lighter in his female form, making a strenuous task easier. "I think it was more that Kodachi lost." Ukyou said quietly. ********************************* Kodachi woke up with a start. After looking around and seeing that she was lying on her own bed, she thought about what she had seen that night. "She tricked me. _Me_." Kodachi said. "The master of such arts, tricked by another girl. She used me to keep her secret, just as she must have used that Ryoko girl." Kodachi thought about it for a while. Then she smiled. "Sneaky sneaky sneaky. She was _so_ sneaky." she said. And then she laughed. Not her usual I'm-laughing-on-the-outside-but-not-on-the-inside laugh, but a loud and true laugh, full of genuine mirth. "ME! She... she... tricked... me!" Kodachi laughed, as tears poured down her face. "She broke my heart, tossed me aside, and was no doubt laughing at me behind my back!" she managed in between her laughter. "Because of her, I made a fool of myself! Bwahahahahaha! And... and... now I'm all alone again! With no-one, no man to love! Oho, she _is_ GOOD!" Kodachi kept laughing for a long time, as mixed tears of pain, sorrow, and mirth ran down her cheeks. The mind is a delicate thing. Especially a mind like Kodachi's. But as any TV repairer knows, all you need to repair something is give it a good whack. It was also the way to damage that something in the first place. Kodachi's sanity, or lack thereof, had been given a good whack. Whether that would make her more, or less sane remained to be seen. She was like a living version of Russian Roulette. All that remained was to see if her chamber was loaded, or if she was one bullet short of a shootout... But for now, Kodachi laughed. And laughed. And laughed. ********************************* At Ucchans, in the small kitchen that served Ukyou's personal needs, Ukyou offered Ryouga-chan a steaming kettle. Ryouga-chan sighed as she splashed himself with hot water. After he reverted to his male form, he looked over at Ukyou, before he said "I... I..." he sighed, before he said "This is so embarrassing, having to be saved like this." "Well you're welcome." Ukyou said, a small amount of sarcasm creeping into her voice. "Wait! No, no! I'm sorry!" Ryouga said, picking up on Ukyou's mood. "Thank you Ukyou. Thanks for coming after me." Ukyou smiled. "Hey, you'd do the same." "But I don't have to." Ryouga replied, confused. "I don't have someone like Kodachi after me. Just Kunou." Ukyou sighed and shook her head. "Anyway, you'll have to stay here tonight. I'm too tired to take you back to the Tendos." "S...stay here?" Ryouga stammered. "All n...night? With y...you?" He went off into a trance as his mind conjured up some possible implications of this. "Yes, well I... Ryouga? Ryouga?" Ukyou asked as she waved a hand in front of Ryouga's face. She resisted the urge to sigh again as she said "I'll go get the spare futon so you can set up in the attic." ********************************* Kunou looked over the table at his sister. He noted that she hadn't changed out of the leotard that she had been wearing last night. She looked dishevelled, lost, and she didn't have that normal confident air she usually had. Currently, she was staring at the tablecloth, her hair covering her eyes. And then there was another thing. Kunou decided to broach a topic he had been pondering over ever since he had taken his first bite of breakfast that morning. "Sister." he began. When she didn't look up from where she was staring at the tablecloth, he continued. "I have noticed something out of sorts with you this morning. You are not your usual bright self. And... and this food you cooked this morning, it's..." Kunou took another taste of his food just to make sure of his suspicions. After he swallowed, he said "It's not poisoned! What has happened to you? Did that scoundrel Kuonji do something to you?" Kodachi looked up, and into Kunou's eyes. Kunou could not help but shudder at what he saw. There are some things about ourselves that we prefer not to acknowledge. One of those things is that no-one is completely, one hundred percent sane. And thank the gods for it. For anyone who was completely sane would soon go mad in a world such as this. All of our little quirks, our superstitions, our habits added up to make a little insanity in our lives. Just like without ego there would not be the great accomplishments of civilisation - such as just about any big building you care to name, without small doses of insanity the world would not be liveable. Of course, there was such a thing as too much madness. The Kunou family had long since shown that. What made Kunou shudder is what he saw in Kodachi's eyes. She was sane. Not just normal sane, but the sort of complete sanity that was, in itself, a kind of madness. And that sanity was there for anyone to see, creeping through her eyes. "I'll be fine, brother dear." she said, without tone or inflection. "I'll be fine after I talk to a girl I know. We need to... discuss our differences." Kunou nervously looked somewhere, anywhere besides her eyes. "That's... um... good to hear, dear sister. I would not like to think something was wrong with you." "Your concern touches my heart." Kodachi said, without any sarcasm. "Thank you." Kunou could take no more of this. "Anyway, I must aways to prepare to meet again with my enemies. Fair well, sister." He stood, and walked out of the dining room as quickly as he could while still retaining his dignity. Kodachi cocked her head to the side, and tried an experimental laugh. "Ho. Ho. Ho." she said, not laughed, her voice lifeless. She shook her head, and stood. "This just won't do. Ukyou-sam... Ukyou, it is time we talked." She walked out of the house, and down the street, dressed only in her leotard. People stared at her as she walked past. Not for what she was wearing, since she was well known around here, but because she was walking and not leaping amongst the rooftops, and because she wasn't attacking anyone with her ribbon. In fact, she didn't appear to have her ribbon on her... People started to edge away from her. This change in character was scaring them. And in this town, that wasn't easy to do. ********************************* Ukyou walked back to her restaurant, ready to prepare for another day of trading after a long day of school. Ryouga was off on another one of his 'journeys', which was certainly not an unique occurrence. She was about two streets away from her okonomiyaki-ya when she saw a leotarded figure up ahead, standing in the middle of the street, facing her. When Ukyou got closer, she bit back her sigh and decided to try to be civil. "Hello Kodachi." she said. "Ukyou." Kodachi replied. Alarm bells ran in Ukyou's mind when she realised that Kodachi hadn't used the usual honorific. "Congratulations. You beat me, far better than your 'girlfriend' ever did in gymnastics." Kodachi continued. "I did?" Ukyou asked. "I don't know whether to kill you or respect you, for getting away with it." Kodachi said. "Maybe I should do both." "Ahh..." Ukyou said nervously. She absolutely hated it when this happened, when someone found out about her disguise. After all, this wasn't the first time a girl who had fallen in love with her had found out about her disguise. That's why she hadn't told Kodachi in the first place, the gymnast hadn't looked to be the sort to take it well. "Why do you do it?" Kodachi asked. "Why dress up as a boy? Do you like girls or something?" "No! Of course I don't..." Ukyou began angrily. When she saw the look in Kodachi's eyes, she stopped. "Come on, I'll tell you about it over an okonomiyaki." Kodachi considered this. "All right. But this better be good." Kodachi agreeing so readily set new alarm bells ringing in Ukyou's head. And the look in Kodachi's eyes... no-one should look that sane. Especially not Kodachi. Still, Ukyou had made the invitation, and Kodachi had accepted. They began to walk to Ucchans. "Well, I think it's a good reason." Ukyou replied. ********************************* Kodachi just couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't her normal spine-shivering laugh, it was a worryingly normal laugh that wouldn't have been out of place coming from a normal person. Ukyou sat opposite Kodachi at one of the tables in her restaurant, fuming at Kodachi's response to the story of her life. "It's not funny!" Ukyou snarled. "Hahahahaha!" Kodachi wound down her laughter, and wiped some tears from her eyes. "Yes it is. You did that to yourself all over a childhood romance? Ha! I'm sorry, but that is the dumbest excuse I've ever heard." Ukyou gritted her teeth. "It. Is. Not." she growled. Kodachi shook her head. "What a waste of time, chasing after you. I could have been out finding a real man to love." Kodachi stood, and started to walk out. "So I guess you won't be around anymore?" Ukyou asked. Kodachi turned back to look at her. There was a flash of her old insanity in her eyes. "I never said that." she said. "I just don't feel like retribution right now. Ta ta!" Ukyou watched the gymnast leave. That parting line didn't sound too encouraging. Perhaps having someone in love with you was better than some of the alternatives. Still, having Kodachi after her had always given her the shivers. Having Kodachi out to kill her seemed a safer bet, somehow. ********************************* Kodachi walked along aimlessly after her talk with Ukyou. For the moment, she just couldn't summon the rage to deal with Ukyou. Maybe later. Right now, she really felt like she could murder... an ice cream. Which is why it was handy she was walking past an ice cream shop when she felt that urge. A few minutes after entering, she walked out of the store, an ice cream cone in her hand. She didn't even bother showering the place in black rose petals. Back at the store, the boy who had served her was shivering uncontrollably. The other workers looked at him in sympathy as he muttered "Sane. She's so... sane. Horrible. Horrible sanity." ********************************* A couple of days later, Akane stalked into Ucchans, muttering to herself. Ukyou and Ryouga, who had been talking at the counter, both blinked as Akane stomped over to them. "What's wrong Akane?" Ukyou asked. "Shampoo." Akane snarled. It was enough of an explanation for the other two. The rivalry between her and Shampoo had just got worse and worse ever since the duel. While Shampoo couldn't use the Kiss of Death, that didn't stop her from fighting Akane every time she could. And then there was Shampoo's rather forward courting of Ranma, not that Akane would ever admit to that, of course. At a nearby table, Nabiki was selling Potion a bag full of cookies Akane had made recently. Ranma had been lucky enough to escape before she had forced this particular batch down his throat. Both of them looked up as they heard Akane say Shampoo's name like a curse. Nabiki raised an eyebrow, while Potion tightened his lips(whether that was from Akane's mood or her cookie he had just sampled, I don't know). "She just doesn't know when to quit." Akane continued as she plopped down on a seat at the counter. "Always coming round, trying to fight me or hang over Ranma. Trying to feed him those weird drugs she uses." Potion took on a suspiciously innocent look. Nabiki looked at him with a knowing gaze. "I'm sick of her." Akane said. "I wish I could get rid of her somehow." "I can't blame you. We don't get on well with Shampoo either." Ryouga said. "Mmm hmm." Ukyou nodded. "Got off on the wrong foot with that one, that's for sure. She does seem to be a real headache." "I am just so sick of her." Akane said. "Well then." Nabiki said as she stepped up. "Maybe I could do something about it." Akane, Ukyou and Ryouga looked at each other before they looked at Nabiki. "Go on." Ukyou said slowly. ********************************* Potion, Mousse and Nabiki were in Potion's store. "You want to know if there's anything that can be done about Shampoo?" Mousse asked. Nabiki nodded. "You're of her tribe. You know the laws better than me." Potion said. "And you know Shampoo better than us as well. What can we do?" "The only way I can think of short of killing her would be to either get Ranma married off, or to get another man to beat Shampoo." Mousse replied. "Neither of those sound too easy." Potion muttered. "Good things never come easy." Nabiki answered. "Considering the way my younger sister acts with Ranma, I think that getting someone to beat Shampoo would be the easier choice." "She is very good." Mousse warned. "There are not many who would be able to defeat her." "What about you?" Potion asked. Mousse looked distant for a while. "No." he said suddenly, and decisively. "I'll always be her friend, but I don't want to be her husband. It will have to be someone else." "But who?" Potion asked, sighing. Mousse crossed his arms into his long sleeves. Potion cupped his chin with his right hand. Nabiki tapped her cheek with her finger. They thought about it for a few minutes. After a while, Nabiki stopped tapping. Her serious face cracked into a small smile. "I think I know someone we could sucker into this. But we have to play it carefully." The two men looked at Nabiki as she outlined her plan. ********************************* At Kolkhoz High, a rhythmic gymnastics battle was raging. The girl representing Kolkhoz was shaking. It was four minutes into the fight, and her opponent had been using unusual tactics throughout the match. For a start, the other girl hadn't once used spiked clubs, a rod disguised as a rope, razor sharp hoops or acid filled balls. What sort of a match was this? Waiting for the inevitable cheating was beginning to really frazzle the poor girl's nerves. "Come on!" the girl shouted as she twirled her ribbon into a ready position. "Fight unfair, damn it!" Kodachi smiled as she looked at the girl. "That wouldn't be right." she said calmly. "Are you sure you want to fight? Couldn't we just talk this over?" The other girl couldn't take it anymore. With a scream, she leapt out of the ring and fled. Some horrors were just too great to face. The announcer hesitated before saying "Well. Another victory for the Black Rose." One of the girls in the crowd turned to her friend and said "It was bad enough in the old days when she just cheated outrageously. But now that she's using this reverse psychology stuff, she's a true horror." The girl's friend nodded. "Yeah. Give me the good old days when she was just trying to kill her opponent, not terrify them silly with suspicious lines like 'I hope we have a good match' and 'Let's be friends'." Down in the ring, Kodachi shrugged at another easy victory before she walked off to the changing rooms. "Why is it that I do this sport?" she wondered to herself as she walked along. "Even when I don't cheat they act like I'm not winning fairly." ********************************* Shampoo was serving customers at the Nekohanten when Mousse and Potion walked in. "What do you two want?" Cologne asked them. "We just felt like some food from the home country." Mousse answered. Cologne shrugged, showed them to a table, and took their order. The two Chinese men waited until Shampoo was serving one of the nearby tables before Mousse loudly said "No! He said that about Shampoo? He must be sure of himself!" Shampoo perked her ears as she heard her name. "Unbelievable, isn't it?" Potion stated in a clear voice that travelled halfway across the room. "I've seen Shampoo fight. She's way better than that Kunou guy thinks." Shampoo carefully sidled closer to the two, doing a good job of pretending she wasn't spying. Mousse nodded. "And yet you say Kunou said that she was nowhere near the fighter that he was? If I thought it was any of my business, I would have minced the arrogant lout myself." Shampoo narrowed her eyes. [Kunou? Who's that?] she thought. "Still, ever since that takeout thing, he's been telling everybody about how pitiful she was at fighting." Potion stated. "He was the guy they delivered to, wasn't he?" Mousse asked. Potion nodded. "That's right. Maybe we should tell Shampoo that he's been bragging." Mousse looked around. "Shh!" he said dramatically. "We shouldn't talk about this here. I don't want her to get needlessly upset. Let the man rant, if he wants to." Shampoo ground her teeth. So that arrogant pretty boy at the competition thought she was a pitiful fighter eh? She stalked out to the kitchen, and said to Cologne Cologne blinked as Shampoo walked outside and bicycled off. Then, the old woman peeked out into the eating area, and saw that Potion and Mousse were gone, having left some money behind to pay for their order. "What have you gotten yourself into this time, great granddaughter?" Cologne wondered. ********************************* Kunou sat meditating in his room. For once, he was not thinking of his three loves, or how he would defeat Kuonji, Saotome, and that brother of Ryoko's (if he ever saw him again). No, this time he was truly meditating, emptying his mind of the outside world, doing his best to enter a Zen state, seeking within himself for his greater whole. It seemed pretty inevitable that on one of the few occasions Kunou wasn't doing something annoying that he'd be interrupted. Shampoo smashed through one of the walls. She was wielding the usual twin bonbori, and she seemed less than pleased. "So Shampoo no good hey?" she asked the astonished Kunou. "Shampoo show sword boy how wrong he is." Kunou calmly stood, his ever ready boken in his hand. "What are you talking about? Wait... I recognise you now. You were one of the takeaway girls." "Shampoo hear about what you say. Shampoo not happy." Shampoo said, charging forward. Kunou blinked at this unprovoked attack, before dodging out of the Amazon's way. [This isn't normal], a small rational part of his brain screamed at him. [People don't attack me for no good reason. Except for Saotome. What is going on here?] Kunou looked at what had once been his bedchamber. Within a few seconds, Shampoo had managed to trash the place. In a disturbing bout of rationality, he decided to fight outside where there would be less property damage. "I know not what your problem is, but I fight outside." Kunou told Shampoo, who was warily stalking the kendoist. "Join me, if you must." he added, backing out of the hole Shampoo had made. Shampoo charged out after him, her twin bonbori at the ready. The fight was short, it was brutal, and it was painful for Kunou. He didn't take it seriously enough at first, and he was knocked out by the angry Amazon before he could realise he had to fight properly. Shampoo humphed as she looked down at the unconscious kendoist. She had knocked him out while he was still pontificating. "Show you not to brag. You okay, but you no beat me." she said before she walked off to where she had left her bicycle. ********************************* Kunou awoke with a groan. "Truly, it seems that I am assailed by opponents lately." he said to himself. "That's what we wanted to talk to you about." Potion said. He was standing nearby, looking at the groggy kendoist. Next to him was Mousse and Nabiki. "And who are you?" Kunou asked as he rose to his feet. Potion bowed formally. "I am Po Shin. I deal with your sister." Kunou nodded. "She speaks surprisingly well of you, considering you are but a merchant. Very well, what is it you wish to say?" "Surely your honour dictates that you challenge the girl who beat you to a return match?" Potion asked. "If she wishes it, I shall be glad to spar with her again. But what concern is this to you?" Kunou asked. "We are merely thinking of you, Kunou-chan." Nabiki said. "We wouldn't want you to lose honour just because you didn't have another match with Shampoo." "Shampoo? You mean that was her name?" Kunou said, amazed. "I wondered what she was prattling on about. And I have lost no honour, 'twas but a match, and I pulled my blows. There was no shame involved." Mousse put on his glasses, and looked at Nabiki for a few seconds. With a sigh, he turned to Kunou. "Then what about Shampoo? If you don't fight her again, you insult her honour. She is the leader-to-be of her village, so she takes her honour very seriously." "I wouldn't want to give her dishonour." Kunou admitted. "But why does she seek to fight me? I had never seen her before that takeaway competition, and yet I see her all the time now. She seems to have been caught in Saotome's spells." Potion nodded. "Yes. If Kodachi has told you about me, then perhaps she has mentioned my knowledge of certain magics, mostly dealing with my herbs. It is obvious to me that she yearns to break free of the spell she is under, but the spell warps her desire into a rage for fighting. She sees you as her saviour, which is why she tried to fight you. You see, she needs to be defeated in combat to break Saotome's spell." "Is this true, Tendo Nabiki?" Kunou asked Nabiki. They had a strange sort of friendship, the sort that they didn't admit to. But they _were_ friends, and Kunou knew Nabiki would not lie. Distort the truth, certainly, or not tell him what he wanted to know, but she wouldn't lie. "I can honestly say that you beating her in combat is one of the few ways to get her away from Ranma." Nabiki replied. "Very well." Kunou decided. "I cannot leave any girl in her time of need. Though my heart yearns to free the others under Saotome's spell, I shall free this Shampoo first, since you have come to me. Then I shall do the same for Akane, Ryoko, and the pig-tailed girl." "You're too kind Kunou-chan." Nabiki murmured. "I suggest you challenge her to a formal duel." Potion added. "As a man of your impressive vision has probably already noticed, Saotome relies on tricks to win. A formal duel leaves no room for such foul manipulations as a sorcerer would use. It is your best chance to free her. Then, you can do the same for the others." "But how can I challenge her? I know not where she resides." Kunou pointed out. "Just leave the challenge to us." Nabiki said. "I've certainly seen enough challenges come round to the dojo in my time. I know how to word one... worthy of you." Kunou nodded. "Good. Make it this Sunday. That is the best time for such formal events. No school." He nodded to the three people, and then walked off. "Are you sure about him?" Mousse asked Nabiki. "Shampoo is still a friend, you know. I don't want her unhappy in marriage." "Which is why we don't want her after Ranma. She'd never be satisfied in a marriage with him." Nabiki answered. She put an arm around Mousse's shoulder. "Trust me Mousse. Kunou has many flaws, but he does have his honour, and his fighting skills, and he would treat her with respect I think. Didn't you say that was what Shampoo was probably most after?" Mousse nodded. "Love would help, you realise. And he still has to beat her. He didn't manage that just before." "No. But he has enough talent for us to be able to manipulate things." Potion said calmly as he looked at the distant figure of Kunou. "Shampoo will kill us all if she finds out we fixed a formal fight." Mousse pointed out, with no worry in his voice. "And that would be a mercy compared to Cologne." "Well then." Nabiki said. "We just make sure they never find out. We all have our reasons to see Shampoo happily married. Kunou's about the only one around here who isn't taken that she could stand." Potion nodded. He was helping Nabiki because he saw disaster looming between Shampoo and Akane. Akane might be protected from the Kiss of Death thanks to Spice, but if things kept going as they were, then Shampoo might get desperate enough to call a death duel or something, which was quite within her Amazon rights. If Akane refused that type of duel, Shampoo was in her rights to give her the Kiss of Death, Spice or no Spice. Shampoo had to be removed from Akane's immediate presence, and now. Akane was a friend, and he respected her. He would not let her die for a person he had never overly liked. So he would help Kunou win. Mousse sighed, and then nodded as well. Shampoo was his friend. Although he liked Ranma a bit, he knew him well enough to know that a marriage between Shampoo and Ranma would be doomed to disaster. He didn't want Shampoo to go through that. Nabiki assured him that Kunou would make a good husband for Shampoo, and Mousse trusted Nabiki on this. So he would help Kunou win. Nabiki grinned as she led Potion and Mousse off to plan at a little coffee house she sometimes went to. She could admit to herself that she was getting rid of Shampoo mainly for the money Akane, Ryouga and Ukyou had agreed to pay her. But she was also doing it so that her sister could be happy. Nabiki didn't buy Akane's 'I hate Ranma' line, but that was besides the point. It was the fact that Nabiki _did_ buy Akane's 'I hate Shampoo' line. Shampoo was turning into an expensive nuisance around the dojo, and she was making her sister unhappy. So she would MAKE DAMN SURE that Kunou won. At least, Shampoo had better hope that Kunou won. After all, if he didn't, both Nabiki and Potion were considering far nastier fates for her. And when one of them had the personal resources, and the other had the magical ones, you could bet that her fate wouldn't be pleasant if she continued to chase Ranma. ********************************* In what could possibly be a completely unrelated scene... In a small clearing, a figure had just finished packing up its camp equipment. It looked up at the raining sky, and snorted in annoyance. The figure looked similar to a giant Minotaur, with wings sprouting from its back. It... was a he. His name was Pansuto Tarou. Not an auspicious start to life, having a name with a word like Pantyhose in it. Surprisingly, the Jusenkyo curse that gave him his current form was less of a worry to him then his name was. It was a horror to try to introduce yourself to girls with a name like that. The curse was usually pretty helpful. Certainly, he'd never been mugged when it was raining... but like all curses, it could be annoying. Since he turned into a giant monster when he was splashed with cold water, it made for even more awkward social situations than his name. But he was fine with that. He wouldn't be giving up his curse, it was too useful. His name, however, he would love to change. But, thanks to his village laws, the only person who could do that was the person who baptised him. And that man had not been seen in ten years... Tarou had just finished packing his equipment when a very large white pig crashed through the underbrush. The pig charged towards him, obviously not having had a close look at its target. Tarou raised his eyebrows before he bashed the large pig into a state of unconsciousness. He knelt down next to the pig to look at it. It looked too well kept to be wild, so why had it attacked him? "Katsunishiki! Where are you?" a girl's voice called out. Tarou looked up from where he was examining the huge pig. A girl with brown hair, streaked with pink, stepped into the clearing. She was dressed in a light sundress, and she was holding up an umbrella to ward off the light rain. She looked to be between two and four years younger than Tarou(that is, if you were adapt at guessing the age of huge Minotaur-like monsters). Tarou snorted, trying his best not to frighten the girl. He might not be the nicest guy out there, but he wasn't as much a bastard as his name. He didn't want to needlessly frighten some girl. But it was too late for that. The young girl looked with wide eyes at the Minotaur like monster. She seemed about to say something before she fainted. Tarou shook his head, and gave a snorting sigh. [Oh well.] he thought. [So much for not frightening her.] He quickly checked the girl to make sure that she was alright before he grabbed his stuff and left to find somewhere where he could either get hot water or dry enough wood to make a fire so that he could boil some. The girl awoke to the pig licking her face. "Oh Katsunishiki. What was that thing?" The pig grunted, indicating it didn't know. Then it gave a squealing ernk. "It beat you?" she asked. The pig grunted its affirmation. The girl sighed. She looked around, before she stood. "I guess it wasn't that bad a creature if it didn't do anything to us. We'd better get home." Katsunishiki nodded its agreement, and followed the girl home. ********************************* The young girl sat next to a bed, where an old man lay. Behind her, Katsunishiki sat in a surprisingly human way. "Akari..." the old man said weakly. He was obviously in poor health. "Be with a strong man. I won't allow you to marry any man who can't beat our champion Katsunishiki." "Ahh... any _man_. You are sure about that Grandfather?" Akari said nervously, thinking about the monster who had already beaten her prize pig. That thing sure hadn't looked female. Her grandfather nodded. "Yes. I am sure there is someone out there capable of it. You need a strong man to help you with the training." Akari nodded. "I promise I won't marry a man unless he beats Katsunishiki." she vowed. After all, her grandfather had said nothing about monsters... "Good girl." he said with a sigh. But for the moment, that was another story... ********************************* Two men walked up to the entrance of the Kunou mansion. The first turned to the second and said "Today is a great day for our glorious organisation, The Grand Insanity and Madness Club, Tsukugi. We've heard great things indeed about this 'Black Rose' girl. She will go far with the sort of backing only fools and madmen would provide. And that certainly describes the members of our club, eh?" Tsukugi nodded. "Indeed sir. Insanity forever!" After a short wait, the two sanity challenged men were ushered into the mansion. Two minutes later, there was an unearthly scream from within, before the two men ran back out of the mansion as quickly as they could. As they fled, the first man shouted "Never in all my years have I met someone so hideously sane Tsukugi! Hideous!" All Tsukugi could do was gibber in response as they ran. His young mind, already unhinged, had not been prepared for a meeting with a perfectly normal Kodachi. A few seconds later Kodachi reached the front door. "Wait!" she called out. "At least stay for dinner!" She sighed, shrugged, and turned to go back inside "Oh well." she said as she walked back inside. ********************************* Nabiki walked into the Nekohanten. "Hello there Nabiki. What can I do for you?" Cologne asked from where she was standing nearby. Nabiki looked at the old woman before pulling out a small envelope. "I'm here to give this to Shampoo." she said. Cologne raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And what is it, may I ask?" Nabiki shrugged. "To tell the truth, it's a letter of challenge." "From you?" Cologne asked. "I had no idea you disliked Shampoo enough to fight her." "Little old me?" Nabiki asked, putting on a fake shocked expression. "I don't dislike her at all. And this isn't a challenge from me." "Then who's it from?" Cologne asked. "His name is Tatewaki Kunou." Nabiki said. Shampoo walked over to the two women, having just finished serving a meal. "Great Grandmother, is something wrong?" "Ahhh Shampoo. Come, come. This effects you. Apparently some boy has challenged you." Cologne said. "Challenge? What for?" Shampoo asked. "I'm curious about that myself. Well?" Cologne asked, turning back to Nabiki. Nabiki grinned as she handed the envelope to Shampoo. "Apparently he was very impressed by you. He's challenged you to a formal duel on his grounds, this Sunday, for the opportunity to win your hand." Nabiki raised an eyebrow as she turned to Cologne. "That is how it happens, correct? If a man wants to marry an Amazon, he can challenge her to a duel?" Cologne nodded as Shampoo opened the envelope and looked at the challenge. "Yes." Cologne said. "But a formal duel is a bit more dangerous for the man. If he loses, the girl has every right to kill him." "Kunou?" Shampoo asked as she puzzled out the Japanese writing on the challenge. "Arrogant sword boy? But Shampoo just beat him." "I guess that's why he formally challenged you." Nabiki answered. "To settle this once and for all. But that's not my problem. I've done what I came to do, and now I have other places to go. Bye." Cologne watched Nabiki leave. "Shampoo not so gentle on this Kunou this time." Shampoo vowed as she crumpled the challenge. "Hmm." Cologne hummed, looking thoughtful. "There's something wrong here. Take care of the store Shampoo. I have to do some checking." "Okay Great Grandmother." Shampoo answered, still distracted by thoughts of beating up Kunou. Cologne pogoed out of the store, heading off to only she knew where. ********************************* With a piercing laugh, Kodachi bounded out of Potion's store. Potion waved to the departing gymnast, before Mousse walked in from the back room. "She sounded more cheerful than normal." Mousse noted. He might be half blind, but he would have had to have been deaf as well not to recognise Kodachi on her laugh alone. And he'd been right. Her laugh had sounded more like her old self than it had for a while. "Did she pick up something special today?" "Oh no." Potion replied. "I just told her that Shampoo had to marry Kunou if she loses." Mousse calmly put his glasses on so that he was sure of what he was doing. Then he rushed over to Potion and picked him up by the shirt. "You did what!? Are you insane!? Why did you tell his _sister_?" Potion disengaged Mousse's hands. "Because I trust her." "Then you are the worst judge of character I have ever seen." Mousse replied. "She's crazy! You can't trust her." "You worry too much." Potion replied. "I had to tell her. I needed one of her chemical components for that drink I'm mixing up for Kunou. She wouldn't give it to me without me telling her something. And she's too wily for me to lie to her." "Great. So much for this plan." Mousse said. "Why? What's happened?" Nabiki asked as she walked in. Potion and Mousse looked over at Nabiki. "Uh... nothing." Mousse said. "You never said anything about Kunou being killed if he loses." Nabiki pointed out, cutting straight to the reason she came over. Mousse blinked. "Well, a formal challenge is allowed to go to the death, but there isn't anything strange about that. Any fight can do that. That's why I made sure that _you_ were sure about this before I helped write the challenge." Nabiki shook her head, and then turned to Potion. "You'd better be sure about that stuff you're cooking up to give to Kunou. He's a gold mine, and he's no use to anyone dead." Potion waggled his eyebrows. "Trust me. If there is one thing I know, it's how to make my concoctions. It'll do what I said it would." "Besides, I checked out Kunou when you told me about him." Mousse added. "He's a good fighter. He might not lose even without our help." "If Shampoo was a guy, I could accept that. But Kunou tends to go easy on girls when he fights them." Nabiki replied. "That's why I'm putting a little something into our gift to Kunou." Potion said. "A little something that will make Kunou a bit more aggressive than normal. He _will_ fight her. If there was one thing I learnt from Spice and Akane, it was how to get people angry when they don't want to be." "It must be your winning personality." Nabiki murmured. "Why thank you." Potion replied, either ignoring or not picking up on the underlying insult. ********************************* Kunou flowed through the movements of his school, his wooden blade as much a part of him as any other limb. Just his concentration alone would have been beyond the efforts of a lesser swordsman. As to his actual skills, he was unsurpassed. And he would be ready for the Amazon girl. Even Nabiki did not know what she had unleashed by planting the seed of the idea that beating the girls in combat was the right way to free them. Kunou had almost convinced himself that combat was the way to win the heart of his loves. To have another person confirm this proved to be the focus he needed. For now, for whatever reason, Kunou was ready to use Shampoo as the guinea pig to see if beating her would free her of Saotome. But after the fight with Shampoo, there was going to be a certain swordsman out there with four times the determination to beat Ranma-chan, Ryouga-chan and Akane in battle. Kunou calmly sliced through a large stone with his boken. One of the things that made Kunou more a joke than a threat was the fact that he did not wish to harm the girls he fought. If, however, he thought it was the only way to help them, if, in fact, he thought it his duty to beat them, they might soon be finding out that Nabiki and her helpers had unleashed a can of worms that no fish could swallow. ********************************* Akane and Spice were taking a break from training in the dojo. "Sensei..." Akane said hesitantly, looking over at Spice from where she was sitting. "Yes?" Spice asked from where she sat against the wall. "Why are you devoting so much time to training me?" she asked. "I mean, you came all the way from China to train me. Why?" Spice raised an eyebrow. "I have to admit I'm curious as to why you'd ask me this now. We have been at this for a fair while now, after all." "I... I've been having doubts." Akane admitted. "About my training. About myself." Spice looked at Akane. "Never doubt. Never. You want to know why I'm training you?" Akane nodded. "My reasons are purely selfish." she said. "Tell me, just how old do you think I am?" "I don't know." Akane admitted. "Let me put it this way. Take whatever number you're thinking I am, but are too embarrassed to say, and add sixty to it. And you'll still have an age lower than mine." Spice said as she looked at the far dojo wall. "That's ridiculous." Akane protested. "You don't look any older than thirty." "I aged well." Spice said. "Have you ever seen Potion's little party trick? The one where he covers his hands in flammable liquid and then lights them? There's no trick involved in that, he's just used a potion to make himself near immune to flame. Damn fool didn't listen to my warnings about the side-effects though. Anyway, most herbalists have a signature trait, caused by some concoction or another they have taken. His was fire resistance. I developed something that lets me look like this, despite my age." "What, some sort of Fountain of Youth thing?" Akane asked dubiously. "No. Only the appearance of youth. I only _look_ this young. I assure you, I feel the full weight of my years. And that is why I train you. Though I may not look it, I am old. Sooner or later, I will be gone. And currently, there are none besides me... and now you, who know the way of my School. At first, when I was young, I did not teach at all. Then, when I was accepted in the Amazon village, I started to teach them other techniques I knew besides the ones I had learnt in the Kizuchi Style. Sword forms, unarmed styles, those sort of things. I did not teach the mallet because I wanted to reserve that honour for my daughter." "So what happened?" Akane asked. "Nothing." Spice answered. "Nothing happened. I had no daughter. Time seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I was old. And I realised that I had to pass my techniques onto someone. Anyone. And so I started to search for someone worthy. There was no-one. Until I found out about you. That is why I came all the way from China. That is why I have invested my time. So that my families' Style can live on. I needed you as much, probably more than you needed me." "I see..." Akane said. "Your doubts..." Spice said. "Yes?" Akane asked, looking nervous at having this brought up. "Tell me about them." Akane sighed. "Ever since that fight with Shampoo, I've found it hard to control myself when I get angry. If Ranma or Kunou or someone else gets me really angry, I seem to see this red haze and then... nothing. It's scaring me. How can I be a Martial Artist if I can't even keep myself under control?" "That... is all my fault." Spice admitted. "Your rages are because of the way I trained you. It is not your fault at all." "But what do I do?" Akane asked, dismissing Spice's admission as a teacher's way of taking on a student's burdens. "I can't let it go on. I could hurt someone I love while I'm irrational. Kasumi or Daddy. Nabiki, or Ra... or my school friends." Spice shook her head. "I don't know." she admitted. "I could try some shiatsu spots to calm you down, but it was shiatsu that got us in trouble in the first place. I have never seen this happen to someone before. I don't have all the answers. I think I'm going to have to talk to Cologne, and to some other Masters I know in China. Until then, you have to try and find self control. Remain calm at all times, if possible." "How am I supposed to do that?" Akane asked. "Meditation? Or perhaps a pet." Spice suggested. "And I think you're going to have to exercise iron discipline around Ranma. I've noticed he can get under your skin." Akane smiled. "How do you think I realised I was losing control so often?" she asked. "Ah." Spice replied. "Poor boy." ********************************* The appointed time for the duel of the century arrived. Actually, in a place like Nerima, it was more the case of being the duel of the week. Kunou stepped out of a back entrance of his mansion, and looked at the grounds. Behind him, Sasuke, Kunou's diminutive personal ninja, struggled to follow his master. Sasuke was struggling because he was currently carrying a large selection of his master's bokens. A very large selection indeed. "Sasuke." Kunou said calmly from where he was surveying what would soon be a battlefield. "Yes Master Kunou?" Sasuke gasped as he strained under the unwieldy weight of twenty bokens. "Who are all these people?" Sasuke stared out from between his load of wooden weapons. On the grounds of the Kunou mansion, there were several well tended gardens that rolled through the gentle slopes of several small hills. The traditional pond and rock garden complemented these gardens to make for a peaceful and spiritual backdrop. Pity that right now you couldn't see the spiritual backdrop because there were too many people in the way. The grounds of the Kunou mansion were currently covered with all sorts of people. Students from Furinkan, regulars from the Nekohanten, general people off the street, they were all there, buying food off the several vendors who had set up shop around the gardens. Ukyou stared up from where she was serving several customers from her yatai. She waved to the distant figure of Kunou, and shouted "Good luck Kunou!" She turned to Ryouga-chan, who was helping her out, and said "He'll need it. Do you really think this will work?" "I don't know." Ryouga-chan admitted. Since this was a public event, Ukyou was dressed as a boy, and she was in her female form. Besides, this form got better tips from customers. "I'd like to know why Nabiki's set this up. I don't think Kunou'll win." "You know Nabiki." Ukyou replied. "She has something up her sleeve. Even if Kunou loses this, Nabiki will still win." "Uh huh." Ryouga-chan replied. Meanwhile, Sasuke was trying to explain the crowd to Kunou. "Perhaps they are here to cheer you on to victory, Master Kunou." Sasuke tried. "Hmm. Perhaps you are right, good Sasuke." Kunou considered. "Perhaps indeed. Yes! That must be it. They have heard of my attempts to break Saotome's spells, and they are here to see me accomplish my appointed task." "I am sure that is it, Master Kunou." Sasuke said encouragingly. "Well then." Kunou said as he strode towards the section that had been roped off for the fight. "I shall be sure not to disappoint. Today, Sasuke, is the first in a glorious set of days. For today is the day I start to bring about Saotome's downfall." Sasuke groaned as he started to follow Kunou, doing his best to juggle his load of bokens. "A glorious day as you say, Master Kunou." he said dutifully. ********************************* Like most of the restaurants around here, the Nekohanten had set up a stall to serve food to the hungry crowds. Currently, Cologne and Shampoo's father were running the stall. As she served another customer, Cologne looked over at Kunou, who was just climbing into the roped-off battleground. She shook her head slightly as she saw the arrogant gait of the man. She wasn't stupid. Not by a long shot. She knew what was going on here. And she could stop it. Quite easily. But there came a time in every Amazon's life that they had to let go of their mother's (or great-grandmother's) weapons belt, and walk on their own two feet. It was time for Shampoo to live... and die by her own actions. It was up to Shampoo to see through this little charade and defeat it. If she did, then she would prove herself worthy of her possible future position in the Amazon - that of Matriarch. And if she didn't... Well, Cologne had spent some time in the last few days studying the kendoist. If worst came to worst... he'd do for Shampoo. At least, after Cologne got through with moulding him, he would. ********************************* Kunou stood calmly in his corner of the battle ring, waiting for Shampoo to arrive. Sasuke had wandered off to one of the food stalls while Kunou wasn't looking. Mousse and Nabiki made their way out of the crowd and walked over to the Kendoist. "Hey Kunou-chan." Nabiki said as they walked up. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Kunou asked calmly. "You've attracted quite a crowd, haven't you?" Nabiki asked, ignoring Kunou's question. "Truly, I wonder how they found out about this exorcism." Kunou said. "Exorcism?" Mousse asked. "Well, what else would you call it?" Kunou asked. "I am trying to release Saotome's hold over this girl. Of course it is an exorcism." "Ah... yes." Nabiki said. "Anyway Kunou-chan, you're looking a little thirsty there. Would you like a drink?" "I must admit I could do with something to slake my thirst." Kunou admitted. "Why do you ask Nabiki?" "I just have something here for you." Nabiki said, pulling out a clear plastic bottle full of a green liquid. "One of those sports drinks that are getting to be all the rage. Just full of vitamins and all that. Just great to get rid of that thirst. For you, only five hundred yen." Kunou eyed the bottle dubiously. "Great stuff." Mousse added. "Very well." Kunou said. "I shall try some. I must admit to some curiosity on how well such drinks work." Kunou exchanged some money for the drink. After a quick look at the bottle, Kunou opened it and drank the contents. As he downed the gunk, Nabiki and Mousse looked at him intently. "Curious taste." Kunou admitted as he finished off the drink. "Not bad. Thank you Nabiki, for introducing me to this beverage." "Yes, yes." Nabiki said impatiently. "Well, the money in that crowd is calling to me. I can hear it. So I'd better go answer the call." "Indeed. I shall speak to you after I have freed this girl." Kunou said. Nabiki answered by waving, as she was already heading towards a crowd of people with a hungry look in her eyes. Mousse looked in the general direction of Kunou before he smiled. "Good luck." he said, before he walked off. Kunou ignored him. Now that the fight was drawing near, it was time to focus on the battle to come. He had to win, so that he could ascertain whether or not defeating the women who surrounded Saotome would actually break the spell he knew they were under. And better that he tried on Shampoo, rather than on one of his loves. Better indeed. ********************************* Potion slurped on his frozen octopus-on-a-stick as he waited for Shampoo to arrive so that the fight could start. He raised an eyebrow as Mousse walked up to him. "So, did he drink it?" Potion asked. Mousse nodded. "He certainly did. Are you sure that it will work?" "Trust me." Potion said as he bit off a frozen tentacle from his food and crunched it down. "It's strictly short term, but for the next hour or so, Kunou is going to be practically unstoppable. Of course, it's better if I don't talk about the long term side effects..." Mousse put his glasses on and looked at the octopusicle that Potion was eating. "Where did you get that?" he asked curiously. Potion pointed over at a small stall, that had a sign saying 'Ofo's Frozen Octopus on a Stick'. There didn't seem to be many people buying from the stall. "You want one?" he asked. Mousse looked at the stall for a few seconds, then he looked over at Potion, just as Potion was slurping down another tentacle. "How can you think of food at a time like this?" he asked. Potion shrugged. "It's out of our hands now, Mousse. Nothing more can be done unless Kunou wins. So there's no point getting too worked up over the fight." Mousse sighed. "I just wonder if we're not just ruining Shampoo's life. I don't want to see her unhappy." "I heard a saying once, from an English man." Potion replied. "'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' Probably true, but what people don't realise is that that would be what the road to heaven was made from as well. In all this, you seem to have forgotten one important thing." "And what is that?" "The laws of the Amazons are written to favour the females. If Shampoo does lose, she has to marry Kunou, that is true. But if she marries him, and she isn't satisfied, she has every right to nullify the marriage. She doesn't even have to give a reason if she doesn't want to. And she wouldn't lose any prestige. That, my friend, is how we will know if she is happy with this little thing we've set up. Every day she stays in the marriage is another day she is still happy with the pairing." Mousse nodded. "You're right. I wasn't thinking about the Amazon divorce laws. She _can_ get rid of him if she wants. I guess that will have to do." Potion waved his octopusicle at Mousse. "Show a little faith. I think this will work out for the best. But it isn't even worth worrying about until Kunou wins the fight." "I thought that was inevitable, with that potion of yours we fed him." Mousse replied. "In life, the only inevitable thing is death." Potion said. "And don't be too sure about that either. Plenty of people have claimed to have immortality. Still, Kunou would have to be a complete idiot to lose this fight now." Mousse, still wearing his glasses, looked at Potion. Potion looked back at Mousse. "You just had to say that, didn't you?" Mousse asked. "Sorry." Potion replied, before finishing his octopusicle. ********************************* Shampoo stepped up to the entrance to the Kunou mansion. She was dressed in full battle garb - loose pants and a hardened leather breastplate. In each hand she wielded her favourite weapon, the bonbori. "My, I didn't know the carnival was in town." a voice rang out from near her. Shampoo swung around to stare at Kodachi, who was standing in a nearby tree. Kodachi was dressed in her usual leotard, and she was twirling a gymnastics ribbon. "Who you?" Shampoo asked. "I am Kodachi. I have been called the Black Rose." "I call you a nutcase. Shampoo hear about you." Shampoo replied as she dropped into a defensive stance. "What you want?" "Why... to wish you luck, girl. It's so rare for my brother to challenge a girl to a formal duel. It should be fun to see how you fare." "So you not here to attack me? Like I said, I hear about you." "Attack you?" Kodachi asked. "Why bother? For my brother's sake? Don't make me laugh. You're not worth the effort, girl." "Shampoo show you who not worth effort." Shampoo growled as she changed her stance to a more aggressive one. Kodachi laughed her disturbingly flat laugh. All in all, her old insane laughter was nowhere near as worrying. "Are you sure you want to do that? A certain... acquaintance of mine has told me all about what you have at stake here. You still have to fight my dear brother, or else you lose your precious 'honour'. Fight me first, and I guarantee you won't be in any condition to win." Shampoo thought about it. Then she lowered her bonbori slightly. Only slightly. She wasn't going to drop her defences too much around this girl. She wasn't that stupid. "Shampoo take care of you after Shampoo take care of Kunou." Shampoo said as she backed off, walking towards the battleground. Kodachi grinned and waved to the retreating Amazon. "Break a leg!" she cried out encouragingly. With another flat laugh, she bounded between the tree branches, travelling towards a vantage point where she could see the fight. After all, Potion had told her what Shampoo had to do if she lost. Kodachi wanted to be close enough to see her brother's expression if and when that happened. Oh yes... _that_ would make the whole day worthwhile. ********************************* Shampoo felt like screaming out in frustration. Not only had this duel turned into a circus event, with this ridiculous crowd, but Kunou was proving to be a lot tougher to beat than he had been last time she fought. It was several minutes into the fight, and he had shrugged off some of her blows that should have knocked him into unconsciousness. Kunou, on the other hand, was exalting in the fight. Never had he felt so powerful, so unstoppable. Clearly, the gods had smiled on his venture, and granted him their power. For was he not invincible? So far, it seemed so. Shampoo tried a combination of high and low blows with her bonbori, in the hopes that she could get a quick knockout. She was starting to tire, and if she didn't win soon, she wouldn't win at all. Kunou easily blocked the Amazon's blows with his boken. He wasn't even breathing hard yet. Still, he realised, it was time to finish this. As much as it pained him to hit a woman, this was a duel, and there was no place for such chivalrous considerations here. Shampoo tried to rally her flagging strength. It couldn't end like this. It couldn't! Even Mousse would have been a better man to lose to than this... this egotistical little rich boy. She just could not, dare not lose. And then her vision filled with the image of a boken. And then she saw no more. ********************************* Kunou checked the knocked out figure of Shampoo. Satisfied that he had not hurt her too badly, he rose and looked at the audience. Finally, he saw the person he was looking for. "Saotome!" Kunou shouted. "I see that you came to see your hold broken! I have snapped the magical bonds you kept over this girl, and now I shall do the same for the others you keep bound. Akane! Ryoko! Pig-tailed goddess! Soon you SHALL BE FREE!" he shouted as he leapt over the ropes, his boken in an attack position, ready to strike at Ranma. Ranma leapt out of the way, but he was still tagged by the raging swordsman. "Man, what has happened to him?" Ranma asked himself, holding his side, as he desperately dodged the much faster than normal Kunou. "I thought the whole idea of this was to get Kunou away from us." Akane said to Nabiki. Nabiki shook her head. "Hey, I never said that. My job was to get Shampoo to give up her engagement to Ranma. Looks like that's been done." Nabiki said. "You can pay in easy installments. I'll be talking to Ukyou and Ryouga soon enough." "Don't fret Akane! Ryoko!" Kunou shouted out as he saw Ryouga-chan and Akane nearby. "Soon you shall be free to date me!" Thanks to the gunk he had drunk, he was actually getting the upper hand against Ranma. Akane shot her head around to glare at Kunou. Ever since her mallet training, whenever she got angry she would instinctively summon her mallet and hammer the person who got her angry. Call it bad training, or call it good training, but either way, it meant that people were starting to learn not to get her angry. Kunou hadn't learnt that yet. As she started to glow with a blue aura, Akane pulled out one of her mallets. With a cry of "Who said I wanted to date you!?" she leapt towards Kunou, her mallet raised to take its toll. Nabiki shook her head. "She's so easily distracted." she said to herself as she walked off to count the money she had made from taking bets and from charging admittance to the Kunou estate for the fight(what Kunou didn't find out about couldn't hurt him). Nearby, Ryouga-chan and Ukyou had also leapt into the brawl thanks to Kunou giving further comments on his love for Ryoko, and his desire to break her entrapment from the 'evil Saotome and Kuonji'. The odds against Kunou were starting to get a little stacked... ********************************* As a fair sized brawl erupted, Potion walked over to talk to Cologne. He had been amazed at how well she had taken this, and so he had decided to try and get some answers. Potion noted as he walked up to the Amazon matriarch. Cologne smiled. she asked. Potion asked simply. Cologne asked. Potion nodded. he began, before he stopped, realisation breaking over his face. He slowly grinned. Cologne bopped him over the head with her staff. He blinked, then rubbed his head, but showed no other signs of injury. she warned. Potion shook his head. Cologne nodded. Potion asked. Cologne answered. Potion shook his head. Cologne shrugged. Potion retorted. Cologne asked. Potion shook his head again. he said. Cologne nodded. ********************************* Shampoo groggily rose to her feet. Through blurred vision, she saw Kunou, who was standing at his corner talking to Sasuke. While she had been knocked out, the brawl had gone through its usual phase. Even with his 'souped up' state, Kunou didn't stand a chance against so many opponents, and was knocked out. He was awake before Shampoo because he was both a fast recoverer, and because the gunk Potion had slipped him made him heal faster. "He... _beat me_?" Shampoo slurred, shaking her head. "I'm afraid so child." Cologne said, pogoing up next to Shampoo. Shampoo switched to Chinese, since she was feeling a bit too out of it to use Japanese. Cologne looked at her. Shampoo pointed out. Shampoo defended herself. Cologne shook her head. Shampoo asked. Cologne answered. Shampoo asked, looking at Kunou. Shampoo sighed. Cologne asked. Shampoo admitted. Cologne asked. Shampoo admitted. Cologne said. Shampoo asked. Cologne sighed. Shampoo looked at Kunou for a while longer. she mused. ********************************* That night, Kunou was sitting in his room, meditating again. He opened his eyes when he heard a crashing sound from nearby. Shampoo crashed through the same wall she had come through last time. She wasn't wielding her bonbori this time, however. "I just had that repaired woman." Kunou stated indignantly. "And why are you attacking me again? I thought I had freed you of your spell by defeating you." "Not attacking you." Shampoo stated as she sat down opposite Kunou. "Shampoo here to marry you." She looked at the shocked expression that played over his face, as she thought about what he had just said. By the sounds of it, he had thought that she had been under some sort of spell, and he had fought her to rid her of it. And his shocked look indicated he didn't know about the Amazon laws, which meant that he hadn't fought her to marry her, as she had thought. Her opinion of him raised a few notches. "Marry!? What are you talking about?" Kunou burst out. Shampoo tossed him the Amazon law book. "Japanese translation on other page." she said as Kunou caught it. Kunou opened the book and looked at the bookmarked passage. He read the page. Then he read it again. Just to be sure he wasn't hallucinating, he read it one more time. Then, he looked up at the girl. "Am I to take it that this book is true? That because I defeated you, you expect me to marry you?" Kunou asked. Shampoo nodded. "Is law. Ranma beat me too, but Akane found way to make me give up claim." "Oh? And how can I get you to give up your 'claim'?" Kunou asked. "You cannot. Only fellow Amazon girl who want you could even try. That not going to happen." Shampoo answered. "Your laws mean nothing to me." Kunou said, tossing the book back to her. "I am already too divided in my attentions to love. I cannot add another to my heart." "You no understand. Shampoo not give up on this. Shampoo lost one man already. It not happen again. Not even if it is you." Shampoo said grimly. "And you expect me to follow your silly law? I think not." Kunou said. "I have freed you from Saotome, be satisfied in that. Now, I must prepare myself to defeat the others he controls, so that they can join me in gratitude." "Satisfied? Shampoo was happy with Ranma. Then Akane get training, and beat me. My right to him end there, though Shampoo not realise it. Then you beat me. Shampoo have no choice. Must marry you, or will be dishonoured." "Damn it woman, I've already done more for your honour than I have to!" Kunou snarled. "Why can't you find someone else to marry?" "You think Shampoo that bad at fighting?" Shampoo asked, annoyed at the question. "Shampoo best fighter in village. Only five ever beat me. One was Great Grandmother. She best, so no dishonour. Other girl was Akane. She fellow Amazon thanks to Spice, so Shampoo can live with that, though I not happy about it. Then there... Shampoo not now how to put being beaten by pig. I try to not think about that fight." Shampoo sighed. "Then, two men beat me. First was Ranma. I happy, I thought that I could finally love. But my hopes were dashed. Then you beat me. You no have fiance, do you?" Kunou slowly shook his head. "Well... no. But my heart belongs to another." "Who?" Shampoo asked, with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Why, Akane, Ryoko, and the pig-tailed goddess." Kunou answered easily. Shampoo blinked. "You after three women? You confident of yourself." [Wait...] she thought. [Pig-tailed girl? Ranma?] Kunou sighed. "Truly, my heart breaks that I cannot decide between them." "Describe pig-tailed girl." Shampoo said. "Ah, she is like a flame in the darkness of my mind. Her fiery hair shines like a beacon, to lead me onwards. Her athletic body, full of healthy energy. Yet, she is under Saotome's spell too, for she always appears when he disappears. I think that somehow she appears when his control of his dark powers weakens. That is why I combat him, in the hope that he weakens enough that I can permanently free her." Shampoo shook her head. He didn't know that he was in love with Ranma. She would have told him if she hadn't been in the same spot as him so recently, where she had thought she was in love with a female Ranma. She knew how he would feel if he found out. "Shampoo know her." she said. "But how can you pursue them? All three are engaged." "What!?" Kunou shouted. "The pig-tailed girl is engaged? What man dares claim her?" "Shampoo cannot describe man who claims her." Shampoo said, edging around the truth. "But Shampoo know she engaged. Know all three are. How can you chase engaged girls? That get you bonbori to the head where I from." Kunou shook his head. "I knew not that the pig-tailed girl was engaged. But I am sure that hers is as false as the other two engagements. Akane doth protest often that she does not want to be engaged to Ranma. I trust that she does not speak wrong. And Ryoko... I sense something is amiss in that arrangement. Truely, she avoids intimacy with much vigour, and yet she allows the advances of this one man? I think that Kuonji used similar magic to Saotome. It is my duty to free them from their unwanted bonds." "Well Shampoo think they can take care of themselves. You have me to worry about now." she said. "Do you not get it? I do not love you!" Kunou said in exasperation. "Shampoo know. But Shampoo not go away. Shampoo sure you will learn to love." she said. She was starting to feel okay about this deal. From what she had seen, he was a man of honour, deep honour. He seemed to be driven by it. Shampoo could respect that. Respect that a lot. All she had to do, she felt, was get him over his obsession with these other girls. "Shampoo sure love not take long to grow." she said hesitantly, as she looked at him with her most devastating weapon in her arsenal. Her cute look. "Uh... that is, I..." Kunou stuttered, only his divided loyalties allowing him any resistance. He almost sighed in relief as he heard his sister shout out something from nearby. "I'd better see what is wrong. Wait here." He stood, and walked to his door, opened it, stepped through, and closed it again behind him. Shampoo sighed. "Almost got to you. Shampoo think that you no have resistance Ranma does. You come round to my way soon enough." ********************************* At the Kunou mansion, two black clad figures crept into the grounds. "Are you sure about this?" Mousse asked, putting his arms in the sleeves of the black robe he was wearing. "We have to make sure of this thing." Potion answered, adjusting the collar of the black shirt he wore instead of the grey one he usually did. "No, I mean are you sure we can sneak up on Shampoo? She's no beginner at detecting intruders." "No choice. Too much rides on Shampoo and Kunou getting together." Potion said. He pulled a small vial full of a swirly purple gas out of a hip pouch. "So what is that? Love Potion #9?" Mousse asked Potion. Potion grinned. "No." he said as he handed Mousse a spare breathing mask that he kept in one of his larger pouches. Mousse took it, looked at it for a few seconds, and then he put it on. "So...?" Mousse asked, his voice slightly muffled by the mask. Potion put on his own mask, and then put on his goggles. "It's my own special recipe. It's new. It's improved. It'd make rocks want to snuggle. It is..." he said as he raised the vial so that the light from the house gleamed off it. "Love Potion.... Number Ten!" Mousse bit back a groan. "Does it work?" "Let me put it this way." Potion said calmly as he lowered his arm. "Whatever you do, don't lose that mask when I'm using this. I don't like you _that_ much." "Well. What have we here?" a woman's voice asked as a ribbon speared out of the darkness, wrapped around the vial, and snaked back into the murk, taking the vial with it. Mousse snarled as he flung several chain attached weapons in the direction the ribbon had disappeared to. "No!" Potion hissed. "You might break the vial!" Mousse swore, and pulled back on the chains, calling his weapons back to him. "So what do we do? Do you have more of that stuff?" Potion shook his head. "Love potions are hideously dangerous. They can change your life forever. Unless you're an idiot, you don't make them until you need them. It'd take me a whole day to make another." "A love potion eh?" Kodachi asked as she stepped out of the surrounding night. As seemed to be usual for her, she was dressed in a dark leotard, and in one hand she twirled her ribbon. In her other hand, she was swirling the vial. "Hello Kodachi." Potion said. "I don't suppose you're going to give us that back?" "I might. That depends on what you were planning on doing with it." Kodachi said. "After all, imagine what I could do with a love potion." "It's only a short term one. And it's more of a passion gas than a love gas." Potion warned Kodachi as Mousse started calculating whether he could use one of his chains to grab the vial without breaking it. "And why are you here with it?" Kodachi asked. Potion looked at Mousse. Mousse shook his head slightly, indicating he didn't think he could get the vial. Potion turned back to Kodachi. "We were going to use it on your brother and the Amazon girl. It is in our interests to have them together." he answered. Kodachi looked at the vial for a few moments. Then she looked at Potion again. "Why?" she asked simply. Potion looked at Mousse for a second. He sighed, and answered "I wouldn't wish either of them on anyone else." "*ahem* That's not the way I would have put it." Mousse said. "What _we_ think is that they would be perfect for each other, and we are trying to fix them up together." Kodachi tapped the vial against her cheek as she thought about it. "So you want to drug my brother into falling into love with some harridan with a questionable grip on the language, let alone on manners. Then, she will be around here all the time, no doubt trying to fight me, if I've read her correctly. My brother will probably become insufferably smug from actually having a girl not run away from him. And if she's around, that means that he'll be home more often. So on top of her, I'll have to deal with him." Mousse was twiddling his thumbs as Kodachi talked. Potion just looked embarrassed. "That's one way of thinking of it, I guess." Potion admitted. "Okay." Kodachi said. Potion and Mousse blinked. Several times. "Excuse me?" Mousse asked. "What?" Potion added. "It sounds like fun." Kodachi said. Mousse shrugged. Who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? "So you'll help us?" Kodachi nodded. "Why not? Come, Shin. You can tell me how this stuff works. Then I'll be the one to use it on my brother. While I trust you to make these concoctions, I don't trust you to be able to use them without making a mistake. And I don't know your friend well enough to trust him either." "Oh well." Potion said as he pulled out another mask from his pouch. "You'll be needing this then." ********************************* Mousse, Potion and Kodachi crept down a corridor towards Kunou's room. All three were wearing Potion's chemically treated masks. Kodachi turned to the others and said "Go away. You're cramping my style." Mousse shook his head. "We have to make sure this works. We're staying." "You're in my house, you'll do what I say." Kodachi retorted, a bit too loudly. "Sister?" Kunou asked as he stepped out of his room. "Is there something wrong?" "Why brother dear." Kodachi purred innocently as Mousse and Potion tried to hide behind her. "No, no. Nothing's wrong." "Why are there two men hiding behind you?" Kunou asked as he walked towards them. "And why are you all wearing masks?" The two intruders and the gymnast took off their masks and gave innocent smiles to the kendoist. "Why, we were just about to..." Kodachi said, as she tried to think of something that would alleviate her brother's suspicions. Not an easy thing to think of, considering that Kunou had no illusions about his sister. "Fumigate." Potion tried. He winced as soon as he said it, and his two companions looked at him as if he was an idiot. "Fumigating? Here?" Kunou asked. "You dare say that the Kunou mansion is infested? I am not happy with you at the moment, herbalist. Your advice on how to deal with Shampoo proved to be less than satisfactory. Instead of freeing her from her spell, I seem to have transferred her affections from Saotome to me." "Is that a bad thing?" Potion asked. "And about the fumigating...uh..." "He was talking about my garden, brother." Kodachi said. "It's just full of bugs." "Your garden? Then why are you up here?" Kunou asked. Mousse sighed. [Enough of this.] he thought. He grabbed the vial out of Kodachi's hand, and drew it back to throw it. Kodachi gave him a black look for a moment before she tried to distract Kunou. "Hssst! Don't!" Potion hissed, waving his hands wildly. "You have to open it first." "What are they doing here anyway, sister?" Kunou asked Kodachi as he ignored the two mens antics. "Just helping me out with my plants." Kodachi answered easily. "So, how is that girl who was _so_ charming to me before?" Kunou shook his head. "She claims that she must marry me because I defeated her. Can you believe that? Saotome's spells must have warped her mind." In the background, Mousse managed to pull off the stopper that sealed the vial. "Now what?" he asked Potion. "Umm... let me think." Potion said, as he tried to remember how to use a vial of love gas. "Oh! That's right. Count to five then throw it. Then we'd better put our masks back on." Mousse shrugged. "Okay. One... two..." "Of course the count starts..." Potion mused to himself. "three..." Mousse said, drawing his arm back to throw the vial. "...from when you opened it..." Potion said. His eyes widened, just as Mousse reached 'four...' The vial gave a hissing sound as the gas within finally made it's escape. On contact with the air, it started to dilute, losing its colour within inches of leaving the bottle. Soon, the now invisible gas had covered the corridor, giving each person there a strong whiff of it. Since Kunou was furthermost away, he received the smallest dose. He had just finished talking to his sister, having never noticed the spread of the love gas. "Very well then. Have your fun with your friends. Just don't disturb me. I have to figure out what to do with this woman." He nodded to the other men, not noticing the sickly expressions on their faces, and he walked back down the corridor into his room, closing the door behind him. "Why isn't it working?" Mousse asked as he stared at the now empty vial. "Time delay." Potion said nervously. "It'll kick in within the minute." Mousse started to feel strange. He looked at the other two occupants of the corridor, and decided he'd sooner impale himself with his own weapons (literally, not nudge nudge, wink wink impale) than stick around here and let a love potion take effect with these two people nearby. Mousse ran wildly out of the building, and dived into a pond, in the hopes that either the cold water would wash the stuff off him before it had any effect, or it would drown any passions. As he hit the water, he turned into a duck. Mousse-Duck floated there for a couple of seconds before he heard a growling sound. He turned, and stared into the teeth-filled mouth of Kodachi's pet alligator. With a terrified quack, he launched himself from the pond, flapping off into the distance. Fear did what water didn't, and he managed to control the rising passions. Back at the mansion, Kodachi and Potion were looking at each other. Kodachi was looking at Potion with a calculating expression, and Potion was starting to eye the nearby exit. "This is a strange feeling." Kodachi admitted. "Very interesting. Maybe I should have tried this potion before. I almost feel... good. Almost." "Has anyone ever told you that you look really good in a leotard?" Potion asked dreamily. He blinked, shook his head, and then whapped his fist against his forehead. "AH! Can't fraternise with a customer! That's bad for business! Have to get out of here!" Where no other moral restraint had stopped him, the idea of 'getting to know' a customer had to be a strange way to stop a love potion's effects. Still, each person had their own way of fighting things. Kodachi grinned. "Going? What a pity. You must come again though. This was fun. Next time don't bring blind boy." Right now, Kodachi's mind was in too fragmented a state for a simple love potion to have too much of an effect on her. Not that that was to say it was completely useless on her, just that it wasn't having enough effect to matter. Potion nodded, and ran out before he lost control. Kodachi watched him go. "Hmm..." she said. "Maybe I should have just let the potion take over... Oh well. Always next time, I guess." She picked out a small test tube from within her leotard. Within it, she had managed to trap a small amount of the love gas while the others hadn't been looking. A careful analysis of this would prove most interesting. And it would help get her mind off some things she didn't know if she wanted to think about or not. Her work was the last place left where her old spark, what made her her came out. Her last refuge of insanity in the cold, hard, horrible world of sanity her mind had been thrown into. Kodachi felt THE laugh bubble up to her throat. With a giggling snicker, she walked off to her lab, readying herself for her work as she went. ********************************* Kunou stepped back into his room. "What all that about?" Shampoo asked. Kunou looked at the girl. She was fair, he admitted to himself. But three loves were already too many, he realised. To add another... that would be too much. And yet she expected him to marry her, just because he had beaten her in combat. It was ludicrous. He continued to stare at her. Still... she _was_ fair of body... "What wrong?" Shampoo asked. Perhaps it was the small amount of love gas he had sniffed, perhaps it was the unpredictable effects of the concoction he had drank before the fight, perhaps it was the poisoned dinner his sister had made tonight(she had cooked it at Kunou's request, he missed her old cooking), or perhaps it was just a rare moment, but Kunou's rational part started talking to him. [Come on.] his rational part thought. [She is good looking, she wants you, she knows of and lives by honour just like you, those other three girls don't want you... in fact, if you listened to me more often, you'd realise that two of them are only half-girls.] Shampoo looked on as she saw some sort of internal struggle go on with Kunou. If she hadn't been annoyed at the man, she might have found it funny. [Do you want to go on like this?] the rational part asked. [Alone, being laughed at behind your back for chasing after so many women? Women who give every indication of hating you? Seize the day, take the moment. Kiss her you fool. Now, you moron.] Well, that's what the rational part of his brain _tried_ to tell him. All Kunou actually thought was [She is good looking, she wants you. Kiss her. Now.] And so he did. Kiss her, that is. Shampoo, surprised at his change of heart, responded. Many people had come to dislike, or even despise Kunou and Shampoo. Akane was one of the happy ones who managed to dislike both, for example. But the main reason that many didn't like the two, was the fact that they were too aggressive in pursuing the love of someone(s) who didn't love them back. Both Kunou and Shampoo were lonely people. Shampoo had been isolated from the others of her village because of her superior fighting skills and, quite frankly, the arrogance she gained from those skills. She had few friends, and she came from a village where combat was put above love. She thought that love was won through fighting. Where she came from, she was right. Kunou had grown up in a family situation that no-one would wish for. His mother had died while he was young, and his father had just been insane. When his father had left four years ago, it had been left to him to run the family's affairs. A great responsibility for one so young. The questionable stability of his sister, whom he genuinely cared for, didn't help matters. So he had embraced the ways of the samurai, in an attempt to survive. It gave him strength, skill, and discipline. It didn't give him friends. His Kendo club respected him, to be sure, but they were not his friends. As much as it galled him, Nabiki was possibly the only friend he had. So perhaps it was not so surprising that he pursued love as hard as he did. Perhaps with a normal parents touch, a mother to be there, he would have known how to go about it properly. But all he knew was the glory of the fight. And so he took that glory to his dating. It was for this that he had fallen only for women who were fine martial artists. It was for this that he never succeeded in finding someone to love him. He was too busy trying to prove himself through fighting to get love. Both Kunou and Shampoo really had no idea of how to really love. At least, not by most people's standards. They did love, they just had ways of showing it that tended to drive people away. So the question came: what if they met someone who thought in a way similar to them? Who thought that it was through combat that love was expressed? And what if they beat each other in a fight? Like a starving person at a banquet, like a flame in a dry forest, like the fact that they had never been this close to another person who hadn't been trying to get away, they continued their kiss. Things certainly didn't end there... And the night drew to a close, as bubbling laughter echoed up from Kodachi's lab, and in a nearby park a man wearing goggles did his best to avoid human contact until a certain gas wore off. ********************************* Mousse-Duck flapped down into a pond in an anonymous park. He had lost his bearings while getting away, and now he was catching his breath before he tried to find a landmark to get him home. He was just thankful that no-one was around at this hour. With this love potion all over him, he didn't want to think on what would happen if he met someone, especially since he had been sniffing the potion's fumes for the last ten minutes. He was in an unstable state. It was just lucky that his initial dunking had washed off most of the stuff, and the adrenalin from running away from that alligator had purged his system of most of the drug. He blinked as another duck landed next to him with a ruffle of feathers. *Hello there good looking.* the duck, a female, quacked in greeting. Mousse-D blanched as he felt the remains of the gas working. *Not this little white duck.* he quacked, and took off, flapping away desperately. *Wait! Where are you going?* the duck quacked, and took off after Mousse-D. ********************************* Potion finally made it to his store. He blinked as he saw a duck staring forlornly at the door to his store. He knew it wasn't Mousse simply because he wasn't afraid of it. After he had made it inside (and having thrown the duck out after it jumped in after him), he walked upstairs and looked in on the small room that served as Mousse's room. He saw that Mousse was there, looking a bit sick. "What's with the duck outside?" Potion asked. Mousse shuddered. "I'd rather not talk about it." he said. Potion shrugged, and walked to his room. "Well, I should have known something like this would happen." Potion muttered to himself as he lay down on his bed. "Love potions _never_ work out." ********************************* A couple of days passed. Ryouga-chan and Ukyou walked towards Ucchans after another day of school. So far Kunou hadn't turned up at school, so they still didn't know what was happening between him and Shampoo. "Well, either it's a very good sign..." Ukyou said as they walked along. They were talking about Kunou's uncharacteristic absence from Furinkan. "...or it's a very bad sign." Ryouga-chan finished. "I don't know, it's been almost pleasant the last couple of days, without him there. But I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong." "I know. I'm getting the feeling I'm being watched all the time. It's really getting to me." Ukyou admitted. "So we tell Gosunkugi to stop following us." Ryouga-chan said. "Or else." Ukyou shook her head. "It's not him. At least, I don't think so. I went and had a talk to him during lunch. There was something weird about the way he acted towards me... I just couldn't shake the feeling he knew more about me than he should. But I guess I'm just being paranoid. That reminds me, he asked me to give you this." She dug a small straw doll out of one of her pockets and offered it to Ryouga-chan. "What is that?" Ryouga-chan asked, looking at the doll with a puzzled face. "I think it's supposed to be a voodoo doll." Ukyou said as she stared down at the straw doll she was holding. Ryouga-chan took the doll, looked at it for a few seconds, and then shrugged as she put it in her bag. "Weird thing to give." she said. "Gos seems to be a weird sort of guy." Ukyou replied. "But I don't think he's following us anymore. I must admit I wonder why he stopped following us. From what I'd heard, he doesn't give up that easily when he's motivated." "I don't think he's worth worrying about. If he gets to be a problem, we beat him up. Problem solved." Ryouga-chan replied. Ukyou nodded absently. She just couldn't shake that feeling she was being watched. It was setting her teeth on edge. Nearby, a signpost turned to look at the couple as they walked off into the distance. ********************************* Morning found Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne standing in front of the closed Nekohanten. Mousse asked Cologne. Cologne nodded. Shampoo nodded. Cologne smiled. Mousse winced. Ryouga, Ranma, Ukyou and Akane wouldn't be too happy to find out that Cologne was going to be teaching Kunou. He turned to Shampoo. Shampoo shrugged. Mousse nodded, relieved that Shampoo wasn't too unhappy. Cologne said to Shampoo. Shampoo nodded. She waved, and then she hopped on her bicycle, which had been nearby, and she screeched off into the distance. Mousse watched her go. he said. Cologne said. Mousse turned to look at her. Mousse started to sweat slightly. If Cologne had realised what they had done, she could unravel their whole plan. he said. Cologne said. Mousse sighed. Cologne nodded. Mousse shrugged. Cologne said. Mousse groaned. Cologne cackled. Mousse asked. Cologne warned. Mousse growled. Cologne shook her head. Mousse shook his head. Cologne warned. Mousse said. Cologne said, and then she pogoed off. Mousse sighed as he thought about Amazon girls coming after him in attempts to get him to beat them, so that they could marry him. Once, he probably would have welcomed such attentions. Right now, just thinking about it gave him a headache. ********************************* Inside the Tendo house, in the area near the front door, Spice and Akane stood next to a travel bag. "So you're leaving?" Akane asked. Spice nodded. "Your training certainly isn't over, but I have a few things to take care of back in China. I'll be back in a couple of months." "I'll keep in practice while you're away." Akane promised. "You do that." Spice said. "As the only two living students of the Katayama Kizuchi style, we have to keep the tradition going." "You know, I have seen a fair few girls with the ability to pull out a mallet." Akane said thoughtfully. "So soon into your training and you already think of teaching?" Spice asked, smiling. "You're not quite ready for that." Akane sighed. "I guess not." Spice picked up her bag. "Before I go, there is one thing I must say to you." she said seriously, looking into Akane's eyes. "Yes?" Akane asked. "I'm proud of you. You are a worthy student. A fine student. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." Spice said. "Don't worry." Akane said. She pulled her hammer out of its dimension, swung it once or twice, and then pocketed it back into thin air again. "I know what to do if they insult my style." Spice grinned. "Ah, you are a natural at this. Have fun while I'm gone. I'll be teaching you some more advanced techniques when I get back, so keep in practice." "Of course sensei." Akane said. "And call me Spice. Sensei grates on my ears almost as much as hearing Potion call me Mai Ling." Spice mock-growled. Akane smiled. "So I'll see you in two months, Spice?" Spice shrugged as she opened the front door. "About that. We'll see. Don't make any enemies while I'm gone." she said, walking away as she waved back to Akane. "Hey! Shampoo was the only..." Akane began, before she growled. She took hold of herself, and waved to the departing woman. As soon as Spice was out of her view, Akane sighed. "Make one enemy and see what it does for your reputation." she said to herself. "Even my sensei thinks I'm combative." Akane shook her head as she closed the front door. She walked towards the kitchen, having decided to make a meal to celebrate Shampoo's annulment of her engagement to Ranma. She had an extra special recipe in mind, using a lot of the herbs that Spice had given her to cook with. [Ranma better appreciate it.] she thought, clenching her fists as she walked into the kitchen. [Or he'll regret it.] ********************************* At the Kunou mansion, Shampoo and Kunou were on the walkway of the house, looking at one of the gardens the grounds contained. "I must admit, it is strange how we came together." Kunou mused. "Shampoo still trying to work out what happened." she admitted. "Now all I have to do is rescue my three other loves and..." Kunou managed before Shampoo dented one of her bonbori by slamming it onto his head. "If Shampoo have to put up with you, then Shampoo not have to put up with any mistress." Shampoo declared as she peeled her bonbori off the dazed Kunou. "But how can I abandon my three other loves?" Kunou pontificated. "You be abandoning life if Shampoo see you looking at other woman." Shampoo declared. "Truly, woman, you are ill tempered." Kunou said angrily. He looked out at the garden for a moment before he looked back at her. "I like that." he added in a calmer tone after a few seconds pause. Shampoo looked at the kendoist, who looked back at her. Slowly, she grinned. "You lot better with sense of humour." she said. [But I wasn't joking.] he thought. But for once, he didn't speak before thinking. For once, he did the right thing. He didn't say anything. He just smiled back. In the nearby shadows, Kodachi grinned. Her brother and that woman in the same house would make for an interesting time. She wouldn't even have to do anything, just watch the fun of their personalities clash. So she no longer had someone to love. So what. At least it looked like life wouldn't get too boring while she waited for her perfect man. ********************************* At the docks, a short, shrivelled old woman stood next to a tall good looking younger woman. "So..." Spice said to Cologne as they waited for their ship to be ready for passengers. "Kunou." she stated simply. Cologne nodded. "And Shampoo." Spice said calmly. Cologne nodded again. A snort of air escaped Spice's nose. It sounded suspiciously like a repressed chuckle. Slowly, a smile crept over Cologne's face. Spice started to giggle. Finally, the two women couldn't take it anymore. They started to laugh long and loud. After all, even though Shampoo was Cologne's great granddaughter, it didn't mean that the old woman couldn't find a situation like this funny. ********************************* Ryouga and Ukyou were sitting on the porch of Ucchans. Still nervous as a couple in public, they weren't doing anything except leaning into each other. "I can't believe it." Ukyou said. "Kodachi and Kunou, out of our hair. This is almost too good to be true." Ryouga nodded. He agreed, it was _too_ good to be true. Mousse had told them that Shampoo had succeeded in snaring Kunou. They sat there in silence for another few minutes before they saw Ranma run by, chased by Akane (who was carrying a plate full of food). "Get BACK here!" Akane shouted. "I cooked you a dinner to celebrate getting rid of Shampoo, and you ARE GOING TO EAT IT!" "If you don't like me enough that you're forcing me to eat your cooking then why didn't you just let Shampoo have me!?" Ranma shouted over his shoulder as Akane chased him off into the distance. Ryouga sighed. "And their fathers try to say they're in love." Ukyou nodded. "It's sad, isn't it?" Ryouga sadly nodded in agreement. They looked up at the darkening sky, and enjoyed the relative silence of the evening(except for the sounds of someone malleting someone else). "It certainly is. It's very sad." Ryouga answered as they settled back to enjoy the temporary peace. "At least there isn't anyone to get in the way of their engagement anymore." Ukyou said as they stared at the stars. "Or ours either. It's just so wonderfully peaceful. I wonder how long it can last..." ********************************* Can you smell it? It smells of danger, tastes of complications, feels of old memories returning to haunt, looks like disappointments sure to come, and it sounds... It sounds like trouble. Can you smell it? It is the smell of danger, of troubles still to come. ********************************* Cacophony is a word usually reserved for sound. Usually discordant sounds. But when it came to Akane's cooking, it could be said that it gave off a cacophony of smells. Right now, the smell of her cooking was wafting its way above the buildings she had chased Ranma along. Can you smell it? It is the smell of danger. On top of a building that overlooked Ucchans, a mailbox impassively stood. Apparently the Japanese Postal Service needed some talking to. The mailbox shuddered, before a brown haired head popped out of an opening in the letter receptacle. The person looked down at Ryouga and Ukyou leaning into each other, before she/he snarled. "Ukyou-sama." the person breathed, before pulling their head back into the mailbox. "I'll save you from that girl, Ukyou-sama." the mailbox promised before it bounced off, getting stares from all the other regular roof hoppers that Nerima attracted. ********************************* A thug groaned as he slowly rose from where he had been tossed. He could taste his own blood, blood caused by the white beast. The thug whimpered as he thought about it. A girl on a giant pig, it had looked like such an easy target. How wrong he was. He scampered away, in the opposite direction to what the girl and pig had taken, again involuntarily tasting the blood on his mouth. Can you taste it? It is the taste of complications. Akari sat atop Katsunishiki as the gigantic pig waddled down the darkened streets of Tokyo. "I hope we can find a decent man here, Katsunishiki." Akari said. "I've heard that Nerima is one of the best places to go for martial artists. All we have to do is find one that can satisfy Grandfather's wishes." The white pig ernked its agreement as it scanned the streets for someone to attack. Somewhere around here there had to be someone capable of beating a sumo pig... ********************************* A young man looked around at his surroundings in confusion. He knew there was some reason he had come to this city. Now if only he could remember that reason. If only he could remember the name of the city he was in. He looked at a broom he was holding. If only he could remember why he was holding a broom. He tried to remember, but his thoughts were like air, ungraspable. Can you feel it? It is the feel of old memories returning to haunt. The young man's face brightened as he remembered something. Two somethings. Names, perhaps. Akane, and Shinnosuke. Now, if only he could remember which one was his. Then, perhaps, he could find whomever the other name belonged to. He felt there was something important he had to say to that other person. If only he could remember what it was... ********************************* Gosunkugi used the reflection from the mirror in his room to straighten his tie. He took stock of himself: clean cut suit, hair styled back, he was looking as suave as he could. Pity he couldn't do anything about those rings under his eyes. He gave his reflection a sickly grin before he walked over to his bed and picked up the bouquet of flowers that lay there. "I can do it." he whispered to himself. "I know I can do it. I _will_ ask Ryoko out on a date." He thought back to when he had last talked to Ukyou, possibly the only female besides his mother he could talk to without getting nervous. It probably helped a lot that Ukyou was pretending to be a boy. It probably helped a lot more that Ukyou didn't think of Gosunkugi as a serious threat to her engagement to Ryouga. After all, Ukyou could be very protective when she felt her relationship was threatened. Gosunkugi thought back to what he had said to Ukyou. 'Did you give her my gift?' he had asked. Ukyou had looked confused for a second before she remembered the straw doll. 'Oh that!' she had said. 'Sure did. She was very grateful.' she finished, making a small lie for politenesses sake. After all, it wasn't as if Ryouga had _disliked_ the present or anything. 'She was grateful for it...' Gosunkugi sighed to himself as Ukyou walked off to class. Gosunkugi shook his head, returning himself to the present. He was feeling good about this. Sure, it had taken him weeks to gather the courage to reach this point, but now he felt sure he could talk to Ryoko for long enough to ask her to go out on a date. He psyched himself up a bit more before, with a final large breath, he walked out of his room, out of his house, and out to find Ryoko. As he walked along, he smelt the flowers he held once or twice. He felt good. He looked around at the darkened sky. "It looks like a good night." he said to himself as he walked along, hoping to himself that he could keep this confidence for long enough to talk to Ryoko. In the distance, clouds started to cover the previously clear night sky. They rumbled ominously, promising yet more rain for the Nerima Ward. Gosunkugi walked along, not seeing the signs of the weather looming nearby. "I hope it doesn't rain." Gosunkugi mumbled to himself, showing a bit of prescience. Can you see it? It looks like disappointments sure to come. ********************************* Boom. Boom. Can you hear it? It is the sound of thunder, the sound of bad omens to come. It sounds... like trouble. Boom. It is the knell of doom. Boom. Lightning spread its jagged hands over the darkened sky of an anonymous hillside. Boom. In nearby towns and villages, priests and spiritualists raised their heads, their attuned senses detecting the evil that was about to be unleashed. Boom. On the hill, a large boulder that was blocking off a cave began to tremble. The boulder was covered in wards and charms. Boom. The boulder exploded, sending out a spray of dust and rocks. Soon, a figure, small of stature but great of power walked out of the wreckage. Boom. True horror had been unleashed on the world. Boom. The small demon looked to the lightning lit skies, and growled its word of power. Boom. "Paaaaannnnnnttttttiiiiiieeeeeesssss." Boom. May the gods take pity on us all. Boom. Especially young, good-looking women. Boom. IT was free. Boom. And none were safe. Boom. Boom. Boom. ************************************************************************ ************************************************************************ There ends another fanfic. I guess I was just in the right mood to write a sequel. Ok, I am now patiently waiting for Akari lovers to pounce on me and truss me up for dinner. But I would like to point out that just because Tarou beat her pig, that doesn't mean she's going to fall for him. And what was Tarou doing in Japan this early on? Ah... that would be telling...(he says as he tries to think of a good reason). The focus really diffused amongst the characters a bit more than the first one. If and when I write the third chapter, it will focus back to Ryouga and Ukyou again. Maybe. Could there be anything more truly unnerving and horrible than a sane Kodachi? I don't think so. Is Kunou right for Shampoo? Maybe not completely right, but I see a fair few similarities between their characters. They both fight the ones they love, for a start. In other words, they see combat as the way to express their love. Is that enough to build a life on? Possibly not, but then again, they haven't exactly gone on their honeymoon or anything yet. I just couldn't resist having Ukyou fight Shampoo in their cursed forms. A pig wielding a spatula as it attacks a cat, while both used martial arts. It's not something you see everyday. And if it is, I worry about you. A mallet is an interesting weapon. Is it really so strange to be able to win real fights with it when there are characters that can use cloth(Ryouga's bandannas), a potty device(Mousse) or a cooking implement(do I really have to tell you?) in their fights? So it's a comedic device. So what. I had a pig fight with a mini spatula, you think I worry too much about realism in a fight? Till next time. "Live fast. Die young. Ignore stupid proverbs like this one."