Standard Series Disclaimer:
This is less a series than a collection of self-indulgent, surreal, farcical, near-lemon shorts. Reading the previous chapters isn't necessary, but if you didn't like those you probably won't like this, either.

Take Off Your Clothes 6:
Spiritual Regeneration

by: McKinley Morganfield

"Akane, it's NOT funny..."

"I'm not trying to be funny. I'm just asking."

"Well...you know I'm not interested. Not even slightly."

"But what if you were? Hypothetically speaking, that's all."

"Well, I'm not."

"But if you were..."

"No. No, I wouldn't." Akane paused, smiled, and looked at Ranma.

"Why not?"

"What do you think? What's gotten into you, anyways? You're worse than Nabiki!"

"Just answer the question, Ranma."

"Well...for starters, because I'm not interested."

"Yes..." Akane rolled her eyes. He was so stubborn about that. Ranma continued.

"And what if everybody found out? I'd...the Martial Arts school'd...never live it down."

"Ranma! Look. I already established that in the question. He's a complete stranger, you'll never meet him again, and there'll be no evidence."

"Well...if he's a complete stranger, how do I know he doesn't have one of those sicko diseases?"

"He could always wear a condom, or something."

Ranma blushed. It took him a while before he responded. "I don't think those always work. Besides, what if I got pregnant?"

"Using a condom?" asked Akane. Ranma was clearly embarrassed, but he didn't say anything, not wishing Akane to one-up him.

"Well...What if it breaks?"

"They don't break if you don't break them."

"If" said Ranma, for emphasis.

"I mean on purpose. Besides, I have birth control pills you could borrow..." Akane paused as she realized what she had said. Amazingly enough, Ranma caught the meaning.

"You...you do? Geez...you're not...not Ryouga, are you?"

"Dummy! Of course not..." Akane paused.

"I haven't even opened them yet. Dr. Tofu gave them to me, in case we...in case we ever got...intimate."

"Intimate? Me? With a tomboy like you?" asked Ranma, as much disbelief in his voice as he could muster. Akane glared back at Ranma.

"Fuck off," swore Akane. Ranma looked a bit startled.

"Geez, sorry Akane."

"Well, then, what if he wasn't a complete stranger?"

"This again?"

"Yeah."

"Well...that'd be even worse. I mean, then the word would be sure to get out."

"But...what if it was, maybe, somebody like Kunou? If you denied it, and there weren't any witnesses, nobody would believe Kunou...they'd just think he was deluded again, or misinterpreting things again, or..."

"Akane...this is getting too weird."

"Just answer me, Ranma."

"I could never...do anything, with Kunou."

"But you've thought about it..."

"No way!"

"You're telling me you've never even thought of it? Just...what it would be like?"

"Of course I haven't!"

"There's nothing wrong with it, you know. Nothing wrong with thinking."

"I tell you, I haven't!"

"Sure, Ranma."

"I haven't!"

"Not once?" Ranma didn't answer. Akane continued.

"Not even that time you almost bathed with him? To get the photos? You didn't even stop and think...what if?"

"Well...in an intellectual way. Not...erotically, or nothin'."

"So you have."

Ranma didn't answer. He only blushed. Akane asked another question.

"Why didn't you?"

"Akane!"

"Ranma, you know Kunou's not going to have a VD...and that nobody would believe him...so why not? Aren't you even...curious? What it would be like...as a girl?"

"Akane..."

"What?"

"No. No, I wouldn't. I'm not curious. I'm not interested. This is a stupid..." Ranma was starting to yell before he got cut off.

"Why not?" asked Akane. Ranma looked flustered. It took him a while to get back into the conversation.

"For...For the same reason you don't, I guess."

"Because I'm not interested?"

"Yeah."

"Well Ranma, I've got news for you." Akane smiled mischievously.

"Yeah?"

"I wouldn't be so sure that I'm not."

"Akane?"

"Don't looked so shocked. I mean, if you admit to fantasizing about it, why can't I?"

Ranma didn't respond. Akane leaned forward and put Ranma's hands in her own.

"All you'd have to do is transform. We could...together. I'd even do most of the work. And nobody'd have to know. Nobody would find out. It'd be our little secret."

"Maybe...but...but...geez, that's not the point!"

"That is the point, Ranma. So why don't we? Just slip on over to Kunou's...you know he'd go for it. It's...not many people have the opportunity to compare it as a male to as a female. And you could. Nobody else would have to know. Just Kunou, and the two of us."

"No way! I told you...I'm not interested!"

"So you'd rather I went alone?"

"Of course not!"

"Well, Ranma...either you go with me...or I might just go myself." Ranma looked back at Akane. She was so beautiful, her lengthening hair tied back with a white ribbon.

**

I don't know if anybody's interested in these things. PhoneyNT told me it was worth posting, so I did. Blame him ^_^.