Ranma 1/2: Ranmarella
by Mark Doherty(s067350@student.uq.edu.au)  
  
This is my second fanfiction. Just a bit of fluff, no angst in this one. 

Characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I deserve to
be cursed in the spring of drowned pond scum for using them. 
Please don't sue me, I am only a poor student with grand delusions.
I mean.... delusions of grandeur.

Ahh.... Cinderella. I haven't seen anyone cross it with Ranma
yet. Why would you want to? Especially when I'm sad enough
to do it. 

Read, enjoy, C&C if you wish. Please, no flames. Summer's hot 
enough down here already.


"These sort of boobies think that people come to balls
 to do nothing but dance; whereas everyone knows that
 the real business of a ball is either to look out for
 a wife, to look after a wife, or to look after
 somebody else's wife."
                      -Robert Smith Surtes(1803-1864)

*****************************************
  
Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom of Nerima, there lived a 
young scullery boy called Ranma. Ranma was a poor orphan, 
having to rely on the providence of his wicked stepfather, Soun,
and Soun's three daughters Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane. Unfortunately
for fairy tale conventions, none of them were ugly.
  
"Once you've finished scrubbing that floor you can wash the dojo."
Soun said to Ranma.
  
"You call this gi clean? Do it again, baka!" Akane screamed as she
threw a gi in Ranma's face.
  
"I'll sell you a new scrubbing brush for 2000 yen, Ranma." Nabiki
said from where she was sitting, reading a manga.
  
"Oh my! I'll help you clean up, Ranma." Kasumi said.
  
Her father and sisters turned to her in annoyance. 

"Shh!" Nabiki said to Kasumi. "You're ruining the mood."
  
"Sorry." Kasumi answered.
  
"Anyway, girls, " Soun said, "tonight we're all going to the Martial
Arts Ball at the palace."
  
"We are?" Ranma asked hopefully from where he was cleaning the floor.
  
"Well, you aren't." Nabiki noted. "Just us girls are invited. Apparently
the Prince's advisers have convinced him it is time to take a wife, so
he's throwing this ball to do so. That's why any decent looking girl
can get into the palace tonight, but men need invitations."
  
"So how's he getting in?" Ranma asked, pointing his scrubbing brush 
at Soun.
  
Soun flashed his invitation. "Chaperones are allowed in as well. Now
get back to work."
  
"Gruffle." a panda said as it walked into the room. It held up a sign
which said {When's lunch?}
  
"And get that panda out of here!" Soun shouted.
  
"Honestly Ranma," Akane noted, "you'd have more to eat for yourself if 
you didn't have to feed that pet of yours."
  
*****************************************
  
Ranma sighed as he scrubbed at the floor. The others had left for the
ball, heaping jobs on him before they left. He had really wanted to go
to that ball, apparently the Prince set a great table. Now, he was 
stuck here. He didn't have a suit, he didn't have transportation, and
he didn't have an invitation.
  
"I wish I could go to the ball." Ranma said. "I'm really hungry."

With a flash of magnesium, a smell of cheap pipe tobacco, and a 
haze of dirty smoke, a two foot tall old man, dressed in a black
martial arts outfit, appeared out of nowhere.
  
"Who are you?" Ranma asked.
 
"I'm your hentai Godfather, Happosai." the apparition replied as he
floated a foot off the ground. "I am here to grant your wish to go to
the ball."
  
"Really? Wow!" Ranma said.
  
"Of course, there is a price." Happosai warned.

"What? Servitude for a year, my first born child, my very soul?" Ranma
asked fearfully.
  
"Nothing so simple as that." Happosai replied. "My price for granting 
your wish is..." he looked left, then right, before leaning closer and
whispering "a pair of Akane's panties."
  
"Deal." Ranma said. After all, selling other people's property in return
for a wish was something anyone (especially Nabiki) would jump at.
  
*****************************************
  
"So anyway, " Happosai said as he fingered the silky treasure Ranma
had stolen from Akane's room, "you want to go to the ball, eh?"

"That's right. I've heard about these balls the Prince kicks up. Great
food, great entertainment, and great fights as well. What more 
would you want?"
  
"Great girls?" Happosai suggested.
  
"They're there as well." Ranma told him. "The Prince is getting hitched
soon, so he's choosing his wife from whoever's present there tonight.
That means there'll be plenty of good looking girls there."
  
"Reaaallllyyyy ???" Happosai said. "Well, in that case I'd better hurry
with your wish so I can...... Godfather somewhere else. What do you
need?"
  
"Something to wear, something to get me there, and some way to 
get in to the ball. The girls are let in automatically, but guys need
to be chaperoning a girl, or be officially invited." Ranma answered.
  
"Easily solved, Ranma my boy." Happosai said as he pulled out a 
combination wand/smoking pipe from his pocket. "Stand still, this
won't hurt a bit."
  
[Uh oh.] Ranma thought.
  
Happosai waved the wand and said the magic word "Sweeto!" With a
flash of light, a bucket of water appeared over Ranma's head and upended
itself on him.
  
"What was that for?" a wet Ranma asked angrily.
  
"Ah.... sometimes I love my job." Happosai noted. "You said girls could
get in without an invitation, right?"
  
"That's right, but what...." Ranma paused as a horrible thought occurred to
him. "You didn't." he said as he realised that his voice seemed to be a 
little higher than normal. Slowly, he tilted his head to look down at 
himself. There were two very noticeable lumps on his chest that hadn't been 
there before. Ranma opened his shirt, to get the confirmation he needed. He
had breasts.
  
"Waarrrggghhh!" Ranma-chan screamed.
  
Happosai nodded happily. "No need to thank me."
  
"You call this granting a wish?!?" Ranma-chan screamed. "I'm a girl!"
  
"And a very pretty one too." Happosai said as he leapt onto Ranma-chan's 
chest and began to nuzzle.
  
"Aaahhhhh!" Ranma-chan cried, and knocked Happosai into a wall. "What are 
you doing?!?"
  
"But you're so cute...." Happosai whined.
  
"What about this girl thing?!?" Ranma-chan screamed. "Am I stuck like 
this?"
  
"Don't worry, hot water will turn you back into a guy. And forever more
cold water will make you into a babe ! That's the kind of nice guy 
I am." Happosai said happily. "Don't worry about it. You said you 
were going to the ball for the food and fights, right? So what does 
it matter if you're a guy or a girl? Just grit your teeth and think 
of all that free food."
  
The panda stuck its head through the door and held out a sign, which 
said {Did somebody say free food?}
  
Happosai looked at Ranma-chan's clothes. They were a set of dirty pants 
and shirt. "Those things will never do for a ball. Stand still again."
  
"Why? What are you going to do to me this time? Dress me in leather?" 
Ranma-chan yelled. "Get it right this time!"
  
Happosai had a distant look for a moment as he fought the temptation to 
dress Ranma-chan in a leather gown. "No, no." he said. Leather 
wouldn't be appropriate for a ball. Afterwards perhaps...... time 
for that later. Just stand still."
  
Ranma-chan sighed and waited for the little hentai to work his magic. 
[The things I go through for a feed.] she thought.
  
Happosai waved his wand again, shouting out "Sweeto!" as he did. With 
a poof, Ranma-chan's clothes disintegrated.
  
"Aaahhhhhh!!!" Ranma-chan screamed. "You pervert! You said you were 
going to dress me!"
  
"Give it time." Happosai said as he drooled. Ranma-chan was too
shocked to cover herself, so he was in bliss. "It takes the magic a
while to make the new clothes." he lied.
  
After another ten seconds, new clothes appeared on Ranma-chan. She
was wearing a white gown, split at the legs so she could do high kicks.
Over the dress she wore a red vest, buttoned with wooden ties. On her
feet were a set of clear plastic chinese slippers.
  
"What's with the plastic slippers?" Ranma-chan asked.
  
"And what would you do if they were glass?" Happosai asked. "That was 
the only other choice, you know. Glass slippers tend to break, which can
be messy when you're standing in them at the time."
  
"Oh well. Now how about transportation. Think you can do that without
a cheap perv?" Ranma-chan asked.
  
"If I have to." Happosai pouted. He led Ranma-chan outside.

"First, we need a carriage." he said. He looked down at the panties
in his hand, and sighed. "I want these back afterwards." he said to
Ranma-chan, before setting the panties on the ground, walking back
from them a bit, and then waving his wand.

A fine carriage appeared where the panties had been.

"Not bad. Bit useless without something to pull it and someone to
drive it though." Ranma-chan noted.

{No, really. What was that about free food?} the panda's sign asked
as it looked at Ranma-chan.

Happosai grinned. He waved his wand at the panda, and it reappeared
in front of the carriage, fitted like a horse would have been.

"And a driver?" Ranma-chan asked.

"Excuse me, do you know the way to..." Ryouga asked as he walked up.

Happosai looked at the new arrival. "You'll do." He waved his wand
at Ryouga. Ryouga was instantly reoutfitted in a sparkling drivers
suit.

"Hey! I thought you said it took a while for new clothes to appear!"
Ranma-chan shouted at Happosai.

Happosai shrugged. "I'm better at it with guys." he said simply.

"Um... why am I dressed like this?" Ryouga asked.

"You've just been recruited to drive my young pretty here to the
ball." Happosai told him.
                            
"I am not your young pretty." Ranma-chan snarled.

"Whatever, whatever. You be off, have fun now. But Ranma, a warning:
leave the ball before midnight." Happosai said with a stern expression.

"What happens then?" Ranma-chan asked.

"The warranty runs out on this magic, and it falls apart. See you later
sweeeeettiiieee." Happosai said, his voice fading out as he disappeared.
  
"So, do you know the way to the palace?" Ranma-chan asked a confused
Ryouga.

"Well I guess, but..." Ryouga said.

"Fine. Come on." Ranma-chan threw Ryouga onto the driver's seat before
stepping inside the carriage.

*****************************************

Ranma-chan looked out of the carriage as it jostled along. Her eyes 
widened as she saw a sign saying 'Nerima 20 miles'. But the house
was only a mile from the palace, which was in the middle of the kingdom.

"Stop the carriage!" she shouted.
  
*****************************************

The guards at the palace doors watched as a carriage rolled up, pulled 
by a panda, with a beautiful redhead girl driving it. Next to her was a
young man in a neat driver's suit, marred somewhat by a yellow and
black bandanna on his head.

"If that's the girl driving it, imagine who's inside." one guard whispered
to the other.

Ranma-chan dragged Ryouga towards the entrance. "Why didn't you
tell me you weren't good with directions, ya moron?" she asked him.

"Well I..." he began.

"Nevermind. C'mon you can 'chaperone' me into this thing."

*****************************************

Ranma-chan looked at the ballroom in satisfaction. There were brawls
breaking out all over the place, a huge buffet table was overloaded with
okonomiyaki, and...

{Food!} the panda signed as it leapt past Ryouga and Ranma-chan and
thundered to the table.

[And my pet panda just broke into the palace and is terrorising a chef.]
Ranma-chan thought. "Oh well. We're in. Go have fun, Ryouga. I'm
off to get some food."

Ryouga shrugged and wandered off as Ranma-chan hitched her skirts
and raced to the food table.

*****************************************

"Oooo. He's cute." Nabiki said, pointing out a handsome man to her
sisters.

"Hmph. Boys." Akane replied.

"He's so young." Kasumi added.

"Come on girls, grab someone and dance. Don't want the Prince
thinking you're wallflowers now, do we?" Soun asked.

Kasumi sighed and grabbed the hand of a man with glasses, a
doctor she thought she had been told. He seemed old enough,
he'd do for a dance.

Nabiki shrugged and blackmailed a cute guy into dancing with her.

"You too, Akane." Soun said.

"There's no-one here who would treat me as me, Daddy. No-one who..."
Akane stopped as Ryouga stepped up.

"Excuse me, do you.." Ryouga began.

"Dance? Oh well, if I have to, I'll do it with you." Akane sighed as 
she took Ryouga's hand.

"...know the way... oh. Dance? But I don't know how." Ryouga
protested as he was dragged off to the dance floor.

*****************************************

The Prince stared down at the proceedings. He was on a balcony 
overlooking the ballroom, so that he could see everyone without
them knowing. He sighed. He really didn't want to marry a girl, 
but his advisers were insisting, for the good of the country.

Since this was a martial arts ball, the dancing was... vigourous,
to say the least. The Prince noted that several women were doing 
quite well out there. As an aide pointed to people and named them,
the Prince saw that a foreign dignitary, Shampoo, was one of the
ones racking up quite a body count. Another was Kasumi, who
had obviously used strategy, as her partner was decimating those
surrounding them, stuttering "Ka..Kasumi!" as he did so. Nabiki was
somehow never where the fighting was, and when she was she was
never hit. It was uncanny. Akane was mowing down several other
dancers as well, although her partner seemed to be a bit spaced
out from dancing with her.

The Prince sighed, then spotted a redheaded girl gorging herself
at the food table. "Who's that?" he asked his aide.

The aide stared, before admitting "I don't know, your highness. She's
not from this kingdom, I would have recognised her."

*****************************************

Ranma-chan ate with the grace of a starving hippo. It was good food, 
although it would have been better if there was something else 
besides okonomiyaki to eat.

"Ah, she eats with a healthy respect for food. Truly the sun shines
on me tonight to meet a beauty such as yourself." Kunou, Captain
of the Guards, said as he walked up to Ranma-chan.

"Whalla hell rrr yu talfing bout?" Ranma-chan managed between 
mouthfuls.

"Come, my pig-tailed goddess, dance with me!" Kunou cried.

"Back off, buddy. You're bothering me." Ranma-chan said.

"Ah, she speaks fiercely so that I may know of her strength.
Very well, fair woman, I shall fight thee. If you win, you may
dance with me."

"Dance with you? What sorta pervert are you? But I'll gladly
give you that fight." Ranma-chan replied as her panda snuck
up behind her and stole some food off her plate.

*****************************************

The Prince watched as the mystery girl beat up the Captain of
the Guards. "She's good." he noted to his aide. 

"Yes sir. It is almost midnight, time to go down and dance with 
someone." the aide said.

"If I must." the Prince sighed.

*****************************************

"Ah... Shampoo. Dancing with you like this is such bliss." Mousse,
co-ambassador from the Kingdom of Joketsozuko, sighed.

"No get any funny ideas, Mousse." Shampoo, the other ambassador
from the Kingdom of Joketsozuko replied. "I only dance with you cause
I need partner to dance. I only here to impress Prince and marry him."

Mousse sighed happily in response. He was dancing with Shampoo. Who 
cares what else happened? Heaven had already arrived for him.

*****************************************

Ranma-chan nudged an unconscious Kunou. Well, that had been 
fun. Food and a fight, this night was turning out to be a good one.

"Excuse me, would you like to dance?" a voice asked from behind
her.

Ranma-chan sighed. Not another one already. She was going to
kill Happosai for this wish if she saw him again. She turned and
was about to refuse in as dangerous and as physical a way as 
she could think of when she saw that it was the Prince who had
asked her.

[What am I going to do?] Ranma-chan thought to herself. [Only
an idiot would refuse a guy who can have you executed because
he didn't like the colour of your shirt.] "Well... ok. But don't think
that means anything, me dancing with you."

The Prince nodded and took Ranma-chan out to the dance floor.
She seemed agile enough, but it was as if she had never learnt
to dance before. At least, not as a girl.

"You're leading again." the Prince pointed out politely.

"Sorry." Ranma-chan replied, hoping that this would be over soon.

"You know, you remind me of someone I knew when I was younger."
the Prince noted. "Except he was a guy. We used to secretly play 
down in the grounds, because he was lower class, and I wasn't."

"Really? How interesting." Ranma-chan replied in a bored voice as
she kicked off an attacking couple. [Whoever thought of martial
arts dancing?] she thought.

"Mmm hmm." the Prince replied. "We even had pet names for each
other. I'd call him Ranchan, and he called me..."

"U..Ucchan?" Ranma-chan stuttered. "Ukyou? The Ucchan who 
cooked me okonomiyaki? You're Ucchan?"

"Ranchan? That is you? But I thought you were a guy, when we 
were young?" Prince Ukyou asked.

"Well I..." Ranma-chan began just as she tripped over her skirt.
Luckily her fall was broken by another couple.

"Are you alright?" Ranma-chan asked the girl she had fallen on.

Shampoo looked up in fury at the girl who had humiliated her in
front of everyone. She reached up, took Ranma-chan's chin, and
kissed her on the cheek. "I give you kiss of death, girl." she said.
"Promise to hunt you down and kill you."

"But I..." Ranma-chan began as the clock started striking midnight.
Her eyes widened as Shampoo rose, a bonbori in her hand, the
clock striking in the background. "I'm outta here." Ranma-chan 
said as she bolted out the front door.

"Die!" Shampoo cried as she followed.

"Ranchan!" Prince Ukyou shouted as he chased after Ranma-chan
too.

As Ranma-chan ran outside, she was going so fast her slippers fell off. 
Happosai bounded past her, splashing her with hot water as he did so.

"What'd you do that for?" Ranma asked. "Now I'm stuck in a 
dress a mile from home!"

"Don't thank me now sonny." Happosai replied as he glomped onto 
Shampoo, who had just arrived. "Thank me for the delay later."

Ranma sighed and ran off. He had to find a place to get rid of the
dress. 

Prince Ukyou picked up one of the plastic slippers, a thoughtful
look on his face. He pulled Happosai off Shampoo with a shlupping
sound, and said "I think I need to talk to you."

*****************************************

"So...." Ranma said to the three sisters when he saw them the next
morning. "Who did the Prince choose for his wife?"

"Some red haired girl who ran out before the ball was over, if
you could believe that." Akane answered.

"Urk." Ranma replied. [Oh no.] "So... uh.... does he know where she
lives?"

"Nah, he's got one of her slippers though." Nabiki said as she ate some
food. "Said that he'd find her through that. Although how hard it's going
to be to find a redhead in a country of black and brown haired people,
I don't know."

"Not hard at all." Happosai replied from the doorway. Next to him
stood Prince Ukyou.

"Aaahhh! You led him, you little hentai!" Ranma screamed to 
Happosai. "I'll kill you!"

"Calm down, Ranchan." Prince Ukyou said. "That is you, isn't it?"

"Um... I don't know what you're talking..." Ranma began, before 
Happosai splashed him with a bucket of water.

"Thanks a lot, old letch." Ranma-chan said with a sigh.

"Wow Ranma." Nabiki said. "Cross-dressing. I never knew you 
had it in you."

"You're an even bigger pervert than I thought." Akane noted.

"So it was you, Ranchan." Prince Ukyou said.

"Uh.... don't get any strange ideas there, Ucchan." Ranma-chan
said as she saw the look in Ukyou's eyes. "Just cause I'm
half-girl doesn't mean I want to marry a guy."

"Ah.... Ranma. You're so unobservant." Happosai sighed. "Ukyou's
a girl."

"What?!?" Ranma-chan screamed. "Since when?"

"Since always." Ukyou replied. "When my father didn't have any
male heirs, he feared for the country. So he made me pretend to
be a boy, so that the country wouldn't fall to civil war when he died.
I was forced into choosing a wife to keep up the charade. I think
you'll do nicely."

"What... what?" Ranma-chan stuttered.

{Marry the Prince?} the panda signed. {That means we get to eat
at the palace! Marry her!}

One of the walls exploded. Shampoo stepped through, wielding a
bonbori. "Girl die!" she shouted as she lunged at Ranma-chan.

Ranma-chan screamed and started dodging.

"Ah... I love happy endings." Happosai said happily as he glomped
onto Ranma-chan's chest.

*************************************************************************
*************************************************************************

Hardly prize winning material, I must admit. Ukyou got Ranma in
this one because, quite frankly, Akane didn't fit right. Besides,
as I said in my first fanfic, I like Ukyou a lot.

This was written as a break to another fanfic I'm writing. So far,
it's damn depressing. All fine and good, but it's NOT SUPPOSED TO
BE!!! Ah well, that's what rewrites are for.

Till next time.

"Newsreader: And a thief, that police are calling Mr Smartarse, broke 
into a burgler alarm factory last night." - Full Frontal