Disclaimer: No disrespect is intended with the posting of this story. Situations and characters are property of Nagaru Tanigawa, and are used here without permission. His stuff; we're just borrowing it for a wee bit. Additionally, some tinting (characters and settings) are borrowed from Higurashi, which is the property of Ryukishi07; the gaggle of cousins that appear are covered by the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.
Hinamizawa Dam
... Construction and History Hinamizawa Dam was completed in 1981, following several years of protests by local residents concerned about the destruction of their homes by the lake that would be formed to power the hydroelectric dam. The initial construction project was halted in 1979, following the death of the project foreman and the disappearance of one of the men allegedly involved with his murder. Some residents associated the deaths with the local legends of the demon god Oyashiro, which intensified the protests.
Following the deaths, the dam design was complemented with a series of levees intended to prevent the dam's waters from submerging most of the villages that would have been destroyed by the original design. With these modifications in place, the protests from the villagers were largely silenced, and construction of the dam resumed.
I rub my eyes a bit, closing the laptop and settling back in my chair - it's getting pretty late. There hasn't been much going on since Kyon left for Hinamizawa yesterday; I ended up heading over to the station to see him off, but I didn't think about the fact that his entire family would be there - and it looked like they were having enough trouble trying to manage his little sister and all their luggage. Rather than barge into the middle of all that, I just waited and watched until their train left the station. I'm not sure, but I think Kyon's little sister might have seen me; I know Kyon didn't, though. If she did, she didn't say anything to Kyon or her parents about it as far as I could tell.
Doesn't really matter anyway, I guess; I've mostly been killing time for now. We're not going to start our tours of the nearby castles and temples until tomorrow, with Himeji Castle, so I've mostly been kicking around the house looking for something to do. I've gone through the lucid dreaming book already, and aside from doing my 'reality checks' every few hours, I don't really have anything I need to do today. It still seems a bit weird to be looking at my hands and flexing my fingers for no apparent reason, but if it's supposed to help, I'll do it.
So without anything better to do, I decided to read up on this Hinamizawa place. Kyon wasn't kidding when he said the village was out in the middle of nowhere; the closest major city looks like it's Aomori, and just the train trip out that far is something like six hours at least. The big hydroelectric dam seems to be the only major thing anywhere near the village itself, but reading up on it did at least turn up a few links to some pretty wild local legends - a demon god that punishes sins by killing the villagers, and an old human sacrifice ritual that they still perform (in a way) today?
Definitely something to grill Kyon about when he gets back! If he's got family up there, he's sure to know more about those legends than just the simple stuff I was able to find online.
As far as the dreaming stuff goes, I've made a little bit of progress, but not much. I'd only gotten through the first couple of chapters by Friday night, so I didn't get to try much out at that point; I don't even remember anything about my dreams from that night. Yesterday I at least remembered part of my dream, but only a few fragments of it - I was walking around on the ceiling while everyone else was on the ground, but past that I can't remember any details. I think I'll have better luck tonight, though - I finished up the rest of the book earlier today and I've been doing those reality checks all day, so I should be ready.
The first indication I have that things aren't completely normal is the silence. I'm used to tuning out all the noise of people around me to concentrate on what I've got on my mind, but in this case there's absolutely nothing to ignore: no voices, no footsteps, not even birds or insects. Other than that, things seem fairly normal. I'm at the shopping arcade near Kitaguchi Station, and everything looks like what I remember aside from the deathly quiet and the blank gray sky. It's not quite like an overcast sky, since there's no sign of any clouds, but just a blank featureless gray expanse.
It's strange enough that I decide to do my 'reality check' and look at my hands while I flex my fingers - and what my hands are doing isn't anything like what I think I'm doing with them, the fingers kind of waving back and forth randomly. It honestly looks bizarre - almost so much so that I yell - but I remember that the book said it would look this way. I don't spend long looking - it's weird and unsettling as it is, and if I've already confirmed that I'm dreaming I don't need to look again.
Now that I recognize it as a dream, though, I take stock of where I am a little more closely. It's definitely the shopping district downtown, but when I stop to examine things a lot of the details just aren't there - the signs are blurry, and some of the things on display in shop windows are indistinct blobs; when I think about it, most of those shops are places I've never been or paid attention to before, so it kind of makes sense that I wouldn't be able to get any details right about them in my dreams.
That aside... this place seems really dull. There are no people, no noises, not even the air moving - at least, there's nothing moving until I spot a few points of red light crossing the sky. Maybe they're airplanes? But then, why would those be moving when I'm not seeing any people, or bicycles or cars or trains or any other kinds of vehicles? Just as I've made up my mind to take a closer look, though, they seem to vanish into the horizon - and I'm not so interested that I want to spend the entire time running around this gray world trying to find them again.
The longer I spend here, the more I feel like this place is waiting for something, basically. It's hard to describe, but the impression I get is that this is like a blank canvas, waiting to be painted over with something more interesting. I consider trying to change it, but then I figure I'd better get an idea of what I'm working with first, before I try to alter it.
I let my mind wander, literally; I get the impression I could make myself fly in this place, but I decide to try something different - leaving my body where it is and sending my perceptions out to explore, sort of an out-of-body experience. It's sort of like what you see in the movies, where the camera just zooms out and pans across the landscape - it doesn't really feel like I'm flying, just that my view is changing. As I come to the edge of Nishinomiya, though, the world just seems to stop; it's like there's a border between the gray space I'm in and what's outside of it. Just as an experiment, I try moving it - and sure enough, I can feel the space getting larger as I push at it. I decide not to go crazy with it for now; with most of Nishinomiya already in here, I've got plenty of room to play around in.
Once I let my awareness return to my body, I decide to try a few things out, just to see what I can do. Flying is the obvious thing - the book mentioned it as one of the most common things to do in a lucid dream - but I sort of just did that, and I'm more interested in seeing what else I can do. With as empty as this place is, there's one obvious thing to start with, and so I do it, closing my eyes to concentrate for a moment. When I open them, Kyon is standing in front of me with a completely neutral expression on his face, dressed in his usual school uniform. I can't help but smirk as I walk around him, checking out my own handiwork; 'Kyon' doesn't react to me at all, though, standing there more or less like a mannequin - although he isn't one, as he feels warm when I touch his face. A moment of concentration and I'm able to make him put on his usual sour look and cross his arms, although I have to specifically think about it to get him to move at all - it's sort of like controlling a marionette, only with my mind instead of strings.
My dreams are going to get pretty boring if they're always empty, though, so I try to create the other members of the Brigade too, to see if it's any harder to have more people around at once. They all show up easily enough - everyone in their school uniforms, since that's how I see them most of the time, I guess - but they're just as inert as the Kyon-doppelganger I made was at first. Controlling them in the same way I controlled Kyon isn't any harder, either. I make Mikuru do a backflip and Yuki stand on her head to see if I can do more complex stuff, but it seems like taking control of one of them makes all the others revert back to that same neutral state, like a puppet just hanging from its strings. It's becoming frustrating that I can't seem to do more than one thing at a time, so I try to make everyone do something different all at the same time - and abruptly find myself staring up into the darkness of my bedroom, my temples pulsing with the beginnings of a headache.
I grit my teeth against the pain - it's not a severe headache, but it is very insistent; as I get out of bed to go get some aspirin I decide that maybe trying to control people directly isn't such a good idea. On the bright side, though, I was definitely having a lucid dream, and managed to control a lot of things in it. It may not have been the most exciting thing in the world, but it's a good start at least!
"All right, the guided tour starts in an hour! Koizumi-kun, Mikuru-chan, you two are a group; look for anything particularly unusual and report back here in 45 minutes!" I point at the two Brigade members in question, who just nod in reply. "We'll need to be prepared so we can dig for details on some of the less well-known things about the castle! I'll be doing the same with Yuki - so don't be late meeting back up!"
We arrived at Himeji Castle about twenty minutes ago; it's not all that far from Nishinomiya - about an hour and a half by train - but despite that, I've never actually been out here before myself. It's definitely one of Japan's more well-known historic sites, and there's even a famous ghost story associated with it, but school trips generally go to Kyoto - there are more places to visit in a smaller area - and I haven't really been interested enough to come and investigate by myself before now. I'm definitely curious to see whether there's any truth to the story of Okiku, but not so much that I'm willing to sit through three hours of train travel and then another hour of guided tour just to see it - in the daylight, no less, when it's obvious that nothing supernatural would be happening!
Without any further ado, I head off towards the first of the gates that are scattered all around the courtyard of the castle itself, Yuki trailing along in my wake. I really don't have any idea what in particular to look for, but I'm trusting my instincts more than anything here; if there's something worth investigating, I'm sure it'll jump out at me - the only hard part is going to be remembering where it is, since there are so many gates and courtyards.
For her part, Yuki isn't saying much; she's simply waiting for me to take the lead. What follows is more or less aimless wandering, since I didn't really have a plan for where to go or what to look for. I keep trying to head for the castle proper - mostly to see if I can get to it, since Himeji is famous for getting people lost - but after tracking back and forth through a dozen different gates I'm starting to get a bit irritated.
"Damn it!" I stop for a minute to glare up at the castle, only taking a moment to glance back for Yuki to make sure she hasn't gotten lost - I haven't exactly been trying to pace myself, and she doesn't really look all that athletic so she might not have been able to keep up - but she's still there behind me, surprisingly. I shake my head a bit, then throw myself down on a bench nearby to get my bearings for a minute. The distance we've covered isn't all that far, but it's a lot of hiking uphill and winding back and forth. "How many of these stupid gates are we going to have to go through, anyway?"
"There are ten gates left to pass before reaching the keep," Yuki replies, barely on the edge of my hearing - which startles me a bit, I wasn't expecting an answer at all. "Only 21 of the castle's original 84 gates remain."
"Wait - how did you know that?" I eye her curiously.
I don't get an answer; Yuki just stares back at me with that same non-expression she usually wears. Whatever, it's probably not that important. We're wasting time, though - it's only taken about 5 minutes to get this far, but we're going to have to come back too, and I still want some time to look around the main castle building when we get there.
Another ten minutes or so sees us to the top of the hill and the main building - the keep. It's bigger than I would have expected for something several centuries old; I knew the site itself was really large - obviously, if it took us fifteen minutes just to walk up here from the entrance - but the keep itself looks like it's about five stories tall, and in pretty good shape, too. There's a part of the grounds up here that's roped off, with a few construction workers wandering around; I guess they're working on some restoration stuff. It does make me wonder; considering how long it would have taken to make something this big four hundred years ago, how long would it take to build this place using modern techniques?
"It is estimated at a factor of one hundred," breaks into my thoughts - Yuki again. I didn't even realize I was thinking out loud - I swear, half the time Kyon starts muttering something I'm sure he's doing the same thing, must be rubbing off on me.
The answer raises an eyebrow again, though - everyone said that this would be their first visit. "How do you know that? I thought you said you'd never been here before!"
The answer, when it comes, gives me the urge to facepalm - Yuki just holds up a travel guide for Himeji Castle, something I should not only have guessed but expected from our resident bookworm. I shake my head in reply, hiding a smile; it's nice to see people being predictable, even if I'm not paying enough attention to realize it.
"You know, I really should have expected that," I reply. "Sometimes you can be really predictable, you know?"
As expected, I don't really get a reply to that... and that's when it hits me just how predictable Yuki can be sometimes. In any given situation, she's either going to read a book (about what's going on or something else entirely), look at me blankly, or come up with some one-word answer (or at least the minimum number of words possible, if one word won't cut it). Now that the idea's bouncing around my head, though, I'm somewhat curious about it - especially since it kind of applies to what I ran into with my dream last night. I can't control other people, but if I have a kind of mental map for them to follow, maybe that will work?
"Hey, Yuki," I start off, looking over at the light-haired girl. Her only response is to look me in the eyes, the vaguest hint of expectation - or maybe curiosity? - in her stare. Score one for the model so far.
"Have you ever really considered people being predictable?" When this continues to gain no reply, I decide to elaborate a little further. "Sort of, I don't know - like you can make a picture or a model in your head about people you know or interact with, and you can predict how they're going to react to something based on that model?"
She hesitates for a brief moment before answering, giving just a single nod in reply. Well, I did just ask a yes or no question, it's not like I should have expected - predicted - anything more.
"So what do you think of the idea? Do you think it really works - can you really use something like that to predict how people are going to react to things?"
Again the short hesitation, then a slight shake of the head - and then she surprises me by giving the question more of an answer. "To a point," she intones quietly. "For individuals that are simple or not well known, a basic model can predict behavior adequately. As knowledge of the person increases, however, the accuracy of predictions decreases."
I frown a bit. "Isn't that backwards? It should get easier to predict what other people do the better you know them!"
Again, the slight hesitation - seems a little odd for Yuki, I can't really imagine her being lost for words. "As with a mathematical model, as the number of variables in the system increases, the behavior of that system becomes more chaotic - slight changes in one or more of the variables can have significant impact on the outcome of the system as a whole. For a person, as more aspects of that person's personality become known, the more factors come into play in determining a reaction to a given situation."
"Why wouldn't the old simple model still work, then? If it was good enough before, it's not like the parts of that person that made it any less effective, right?"
She shakes her head. "Additional knowledge makes relying on the simpler model unsatisfactory, as it may obviously contradict results predicted by that model."
I open my mouth to argue with that, but I find I can't, really; it's not like you can just throw out things you know just because you don't like them. Well, you can try it, but it's just stupid to do it, and likely to blow up in your face. "Okay, fair enough, but still - why wouldn't you just be able to get a more and more complete model of someone and it just gets more accurate? Sure, it might get really complex, but there's still no reason why you still couldn't keep up with it as it gets more complete. It's a lot less convenient, sure, but it should still be workable."
Again, Yuki disagrees with me. "As an isolated system this would be the case. However, as the system increases in complexity, more minor external influences can have major influences on the result of the model, as with most chaotic systems."
I stop to consider that for a moment, leaning up against one of the trees in the courtyard. "External influences? Like what - the weather?"
"There is some influence to behavior from environmental factors," Yuki allows, not moving from her spot even as I start to walk around and stretch a little. "However, the more significant source of external factors are actions from other individuals. These effect changes in the state of the person being modeled."
"Ahhhh, now I get you. So, for example, if Kyon gets yelled at by his mom or something, he's going to be in a bad mood and might react to things differently because of it - so his mom made a change in the way he reacts to things at some level." I nod thoughtfully. "Even so, why couldn't you just watch him and see that he's in a bad mood and adjust from there?"
"Observation may not be sufficient to determine changes in the state of the subject, or of their degree of influence. Attempting prediction without a knowledge of these factors would result in errors - sometimes with radical deviations in the results."
Thinking of 'radical deviations'... well, there's one thing that immediately pops into my head at that, and while it's not a fun memory, it's definitely one I've spent a lot of time thinking about. I find it a little hard to even mention; I've never really talked about it with anyone else.
"Like, for example, when we were making the movie," I start out hesitantly, looking away from Yuki. "When I got Mikuru-chan drunk at Tsuruya-san's house - I completely didn't expect Kyon to get that upset about it." I look up at the leaves of the tree above me, the words feeling like they're coming from someone else. "I knew he was upset - I was trying to push his buttons, so it's not like I didn't expect that - but I had no idea he was that angry."
"That is... a valid example," Yuki replies, her voice seeming even quieter. "I also was not aware of the intensity of his distress until after the fact."
I snort at that, bringing my head level. "You and me both, Yuki-chan - you and me both." I let out a sharp sigh at that - I don't really want to dwell on this right now. "This really got heavy," I add with a half-laugh. "Not exactly the kind of thing I'd imagine us talking about outside Himeji Castle - or really, anywhere," I append. "Come on, we'd better head back - we're probably going to be late meeting up with Mikuru-chan and Koizumi as it is."
Yuki gives one of her small nods at that, and we set off the path back down the hill and through the gates around the keep; however, I can't help but wonder out loud as we walk: "I had no idea you were that interested in this kind of thing, Yuki-chan - it sounds like you've given a lot of thought to this."
"Yes," comes the quiet reply.
As we head through the first gate, I look at her sidelong, considering. Yuki's so quiet all the time, and she's always seemed a bit shy, but she's never really seemed oblivious - she just watches or reads and doesn't say much of anything. I decide to take a little shot in the dark, although it's not a hard one to make.
"Is it because you're shy? You try to figure out how people are going to react, so you'll know what they'll say or do when you try to do something?"
That gets me a slightly hesitant nod, which is confirmation enough. "That's what I thought - and all I'll say is, don't!" I can feel my energy surging back as I go on. "Just do things, and don't worry about what other people are going to think! If they're worth caring about, they'll either be interested, or they'll at least be polite, and you know more about them that way! And if they're rude or they laugh at you, then you know they're pointless and boring and you don't have to care what they think!"
That gets me a slightly raised eyebrow, but no verbal response.
"Okay, yeah, maybe you're not going to run around and put up talismans all over the school like I did when I was in middle school, but so what? Maybe your way of being amazing and interesting won't be as flashy or exciting as mine, but it doesn't mean you can't find something else!
"So maybe you're not an alien or an esper like I've been looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't be amazing in other ways! Even normal humans can be inventors or visionaries or geniuses and change the way the world works - that could be you, too!" It feels a little weird to be echoing something Kyon said to me, even if he was taking it in a totally different direction. "With all the thought you've put into this mental model thing, maybe you can come up with a better picture of how the mind works - how we get from nerve cells firing off in our heads to the Mona Lisa or Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Or maybe since you like sci-fi books a lot, you could become a writer, and take those ideas and give them your own spin and then inspire other people to try to make the things you write become real!
"But you'll never know unless you actually get out there and do things, and stop worrying about what other people are going to think about you for doing stuff." I nod sharply. "So get out there and try things out! If you're not sure what you're best at, or what you enjoy doing, start experimenting and see what you like - and then run with it! That's an order from your Brigade Chief!"
I'll admit, it's amazingly hard to read Yuki's expression most of the time, since it never changes much, but I think there's the faintest hint of a smile on her face as she nods in reply.
While the conversation with Yuki was really interesting - and unexpected - it took more time than I realized. By the time we get back to the entrance where we were supposed to meet back up with Koizumi and Mikuru, we're already ten minutes behind - and neither one of them is there, either. This is just great - there's no way we're going to have time to meet up with the tour group before it starts.
I stop to think for a moment; if they made it back on time and decided to go looking for us, we would have run into them on the way back - I can't imagine they would have started looking right away, and the path didn't branch much until about halfway up the hill, so we would definitely have run into them near one of the first gates leading up to the keep. As far as looking for them goes, though, I don't remember which way they went when we split up, either.
"Do you have any idea where the others are?" I turn and ask the girl behind me.
Yuki pauses to consider for a minute, then points off to the side, towards a cluster of large, low buildings - they look like warehouses. Guess she was paying more attention when we parted ways - although if she hadn't we'd just be wandering blindly anyway.
The grounds here are confusing no matter where you're going; the path leading over towards the outbuildings winds back and forth almost as much as the trip up to the keep proper, although there are no gates here, just a stone-walled path with what look like arrow-slits in all kinds of geometric shapes. It's a fairly nice walk, but the route twists back on itself so often that I have a hard time keeping my bearings - the only thing that helps is keeping an eye on the sun, since that's one thing that'll always be in the same direction.
It takes us another five or ten minutes to work our way through the maze to the large buildings, and another five from there to actually find the other Brigade members, who seem to be having some kind of intense discussion. I motion Yuki to be quiet as we approach - not that it's really needed, I can rarely if ever hear her moving around anyway.
"-do what you want, I'm going to stay here," Mikuru is saying as I get close enough to hear.
Koizumi doesn't seem to like what she's saying, though; he's actually not smiling for once as he replies - he's half facing me, although he hasn't noticed yet since he's focused on Mikuru. "We are already late; are you telling me that you intend to make Suzumiya-san more upset by delaying even further?"
Mikuru shakes her head at that, but doesn't look at Koizumi. "I can't tell you what to do, but I have my instructions." Instructions? I didn't give her any instructions, other than looking for unusual things, so who else would have given her any instructions while she was here? "Besides, if she comes looking for us, isn't it more likely that we'll miss each other if we're wandering around randomly? We've already gotten lost once!"
She does have a point, at least if they got lost trying to get back to the main entrance. With as twisty and confusing as these paths are, we could probably wander around all day trying to find each other and never meet. At this point I don't see a lot of reason to eavesdrop any further, so I don't bother to conceal my footsteps as I move up to meet them.
Koizumi spots me first, although that's not really a surprise with Mikuru facing the other direction. "Ah, Suzumiya-san!" He straightens up rather quickly once he sees me, Mikuru turning to face me as well.
"You guys are really late, you know," I start off, crossing my arms as I scowl at the pair.
Mikuru seems lost for words, her mouth working without anything intelligible coming out. Koizumi doesn't look too ruffled, though; aside from the slight surprise when he first saw me, he seems as smooth as ever. "Ah, my apologies, Suzumiya-san," he replies, glancing at Mikuru only briefly. "We had tried to make it earlier, but unfortunately got lost trying to get back to the main entrance. We found our way back here and were simply taking a minute to get our bearings before trying to find you."
"It's still a penalty for both of you!" I announce, stabbing a finger in their direction.
That at least gets Koizumi's smile to falter a bit, and Mikuru whimpers. "Of course," is his response.
I'm curious about what Mikuru was talking about, but we've got a tour to catch up with - I definitely want to look into this, but it'll have to wait for now!
The end of the trip is a huge letdown. It takes us a lot longer than expected to catch up with the tour; since we didn't see it leave, no one is quite sure which direction they went to start with, although Yuki managed to guess pretty well - or maybe she had an idea from the travel guide she read; I'm not sure. We don't actually reach the tour group until they get to Okiku's Well itself, and the tour guide is just finishing up the story of how the servant girl Okiku's ghost can be heard counting dishes at night. I'm familiar with the story, so there's nothing really new there, but one thing I'd always wanted to do was try coming here at night to see if I could hear the ghost.
That is, up until the tour guide mentions that there's a special late-night tour run once a week for just that reason. Ugh. If they're making a big deal about it already, there's almost certainly nothing real about it; I can't imagine that a ghost would come and show off for a bunch of tourists, so they probably just do something fake. Well, there's an old idea shot down.
With that taking the wind out of my sails, I don't bother having us wait for another tour of the grounds, and we just head back to Nishinomiya from there. I'll admit to being in a nasty mood, given that we missed most of the tour and the idea of checking out the well at night was kind of destroyed, but there's not much point in taking it out on the others - knowing them, they'd just sit there and take it, and it's not entirely their fault - okay, yes, the fact that they were late was their fault, but I'll admit that the grounds were confusing so getting lost is a valid excuse. I almost managed to get lost myself, after all.
Without much else to do on the trip home, I think about that a bit more. Venting at Mikuru... well, I've done it before, and I'll admit it can be really cute the way she shivers and looks like she's waiting for me to turn into some kind of ogre and eat her. The problem with it is that seeing that actually makes me feel like some terrible ogre, and gets me even more angry. Not a good feedback loop to get caught in.
With Yuki, I've never even really considered it. She doesn't react to much, and while I think she wouldn't completely ignore me if I was yelling at her, I also don't get the impression that it'd really impress her much, or at least in any way I'd be able to tell. It'd be like yelling at a wall.
Koizumi wouldn't be much better, either. He's always quick to agree with me, so trying to yell at him would probably involve him apologizing a ton, or trying to calm me down if I was yelling at someone else around him. He usually stays out of it when I'm irritated with Kyon, admittedly, but I could see him trying to play peacemaker really easily.
All of it just serves to remind me that Kyon's not here, which adds to my irritation. In his case, at least, he pushes back when I carp at him - which usually leads to me yelling at him even more - but after all's said and done, I feel better for having gotten all of it out. He's never seemed to hold much of a grudge or gotten too upset about anything - with one notable exception, but I've been through that already.
Thinking of him... I wonder if maybe I should give him a call tonight to check up on his progress with the lucid dreaming. He's had as much time as I have to get started on things, and it'd give me an excuse to vent about today. It's a fun idea... but no, I probably shouldn't. He said he'd be stuck babysitting most of the time, and with that in mind he probably hasn't had a lot of time to work on dreaming - it's only been a couple of days, after all, and calling him just to talk... nah, I'll give him some more time and get a real status report later this week.
The first impression I get once I can stop to think for a moment is that the colors here are really vivid. The grass isn't just green, it's practically glowing, and the water is turquoise - like the pictures you see of tropical beaches. I don't even need to try my reality checks to know that I'm dreaming; floating islands in the sky with mile-high waterfalls are kind of a heavy hint that I'm not in Kansai anymore - but I go through the motions anyway, just to be sure. All it takes is a short glance at my hands to confirm my suspicions, and then my focus turns back to the landscape around me.
I hate to be cliched, but the view is frankly breathtaking. It takes me all of about ten seconds to work out that I'm actually on one of the floating islands myself; I'm not terribly far from the edge, and down below I can see a vast mountain range, almost completely covered in snow. There are several other islands visible from here; the biggest one I can see must be a few miles across, and even has buildings on it - blue-roofed white turrets with arches, although I can't make out a lot more detail than that from this distance.
The island I'm on myself isn't too huge; there's a fairly steep hill in the center, and what looks like a stone staircase winding up the side of it. Up on the crown I can see a set of stone pillars - sort of Greek-looking - and some kind of glass ball floating in the middle of them, although I can't really make out more detail than that from here. It definitely looks amazing, and I start to head up the hill to check it out further... and then stop.
While this is an amazing place, and one I definitely want to take more time to explore, it's also not the main thing I want to concentrate on right this minute - and that's finding Kyon. There's a stone bench next to the path here; I'm not quite sure whether it was here when I started walking or whether it just showed up now when I stopped to look, but either way I guess it doesn't really matter - it gives me a place to sit down and think about what I'm doing.
The fact that I'm in a lucid dream again is awesome; given the way the book made it sound, it usually takes a lot of practice before most people can start to have lucid dreams regularly. Fortunately, I've always had a knack for picking new stuff up quickly, so it's not really all that surprising all things considered. Kyon might not have picked things up as quickly, though, so if I try to find him now he might not even be here yet.
Even with that in mind there's no harm in looking; I could be underestimating him, and even if I'm not, I still need to work out exactly how I'm supposed to find him - so the more practice I get at manipulating my dreams to search for him, the better.
Now that I'm settled on my course of action, I take a minute to consider where I am. This is really obviously a dreamscape - and an awesome one, too - but I honestly can't see Kyon dreaming himself into a place like this, at least not regularly. He's not the most imaginative guy in the world, so more likely he'll be in someplace a lot more mundane. The next question, then, is: how do I get from someplace like this to someplace more normal?
Well, I'm in control of this place, or I should be, so the answer to that is 'however the hell I feel like it.' Since I'm actually thinking of a fairly radical change here, I try something that feels drastic. Closing my eyes, I stretch my left arm up as high as I can reach, then pinch my fingers and pull down and across - like I'm turning the page in a giant book.
When I open my eyes, it looks like my experiment was successful - there's no sign of the floating islands, or the pillars or staircase, or the snowy landscape down below. I'm still up high, but this time I'm up on top of a flat, rocky plateau, and looking out past the edge I can see what looks like a rainforest stretching out as far as the eye can see. Notably, this place has the same 'vivid' feel that the floating islands did; in a way, even though I know this is a dream, it feels more 'real' than reality does - everything's more intense in some way.
Still, this also isn't a place I'd expect to find Kyon either. It's more like someplace you'd really find on Earth - I mean, I've seen pictures of places in South America that kind of look like this - but it's still not an environment I could really picture Kyon wandering around in. Since it worked before, I reach out to turn the page - but this time I don't close my eyes; I want to see what's going to happen when I do it.
The effect is... weird, to put it mildly. I can't see what my fingers catch hold of, but the result is really obvious; when the 'page' turns, it's sort of like the rainforest is caught in a window, and someone's turning that window past me where the spine of the 'book' would be - the effect makes my head swim a bit. Once the edge of the window moves past my eyes, I can start to see the next 'scene' unfolding the same way, while the last remnants of the jungle dwindle down to a line and disappear.
And what a scene it is. Being in a city full of skyscrapers is hardly a new sensation for someone raised in Japan, but these buildings are like nothing I've seen before. Where a normal high-rise might be made out of metal and glass and concrete, these are considerably more exotic. The one I'm standing next to appears to be built out of black marble, with ruby windows; what's even weirder is that I just know that the windows are really made of ruby, not just red glass. The building across the street is just as strange; a 30-story building made of popsicle sticks and clear gelatin is not exactly something to just take in stride. There are similar buildings as far as I can see in every direction, too; too many to count, honestly.
This place is pretty weird, but again it feels closer to a place I might find Kyon than where I was before. It's still too bizarre, so I try something a little more drastic this time. Rather than turning a page in a book, I decide to close the entire book itself so I can open a new one.
Lowering my hands to my sides, I hold my palms up, then start raising them in an arc like I'm closing a giant book - and just like before, the landscape shifts as I do, the buildings folding into each other like mismatched teeth. It's a little weird to see; even with as tall as the buildings are they don't break or collapse at all, just meshing into the gaps between other buildings to make a seamless wall of colored gems and stones. As the 'book' comes closer and closer to closing completely, the light becomes dimmer, until finally everything goes black with an earth-shattering 'crack'-
And I sit bolt upright in bed, my eyes snapping open to the dim illumination of the streetlight outside our house. A quick glance down at my hands atop the sheets confirms that I'm not dreaming anymore, but I wasn't expecting to be catapulted out of the dream like that - my heart is still racing a little at the sudden shift. I take a minute to get some water while I settle down from the surprise. On the plus side? More lucid dreaming, and more successful experimentation, but on the down side it's proving that I'm still shooting in the dark as far as what I'm doing in the dream, too.
I drain my glass, then stare pensively into the bathroom mirror as I consider what just happened. I can make sweeping changes to the dream, obviously, but the more severe the alteration, the harder it is to hold onto the dream while I'm doing it.
All in all, it's good progress; I didn't get much in the way of actual searching for Kyon done, but I've got a better idea of how to go about doing it when I try it.
The next day almost isn't worth talking about. After Himeji Castle ended up being such a letdown, I wasn't expecting any better from visiting Kyoto, either - if only because I've been a half dozen times in the past few years between school trips and family vacations. The castles and temples aren't bad, admittedly, but I've been through the tour so many times I could probably give the speeches.
True to form, I'm not really surprised by the way it turns out, either. We end up going to Nijo Castle first of all, and I end up tuning out most of the trip. The others seem at least somewhat interested; this is the first visit for both Koizumi and Mikuru, and Yuki at least pays attention - although it's always hard to tell whether she's actually interested or bored. I'm half tempted to cross the ropes and see if I can sneak across one of the nightingale floors - more to see if it's something I can pull off - but just as I'm about to lift the rope to duck underneath it, Koizumi seems to think it's a good time to ask me whether I'm enjoying the trip.
I really don't feel like getting into it, so I more or less just blow him off. It kind of kills any motivation for trying to sneak around to see the off-limits parts of the castle, too, since just about every time I make up my mind to try something he seems to notice that I'm upset and asks me about it - and won't take the hint to just leave me alone either. Whatever, it's not like it's all that important anyway.
After we finish the tour of Nijo, I don't really care enough to hit up any of the other temples in Kyoto, and we end up coming home somewhat early. Yuki actually seemed to be in a bit of a hurry for something, although she didn't say what in particular was on her mind; she barely stopped to say goodbye before heading out from the station, and I didn't stick around to talk to the others before I decided to head home myself.
To be honest, I can't summon up enough effort to really care about the trip at all. When you've been to see the same landmarks so many times in such a short period, it's hard to keep up enthusiasm for it, especially when there's nothing particularly outstanding or unusual to note aside from how long the place has been there.
Once I get home, I try to think of other things we might be able to try tomorrow; we could go back to Kyoto to see some of the sites we missed today, but I can't really think of much that's better. Nara is a possibility, but I'm not aware of any good supernatural stories about it - but then I didn't really try to dig much up about Kyoto, either. I guess it'll work if nothing better presents itself, but I'll admit that just going there to see the reconstruction of the ancient Imperial Palace isn't really doing much towards my ultimate goal either.
At least I seem to be making progress at night with my dreaming. Maybe I should just cancel the Brigade's activities for the rest of the week and focus on that, since the day trips are currently ranging from boredom-inducing to irritating. Seems like giving the rest of the Brigade a pass, though, since it means Kyon and I are the only ones working towards the goal of finding anything amazing - or at least he'd better be working on it! I briefly flirt with the idea of giving him a call to check up today, but decide against it; I'm not really in the mood to talk, and making a long-distance call just to warn him to work on his assignment isn't really high on my priority list.
Without anything better to do for now, I flop down at my desk and start messing around online. Maybe I can find some ideas for projects that the others can work on this week, if we end up skipping the day trips.
Once I head to bed, I'm fully expecting to end up in a lucid dream, so I don't spend more than a moment or two checking to make sure that I am. Sure enough, it's a dream; this time, I appear to have landed on the top of a range of mountains stretching out as far as I can see - although that's not saying much, since these mountains are tall enough that most of what I can see is clouds stretching away in every direction.
Somehow the dream feels... different this time, less intense in some way. There's not much color to be seen from here; I'm up high enough that most of the ground that I can see is covered with snow, and the clouds themselves are uniformly monochrome, but even so there's a sense that the world isn't quite as vivid as it was the last time, like it's closer to what I think of as 'real'.
It's enough to get me to pause for a minute - maybe I should plan out what I'm doing more carefully today. I want to start seriously looking for Kyon tonight; he's had enough time that he could probably start getting into lucid dreams himself, so now I think there's actually a possibility of finding him. From where I am now, the same thought applies as the last time - the landscape here is cool, but not really somewhere I can see Kyon coming to randomly. Especially if it's someplace that I'm inventing entirely out of my own head, and it doesn't look like anywhere I've seen pictures of before.
Deciding to take a somewhat more gentle approach, I turn the page to another place again, aiming for somewhere we've actually been with the Brigade before. Taking more direct control seems to work fine; when I open my eyes again, I'm on an island, just in front of the mansion where Koizumi staged the mystery for us over the summer vacation last year.
This is as good a place as any to start looking for Kyon, I figure; I can imagine him dreaming himself here, especially if he's currently stuck on a 'working' vacation - why not dream yourself into a place that was a lot more relaxing? Aside from the storm and the murder mystery, this was a pretty laid-back place overall - plenty to do if you're bored and good for relaxing if you're not.
With that thought in mind, I walk up to the front door of the mansion and step inside; the only oddity is that the door opens for me, but with this being a dream that's not that big a deal-
Except that it's not just opening by itself, it's opened by the butler from the time we visited - Arakawa, I think his name was? I guess it doesn't matter so much here, all things considered. He gives me a bow as I enter the house, closing the door behind me as I step into the entrance.
I don't really look around the house yet; what's more interesting is seeing the butler here at all. While I really doubt this is the real Arakawa, it's still the first example I've had of another person acting independently from me.
I take a minute to walk around him, looking at him from every angle; there doesn't seem to be anything out of place or unusual about him at all that I can see, nothing that makes him scream 'yes, I'm a figment of your imagination!' He does watch me though, and once I finish circling him he does ask if there's anything he can do for me, to which I just shake my head in reply.
It does make me wonder; if I come across Kyon, will he be able to tell me apart from just a part of his dream? Looking down at myself, there's nothing that unusual about my appearance; I'm just wearing my regular school uniform - totally average and boring; I'm almost disgusted with myself for not doing something more outstanding from the beginning! It does leave plenty of room for improvement, at least - something stylish and unique should help me stand out if I do run into Kyon and don't spot him right away.
The first thought that springs to mind is something like a superhero costume, but I immediately toss the idea out as too cheesy-looking. Something long and flowing - like a cape - would definitely draw attention, though. After a moment's thought, I decide on a trenchcoat, like you'd see in a ouendan squad. While I don't plan to run around shouting, the idea is to get attention, so it's a good fit.
The one downside of this is that it's dark-colored, and I won't exactly stand out in a dark place. The idea of a bright-colored trenchcoat isn't exactly appealing, so I change my top to a bright yellow camisole. I consider doing something similar with my skirt, but after a moment I decide against it; there should at least be something familiar, or he might not even realize it's me. The finishing touch is easy; I just put my hand on my upper arm, and when I take it away I've got one of my red armbands on - this one's got 'Legendary Dreamer' on it.
With all that done, I think I'm ready; the butler doesn't seem to have been bothered in the slightest by my clothes just spontaneously changing during this whole process, so it's more evidence that this probably isn't the real one - I imagine he'd at least have said something while all that was going on. I briefly wonder if I had some kind of magical girl transformation scene, but it sure didn't feel like one - and the idea of flashing some random man like that? Ugh... I decide to put it out of my mind and just get started on the hunt for Kyon.
The most obvious place to check, at least inside the mansion, is the game room. It doesn't take me long to reach it; I'm only walking, but since I don't really feel like wasting time getting from one place to another, my steps cover more ground than they really should. I barely even notice it at first, but when the doorways start zipping past almost faster than I can register, it kind of jumps out at me - it looks like the fact that I can shape the world around me here can come out in all kinds of ways that I'm not even thinking about.
As I enter the game room, I can see the maid inside, cleaning up from a mahjong game. I can't recall her name offhand, unfortunately - I saw less of her than I did of the butler. Nothing odd about her either, as far as I can see, but I seriously doubt she's any more 'real' than Arakawa was - this has to be my mental picture of what she was like. The room is empty aside from her, though, so I don't bother to search for more time than it takes to glance around the room.
Without further ado, I head up the stairs to the second-floor bedrooms; all of them are empty, not even luggage on the floor. With that in mind, it's probably not worth wasting more time looking here, since there are plenty of other places Kyon might be that don't have anything to do with this island - and if I get bogged down searching every inch of this place, I won't have a chance to look anywhere else - I think. It's hard to really judge how time moves here - is this taking a long time or is it going really quickly?
Regardless, I decide to try somewhere else. After closing my eyes, I reach up to turn the page, focusing on finding someplace familiar.
When I open my eyes, familiar is definitely the scene in front of me - I'm standing right outside the door to the club room, and I can hear people moving around inside, although I can't tell who. Best way to find out is the direct approach, so without even pausing to think I kick the door open to see who's inside.
And the answer seems to be 'the entire Brigade', although what's unusual is that almost no one seems to notice the door slamming against the wall. Yuki and Mikuru glance up at me - the latter almost seeming irritated, which is really weird - but Kyon and Koizumi don't pay any attention at all, both of them focused on Mikuru. It's pretty obvious why, too; she's wearing a maid uniform, but it's not the one I'm used to - she's got enough cleavage showing to hide her textbooks in it!
I can feel my temper starting to rise as Kyon continues to focus on her; it's pretty obvious he's enjoying the view, which... I suppose I can't entirely blame him for. But to ignore me...!
Finally, he does manage to tear his gaze away long enough to acknowledge my entrance; I narrow my eyes and am about to light into him when I stop - this is a dream, after all, and what I'm seeing may not be the real Kyon, just like the maid and the butler from last night. The fact that his eyes seem to be locked on Mikuru's chest don't really provide much evidence either way; the real one is just as likely to do that as any mental picture I have of him would.
Mikuru, on the other hand, is definitely not the real one. Not only is she apparently comfortable - and confident - wearing that kind of outfit, she seems to be completely aware of the kind of attention she can get from Kyon, and is playing the seductive card for all it's worth. I'm sure she's deliberately leaning over when she puts down his tea so he can see down her cleavage, and 'accidentally' brushing up against him whenever she can manage it. I'm half surprised she hasn't tried sitting down in his lap yet!
I manage to tear my gaze away from the pair of them long enough to check out the others. Yuki actually seems slightly different somehow as well; it takes me a minute of looking at her to figure out what it is. Usually, she's either nose down in a book or looking directly at whoever it is that's got her interest; she doesn't really go for half measures, but that's exactly what she's doing here. She's got one of her books held up to cover most of her face (where she's usually got the book in her lap) and she's looking over the top of it, her eyes furtively going back and forth between everyone in the room except for me. The overall impression is that she's spying on everyone in the room - the only thing that would make it more obvious is if she had a notepad out and was taking notes on everything she was seeing.
Koizumi, for his part, seems to be watching Kyon and Mikuru with a dissatisfied expression, occasionally glancing over at me to see what I'm doing, although for the moment I'm just watching with a frown while I try to figure out what's going on here. Every time Mikuru starts flashing her cleavage or simpering at Kyon, his scowl deepens a little more. He obviously doesn't trust her, although the fact that he keeps looking at me is weird - maybe he's waiting for me to step in and say something first?
"Kyon-kun, I promise it won't be anything bad - and if you help me, I'll give you something really good~!" Mikuru chirps, leaning forward and draping her arms around Kyon from behind. With her leaning forward like that, her breasts are practically wrapped around his head! I clench my hand at my side - and since I've turned my head down to avoid watching Mikuru, I get distracted by my fingers waving around in every direction, despite the fact that I can feel them clenched in a fist. It's a good reminder that this is only a dream, and that what I'm seeing isn't the real Mikuru (or probably Kyon, either), but it's distracting as hell. On a hunch, I try thinking about looking at my hands in gloves, which seems to work - now I'm looking at a white glove clenched in a solid fist, rather than the blur of fingers I was looking at before.
That's about enough of that, I think. "Mikuru-chan! Stop-" That's as far as I get before I'm interrupted, which is such a surprise by itself that I stand there dumbfounded as the responsible party goes on.
"Asahina!" Koizumi barks, sounding far more angry than I did. I'll admit to being seriously annoyed at her acting like that, but Koizumi... if I didn't know better, I'd say he was on the verge of throwing her out bodily. "Kyon-kun has duties to the Brigade, and as such they supersede anything you have in mind!"
Mikuru flashes an annoyed look at Koizumi at that, and ignores me entirely, which only serves to further my irritation. "Don't worry about them, Kyon-kun - you know I wouldn't ask you to do anything to hurt the Brigade, right?" She lowers her head so her lips are brushing up against his ear. "I just need a teeny, tiny favor from you, that's all."
Kyon, surprisingly, doesn't just fall all over himself to say yes at that; in fact, other than a smug smile, he doesn't seem to be reacting to Mikuru much at all! ...at least that I can see, anyway. Before he can give a response, though, Koizumi pipes back up again.
"You're a member of the SOS Brigade first and foremost, Kyon," he says in a warning tone. "The only person's orders you should be following are Suzumiya-san's! And mine, as her second-in-command," he adds, almost as an afterthought. It's a little surprising to see, really - sure, I made him the vice-commander back when he joined, but it's not like he's actually done anything with it that I've ever seen.
Kyon scowls at Koizumi in reply. "Don't give me that, Koizumi," he says, shaking his head - which, I note, prompts Mikuru to pull back a little. "I know exactly where my loyalties lie, and I know you're only loyal to Haruhi just as far as it makes your life easier. You wouldn't hesitate to tell me to cross her if you thought it would improve matters for you - it's just rare that it does."
Koizumi just fumes in response to that, and I open my mouth to call Kyon down for that - even if he's right, that's no way to act! - but he actually beats me to it while I'm still trying to find the right words. "Did you have any special assignments for me today, Haruhi?"
This is about the last thing I would have expected - Kyon looking for me to give him something to do? - so I simply shake my head, the tirade I was putting together pretty much blown away.
With what's going on, I'm feeling a little shaky, so I stumble over to my chair to sit down. As I do, Mikuru lets out a plaintive little "Kyon-kun? Will you help me?" I don't turn to look - given the way she's been hanging all over him I really don't need any further reasons to get upset.
"You know my conditions, Asahina-san," Kyon says in a warning tone. "I know you're acting on orders from your superiors, so you'd better have passed it along to them that I won't do anything to damage the SOS Brigade's standing."
"I did," Mikuru pouts; I'm able to see them again after I sit down, visible just past the edge of the computer monitor. "It'll help both of us, really! The student council president is hiding the plans for a new superweapon in a bunker on the other side of the campus; I just need you to infiltrate and steal them for me, that's all! Nothing you can't handle!"
My mouth drops open at that, and I have to resist the urge to laugh - okay, this really did just prove it was a dream. Kyon, some kind of super secret agent that steals plans? As if!
For his part, he doesn't seem perturbed in the slightest. "All right, that shouldn't be too much trouble," he allows, getting out of his chair and putting on something from the costume rack that I don't recognize - a long tan greatcoat. He pulls out a pair of mirrored sunglasses from a pocket inside, then nods to me. "I'll take the plans, but I won't give them to you - we'll hold onto them for the Brigade's future use."
Mikuru seems about to protest at that - and my eyes are about to bug out at Kyon in general - when he pulls a fancy-looking PDA out of one pocket and pokes at it briefly. "Everything looks nominal - I should be back before the club meeting is over." With that, he gives me a cocky salute - and then abruptly vanishes into thin air!
Mikuru runs to the doorway - now open, although I didn't pay attention to whether it was ever closed - and stands there looking forlornly at the hallway outside. "I'll steal you away for myself yet, Kyon-kun - just you wait!" I hear her faintly.
And that, somehow, is just the last straw; I burst out laughing. Mikuru acting somewhere between a James Bond girl and an overwrought romance novel heroine is crazy enough by itself, but Kyon as some kind of super secret agent? This is just too much! I'll admit, I could maybe see a really good story behind it, but seeing it happen for real is completely insane - even if this is only a dream!
Apparently that's enough to 'break' the scene; all three of the remaining Brigade members look back at me in surprise before they phase out in what looks like a burst of TV static, leaving me alone in the clubroom. Even with that minor shock to help break the tension, it takes me a minute to get my hilarity under control. Once I've wiped the tears out of the corners of my eyes, I take stock of what just happened.
Obviously, none of those were the real Brigade members. Yuki was probably the closest to real, but even she was clearly different; everyone seemed like some sort of spy movie character. Koizumi the underhanded second-in-command, Mikuru the beautiful enemy spy that tries to subvert the hero, and Kyon definitely as the hero secret agent; I'm half surprised he didn't introduce himself as "Kyon, James Kyon"! I didn't really seem to factor into the scenario much myself, though - other than being the head of what would have been Kyon and Koizumi's organization, I guess. I'll admit, it was gratifying to see that Kyon was staying loyal, even with Mikuru all over him like that.
I can definitely see that being a fun idea to explore, but I'd need to come at it in the right frame of mind - that was about the last thing I was expecting here. I guess that comment of Mikuru's at the castle the other day was floating around in the back of my head to come up with that - that she's some kind of secret agent taking 'orders' from someone. I shake my head to dismiss the thought. Something to look into later; for now, I still have to find the real Kyon.
Another turn of the page reveals me... outside the club room, in the exact same spot I was in before. Not exactly what I was expecting, but given that this is just about the most likely place that I'd find Kyon, I shrug and enter the room again - although somewhat more cautiously this time, since if it's something crazy I might get more just from watching it for a few minutes than interrupting things.
This time, both of the male members seem to focus on me the minute I get into the room. Kyon, for his part, just looks expectant; Koizumi, on the other hand, looks like a lovesick puppy, and starts acting like one almost immediately, too. Before I've even managed to close the door to the room he's on his feet, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.
I snatch it away almost immediately, though. "Koizumi, what the hell?"
He steps back, looking shocked. "Is something the matter, Haruhi-chan? Are you not feeling well today?"
That stops me dead, and I barely manage to splutter out a response. "Haruhi-chan!?"
Koizumi doesn't seem to be thrown off by that at all, and I have to force myself to remember that this is a dream - the odds of these being the real Brigade members - aside from Kyon, who I think I've shared dreams with before - is really small. This is just my mind trying to put together a picture of Koizumi - and I guess at least a part of me sees a possibility that he's sticking around the Brigade to get closer to me.
I manage to force a smile as Koizumi looks on in concern. "I'm... I'm fine, really - just caught a little off guard is all." I don't really like the way he's hovering around me, so I push him away a bit and head over to my desk.
"You look rather stressed, dear," Koizumi says, his eyes radiating concern. "Do you want anything to drink?"
At that, I glance over at Mikuru; the fact that I didn't notice her right away isn't all that unusual by itself, but I would have expected her to have brought over tea by now. Instead, she's just standing next to Yuki's chair, looking over towards the costume rack with a blank expression.
"Mikuru-chan!" I bark out. "Why haven't you put on your uniform and gotten the tea ready yet?"
"Um... I didn't know which outfit you wanted me to wear today," she says, giving me an embarrassed smile. "I-if you wanted tea, did that mean you wanted the maid uniform or the waitress uniform?"
"Either one is fine, just get changed and get the tea started!" I snap, frowning at her - which seems to put her on the verge of tears.
She looks totally lost, finally looking towards Koizumi - Koizumi? She usually looks at Kyon when I'm getting on her case! - who nods understandingly. "The maid uniform," he says gently. "Kyon-kun, if you'd take care of getting some tea?"
"Of course, sir," he replies, slipping out of the clubroom almost instantly. Since when does he call- actually, that's a good question for real.
"Since when does Kyon call you 'sir'?" I demand, raising an eyebrow at Koizumi.
"Why wouldn't he?" Koizumi answers, nonplussed. "As you've stated repeatedly, he is the lowest ranked member of the Brigade, after all, and I'm the vice commander. Shouldn't he be respectful when he's addressing me?"
I simply grunt in reply to that. Yeah, okay, so he's the bottom of the totem pole for the Brigade, sure - but that doesn't mean he needs his nose rubbed in it, either, unless he's acting up. I cross my arms and scowl - I'm not sure I like this particular representation of Koizumi.
He seems to correctly pick up on the fact that I'm upset at that, but clearly not why - since he walks around behind me and starts to rub my shoulders. That just gets me even more irritated, so I bat his hands away, and he steps back, looking hurt.
"Just... not right now, okay?" I say tiredly. "I'm not in the mood for it."
"Of course, my dear," he replies, heading over to his seat to relax.
During this whole process, Mikuru's almost finished changing, and there's been no sign of Kyon. Yuki is almost an afterthought - but yes, she's here, nose down in a book. Has she not paid attention to anything that's happened since I got here?
I rest my chin on my hand, waiting for Kyon to get back. I'm pretty sure this Kyon isn't the real one either; even with the short time he was actually in the room it's fairly obvious. I can't see him ever bending enough to call Koizumi 'sir' like that, no matter what I've said about it - and honestly, I wouldn't really want him to, either.
As if thinking about him summoned him from the ether, he just shows up at my elbow, putting a cup of hot tea on the corner of my desk. "Here's your tea, Suzumiya-sama," he says quietly, moving back and taking a seat before I can even reply.
Suzumiya-sama?! Okay, sure, I'll admit there's a nice ring to it, but coming from Kyon...? No, that doesn't fit at all!
"I was expecting to get Mikuru-chan's tea," I grumble under my breath, eyeing the cup. Kyon's tea is terrible.
Both Kyon and Koizumi seem somewhat surprised at that, but Kyon quickly moves to collect the cup off my desk. "If... you're sure, Suzumiya-sama. I've made it the way you like, but if you'd prefer, uh, Asahina-san's tea, that's fine as well."
Something funny there, but honestly it's not worth caring about Mikuru's tea or Kyon's tea - Kyon is the important element here. "Doesn't it bug you that I don't want it?"
"You're the Brigade Chief," Kyon replies, as if that answers everything. "Whatever you'd like, I'll do my best to get it for you."
Yeah, this definitely isn't the real Kyon. Just to make sure, I decide to try something that should prove the point. "Fine, then - I'll take some tea, but you're not dressed for it. Go put on the waitress uniform and serve it properly this time!"
Kyon doesn't even hesitate, moving over to the costume rack and pulling the waitress uniform off the hanger, then taking off his uniform coat. He's gotten about as far as unbuttoning his shirt before I finally burst out of my chair, slamming my hands down on my desk. "Stop it! Fight back, argue, do something! Getting into Mikuru's waitress costume is stupid, you know that!"
Kyon pauses, looking over at me in confusion with his bare chest showing. I'll admit, I don't mind the view at all, even if the reason I'm getting it is totally ridiculous. "But you're the Brigade Chief - I can't go against your orders, and you'd never do anything silly like that. I might not understand why, but I know you must have a good reason for this."
"That's just it, I don't!" I shout back, closing my eyes. "This is totally wrong - that's it, I'm done!"
I don't even bother to hide what I'm doing before I reach up to turn the page again. This time, once I open my eyes, it's almost like nothing's changed - I'm still standing behind my desk, but now Kyon's sitting in his seat with a fixed scowl - fully dressed. At least things have changed again.
It takes me a minute to get my bearings again. Kyon's not the only one looking different here, although the others look almost afraid - even Yuki! - which has me a bit worried. The look on Kyon's face isn't reassuring, either; while I'm using to him looking dour, this is closer to actual anger - not a good look for Kyon, and not one I've seen very often either.
Everyone seems to be waiting on me to do something, but I'm flustered enough from the last group and the sudden change to this one that I'm having trouble getting my thoughts organized.
"All right, everyone - report on your assignments!" I snap, for lack of anything better to say.
Koizumi steps up first, glancing briefly at Kyon before launching into his report. "Of course, Suzumiya-san. Since we're working on our recruitment drive, I've been in contact with the student council about getting space for flyers on some of the bulletin boards in the first-year students' hallways. Thankfully, there was little trouble - as long as we don't cover the entire board, we're free to put up advertisements for the club as we like."
Recruitment, huh? Probably not a bad idea for the real world, once classes start back up again! I nod in approval, turning next to Mikuru. "Mikuru-chan?"
"Um, I've been working on the layout for the flyers like you asked me to, Suzumiya-san. I've got a couple of different designs for you to look at whenever you're ready, then once you've decided which one you like we can get them printed up and start distributing them."
"That's fine - good work, Mikuru-chan!" Actually, this group isn't seeming so bad so far - at least aside from that scowl on Kyon's face, which I'm really not liking the look of. "Yuki-chan?"
"I..." Her voice falters for a moment, and she glances over at Kyon before she manages to get her voice working. "I updated the Brigade's website and added more pictures of our activities," she says hesitantly, her gaze flicking back and forth between me and Kyon.
I can understand a little, since it's Kyon's job to maintain the website. I narrow my eyes a bit at that, giving her a curt nod before I turn to Kyon. "Kyon! You're supposed to be taking care of the website - are you making Yuki-chan do your work for you now?"
He just snorts at that, turning his head away from me.
Yuki jumps in before I can lay into him for that, though. "I-it's fine, really," she says quickly. "I don't mind helping Kyon-kun out at all." If I didn't know better, I'd say she was blushing! What the hell's up with that?
In the end, it doesn't matter - Kyon's the focus here, and I've got more than enough reason to let him have it. "It's good that you're willing to help out, but that's Kyon's job! Everyone in the Brigade has their own responsibilities, and no one's allowed to slack off or make others do their share of the work!
"Kyon! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Nothing," he snaps back irritably.
I can feel my own temper rising at that reply. "What do you mean 'nothing'? Even if Yuki's willing to help you out, the website is your responsibility!"
"So what?" he shoots back with a sneer. "It's not like anyone but you ever looks at it anyway, so it doesn't matter whether I do it or Nagato does it or if it even gets done at all!"
"...KYON!" I roar back, almost literally seeing red. "That's rank insubordination, and I'm not going to stand for it! You'll have penalties until this time next year if you keep this up!"
"What do I care?" he spits out, standing up and turning to face me. "Recruiting for this stupid Brigade is a joke anyway - it's not like anyone's going to pay attention, and even if they did, why would anyone bother to join it? It's not like we actually do anything here anyway!"
"That's IT!" I shout at him - I'm so mad at this point I'm literally shaking. "I don't want to hear this from you - either apologize to both me and Yuki-chan for skipping your duties and making her pick up the slack, or get out!"
"I'll take option two, in that case," he fires back, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair. "I don't even know why I bothered sticking around here anyway - this club has been nothing but trouble ever since the day you got the idea in your head. I'm done with it, and with you."
"Get out of my sight!" I scream back. "Get out, now!"
And then, after the briefest expression of shock, he does - crumbling away like he's made of ash and falling into a pile on the floor. The others just fade away as he does, the world seeming to take on a gray tone as they do.
My god, what did I just do? Kyon just-
The last warning I have that things are not going well is a blue glow from outside the clubroom, then the room explodes-
And I sit bolt upright in bed, my heart pounding like it's going to leap out of my chest.
I don't sleep a wink for the rest of the night.
After a long, sleepless night, stuck listening to rain patter against the windows, I manage to struggle out of bed. I feel like hell, and with the rain showing no signs of letting up I'm not particularly inclined to go out and do anything today. Even before I bother to wash my face, I get text messages sent to the rest of the Brigade to cancel the trip for today. I don't even bother checking for replies for now; it's still early enough that they shouldn't have left for the station yet anyway. Probably a good thing, too, since I'm really having to struggle to get moving this morning.
It takes almost twice as long as usual to get through my morning routine; even for having missed sleep last night, this is way slower than I should be going, which is starting to irritate me. Once it's out of the way, I face the dilemma of what to do today; without any better idea for now, I throw myself down on the couch and flip on the TV.
Dad seems to have left it on the news channel before he and Mom left for their own vacation, so I'm kind of zoned out until the weather report comes on. Since I'm a bit irritated with the rain anyway, I try to pay a bit more attention while the weatherman's giving his spiel.
From what he's saying, it looks like the rain's not going to let up probably until Friday or Saturday. What's more interesting - and mildly worrying - is that apparently it's been raining up north for the entire week; apparently there's been some localized flooding near Aomori, although nothing too major. It makes me wonder how Kyon's been doing; if he's been stuck inside for most of the week babysitting his cousins... ugh. I really should give him a call - it'll be good to hear what kind of progress he's made, and maybe it'll give him a break from dealing with family for a while. Probably too early in the day for it right now, but it might help to clear the last image from that dream out of my head.
Uncomfortable as it is to think about, there's still something to be learned from that. What I need to hold onto is that when it's my dream, I'm in control - and I'd better stay that way. Even if I try to think about what happened as an accident - and I have a hard time buying that - that I could just obliterate Kyon with a thought is seriously disturbing. Even though I know it wasn't the real Kyon, it was a lot like him; even with things blown out of proportion it was similar enough to the real thing that part of me feels like I actually destroyed him.
The thought makes me shudder, and I shake my head briefly to try to clear the dark thoughts out of my head. For now, I figure I should do some more research on lucid dreaming; I seem to be having trouble with throwing myself out of the dream when I don't intend to. I can start online, then review the book if I can't find anything helpful; if I can't find anything here, maybe I could head to the library later this afternoon or something. Should manage to take care of the day, at least until it's time to call Kyon.
The first indication that something isn't quite right is when my eyes flutter open and it's dark. The lucid dreaming book is face down on my chest, and I don't even try to resist the urge to stretch as I come awake. Almost without thinking I check my hands, although the sight of my fingers sticking straight out as I stretch is good enough to confirm that this isn't a dream.
...you're kidding me. I slept through the entire afternoon? Real swift, Suzumiya - way to waste a full day of your vacation.
The last thing I can clearly remember was coming back up to my room after lunch to work on reading the lucid dreaming book; I wasn't able to find much in the way of details online in the morning, so I was going to review the book to see if it had any tips I'd missed. Then... waking up, and it's apparently fairly late - the last light of sunset's just barely visible in the window.
I prop up the book and glance at the page where I apparently dozed off - then snort. How fitting - it mentions that lucid dreaming is less restful than regular sleep, and that it's harder to maintain a lucid dream when you're not well rested, so trying to keep it up on a consistent basis becomes more and more difficult.
Setting the book aside, I head downstairs to start putting together some dinner. My parents are on their own vacation right now. I could have gone with them, but I was expecting the Brigade to be doing more this week so I turned them down when they were getting everything arranged. On the plus side it means I don't have to deal with them at all this week - no nagging about making sure homework is done or doing any extra studying - but on the down side it also means that it's almost freakishly quiet around here. Not that I'd really be spending much time around them if they were here, but there'd at least be the sound of the TV on, or the two of them talking, and it might help to pull me out of some of the darker thoughts that have been running through my head today.
Shaking off the introspective mood, I put dinner together and retreat to my room to finish up. If the book was right, the one bright spot for today is that I should be caught up on my rest so I can keep working on trying to find Kyon. I had a rough time last night, but I know I'm close; I can't afford to give up now!
I'm almost reluctant to check whether I'm dreaming this time; the fact that I'm in the ouendan coat and tank top seems to tell the story, although with the gloves on my usual reality check doesn't work - simply taking one off for a moment solves that problem.
So I'm in the dream again. I seem to have started out pretty mundane tonight myself; I'm standing just outside Kitaguchi Station again, although the world isn't silent and gray this time at least. There aren't any other people around that I can see, although it sounds like there are; snatches of conversation just on the edge of hearing, doors closing, the noise of a train arriving at the station.
I take a moment to get myself together before I set off today, though. You are the one in control of your dreams, Suzumiya Haruhi; remember that. If I come across people that look like the ones I know, they're something that's out of my own head, so losing my cool and getting ticked off at them isn't going to serve any kind of purpose whatsoever.
With that thought in mind, I turn the page to start my hunt for Kyon. Not too surprisingly, I end up outside the Brigade room again; for all that last night was a disaster, I do have to admit that my best chances for finding him in the dream are still here. The only other place I could see him ending up would be somewhere around Hinamizawa, since that's where he is right now. The research at the library today wasn't too helpful in that regard, unfortunately, since the only information I was really able to find were some old newspaper articles from the late 70's talking about the murder from when the dam was being built. More details than I found online, but not much in the way of pictures of the area - just some of the people involved in the investigation and a few maps showing the dam's floodplain.
I shake my head a bit, then stare down the door for a moment. Probably best for me just to act as normal as possible, and wait for any differences to make themselves apparent. So, sticking to that plan, I kick the door open the way I usually do, then stride into the club room to see what's waiting for me this time.
Unlike last night, there's only one person in here today - just Kyon. Since it's probably another fake, and since it's only him I have to figure out this time, I'm going to have to take more charge from the very beginning this time. I give him a grin, then make a fist. One thing's for sure - starting a confrontation should tell me what this Kyon is like pretty quickly!
"Another one, eh?" I smirk at him, waiting to see how he'll react - but he doesn't, not really, just staring at me blankly from behind a cup of tea.
Well, this is getting me nowhere. Time to get outrageous! If it's the argumentative Kyon or the slave Kyon, this should tip the scales on either pretty quickly. I gesture at him, using my control of the dream to put him in a cheerleader's outfit - specifically, a girl's outfit. "Dance for me, cheerleader!"
He just frowns at that, offering up a simple "No," in reply. Looks like this might be a bit harder than I thought, if he's going to just sit there anyway. I'm about to see if I can throw him off by reversing his personal gravity, but he beats me to the punch, pointing at me and-
I feel my clothes shift, and it breaks my concentration. It only takes a moment before I realize I'm in Mikuru's maid uniform - how the hell did he do that? I'm the one in control of the dream! Even my armband is gone, and if I'd changed my own outfit - even subconsciously - I would have at least left that much there!
He seems to find it amusing; there's a big grin on his face as he continues. "You promised you'd wear that once, and never have. Now, some tea wouldn't be amiss."
No way - how the hell would a figment of my imagination remember that kind of detail right off the top of his head? I remember saying it once, a long time ago, but I wasn't thinking about that at all! Almost without thinking about it, I put my armband back, then stare at him in consternation.
The answer comes to me in a flash. "Wait - you're the real Kyon, not another dream Kyon?"
Pfft - why am I even asking? I know it's right! "You must be! The maid fetish proves it!" Well, he is usually ogling Mikuru when she's wearing it, and if it's the real Kyon that should at least get a rise out him.
I start to look around a little more closely; if this is his dream, what's different than mine? We both know the Brigade room, after all, so it should be the same. As I'm looking around, waiting for Kyon to react, I notice that there are a lot more details here that I didn't notice before; admittedly, last night I wasn't paying that much attention to the room, but some things jump out at me - like the fact that I can actually make out individual costumes on the costume rack. Still, with this being Kyon, I have to make sure to push him a bit, too. "I'd have expected more from you in your dreams, but I guess this is good enough to start. This is the most detailed version of this room I've seen since I've started."
I still haven't gotten any kind of reaction, though, so I finally turn to face him; his mouth is hanging open, his jaw flapping like a fish out of water. I put my hands on my hands and smirk in triumph - this is definitely the real one!