Disclaimers: The paints, as always, are the property of Takahashi Rumiko; I'm merely a peasant with an easel.
The first thing I figure when I wake up is that I managed to screw things up. I mean, you jump from a rooftop, you hit the ground without bracing yourself or anything, and you splat, right?
Only, that didn't happen.
Instead, I wake up in my room. Hungover, a bit, but not as bad as when I first.... Well. No need to revisit that ass. Whoever he was.
Good for you, Ukyou. You can drag yourself back home when you're drunk and try to kill yourself. Which is good, because you can't even get the 'dying' part right.
My mouth feels like it's been stuffed with cotton, and my stomach lets me know it wants to empty itself out. Not that there's anything in it but sake. When I sit up I see that I left myself a pitcher of water and a cup, so I drink a little -- that calms my stomach down a bit and gets the cotton taste out of my mouth.
I guess you do funny things when you're drunk. I set out some water for myself, but didn't even bother to undress? Then the smell of cooking okonomiyaki hits me from the kitchen, and my stomach rebels.
I run to the bathroom without looking downstairs and throw up.
Great -- Konatsu came back.
Maybe I shouldn't really complain, but I have enough trouble trying to get by, and if he hadn't found me and pulled me back home, then I'd be.... I'd be....
Well, anyway, it's not what I wanted.
So I wash my face, wait until the smell of cooking okonomiyaki doesn't make my stomach churn, and march downstairs to give him hell. Only the guy standing behind the grill and looking at me with the flat-eyed stare isn't Konatsu, it's Ranchan.
I figured after I caught Ucchan and she passed out that she needed help. Hell, Konatsu told me as much, so it's not like I could pretend nothing was going on. Ucchan's way too strong to just try and kill herself, right?
So, what went wrong?
"Nice to see you up," I tell her when she stomps down the stairs and then gapes at me with her mouth hanging open. "You should eat something after your little bender."
"D...." And she half sits, half falls onto one of her little stools across the grill from me. Funny, things look different from this side, but I guess it's how she usually looked at me when I think about it.
When she doesn't say anything else right away, I slide the okonomiyaki I made her across the counter. "One seafood special," I tell her. "Time to restock, you're getting low on ingredients."
"I only do lunches now," she mumbles, turning to stare at the okonomiyaki. "Gives me more time to myself." After another minute of blank staring, she pushes the okonomiyaki away and pulls a pack of cigarettes from her robe. She fumbles for a lighter for a minute, while I try and figure out what the hell happened. It's only been ... uh ... a month or three, now that I think about it. I mean. I haven't seen Ucchan since ... I almost married Akane.
And that's something that shakes me a bit. I didn't think about it, because I don't want to. I kept thinking for a long while that I'd talk to her, we'd somehow get back together.
Huh. Back together. Like we were ever that together in the first place.
"You know," I say conversationally, "you look pretty lousy, Ucchan."
"Don't call me that," she says, almost reflexively, taking a deep drag of her cigarette before she stubs it out on the grill and leans over her okonomiyaki, shooting me an angry glower. "And what the hell do you think you're doing here? Shouldn't you be with that stupid bitch you abandoned me for -- again?"
"She doesn't seem to need me right now," I snap back.
"Oh, and I do?"
"Well, unless you're practicing some obscure form of drunken martial arts that involves throwing yourself twenty stories down, yeah, I think you do," I say bluntly. "Even if you do think I'm dirty. It's not like anyone else has to know."
That makes her stare at me. "What?"
"Yeah, whatever," I mutter back, crossing my arms over my chest. "I may be dirty, but did I foul your grill so bad that you put out a cigarette on it? I mean, come on, Ucchan. We were friends once." And I realize that as sad as it is, I'd like that back. Even though without her interference, I would have been married to Akane.
Married to Akane before she found out, and then where would we be? Mom knew, and still split up with Pops once that came out. Would Akane do the same?
She blinks and stares at the butt on the grill, like she just noticed it. "Damn." Then she shakes her head and stands, like she's gearing up for a big argument. "Friends, Ranchan? Friends? Is that why you abandoned me?"
"Hey, you gave up on you," I tell her. "I didn't."
She looks like I just slapped her, and slams her palms onto the counter. One of them lands right in the middle of the okonomiyaki I just made her. "Where were you?" she screams at me. "Where were you when I needed you?"
"Catching you from a long fall," I shoot back.
"That's not what I meant, Jackass! Why did you invite me to your engagement party, and not even tell me off? Why did you just fucking forget about me?"
I don't have a good answer for that one. "I fucked that one up," I admit, looking away.
"You got that right," she grumbles. "Jackass."
"Well," I say, shrugging. "I saved your life. I should probably go now."
Everything always happens all at once. Weeks of nothing, and now all of the sudden he's back. And just as fast, he's going back to Akane. "I hope you and your bitch have a happy life," I snarl at him, shaking the sauce off my hand. "Try not to abandon your kids like you did me."
And then he flinches, which is funny. I've been trying to get through to him and try to make him hurt as bad as he hurt me, and nothing else worked. Why that? But I'm pressing the advantage, not thinking about it.
"I know that's what you're good at-"
"I'm my father's son, but that doesn't make me him," he snaps back.
"What the hell does that mean?" I ask. "You're trying to pass that off onto him? Pretend that you're all pure and innocent, and it's his problem?"
"That was the plan," he says, furrowing his brow. "I mean, it'll be easy. Change my name, avoid people I know ... Pops taught me that much."
I can only stare at him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I finally ask.
"Well, I'm getting yelled at by someone who I just saved, who used to be one of my best friends, but it turns out that she's judging me just because my father's buraka. Oh, yeah, I'm sure I shouldn't be surprised, but somehow I thought friendship was worth more than that."
I sit back down shakily, wiping my hand on my robe. "Wait, you're.... You're mura-no-mono?"
He stares back at me like the idiot he is. "You mean, you didn't know?" he asks.
I scratch my head, probably getting sauce in my hair -- but I don't care about that at the moment. I need a cigarette, so we stare at each other until I get another one lit. "I know now," I say quietly.
"Right," he says with a frown. "What the hell are we arguing about?"
"I'm not sure."
Mura-no-mono. That does explain why his father always went off towards the buraka village when we played as kids, I guess. Father didn't mind, and we used to sell okonomiyaki to them in the summer when he was sure no one else would see and judge us. But it still seems kind of out-of-the-blue.
"W...well. Anyway. I should go." He moves towards the door.
I'm desperate, and sad, but this whole thing is too messed up to just let him leave. "Wait!"
He stops and looks at me. "Yeah?"
So we stare at each other for a while, until my cigarette burns down. This one I toss into the sink -- I have to get an ashtray. "Y...you still owe me."
He gives me that level stare. "You don't care about me being mura-no-mono?"
"No, it's abandoning me that I care about, you ass!"
He flinches. "Hey, I, uh.... I made a deal with Nabiki. I'd take care of Shampoo, and she'd...."
"Take care of me?" I ask acidly. "That worked out really well. Did you even know I was at your engagement party?"
Big flinch from him on that one. "No," he says quietly. "I was hoping you'd be there. That you'd.... That you'd be okay with it."
"D...damn," I say, before I can't help myself and start crying again. I can't even hate him -- he's not malicious, just stupid. "You coward! Don't even have the balls to tell me to my face?"
He looks about as torn up as I feel, so there's that, at least. "I didn't want to hurt you! I just wanted everything to work out!"
"Well good for you," I sniffle, since the tears won't stop. "You're just selfish and a coward, and and.... Just go back to Akane already!"
He turns around and bows his head. Not that he can meet my eyes when I'm crying. "Maybe I am," he says shakily. "No.... That's not it. I was. But I'm here now, and I'm trying to face up to my screw-ups. You're right, Uch--" He slumps. "Ukyou. I do owe you."
"Oh? Now you want to make things up to me? Isn't it a little late, now that I'm...." But I stop there, and start crying harder, too much to talk. I gave myself away and became a dirty, filthy.... And he was buraka all that time.... And....
It turns out that there's not really a limit to how stupid you can feel, after the fact.
"You're what?" he asks softly.
"Dirty," I croak out between sobs.
He snorts. "You don't got nothing that water and soap won't fix. Now do you want me to do something for you, or leave, already?"
I guess, compared to him being mura-no-mono, me being a slut doesn't really count for much. A moment of weakness hits me. That's the only reason I could say what I do. "Can you take care of me?" I ask in a small voice. I'm really messed up right now, I know that. I guess it should be pretty damn obvious -- I tried to kill myself.
"You want me around?" he asks, turning to look at me again. And though Saotome Ranma, man among men would never admit it, I can see that he's been crying, too.
So, we're staring at each other for a while, and she croaks out, "Akane won't take you, will she?"
"Low blow," I answer. "Isn't it obvious? Hell, I thought you'd be more uptight than she was."
"Low blow," she replies shakily.
I give her the best smile I can manage -- it's probably fake as all hell. "Yeah, okay. My bad. If.... I'll take care of you, sure. I guess you need a new Konatsu, huh?"
"That's not what I need," she mumbles, looking away. "Just.... I gotta get my head straight."
"Yeah. That's cool." I guess we could both take some time to do that. I spent a lot of the last few weeks running from things more than thinking about them. "I can stay here?"
"'Course," she says, staring at the ruined okonomiyaki I made her. "Um. Thanks."
I take it away before she can try to eat it. "Lemme make you another one, Ukyou."
"S...sure."
So Ranchan can cook. Not as good as me, but better than Konatsu. And he agrees to take care of me, so that leaves me ... where, exactly?
I don't know, but I know that he's got a long way to go before everything between us is square again.
After I finish eating, Ranchan -- I mean, Ranma. Ranma cleans up and I go for another cigarette. But the pack is empty. "I thought I had more," I say, searching around the grill for a spare. But I don't find one, and when I look at Ranma, he's just got this vaguely superior smile.
"What did you do?" I ask him. "Where are my cigarettes?"
"Smoking is bad for you," he answers with a shrug.
"You stole them, didn't you?"
"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, aren't I?"
What a jackass!
"Oh, whatever," I snap. "You smell like the road. Go take a shower or something, I need to do some shopping."
He shrugs and goes to wash up. While he's gone, I take some money from the register and walk down the street to the corner market. The guy behind the counter won't sell to me, but there's a vending machine just out of his line of sight, so I've never had a big problem with it.
I buy three packs, figuring if Ranma's going to be a smartass, I'll just hide the other two somewhere. I get back and he's still in the shower, so I light up another one and start cleaning the grill. Sad as it is, Ranma was right. Putting a cigarette out on the grill ... what was I thinking?
But I used to take good care of it, so it cleans up nice. Ranma comes downstairs just as I finish, freshly washed and wearing pajamas. "Tired already?" I ask, tapping my cigarette out into the sink.
"Only clean clothes I had left," he answers. "'Cept some girly stuff. I'm using your washing machine. Hope you don't mind."
That's not what would bother me. "Whatever. Tell me what's happened to you since your engagement party."
It takes a while to explain everything, and it's not like I had anyone else to talk to about the entire thing. There's a little editing in what I tell her, because I'm still trying to get things straight in my own head. So I kind of don't talk about Akane that much.
"...and I know. And that's why I'm there," I finish, shrugging. "After that, I caught you, you were passed out, so I carried you back here and...." And what? I hadn't really thought things out.
"Oh," is all she says for a while, though she pulls her cigarettes from her robe. It takes me a minute to snag all but the one in her hand, but she doesn't notice. I'm getting pretty good at stealing stuff.
As she lights up, she glances at her pack and rolls her eyes. But she doesn't actually tell me to stop. I think I would, if she wanted it. But she doesn't. So she's at least letting me do my best.
As a compromise, I don't take the packs she thinks she hid under the grill. I'll let her get one or two from each before I go after them. Besides, it's better practice for me anyway.
"So, your turn," I say. "What's this about you being dirty? What did Nabiki do, exactly?"
She doesn't meet my eyes, or smoke. She just stares at the glowing tip of her cigarette. "I got really drunk," she says quietly. "Picked up some bad habits. Spent a long time feeling sorry for myself."
I get the idea she hasn't actually stopped yet. But really, who am I to judge? "And Konatsu?" I know something happened there, but what it is could be anything.
She flinches and gives me a look I can't quite read. "We fought," she says.
I tell her everything, and she just gives me a few lines. That doesn't seem that fair.
"Let me make you the old special," she says suddenly, looking at her freshly cleaned grill.
It's been a while since I ate, so I just nod and watch her cook. She's a little rusty, but too skilled to lose it all. It takes a minute or two for her to get back to where she was, then she flings me an okonomiyaki.
"It's good," I tell her once I taste it. It is, too.
"You know," she says, staring at the grill, "once, I thought you were going to marry me. I mean, I really believed that you meant it when you said I was cute. You don't have any idea how much I loved you, do you?"
My first reflex is to tell her what I've been keeping back -- that I love Akane. That I loved Akane? No.... I still do, even though I know it doesn't matter now. Instead of being a jerk about it, I say, "I think I'm starting to get it."
"Are you?" she asks looking up.
"You felt," and then I pause. She threw herself off a building. Is it that much different from the plan Pops gave me? Run away from all my problems with a new name? "You felt like things were so bad that there was no reason to stick with them," I say. "So why not find a way out, any way at all? After all, you put your heart in someone's hands, and they just dropped it, huh? You thought-- You thought you had love, and you actually didn't matter."
"Yeah," she says tightly, tears in her eyes again.
Damn, I'm an ass.
"You did just...." Then she looks away, wiping at her tears with her sleeve. She takes an unsteady breath. "You caught me," she admits. "But I don't know if that's a good thing. You don't actually love me."
Figures. She wants someone to love, and I just wanted someone to talk to. But for the time being, we've got each other.
Ugh. How sappy does that sound?
"You're a mess," I tell her. "Your grill cleaned up nice. I bet you will, too. Why not take a shower and see if you feel better? I'll clean up the rest of the place." Not that it'll need much work. It's just dusty, really.
"Jackass," she says halfheartedly. "Yeah. Okay." She goes to the stairs and looks at me over her shoulder like she's going to say something. Instead, she just sniffles and shakes her head, then leaves. A second later I hear running water, and I get to work cleaning.
It doesn't take long to get the dust off the walls and counters, then I shake the tatami out the back door and flip it over. Good as new. Kinda.
But she takes a bit longer to wash up -- I listen at the door for a second to make sure it sounds like washing and not, I don't know, like she slit her wrists or something. Then I've got nothing to do. I practice juggling some of her spatulas while I wait.
When she comes downstairs, she's wearing some of my girly stuff -- a skirt and a blouse. Kind of small for her, so I make a face. "Why are you dressed like that?"
She blushes, tugging at the hem of her skirt. My skirt, I guess. "I'm trying to clean up," she says defensively. "I haven't done my laundry in too long, and your stuff was in the wash." After a moment of pause, she adds, "I switched it over to the dryer for you."
"Thanks." I wonder if I'll owe her for that one?
"Ranma," she says slowly, staring at her feet, still frozen at the bottom of the stairs. "Can you.... Can you make me a promise?"
Another one? "I said I'd take care of you, as long as you need me around," I tell her.
"I don't.... I really don't need another Konatsu," she mumbles quietly. "And I guess I was stupid to expect what I did from you before. You just wanted us to be friends, and, and...." She licks her lips and swallows, raising her face to look at me.
You know, I thought Ucchan was cute, and that wasn't something I said to get out of a pounding. Well, not just that, anyway. I used to think of her as a guy, until I found out the truth. Then I thought she was a friend, and didn't really think about how girly she could be. That too-short skirt and too-tight blouse make it hard to ignore.
The thing is, the look right now isn't 'cute', exactly. It's vulnerable, like she's one big weak spot, afraid of the next hit coming towards her. When we were yelling at each other over what went on before, it didn't make me feel like as much of a jerk as seeing her like that ... all girly and sad. What did I do to you, Ucchan? I really have a long way to go to make things up.
"I can make you a promise," I say quietly. "I owe you, Ucchan, and I'm not stupid enough to think that just cleaning your place is going to make it all even." And then I ask the question that's been nagging at me for a while: "What can I do for you?"
"R...right now, I think you're right," she says, and I see fear in her eyes. "I think we should be friends. Y...you're not a servant or anything like that."
"So, what, you don't want me to clean?"
She blushes at that, and even manages a genuine-looking smile. Good for you, Ucchan. That makes me feel a little better. "I don't mind that," she says. "Just, promise me you'll always tell me the truth? Don't let me.... Don't let me think something that's not going to happen will. I...." And her eyes go to the floor. "I could screw up again too easy, I think."
"I'll always tell you the truth," I promise her.
And after he says that, I'm not sure where things are going from there. But it doesn't really matter, because that's when someone knocks at the door. I don't even have to say a word; he just kind of shrugs, gives me that crooked smile, and fades away from sight.
Literally. I was staring at him, he got kind of slippery to look at, and ... poof. Neat trick. Seems like something he probably got from his father, too.
Things had actually started getting better. Not that it takes a huge leap to go from 'suicide attempt' to 'better', I guess. Of course, that meant it was time for something to go wrong.
When I open the door, it's none other than my good 'friend' from the night of Ranchan's engagement party. "What do you want?" I say before I can think of anything else.
He looks me over, the same way he did when I was drunk ... only this time I think I see it for what it is. "Business calls," he says with a shrug, smiling. "But I knew I could track you down. I didn't mean to leave you behind."
"Yeah, right," I mutter. "I don't think I want to talk to you. Ever."
"Oh, don't be like that!" he protests, giving me another of his smiles. What, does the jerk practice in front of a mirror or something? "I forgot, and I sincerely apologize. But I've found you again, and I think it's time to discuss your movie career."
"M...movie career?" I ask. I mean, who wouldn't? He wasn't just saying that to get me to sleep with him?
"Absolutely," he says with a nod. "Mind if I come in?"
He walks past me before I can really answer, and against my better judgment, I let him. I mean, Ranchan's still here somewhere, right? So what could go wrong? "Yeah."
"Nice outfit," he tells me, eyeing Ranchan's too-small clothes on me. "In fact, you could use them in the next piece I'm casting."
I look down at it. It's nothing remarkable, as far as I can tell. "Isn't there.... Isn't there an audition, or something?"
"You passed that one with flying colors," he says with a nod. "Even if it was your first time. You've had a bit more practice since then, right?"
And that's....
That's when it all comes together for me. "That movie that was on when you went into the shower," I say slowly. "You made that one?"
"Directed, produced, and scripted," he says proudly. "I don't act. Anyway, you're a young, fresh face, you're in stellar physical condition, and you've got that undeniably innocent cuteness thing going on. You'll be making money hand-over-fist in no time."
"Oh."
"We can start with something soft if you're nervous. A few beach scenes, maybe some massage oil.... One thing, you're going to need to learn how to learn to use your mouth. The guys eat that up. You look innocent enough that-" He may have tried talking after that. I'm not sure, because I just sock him as hard as I can.
Some martial artist. That was a crappy punch, one even Gosunkugi could have avoided. But my 'friend' has a weak jaw and no defense, so he flies back to the middle of the street. "I never want to talk to you again!" I yell at him. "Go away you ... you ... filthy, disgusting ... pervert!" Haha.... Sorry, Akane. Going to borrow your epithet for a while, 'cause I ran into a real one.
He sits up, his suit all dirty from the street. He wipes the blood from his lip where I split it and gives me a look like it's nothing new. "If you change your mind," he says, climbing to his feet and flinging me a business card. "When you find yourself needing the money ... I'll be there."
Then he smiles, and I feel cold and dirty again.
I look at the card I caught reflexively, but don't even read it. I just crumple it up and go back inside, locking the door behind me. "Damn it," I swear, eyes tearing up.
There really is no limit on feeling stupid. I think I would have been happier if he was just lying to get me to sleep with him, not trying to.... I feel sick.
I sit down behind the grill and take a cigarette from one of my hidden packs.
Ranma reappears where he was, doesn't look like he moved at all. He just stares at the grill between us.
"What do you want?" I snap. Not that I should be angry at him. This one was all me.
He halfway shrugs, then meets my eyes. I'm not sure what I see there, but I end up looking away first. "Can I have one of those?"
I snort and almost toss him the pack, but.... "No," I tell him, staring at my own cigarette. "These things are terrible for you."
"Oh," he says quietly. "Well, I'm going for a walk."
And poof, Ranma, master of not being there, isn't.
I mutter a, "Jackass," I don't even feel, and try to make myself read the business card that my 'friend' gave me. Only, the thing is, I can't find it.
Must have thrown it away already....
Ucchan never told me exactly what did happen, but I was getting more and more of the picture. This 'producer' guy really nailed it home for me.
It's one thing to listen to Ucchan say, "You abandoned me!" and then see her trying to kill herself. It's something else to see the guy she messed up with, and realize, "Hey, that's my fault." Sounds messed up ... but I caught her when she jumped. I wasn't anywhere but ... with Akane when she ran into that jerk.
I mean, I could blame Nabiki, I guess, but I was the one who didn't know how to 'deal' with Ucchan. Yeah, I think Ucchan nailed it when she said I was selfish. Maybe this whole buraka thing will actually help me out -- I can become a wandering martial artist. Go around the world, traveling anonymously and righting wrongs.
Hell of a lot more noble than Pops plan, isn't it?
It's a start, I guess. It's something, which I think I need.
So me and my cigarettes, and my sake, and no Ranchan, or ... or whoever that guy was. And once Ranchan vanishes -- literally -- I start wondering if I'll even see him again. It'd be simple for him disappear forever.
And I haven't been nice to him since he came back. He wanted a friend, and I've been pretty bitchy to him. Part of me says it's warranted. Part of me says I'm too alone to risk that.
It's not like I have any real friends at all, unless I count Ranchan.... And I guess I do. I keep calling him Ranchan instead of Ranma, even if it's just in my head.
So I look for wisdom in the bottom of a bottle while he's gone, because I don't know if he'll come back. And I realize that I can't do it alone. I've done something to myself, fell too hard ... and I need a hand up. He was offering that to me ... and does it go away when he finds out how I was used?
Am I too dirty for a buraka like him to want to be friends with?
"Heehee...."
Guess not. "Ranchan?" I ask the dark restaurant. How long have I been sitting here anyway?
"'S me!" he slurs. His girl-side voice, though. "I'm here!"
Oh, kami. He sounds smashed. I know I've been drinking, but I've built up a tolerance. I'm tipsy, at worst. But Ranchan sounds pretty far gone.
Then he appears in front of me, standing on the other side of the grill. And ... not only is he a girl, he's dressed like a girl. And he looks like crap.
His blouse is torn, his skirt is ripped.... I take a step back in my head and try to look at him as though he were a girl -- all the way.
She looks like she just got raped. "Oh, kami. Ranchan, what happened?"
Ranchan looks down at himself and rolls his eyes. "Nothin'," he says with a shrug. "Nothin'. Heehee!"
"Sit down," I order, standing up and pointing at one of the stools.
He pouts, but does what I say, and I hit the light. Under brighter illumination, it's not as bad as it looked, but some things are kind of funny. Ranchan doesn't usually wear girl's underwear, but I can see that he is, now.
I come around the grill and sit next to him. "Tell me what happened."
He looks thoughtful, then grins. "Nope!"
Alright. Change of tactics. I reach across the counter for the sake bottle. "Want something to drink?" I waggle it in front of him.
"Sure!" Yeah, he's smashed, he grabs for it and misses when I pull it back.
"Okay! But you need to tell me a story, first."
He makes a face, but nods. "Okay, okay," he agrees. "Which one?"
"What happened to you after you left here, Ranchan?"
"Aw, Ucchan, it ain't nothin' important," he protests, giving me a girlish-looking pout. Oh-so-girlish.
I waggle the bottle.
"Aright, aright," he grumbles. "I followed that.... That jerk guy. Thought I'd deal with him."
"Did he take advantage of you?"
Ranma plucks the bottle from my shaking hands and takes a hearty swig before pushing it back into mine. "Hell no!" he says with a giggle. "He thought he did, but he was wrong, wrong ... wrong!"
Aw.... His girl-side has a pretty singing voice. Heh. He's going to be so pissed when I tell him that when he wakes up. "That's good, Ranchan! Now, did you hurt him?"
"Naw," he says. "Hey, you gonna drink that?"
I pass it back and he takes another hearty swig before returning it. I get the idea that I might want to drink with him, just to protect him from drinking too much. When he reaches for it, I take a gulp myself. "So," I say, holding it out of his reach. "What did you do?"
"I led him on," Ranchan says with a big grin. "Let him think he was gettin' me all drunk and stuff."
Another exchange of the bottle ... maybe I'm drinking kind of fast -- things are starting to spin. But I have to get this story. "And then?"
"I got him to leave the club with me," he says. "And I say.... I say...." He shakes his head. "Can't s'plain it."
My voice shakes a bit. "Can you show me?"
"Suuuure," he slurs, grinning. "You're dressed for it."
Well.... I didn't want to be wearing a skirt after that little argument with the jerk. And of course, Ranchan's guy clothes were all that was clean and not girlish. Mine were still being washed.
"So, yeah. Um, pretend I'm him," I say cautiously. "Just don't do anything to me you wouldn't want to do to a friend, right?"
"Heehee!" Ranchan nods and swipes the bottle from me. It's empty, though, so he sets it on the counter and stands upright in a wide stance that shows off his panties through the rips in his skirt. The boys in Furinkan would kill for a picture of this, but I'm not sure I like it so much.
And suddenly, it's like Ranchan is even more drunk. He hops right into my lap, arching his back enough to strain the buttons across his chest, his eyes glowing with energy. "Oh, Producer-san, what do we need a hotel for?" He traces a finger down from my ear, across my jaw, and then down my throat, pausing only at the neckline of the Chinese shirt I'm wearing. "Come on," he breathes huskily, nuzzling my cheek when I stiffen. "Lets do it right here!"
"R...Ranchan!" I manage. This is too much-- way too much-- for me to handle right now!
Ranchan pops out of my lap in the same motion. He takes one of my hands and places it where his blouse is torn. "So," he says, suddenly more sober again, "he grabs here," instinctively, I grab, getting a handful of cloth. Ranchan pulls away just right, and the blouse tears even more.
Then he's back to the drunk-act -- and I'm impressed. He's got no poker face, but he can do 'drunk'. "Oh, Producer-san! So naughty!"
He puts a hand on the skirt -- one of my hands. The act repeats, and there's another tear. Then he leans close, his nose almost touching mine, his breath warm on my face. For a second, I think he's going to kiss me. "Mmm.... You know what really turns me on?" he purrs.
"W...what's that?" I choke out. This is unreal!
"I like guys who can catch me." He moves in like he's really going to kiss me, and I'm too frozen to stop him. But he falls short, pulling back. Against my better judgment, I lean towards him. What the hell's wrong with me? But he's just out of reach, and I'm pulled to my feet.
Back to sober ... well. Back to less drunk again. "Let's run!" Ranchan takes two steps away from me and looks thoughtful. "Ya know ... there's a U.S. Navy base in Yokohama?"
"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask, confused.
"Later," he says with a wink. "So now you chase me. We run all over. I get my clothes all torn up." He goes to tear his skirt even more, then realizes how thrashed it is, and ends up standing there like a fool, holding up the hem and flashing me his panties.
Yeah. Ranchan's panties. Pink, with red hearts that have little tiny 'R's in them. Where does he find this stuff? And why am I looking at his girl-side, anyway?
Ooh. Forget the boys at Furinkan -- trained monks would be drooling over him right now.
"Anyway," he says, dropping his skirt and swaying. "We run, we run ... whenever it seems like he's going to give up, I give him a little boost...." He winks, moving towards me and pressing his body against mine for a second -- this is not the story I was expecting. He pulls away before I can grab him.
"And then we end up in the naval base, and I sing a different song." He giggles.
"What? What did you do?"
"Um, hang on...." Ranchan furrows his brow for a second, then releases a startled, agonized sob and spits out some English. It takes my brain a minute to work through the alcohol and Ranchan's antics to sort out, "Help! This man is trying to rape me!"
My eyes go big. "You didn't!"
"I sure as hell did," Ranchan says proudly. "Didn't lay a finger on him!" He frowns. "Well. 'Cept that one."
"Which one?"
He pulls up to me, tracing a finger from my ear to my collar again. Somehow, the ties on Ranma's Chinese shirt have come undone, and he goes a bit lower before pulling away with another fit of giggles. "Hehehe! You're as red as my hair!"
"S...stop toying with me!" I protest. "Anyway, what happened next?"
He waves a hand like it's not important. "Aw, that. He was tired from all th' runnin', couldn' make it more 'n a block 'r two further by then. I just got 'im through the gate an' inta the base when I started yellin' ... sneakin' him through the gate was the only hard part. Then about fifty huge guys in Navy uniforms came out an' swarmed 'im." Another giggle. "Was awesome."
"Y...you.... Why did you do that?"
"F'r you," he says blandly, his smile vanishing. "You was always prettier when you smile. That guy took your smile away. 'Kane won't smile for me anymore, so wanna make sure you're okay."
He sways a bit, and I step towards him and catch him before he can fall. His eyes are teary. "Pop's an' me screwed up lots. I ain't gonna be like that. Wanna fix things." He starts sniffling then. "Made things real bad for you, Ucchan. I'm real sorry."
"You're drunk," I tell him.
"But I gotta do the right thing!" he protests, trying to get away.
Not this time, Ranchan. I hold him tight. "What you did was really, really, really stupid." Stepping back with my hands on his shoulders so he stays steady, I look into his eyes. They're beautiful when he's a girl, shining and blue ... filled with tears, they remind me of the ocean we played by as children. "Thank you." And, okay, yeah, maybe I was making out like I was more sober than I was.
I mean, why else would I kiss him?
His lips are soft, and he kisses me back. Hesitantly at first, but then he gets into a bit more. I hug him tightly, he hugs me too.... In the back of my head, I think it's sad that he wasn't my first kiss. And hey, I wasn't his.
But then ... this is kind of a first. I doubt he's kissed a girl as a girl before.
And that's when I break the kiss off.
"What was that?" he asks, looking shell-shocked.
"You don't know anything," I tell him. "Let's get some hot water and go to bed."
"Uh...."
"Oh, no, little girl," I tell him when he starts to look nervous. "You think you can lead a guy like me on like that and walk away?" I try and make it look like I'm standing up straight, so my chest doesn't stand out and I can look more boyish.
He laughs at me.
I'll never have a guy act that can match up to his girl act, but that's okay by me. I grab the kettle and smack his rear, herding him up the stairs with a yelp.
It's nice to wake up in a warm bed. And I haven't shared a bed with Ucchan in ages. I mean, since we were kids. Then, of course, I thought we were both guys, and didn't think about it that much.
And when I wake up this time, I don't sweat it so much, either. Most of last night got blurry after I got back from dealing with that 'producer'. And ... I think I let my guard down. I know Ucchan and I drank a bit more, before I hit the big fuzzy spot.
Not sure how it got to me being in her bed ... but we're both girls, so I don't figure it's anything bad. My clothes are all missing, but I tore the girly stuff apart to bait that sleazebag anyway.
Ucchan sits up next to me, and she's not wearing anything either. How did that happen?
She blinks a few times and stares at me. "I am never drinking again," she groans, falling back to the futon and pulling the covers up over her eyes. "Clean up. I want the next go at the shower."
"You got it," I answer.
And a warm shower is just the thing. Lets me feel more like myself and wonder what the hell happened. But ... Ucchan's not angry at me. At least, I don't think she is. I hope she isn't.
After I wash, I dress and put the last of Ucchan's stuff in the dryer. Then I go downstairs and clean the mess up. Just a handful of bottles, so not much of a mess, I suppose. I leave the back door open to let the smell of smoke out ... then remember to steal one of the packs she's got left and toss it into the trash out back.
By the time she finishes her shower and comes downstairs, I've already got the grill going and serve up an okonomiyaki for each of us. "What a hangover," she says, lowering herself to a stool and rubbing her eyes as I shut the grill off. "And what a night."
"Uh, last night?"
She looks up at me. "I guess I should trust you," she says with a weak smile. "You wouldn't let me splash you, even when we were both drunk."
"Oh," I say with a nod. I don't even remember what she's talking about. But she's happy, so I'll go with it.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Shoot." I sit down and take a bite of my okonomiyaki.
She looks nervous. "Did you and Akane ever do it as girls?"
It takes a bit of pounding from her to get me to breathe around the okonomiyaki I tried to inhale. "No! We never even.... We never even did it!" Then it hits me, and I feel my face turn red. "D...did we?"
"You mean, you were too drunk to remember?" she asks me, turning red, too.
"Uh...." Oh, yeah. I'm in trouble now.
She starts laughing though. "It's better that way," she decides. "We shouldn't make that kind of decision while drunk anyway, right? If we were both girls, it doesn't really have to count."
"Yeah, okay," I agree.
Wait. We woke up together. There were no clothes.
Huh.
Somehow, I thought it'd be more memorable.
"Y...you really are a friend to me," she says quietly. "Isn't it like that song we had to study for Hinako-sensei's class?"
I spend a minute trying to remember.
"If you'll be my bodyguard," she reminds me with a giggle, "I can be your long-lost pal."
Then it comes back to me. "I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al." Yeah, I guess that does kind of fit.
"Listen ... uh, I'm sorry about last night. That was, uh, I don't know. I guess I shouldn't drink." Still have that bottle of sake Pops gave me stashed away, but I think it could wait a long time before I open it. "A...anyway, what I want to say is that, if that's what you want, I will try to take care of you."
"You can't do that forever," she says, lowering her gaze to the grill. "I mean ... you've got your own life, after all."
I want to ask her what life, when there's a knock at the door. I vanish. Thanks for that much, Pops.
And then I hear her voice and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I get out the back before I drop the Umisen-ken, but still. "Ukyou-san?" Akane asks through the door. "Are you there?"
So, like I thought, everything does pretty much have to happen at once. I'm still trying to figure out what I feel about Ranchan and me sleeping together. The first thing I wanted to do was hit him -- hard. But ... he didn't do anything wrong.
I guess I shouldn't drink, really. But that, everything else ... and then Akane drops by. Just what I needed.
So, I open the door. If I were thinking more clearly, I probably would have pretended I wasn't home and went out looking for Ranchan.
Instead, Akane steps in and says, "Ukyou-san? Are you.... Are you alright?"
And it's like there's a message in her eyes, and the weirdest thing is ... Ranchan didn't talk about her, but I thought he was broken up because she wouldn't touch him. Because he was mura-no-mono. But she's looking at me like she pities me. And what's she got to pity me for?
"Yeah," I tell her gruffly. I close the door and retake my seat at the stool. She looks nervously around.
"Y...you've been closed the last few days."
"Yeah."
Akane stares at her feet for a moment, then raises her head. "Ukyou-san, I think we need to talk about Ranma-san. About ... Saotome-san, too."
"Yeah?" Wonder how long I can stick with the one-word responses?
"Um.... Ranma-san and I won't be getting married," she says, like it's a relief. And to think, before I screwed up and went out with that guy, those words would have filled me with joy. Now they just piss me off. All of this, everything that I went through, over nothing. And her reasons for it are just because he's burakumin? Damn, she is a bitch!
"B...but, don't.... I mean...." She bites her lip and then blurts out, "Saotome Genma is eta," like that explains it all. Lovely choice of words there, Akane-chan. Are they treasured family antiques from before the Meiji Era? "You wouldn't want to dirty yourself with someone like him." Then she babbles on about what would have gone wrong, and how my life would have sucked with Ranchan....
My life is in pieces, Ranchan's life's in pieces, Konatsu's gone, and here she is trying to tell me how much better off I am? I feel like reaching over and strangling her. Instead, I move to the other side of the grill and get a cigarette. Pity, Ranchan just tried to air the place out. But tobacco saved a Tendo's life that day, I'll tell you that much.
After one good draw, which shuts her up, I say, "Oh."
"Um."
So we're quiet for a while. I just stare at her, finish my cigarette, and flick it into the sink.
Then she says, "I.... I know this has to be hard for you, so.... So, I wanted to try and help out any way I could." She reaches into her purse and pulls out an envelope. "Um, this is ... for you."
Against my better judgment, I take the envelope and look inside. There's a huge stack of cash, and that's when I really lose it. I throw the envelope at her and I'm glad that I've practiced throwing spatulas as much as I have. It smacks into her nose on the flat side, sending her falling back onto her rear. Then I slam both hands onto the grill and make myself keep them there, instead of lashing out at her. It's still a bit warm from making breakfast, but not enough for me to burn myself.
"You think that money is the answer to this?" I spit at her. "I'm sorry, I realize that from your viewpoint, coming from a richer family than me, not having to work for anything, you think that this will solve everything for you -- but you know what? It doesn't! It doesn't even begin to make up for the way your family treated me! When it's convenient, you all stayed here without even asking me. When it's not, you work as hard as you can to throw me out of your own place. Real fair, especially when you realize that your bedroom is the size of my entire restaurant."
I spent some time once, thinking about that one. It's true, though, if you fudge the pantry. And the upstairs section -- technically, my place is about double the size of her bedroom. But this isn't counting the bath she's got access to, the living room ... and of course, the dojo. And this is Tokyo, where land is money.
"W...well," Akane manages, catching the envelope and scrambling back a few steps. "That's.... We want to apologize!"
"'We', Akane?" I ask skeptically. "You had ample opportunity to do that before, but until it came out that Ranchan was mura-no-mono, you didn't care. Then your apology comes down to, what, money?"
"Ranma-san," Akane says, almost reflexively.
"I'll call him whatever the hell I feel like!" I shout at her. I'd been getting really worked up over this. I didn't want to take things out on Ranma, and I wonder if I'm just using Akane as a convenient target.... But hey, if she wants to apologize to me, she can take it! "And I'll tell you this much, Tendo Akane, I don't accept your apology at all! You can take that envelope and shove it right up your-"
After things quiet down, Akane takes the money and leaves. I tried not to get too close, because I think Akane might be able to feel through the Umisen-ken. But after Ucchan finishes cursing Akane out, the door opens, and I hop to the roof to look down at the street. Akane tucks the envelope of cash into her purse and starts walking stiffly.
Yeah, a verbal beating like that would hurt. Probably almost as much as getting rejected by.... And I don't know how it happened. I mean, I'd been setting myself up to admit it for a while, I guess, but not actually doing it. Ucchan needs me, or at least, wants me around. Akane obviously doesn't.
"Time to right a wrong," I whisper to myself. Yeah, that one should have been in my head.
Akane pauses, and turns to look at where I was. By that time, of course, I'm gone, down the street and in front of her. She's looking the other way, so she's got every chance to turn around and look at me. I even drop the Umisen-ken, for just a moment, relying on nothing more than my own pick-pocketing skills.
Then it's back up, and I bounce across the street to look down at her. So, I'm watching her walk away with a smile on her face like it's the best day of her life, and I can't help but think ... why don't I feel guilty for that? What if Akane thinks Ucchan did it?
Well, the answer to that is obvious, I guess. She'll think that Ucchan deserved it, and her apology was accepted. So, free money. I don't need money that bad, but it seemed right somehow.... And Ucchan's right. Tendo may not be wealthy, like the Kuno family, but I've never seen him work a day in my life.
But the thing that really kills me about it is that, watching Akane leave, I realize that I'd rather be with Ukyo than her. Maybe I did find my own people, in the end. And maybe I'm more my father's son than I admit. I am getting pretty good at stealing things.
So ... I go back in and find Ucchan behind the grill, trembling. And she did a number on it, too. Punched it straight through and broke a pipe. I turn off the gas and open the back door before I drop the Umisen-ken.
Maybe I'm losing my touch; she doesn't even flinch, though she stops trembling so much. "You alright?" I ask her cautiously.
"Oh, Ranchan," she groans, covering her eyes. "I've got too much pride. I should have taken that money. It would have been enough for us to ditch this place like the bad habit it is and go somewhere else. Maybe Kyushu, or ... or Hokkaido. I like snow."
My heart skips a beat. "Us?" I ask her.
"Y...yeah," she whimpers. "You're all I've got. Unless you, you don't want-"
"Hey, as long as you need me around," I remind her. "I promised."
"Wh...what about when I don't need you anymore?" she asks me. "What about when...."
"When what?"
"I don't know." She drops her hands to her sides and stares at the shattered grill. "I need to stop drinking. And smoking. You're right, and you're looking out for me. More ... than I am. Are you looking out for you?"
I think about the money I took from Akane. "I think so."
She gives me a weak smile, but one of the good old Ucchan smiles from way back when. "D...don't let me be a burden to you. We'll just get stuck in a pit and things will get worse, and, oh, kami, how am I supposed to make enough money to get us out of here when I hate it so much, and no one will--"
So, I'm feeling pretty lucky, and figure I can get away with it. I shut her up with a kiss, and she quiets down, and just hugs herself against me. Then she stiffens. "Is that.... What is that in your pocket?"
"Um.... Would you believe that I was just happy to see you?"
That gets me a slap I'm pretty sure I deserved, but I can't really complain. She pulls the envelope out -- thought I hid it better -- and stares. "You didn't!"
"Sure as hell did!" I tell her. "You wouldn't believe what I did to-" I cut myself off right there. She doesn't need to know about the sleazebag.
"That's true," she says quietly.
"Wait, you know?" Ah, sweet revenge. She gets me good with a kiss this time -- kind of like what I thought licking an ashtray would taste like, now that I stop to think about it. "Ugh! You gotta stop smoking, for sure!"
"Jackass! You don't know anything." She lets me go and looks around, like she'd just woken up. "Come on, let's pack. We'll tear out the grill and replace it -- we can hand this place over to an agent and be out of town by tomorrow. We won't be able to afford a new place until the money comes through, but we'll be out of here!"
"Okay, I guess." Then she gives me a funny look and smacks my butt. Strange how familiar that seems ... but I get the idea everything's going to work out, one way or another, so why worry about it?
She sure doesn't seem to care that I'm mura-no-mono, and no one else will care in Hokkaido. Hell, we could set up near an Ainu settlement, and I could learn all sorts of new martial arts from 'em. This could work.
Seeing how things have gone so far ... I think I could really fall for Ucchan. I know she fell for me once before, so maybe if I'm real good, it'll happen again. It sounds like the best plan I got ... with, you know. Righting wrongs. Can't forget that part.
I think it could work. I give Ucchan a smile back.