Note: 'The Rise of Endymion' is borrowed from Dan Simmons, but is only alluded to; our narrator finds it an interesting metaphor for his own situation. I really enjoyed it, but it is not required reading to understand this fic.
Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. ;)
I awake in a hospital.
This is something I don't remember happening before. I feel fine, though the last thing I can recall is Haruhi on the roof, and-
I sit up quickly and look around. Asahina-san is sitting in a chair by my bed, dozing off, a book in her lap. It is 'The Rise of Endymion', by Dan Simmons. This is the same book that Yuki-san once gave me to read.
That puts everything else back together for me. First of all, I am wearing proper clothes, and not a hospital gown. They are pajamas, on closer inspection. That doesn't seem too bad.
These clothes have no holes in them, and neither do I. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at this point. Yuki-san mentioned a backup, so could that have been it?
She simply undid everything to a point? I don't know if she could do that. It seems possible, I suppose.
But then, why am I in a hospital room with a casually dressed, sleeping Asahina-san?
Or is it better to enjoy this situation without questioning it? No, this is not right. If it were a fantasy, I would have done something incredible to fight against Taniguchi. I would have protected her, and out of gratitude....
But maybe this is a fantasy anyway?
"Asahina-san?" I ask cautiously.
She starts awake and rubs at her eyes tiredly. Haruhi is right. She's very cute.
"K...Kyon?" she asks in surprise.
Hah. Even in my fantasy she uses my nickname. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. My imagination can't overcome Haruhi's amazing will, hmm?
"Should I be someone else?" I ask.
"N...no!" she says, shaking her head rapidly, leaping to her feet and putting her hands up into fists, which she cutely holds beneath her chin, hunching in on herself. "Of course not! I just.... You're awake!"
"Shouldn't I be?"
"N...no.... I mean, well, yes, but...."
Ah, Asahina-san. So much nervous stuttering. I suppose this is where she explains that I did something noble for her, and she wishes to reward me for it. It must be that I'm merely being efficient, and this is why I don't recall it. Her summary will be swifter, I am sure. Why else would I be in a hospital bed with no injuries?
I smile at her. "Well, it seems to be okay now, right?" I flop back onto my bed before I frown. The bed is awfully tiny for a fantasy. Then again, I suppose a smaller bed might mean that we'd--
I have to keep my mind on track. Haruhi did something, and thanks to Taniguchi, it could be serious. I know Asahina-san is limited in what she can tell me, thanks to the hypnotism that her superiors impose, but surely she can offer me some information.
"Y...yes...."
"So, what happened?"
"You got hit by a truck," she blurts out suddenly. "You.... You hurt your head. Very badly. You were ... um ... delusional for a while."
I sit up straight again and raise my hand to my scalp cautiously. I feel stubble, no more than, perhaps, two centimeters long. "You're kidding?" I ask, indeed feeling faint lines and ridges of scars across my head.
Thankfully, I still don't have it in me to be shocked. As I recall, only ten minutes ago I was watching an esper and two data entities fight it out, while a high school girl with the ability to rearrange reality to her whim realized who she was. The time traveler was hanging onto my arm, as she is not typically a combatant.
"N...no. There were ... fragments of your skull ... um ... in your brain." She swallows. "We didn't.... I.... That is...." She smiles then, brightly, unshed tears shining in her eyes. "I should call a doctor. Or a nurse, but.... Oh, Kyon! I've missed you so much!"
Before I can say anything else, she rushes across the room and throws her arms around me in a hug, crying softly into my shoulder. I feel sad that she's upset. I'm also anxious to understand what she said; what did Haruhi do, after all? But for the moment, I just enjoy the sensation of Asahina's soft embrace.
Ah, but we can't have that, I recall. Even if I was misbehaving when we encountered Taniguchi. Oh, that's an unpleasant thought for this idyllic situation. What happened to Taniguchi? Or Yuki-san, come to think of it? And Haruhi?
I suppose Koizumi was there, too. Better wait on asking those questions a bit.
A doctor bustles into the room holding a clipboard and exclaiming. At this point I see I have woken up in the middle of the night; the window wasn't visible until the door opens. Wait. A doctor?
Bad enough I think about Haruhi when I'm trying to enjoy a fantasy of Asahina-san, but why such a morbid and odd one? And why would I interrupt such a prime interlude with a stodgy old doctor?
I am suddenly not liking this very much at all, though I am still enjoying the sensation of Asahina-san clinging to me. I think she must be enjoying it, too, since she doesn't let go. It does help, I suppose, that I am hugging her back. Curse you, willful hands! Stop trying to creep down to her skirt! This is no fantasy after all, is it?
"Yes, well," the doctor says, before coughing very loudly a few times to get Asahina-san's attention. She reluctantly releases me, and I admit a share of reluctance of my own. But this is important, after all.
Still, I'm feeling numb and struggling to put things together. The doctor very politely explains what happened to me; four years ago, I got into an accident. I was brain damaged -- was. He stresses this, and you had better believe that I pay attention.
Anyway, he says that I behaved normally for the most part, but had odd memory issues. My short-term memory was deteriorating, though it appears that I was able to retain much of what I learned. I simply couldn't remember interactions with people well. And that worsened until a medical scan showed a large spike of bone sinking into my brain.
What a chilling thought that is.
They operated, as my memory was getting worse and worse all the time, and managed to remove the shard. An experimental therapy had been tried to see if they could regenerate any of the nerves in my brain, but the operation had every possibility of leaving me a vegetable.
I don't feel like a vegetable. I feel unsettled. I want to immediately laugh and say, "Ah, that Haruhi. Look what she's done now. I imagine there's all kinds of problems to deal with, huh?"
And maybe a while ago, it was fun.
I mean, a few hours ago, from my frame of reference, and I was a healthy, normal guy. Probably the most normal person of all of the people I normally hung out with, especially considering that Taniguchi is part of the complexity that is Yuki-san's backers. But this....
Was it a dream? Like I once convinced Haruhi that something she saw was?
Vastly unsettling.
Tears still in her eyes, Asahina-san tells me she has to go, but she will come back tomorrow. She gives me a shy smile and makes me hang on to the book, promising she'll read me another chapter later.
I can only nod when the doctor suggests that I sleep.
I try, after they're both gone. But I spend an awful long time staring at the ceiling and thinking.
By the time it's morning, I'm not feeling particularly rested, but I have at least made a decision. I can't discount what I remember of the last sixteen years of my life. Oh, it's almost seventeen now. Mustn't forget.
Anyway, all of those memories are too bright and vivid to have been my imagination. Aren't they? And if they are a delusion, they certainly seem a harmless one. I never did anything, after all. Nothing violent or dangerous. If I was seeing things, or just put together scenes out of my imagination ... I don't think I did anything wrong.
Though, when Asahina-san comes in after a nurse brings me a terrible breakfast, I'm surprised. I would have expected her, of course, but today she brings my mother and my sister with her. My sister is a little fireball of excitement, hurling herself into my chest, blasting the wind entirely out of me. But she's sniffling and tearfully tells me how much she's missed me, and how worried she was, and how happy she is that I'm back, and.... I can't be angry at that face, those tearful eyes.
Ah, little sisters.
Mother cries too, a little bit. "I heard," she says, nodding tersely. "But.... To see you up again after you ... lapsed into your coma ... it just warms my heart!"
"I feel glad to be back," I say, wondering why Asahina didn't bring along anyone else. Could it be that without me, Haruhi's gotten bored, and then forgot I was even there? That's just like you, Haruhi. Bad enough you make me do all the work, but to forget me?
But what can I say about that without sounding whiny? Oh well. Once again, she wins. Still, I have Asahina-san, it seems. Koizumi's not lurking ominously overhead to warn me about closed space. Yuki-san isn't explaining anything about luminous clusters of thought entities and data patterns. Asahina-san has not once said anything about information being classified.
I still don't think the entire thing was in my head, though. Did Haruhi change the world to be like this? For me to get in an accident? But no; the date is wrong. It is only the day after we would have confronted Taniguchi. Too much simply doesn't add up.
Still, the doctors give me a clean bill of health, and I'm allowed to see a mirror. My hair is pitifully short, but just long enough to conceal the tiny network of scars that I could feel previously. The doctors pridefully tell me that those scars will actually vanish very quickly, thanks to modern medical technology. Well, they say they put my brain back together; why shouldn't I believe them? Aside from the obvious reasons, anyway.
Asahina tries to read me a chapter of the story, but it's complicated, and my sister keeps asking questions. And I never liked science fiction as much, once I started living it. Still, it's Asahina-san who reads it to me, so I enjoy it.
My mother takes care of the paperwork, and I'm allowed to leave.
Just like that, I get to walk out of the hospital.
Oddly anti-climactic for such an operation, I think.
Mother's got an errand to run, so takes a taxi into the city, but kisses me on the cheek before she leaves. How embarrassing; right in front of Asahina-san. But she only giggles at that. My sister does, too, but when it's with Asahina-san ... I suppose I have to forgive her.
We take the train from the hospital back to my home. It's a longer ride than the one to the electronics store. Long enough that I'm surprised Asahina-san made the trek, all things considered. And of course, my sister falls asleep, lolled half into Asahina-san's lap. But that's just fine for the moment.
"Asahina-san," I finally ask, when we have something approximating privacy. Well, as much as you could on a train, anyway. "Could I ask you a question?"
"Of course!" she answers with a bright, cheerful smile. "Anything, Kyon-kun! Only ... please, call me Mikuru."
Ah.... I've been told that before. But Asahina-san is acting different now. Very well. It will be easier to think of her as Mikuru, and the one I remember as Asahina-san. So, Mikuru smiles at me.
Could it be that....
"Are we dating?" I ask her.
Mikuru's face darkens in a cute blush as she can't quite meet my eyes. "We ... were," she says hesitantly, worriedly. "Um ... before we found out about.... I mean...." Swallowing, she looks up at me again, eyes filling once more with those unshed tears.
I can hardly bear to look at her; I feel wretched for asking such a question.
"The doctors said you might not remember," she said quietly. "Do.... Do you remember anything?" Her look of devastation shifts quickly to one of hope.
I'd like to say, "Of course!" but if Haruhi has changed the world ... as I suppose she might be able to ... then perhaps I don't. And I don't want to lie to Mikuru, even if the truth will hurt her feelings. Well.... There is a neutral ground of a sort, isn't there?
"I remember," I say cautiously, looking down at my slumbering sister, "a day when we went for a walk. You told me about where you came from."
"I remember that, too!" she says excitedly. Well, of course you would, Mikuru. You didn't supposedly have brain damage. This seems to occur to her, and she blushes again. "Er.... Well.... What do you remember about what I told you of Hokkaido?"
Hokkaido? Asahina-san never mentioned Hokkaido. I suddenly realize that it is very convenient to think of Asahina-san and Mikuru as separate people. Because it becomes clear to me now that they might just be that.
Haruhi, what have you done?
"Well.... I remember the park," I say hopelessly. "We sat on a bench. Walked past a river." She bites her lip and looks away. Even though they are different girls, I share a bit of Asahina-san's past with me that should hold true for Mikuru -- if I know myself. "We didn't hold hands, but you took my arm. Is that right?"
She brightens and nods, and I know that at least I got that right. "Would you...." She trails off and makes an embarrassed noise before firming up her resolve and starting over. "Why not hold hands today?"
"Today?" I exclaim, drawing attention from those riding the train, who quickly glance at us, and then away in disinterest. Dropping my voice, and feeling my own face redden, I ask, "You mean ... to my house?"
My sister sits up and rubs her eyes sleepily. "Are we there yet?" she asks.
Curse the luck! We are, and that means I need to give an answer. Of course I want to say yes! This is Asahina-san! Only ... no, wait. It isn't. It's Mikuru. But then, are they so different? And if Haruhi has changed her, that's no reason for me to be mean to her.
Though, that chilling thought unsettles me. If only there were some way around this situation until I could figure out what happened-
"Kyon," complains my sister, "I'm tired! Hold my hand so I don't trip."
"Of course!" I answer, giving Mikuru an apologetic smile.
"I'll take your other hand," Mikuru offers.
"Yay!" exclaims a happy little sister, not knowing what she's just spared me. How ironic; I could have cursed that on any other day.
Sometimes, danger follows you home. Today, danger is the attractive and affectionate Mikuru. My girlfriend, I suppose.
What a sweet thought that is.
Let's spend a moment to savor it.
Ah, Mikuru-chan!
Assuming, of course, that Haruhi didn't just rewrite her mind or something terrible. Then again, since Mikuru is from the future, maybe something in the past altered how she grew up, and it was only a coincidence? Unlikely; I still don't know enough about things either way.
I would like to ask Yuki-san for her advice; I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be asking Mikuru, given what she's already told me. I suppose there is the possibility that what she's said is true. That I hit my head four years ago in an accident and just don't remember things right.
And that would make sense as to why Mikuru is so different from Asahina-san. The timing is right, too. I'm sure if I asked the date, my 'accident' would have coincided with the time that the others became aware of Haruhi. Which, of course, is when Haruhi had her own little traumatic incident.
Really, it's much more likely that the espers and thought entities were all just figments of my imagination. I've prided myself on my pragmatism all my life, knowing not to believe in Santa-san or the like. And if Haruhi could rewrite a person's memories, why would I still recall? So is the last year of my life a delusion? A lie?
Turning to look at Mikuru, playing cards with my sister, I have to think that it doesn't make sense. Why would I build up a delusional world like that? A world where Haruhi causes closed space when she sees Asahina-san getting closer to me?
Somehow, even though I don't think there's much logic to it, it seems that this world with a well-behaved sister and a too-friendly Mikuru is the lie. It's tempting to try and live it for a while. But if I go down that path, I might end up kissing Mikuru, and then I don't think I could turn back. Best take a stand and find out the truth of things before then.
Though.... We are dating, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt if I-
No! I have to figure things out first. What a curse this is.
"I win!" my sister exclaims as Mikuru giggles at her loss. "Yay! Hey, Kyon, what are we going to do next?"
"I don't know," I say with a shrug. "Mikuru-chan, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know, either," she says apologetically. "But, why don't you two play together? Your mother will be back later, so I'll make you dinner." She doesn't wait for a reply, and just climbs to her feet and marches down the hall to the kitchen.
"Kyon, your girlfriend is the best," my little sister asserts.
Well, she could be wearing her maid uniform, I suppose, but....
Ah, this is going to be too much. "It would seem that way," I reply. "Let's watch a show."
I flick the television on, though it quickly bores my sister. The news seems normal enough. No signs of terror or impossibility emerge on the screen. The Tokyo Giants are not winning. The price of seafood hasn't gone down. And there's no mention of magical girls, time travelers, aliens, espers, shadowy secret agencies.... It seems calm enough to me, really.
Now, why would Haruhi rewrite the world in such a way? It seems so boring and complacent. I would have expected her to make a world that was full of explosions and colorful characters. This? This doesn't seem terribly different.
Well, except for my accident. I suppose there's two things I can start to investigate, given that I don't want to trouble Mikuru. Either I can try to find out what happened to me, to see if everything was just a dream on my part, or I can see what's become of Haruhi.
And that, I suppose, is what I will have to do.
But where to begin?
Mikuru is an adorable little angel. She smiles so cutely, and even though she's clumsy (still), she has such an innocent manner that I can't really complain about wearing the dinner I'd rather have eaten. Or would I? Can she actually cook?
It doesn't matter. I get laughs from my little sister, and before she gets tired enough to doze off again -- a temptation I would be hard-pressed to resist could occur then, mark my words -- my mother comes back home.
I suffer another embarrassing bout of being kissed on the cheek, to another giggle from Mikuru. After that, she goes home; naturally, I offer to go with her. My mother isn't certain I should be alone so soon after being released from the hospital, so she comes with us. We enjoy an awkward silence as we walk.
I never knew Asahina-san lived so close!
Or, well.... She might not, come to think of it. This is Mikuru, after all. She promises to come get me for school tomorrow morning, so we can walk together, then my mother takes me home.
I don't suffer any dizzy spells or collapse, or spontaneously bleed. Nothing else bad happens, either. It's certainly easy to think this is the false reality; my body isn't as weak as I would expect it to be if I'd been in a coma for a few weeks.
Not that I have any experience in this, I'll admit. But really, wouldn't there be more sign of it? And I'm pretty sure brain surgery doesn't work that way. Could I read a book about it, or would Haruhi have changed that, too?
Without being able to question Mikuru, who seems convinced of her history ... which matches my mother's ... all I have left to go on is Haruhi. If I'm going back to school tomorrow -- another oddity, given my supposed state -- I will see her then and try to make sense of it. Though, if she's forgotten about me ... or she's changed how she treats me, too....
Haruhi, why must you be such a bother?
It's nice to think that the world is now a better place. I am, after all 'dating' Mikuru. She meets me before my house as I step outside, and gives me that bright, winning smile. Then we walk, but fate is cruel; the terrible hill still stands between me and the school.
After so long, I've slowly become acclimated. Oh, vicious and wicked hill, thank you, I suppose, for hardening my body and training me, albeit very slowly. I'm getting used to it.
And really, I suspect that I should be more tired after being in a coma. Could it be that ... whatever else has happened ... Haruhi wanted my injuries to be minimal, and so, they were? This actually makes sense.
Thinking that, I almost miss the conversation that Mikuru tries to make. Namely, that she has made me lunch. I don't think I've ever actually tried her cooking before. Well, I know I haven't, come to think of it. Could Asahina-san cook?
I thank her, and the smile I give her isn't forced or fake at all, but she frowns slightly anyway. "Kyon," she says, "I think something is bothering you. You will tell me, won't you?"
"Ah, yes," I admit, looking up at the sky. Hey, it worked in our movie ... but the scene, sadly, doesn't change. Looks like it might rain later, though. Should have brought an umbrella. "I'm still adjusting, is all," I finally say, giving her a somewhat more false grin, hoping nothing of worry shows in my eyes.
She smiles back as brightly as ever. I never will get tired of her smiles, I think.... No, those are dangerous thoughts. Or are they, now?
Priorities, priorities. Save the world, and then maybe go on a date. Though, a date with Mikuru and no conversations about time-planes.... And no Haruhi.... Such bliss.
"Now you look happy," Mikuru says, satisfied. "And that makes me happy!"
"Yeah," I reply, as the school comes into sight. I have bested you once more, terrible hill. A moment to pause and glance down at the city, savoring the daily victory. Ah, yes.
Bliss.
"Say, Mikuru-chan, are we in any clubs?"
She flinches slightly, then shakes her head quickly. "N...no. I mean.... I am. Um. But ... you weren't. You were in the baseball club for a while, and then, tennis, too ... but you dropped out of both of them."
Baseball? I'm not really that much of a fan. And tennis? That doesn't sound like me. "I did? I wonder why."
"Probably the same reason you dropped out of the literary club."
And ... that explains why Mikuru brought me that book.
"Ah," I reply to her not-really-an-answer. And it's not much of a clue, either. It's a hint, though. Maybe in my delusion.... But, I still don't think this is right.
"Well, you're a year above me, so I suppose we'll meet after class," I say, as we enter the locker room, and switch our shoes out for slippers. What's this? Notes in my locker. Several of them. Suspicious.
"What are those?" Mikuru protests instantly, since some of them are on pink scraps of paper.
"I assure you," I say solemnly, "I don't know." I snatch the first one and look at it.
Get well soon!
--Tsuruya-chan
Oh, well, that's no problem. Wait, she calls herself 'chan'?
Mikuru reads over my shoulder and relaxes, too, giggling quietly. "I'm sorry," she says. "I was just.... Well, you're right. But we're meeting for lunch! Don't worry; I'll come to you, okay?"
"Yeah. That's fine," I reply, taking all of the notes and putting them in my bag to look at later. "Take care, Mikuru-chan."
Another of those seemingly endless bright sunshine smiles is my reward.
I stare, while a few classmates comment:
"Hey! Good to have you back!"
"Doing well?"
"Nice to see you around again!"
All of them that refer to me, of course, call me 'Kyon'. Damn! Oh well.
Anyway. I plod towards my class, thankful for the mind-clearing distance between myself and Mikuru. It's severely tempting to give in and just date her. But I have to solve things. I share a class with Haruhi, so this should be simple, right?
I reach the landing on the stairs, and for a moment, everything around me seems to shimmer, shining slightly. I pause and look upwards. Above me, at the top, stands a familiar figure with hands on hips, balled into fists.
Haruhi stares down at me imperiously, blindingly radiant thanks to a shaft of sunlight spearing in behind me. She's too bright to look at initially, except her eyes. Those intent orbs stare right through me, and I can't look away. Is this the Haruhi I remember?
Then the moment passes, perhaps a cloud crossing the sun, and restoring things to rough normality. She blinks down at me, her hair done up in....
Her hair. It's long again, just like before I talked to her! And, and ... she's got to have it up in dozens upon dozens of ponytails, pigtails, little braids ... each of which is bound in its own color of hair tie.
"H...Haruhi," I stammer, my heart inexplicably skipping a beat. Perhaps parts of me realize how much danger I may be in. I can't bring myself to be more than wary, though.
She blinks again, her frown increasing. "Do I know you?" she asks.
"I'm-"
"Oh, right." Her eyes seem to dim, and she looks away, crossing her arms over her chest. "You're the head-injury guy."
Ouch.
"Well, welcome back."
Neither of us move, though I can feel seconds tick away.
Make that minutes.
Several minutes.
Why are we staring at each other in silence?
"Um," I say, wondering why words are coming so slow, "is something the matter?"
"My boyfriend's late," she says flatly. Then she sniffs. "He and I don't have a class together anyway. Come on, head-injury guy. We'll be late if we don't hurry."
"Right...."
So, we walk to class in an uncomfortable silence, and I can't help but stare at her hair. It's a huge mass of ... well ... hair. It doesn't seem right on her, somehow.
"Something wrong?" she asks, looking at me through eyes that narrow in suspicion.
"Uh, no," I say quickly. "I just forgot where I sat."
She snorts. "Whatever. Come on." She spins on one heel and marches away, hauling me by my wrist. This seems familiar.
I guess I don't have a choice but to follow. When we get to class, she points to my seat. Again, my excellent seat at the back of the class by the window ... well, almost. Haruhi still sits behind me.
Perhaps this is for the best, if my memories are not false. And perhaps I'm tormented by her, and it's merely the product of a delusion.
It would probably be safe to say I was tormented by her either way.
Haruhi seems to be herself, if only moreso. There's no time for idle conversation before class begins. Okabe-sensei's well-rehearsed million-dollar smile blinds the class, just like I always remembered, and he takes attendance. I turn to start talking to Haruhi during break, but no luck. She's already closing the door behind herself before I can finish the motion.
"Huh," I manage, instead.
Kunikida, a boy as average in apperance as I wish I was in reality, then approaches me. Sometimes, I envy him and his plain looks, slightly shorter than average height, and complete uninvolvement with Haruhi. Unaware of this, of course, he asks, "Are you feeling well now, Kyon?"
Not as well as I should, I think. "Yeah, thanks, Kunikida. Say, is Taniguchi around?"
"Who?"
That answers that question, I suppose. "Oh, it's not important. Say, can I ask you a question that may sound odd?"
"After that one?" He grins to show that it was a joke. "Sure, Kyon. You've always asked about strange stuff anyway."
Don't spread rumors like that, Kunikida. I still remember when you said I was interested in strange girls, like Haruhi. "Do you know why I dropped out of the tennis and baseball clubs?"
"Oh, well...." He trails off and looks thoughtful. "You left the baseball club because they were trying harder for Koushien then you wanted to."
"Ah, I see." Koushien? The national tournament? I know I've heard that it can be a gateway into playing professionally, but he's right; that's hardly something I'm interested in.
"But you could hardly go back to the tennis club after leaving them for the baseball club, could you?"
"That's true." Though, if I was any good, I think they'd take me back anyway. If I wanted to be in the tennis club, that is. Maybe that's his way of politely telling me I suck?
Further questions will have to wait. The next teacher arrives, just after Haruhi runs back into the classroom and reclaims her seat.
But when there's another break, I really don't know what to ask Kunikida about anymore. I just think that, 'So, did Haruhi rearrange reality that you've noticed?' would be a bad question. So we make small talk, and Kunikida tells me that things went pretty much as I remembered them.
Then I ask about the Culture Festival. Surely if Haruhi did anything, it'd come up there. It's the best way I can figure to find out without asking directly, anyway. But he just tells me it was great, and that Mikuru was really cute in a waitress outfit.
Well, I knew that.
I call that a loss. I have a mind to track Haruhi down, or just chase after her at lunch, but this plan falls short. Mikuru ambushes me in the hall. "Let's go eat together!" she chirps, as I watch Haruhi vanish through a far doorway, her hair waving behind her. I could swear I was shot a dark look before she disappeared, though.
"Yeah, sure," I agree.
"We'll have a picnic beneath a tree!" Mikuru gushes.
Of course, by the time we reach the front door to the school building, the sky is gushing, too.
I thought it looked like rain this morning.
"Oh," Mikuru says, glumly. "I.... Well, okay. Let's find an empty classroom."
"Okay." Empty classroom? These things do not happen when it is raining. So we eat in my own classroom, me getting envious stares from the male classmates. Kunikida in particular looks jealous, staring at his own lunch mournfully.
The meal Mikuru made was quite plain, but not bad. I thank her for it, and she gives me another of those stunning smiles. "I wish I could walk home with you after school today," she says. "But I have a club activity, and I missed a lot of it visiting you in the hospital."
"Ah, yeah. Thanks for that, by the way." And now, the cruelest thing I have ever done to myself. "Which club are you in, anyway?"
"Ah.... W...well.... It's...." Sudden nervousness? Now? "She calls it the SOS Brigade," Mikuru blurts out. "But mostly, we just read and play games."
"Oh? That sounds like fun." It's the SOS Brigade. This saves me the awkwardness of asking if Haruhi's involved. I already know she is. "Do you think I could join?"
"I.... I suppose...." She seems awfully hesitant to agree.
"We could walk home together afterwards."
"T...that's true," she agrees with a weak smile. "O...okay, then. You can ask Suzumiya-san."
I'm not at all surprised at the other club members. Koizumi, who looks more worn and less eternally happy than usual. Nagato, who looks almost exactly the same -- she's wearing glasses again, though. And, of course, Haruhi.
Haruhi still has her hair up in that ridiculous mass, too. Right now, she's giving me a doubtful, unhappy look. Mikuru looks very anxious, and asks, "So.... Can.... Can Kyon join our club?"
"Well," Haruhi says doubtfully, "we only need four people to make a club." Four? I could have sworn it was five, though, that didn't exactly stop Haruhi last time. "And, anyway, he's your boyfriend, Mikuru. Don't you think that will make Nagato feel awkward?"
"But ... but Koizumi-kun is your boyfriend!" Mikuru protests.
Haruhi actually looks disappointed at this. "Oh, right. Well, fine, then. As long as Nagato doesn't mind."
Yuki-san looks up from her book and blinks at me. Then she turns back to her book. "No complaint," she murmurs. How like her. She did mention a backup. Obviously, I should be going to her for answers, and not Haruhi or Mikuru.
Or Koizumi, though.... What's this? Haruhi said she had a boyfriend. But it's Koizumi? Hah! Take that, Koizumi! Your smug attitude, and your 'I find Suzumiya-san quite charming' get you this! Haha!
Only ... I can't bring myself to really be delighted at that, even though he does look tired.
"Great," I say. "I'm glad to join your club. What do we do?"
Haruhi shrugs and turns around, sitting cross-legged on the desk that once housed a computer to face the window. Now there's no sign of her extortion of the computer club, though the other things she's dragged into the room are there. Except for the rack of outfits she made Asahina-san wear. There's still a pair of bunny-girl costumes: Haruhi's black one, and a smaller blue one. For Yuki-san?
There's a thought. While I ponder it, Yuki-san suddenly looks up and gives me a curious glance, though it's so brief I hardly notice it.
"Okay!" Haruhi exclaims. "Today is a self-activity day." She nods as though she's just come to the conclusion after careful debate. What, she can't even be bothered to make up an activity?
"Then," Koizumi says suddenly, "I would like to challenge the newcomer." This is it! Koizumi remembers! Now he's going to drag me aside and complain about what I've done to Haruhi! "Do you play Othello?"
...or not.
"Yeah," I reply. I can beat Asahina-san, and my little sister. I beat Haruhi once, before she decided that Othello was beneath her. But Koizumi almost always beat me. "Sure." Oh well. Maybe I can feel Koizumi out while we play.
Mikuru watches me for a moment, then turns to the Brigade leader. "Then.... Um, Suzumiya-san, should we play something else?"
"Chinese checkers," Haruhi decides after a moment. "I guess."
"Sounds more fun than hunting down rumors of mysteries," I mumble, going to the closet to get the Othello board and grabbing the Chinese Checkers from where they get stuck behind the other games. Hah, too coincidental. Everything is where I remember it, but I'm supposed to have never been in this club before? Something is certainly going on.
Mikuru slowly draws her breath in, eyes nervously flicking from me to Haruhi before she realizes I'm watching. Then she merely offers a bright grin. "Thank you," she chirps, taking the Chinese Checkers box and setting it up between herself and Haruhi.
"You know your way around well," Koizumi says after a thoughtful pause.
Well, why shouldn't I? Though, now that I think about it, I might come across as crazy if I tell everyone what I know. And it's certainly not the kind of thing I want to bring up in front of Haruhi. Though, shouldn't she already know? Best not to tempt fate. Or Haruhi.
"It, uh, seemed to make sense," I offer instead. "Black, or white?"
"Black," he replies.
Koizumi plays just like I remember, which is to say, he beats me. Haruhi and Mikuru look about equally matched. Yuki-san continues reading. After the first game, Koizumi and I play a few more, though I only beat him once. Really, I'm trying to figure out how to get everyone else alone to ask them the questions that I want to.
I'm not used to playing this side of the game, I guess. Usually it's, 'How can we keep Haruhi entertained', or 'How do we keep Haruhi from noticing?' I can't come up with anything until Haruhi makes a disgusted noise, declares Mikuru the winner, and announces, "And that's it for the day. Everyone can go home now."
Her attitude hasn't changed much, but where did her drive go? Maybe she remembers, after all? Mikuru giggles and says, "I'll meet you in the entrance, Kyon. I'll go grab us an umbrella."
I nod and watch her go. Haruhi grumbles and grabs the staff umbrella she keeps in the clubroom. "Come on, Koizumi. Let's go." Itsuki looks like he's going to say something, but then shrugs and follows.
It's just me and Yuki-san, now. Almost perfect, except.... Not quite as much privacy as I would like. "I have a book," I tell her after a moment, since she's still reading.
She looks up at me, eyes betraying no emotion.
"Um, it's called 'The Rise of Endymion'."
"Did you read it?" she asks.
I dig in my bag for it, spilling out all the notes I collected from my locker as I do so. One of them catches my eyes; it's an old bookmark. I stare at the bookmark that has fluttered to the floor, hand still in my bag. "No," I manage. "D...do you remember?"
"Read it," she says, turning back to her own book. I stare for a moment, then nod dumbly. The bookmark looks like Yuki-san's handwriting. It says:
Endymion's story contains the trigger to restore from backup. Read it.
A Nagato
'A Nagato'? So ... not the Yuki-san before me, then? "I will," I promise, meaning it this time.
"We can talk about it when you are done," she adds. "If you are still interested, since you quit the literary club."
Not the Yuki-san before me.
After walking home with Mikuru, I begged off studying with her (she has a different class, after all), and then immediately ignored my homework to read the book. It is a monster.
It's also in first person.
I hate first person narratives. It's like some cheap trick, to me. But I struggle through a few chapters anyway. By the time I finish and put the book down, to my amazement, my alarm is about to ring. Did I stay up all night reading this story?
I have. After a while, I started getting interested despite myself. Raul Endymion protects a little girl and helps her grow up, realizing her power. Eventually, he is separated from her, but he manages to find his way back to her anyway, and then.... Well, it's complicated. But when I get dressed for school, the entire story is still bouncing around the inside of my skull.
Is this some kind of mirror of what's going on with me and Haruhi? Only in some ways, I suppose, though it's certainly worth thinking about. I didn't find any hidden messages from Yuki, but....
No. Mikuru meets me outside when I'm ready to head to school, but I can't get Raul's story to leave me alone. She made me lunch. But I'm still thinking of the fantastic things that Raul experienced on his journey -- things Haruhi would have loved to have known, I'm sure. Unfortunately, it is a science fiction story.
"It's sunny today," Mikuru says, reminding me of yesterday's walk through the rain, sharing an umbrella. Oooh, but that was dangerously enjoyable. Thankfully, Yuki-san's book is keeping me too busy to dwell on that. Also, I'm very tired, since I have not slept last night.
I doze off in class, and when I wake up, it's lunch. Mikuru wakes me up and drags me outside to enjoy a nice picnic. She doesn't try to feed me, and I don't try and feed her ... because I can't stop thinking of Yuki. If this was the backup restoration procedure, then whatever backup Yuki made should be finished, right?
How does that work, anyway? I get the idea that if I asked, she'd just say I wouldn't understand. Like time travel.
I can't pay attention to my meal, my head feels like it's going to burst. I can't pay attention to class, either. When it's over, I race to the clubroom, managing to reach it before anyone else. That's odd, didn't Haruhi and I leave class at the same time? Maybe she went somewhere else.
"Yuki-san," I begin, unsurprised to see her sitting there, reading as always, "I finished reading the book-"
"Tonight," she answers, not looking up. "My address is on the back." Of what, her bookmark? It doesn't matter; I remember where she lives.
"...ah," I manage. The club is a blur, even though this time Mikuru and I are playing Othello. She beats me, too. When class ends, I apologize to her and say, "I have to take care of an errand. I will see you tomorrow for the walk to school, okay?"
She looks doubtful, but nods, and that's that. I make myself go to a cafe and buy a cup of coffee to calm down. While I'm there, I flip through the notes in my book bag ... but aside from Yuki-san's warning, no other cryptic messages await me. Which is probably for the best.
After that, I flip through the book again, wondering how Haruhi and the girl Raul protected might be similar ... though, Raul's ward certainly seemed more likable and charming than Haruhi ever was. I make myself stop before I get pulled into the book again. I hated sci-fi ... maybe Yuki-san did something to this book?
Time to go find out.
Yuki-san's apartment is not as I remembered it. Now it's got furniture in it, aside from a single table and a tea set. A rather unused looking television sits in one corner, and several bookcases line the walls. Yuki-san kneels behind the table, and I stare at my teacup for a long moment before setting it down, untouched.
"So," I say, looking at her levelly. "I read it. Completely."
"Good," she says, the faintest hints of a smile coming to her lips. "What did you think?"
"Um.... If it was a parable, I don't think everything adds up," I finally say. Wait, we're just going to talk about the book? I thought we were going to discuss Haruhi! And what she did, of course.
"Parable?" She looks the slightest bit confused. "Ah. To Keats, you mean. The poet."
He was mentioned in the book, too, but didn't seem as important to me. "Er, no. I meant, well ... to us. And to Haruhi."
"What?"
"I mean.... I thought that.... Ah. Yuki-san, I don't know how this works. I know I'm ready to believe you fully, but how does a backup work, exactly?"
She stares at me like I'm some kind of idiot.
Maybe I am.
"Did you hit your head, Kyon?"
I rub my hand over my scars. "Somehow, I don't think so," I offer. "I think Haruhi just rewrote things to make it look that way."
Yuki-san blinks again and looks at me strangely. "If we're going to have secret literary club meetings, we should at least try and act like the literary club, not the drama club."
"Drama club?" I protest, the story bouncing around in my head still. "What the.... No! You left me a note that said the story was a backup, and I just had to read it...." Then I can't quite keep track of what's going through my head, or my mouth, and everything gets ... fuzzy. It's not an easy thing to describe; Yuki-san has told me about data entities, and I've seen her, I suppose.
But what happens next is easier to see than feel. Except that I'm feeling and doing it. Words and sounds escape my mouth, but I can't make sense of them or keep track. The things Asahina-san called incantations, and Yuki-san used to fight Ryouko, or how she granted the baseball bat a 'homing attribute'.
When I finish, everything seems the same, except for Yuki. The slight light of fear has vanished from her eyes, replaced with understanding.
"Ah," she says softly. "Thank you."
What just happened here?
She can read the question on my face and, for once, offers an explanation:
"In the event of Suzumiya's instability, no real space location would be safe enough to hide a backup within. Instead, a pattern of data was placed within you that would be triggered by my presence, privacy, and the data of the book you read. In other words, you were the medium on which I recorded myself before Haruhi changed the world."
Wait a minute! Did I just ... erase a Yuki-san? A normal girl? Did I just overwrite her like an old computer file!?
"Yes."
I didn't ask that aloud....
"No. I am written from your template, and will take some time to restore myself to full functionality. My data link is not complete. We are now in a hazardous situation."
"Well...." I might as well just say what's on my mind; she'll know anyway, but at least it will feel more natural to me. "What do you know, from what I've figured out, then?"
"Suzumiya has left holes and flaws in this world that will slowly consume it and cause it to collapse."
Just like Koizumi warned. Damn!
"Yes."
"So, things like ... aren't people supposed to be conscious when they have brain surgery performed on them? And shouldn't brain damage be harder-" This is where I stop talking, before I argue myself into being a vegetable.
Yuki-san removes her glasses and sets them on the table next to the teakettle. "You were healed because it seems that Suzumiya does not believe that a person who leaves a hospital should do so in anything other than perfect health. Though." She pauses. "The contents of the notebook should have alerted her to my identification. Instead of her realizing my existence, she recreated me as a normal human being with no special properties. This suggests to me that it is no longer her beliefs alone being realized, but her conscious desires."
"I don't quite follow that ... but then ... you mean that Haruhi knows what she is, and is intentionally making the world this way?"
"It seems likely. I will help you try and make sense of this world, but must also seek out a non-space alternative for backup. Taniguchi did not alert Suzumiya to the true nature of the thought entity. A human-contact purposed interface such as myself is expendable; the thought entity is not. Because of this, even though we are 'aliens' and may be a product of Suzumiya's will, the thought entity is entirely real. It does exist outside of traditional space time, and thus, it is immune to Suzumiya's will, until she becomes aware of it." She pauses. "I must also explain more of time travel to you."
"Eh? I thought you said I couldn't understand it!"
"You cannot, without further modifications. I have changed you as far as I am able at this node."
"Hold up! You changed me?" I don't normally get freaked out, even when Haruhi collapses my world, but this is a major issue!
"Yes."
An awkward silence stretches. I drain my teacup. She refills it. "Well?" I finally ask. "What did you do?"
"I have made room for a backup of myself within your memories, so that you could restore me in the event that it becomes necessary."
"That doesn't sound so bad, then...." Still, a little warning next time?
"In addition, you may become more aware of the activities of agents of the thought entity."
"You mean ... human-contact purposed interfaces?"
"Those are included. You are aware of Koizumi, but you will also become more sensitive to the activities of his kind. I cannot give you any true powers or abilities, but I can give you awareness of them."
"...ah," I manage, staring into my teacup. "Thank you, but ... why?"
"You read the story."
I think about it. Aenea was Raul's Haruhi. Or maybe ... Aenea was Raul's Yuki-san. Oh. This makes sense in a different way. A leap of logic verbalizes itself: "You think the thought entity may want me destroyed."
Yuki-san inclines her head the merest distance.
"You're trying to give me something that will let me know when to run."
Again, that tiniest inclination of her head.
I feel dizzy.
"I will return to the thought entity in two days to report my findings and receive new instructions," she says.
So she's giving me a timer to learn how to use my new abilities before I may need to start running, eh? But how can I be safe ... unless I stay near Haruhi, I suppose. Wait! "But why didn't Haruhi change me? If she did, your backup would be wasted."
"You don't know?" Yuki-san asks, and there's the slightest hint of surprise in her voice. "No. I will tell you of time travel. Because of the nature of time travel, time-planes are independent, and causality does not necessarily cascade from one to the next in a linear fashion. Time is not directly linear, thus, changes in the past do not alter the future of a separate time plane."
"...right," I manage. This is sounding like Asahina-san's explanation. What a headache that was. I didn't follow it at all.
Her eyes narrow the tiniest bit. "Because of this, and the fact that Asahina-san was not explained in the notebook, she was not rewritten."
Wait. Mikuru is Asahina-san? That.... "That doesn't make sense! Why would she be acting like this, then? Why would she claim to be my girlfriend?"
"Because it appears to be what Haruhi wants," Yuki-san replies levelly. "Changes Haruhi made to Asahina-san would not hold when she returned to her own time-plane, but Asahina-san would remember the attempted modifications anyway."
So, Asahina-san is actually safest from Haruhi, even though I've never seen her display any powers aside from foreknowledge. Oh, and time travel, of course. Somehow, this makes sense.
"Likewise, it appears that Koizumi was not rewritten either, though he is under the impression that only he was spared. He suspects you due to your actions in the clubroom yesterday."
"And the Agency may want me out of the way, too," I realize aloud.
That infuriating tiny inclination of her head again. "Ugh," I groan. On the bright side, Mikuru- No, Asahina-san- Wait.... Right the first time, I guess. Anyway, Mikuru is the one least likely to end up wanting me dead, and Nagato is on my side at the moment. "Okay. I need to find out what was on those pages that Haruhi read. Do you know what they said?"
"No."
"Can you find out?"
"Not at this juncture. We will need to find out what data could modify Suzumiya-san's behavior through an independent method."
"I still don't know why Haruhi didn't change my memories, or Koizumi's, though." Then something Koizumi once said comes back to me. Haruhi trusted me, he said. So.... "Do you think Haruhi ... believes in me? Enough so that she couldn't change my mind? So she set things up so I would think it was all a delusion?"
"This conforms to the theory that she is making conscious changes," Yuki-san agrees. "It also validates the suggestion that she has not yet fully realized her potential, and while her will can create new data, her beliefs supercede her desires."
Good. Good, indeed. "Do you think that Haruhi's belief can protect me?"
"Only from her."
Practical, Yuki-san. Very practical. "Ah. Well. This is something to think about."
She gives a fuller nod this time.
"I should go home and get some sleep, and think about this," I decide. I've got school in the morning, and I think it was only Yuki-san's backed up data in my head that was keeping me running. I rise to stand, and she does the same, walking past me to the front door and holding it open.
I stop in the doorway and turn to face her. She looks up at me, her glasses still sitting on the table. I'm not sure why I say it, but I do: "You still look better without your glasses." A tiny adjustment of her head -- is that a nod? Is she ducking her head in embarrassment? She's almost impossible to read, but ... I think there's warmth in those eyes. And sorrow.
My treacherous hands, able to resist Mikuru -- somehow -- finally break through their repression and I find myself hugging Yuki-san in the doorway of her apartment. She doesn't quite hug me back. Instead, she curls her arms up, pressing her hands flat against my chest, turning her head to one side and leaning against me. Her hair smells clean, and I feel her sigh. Contentment? Annoyance?
I can't tell, and I'm not sure I really want to know. Oh, well, I guess I want it to be the first one. But it occurs to me as I hold her, after all she's done for me before, and especially with the warnings she's given me -- warnings and help that could get her in vast amounts of trouble, when I stop to think about it.
"Thank you, Yuki-chan," I murmur to her. "I hope everything works out, but if it doesn't.... Well, thank you."
She makes an, "Mmm," noise, leaning against me a bit harder. Or is that my imagination? She's just like a doll; she might let me get away with anything. I'd better leave before I get myself in trouble. "Preserve your data," she murmurs, when I release her. Something has changed in her eyes, and that tiny hint of a smile remains on her face.
I hurry home and to bed.
Author's notes:
The Nagato Yuki fanboy in me demanded such an ending for this chapter. More to follow, I think two more chapters.