Kyon -- Big Damn Hero: Epileptic Plot Tree

Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. TVtropes(dot)org is part of the public domain, I think? I actually couldn't find a 'legal' section on the site!

"Chapter Twelve: As in Training, As in Life"

"...but just as in the training world, you will inevitably take some blows. That's the purpose of practice, isn't it? Perfection may be a myth, but success is not. So train to be good enough, and most importantly, when you get hit, learn to take it."

"Roll With the Punches" -- Tadamichi Kyousuke

After a brief window of inaction, Kyon awoke to the sensation of impending peril, one hand shooting out from beneath the covers and grasping his sister's descending elbow before she could strike his midsection. "Urk!" she whimpered. "You blocked!?"

"Is it time to get up?" he asked tiredly, sitting up and releasing his sister's arm.

She pouted, rubbing at her elbow. "No," she admitted sullenly. "I got up early to get you up, because it's fun."

He stared at her, then gave a broad grin. "You're a hundred years too young to try that on me," he said defiantly, glancing at his clock and preemptively turning off his alarm.

"You win this round!" his sister cried with mock rage, grinning back and sticking out her tongue. "Next time I'll be the victor!"

"I'm sure," he answered, knuckling back a yawn and climbing out of bed. "Come on, let's get cleaned up."

Despite that initial surge of energy, once he reached the school, Kyon found himself drowsing, continually awoken by Haruhi's mechanical pencil jabbing him in the back just as he was about to drift off.

Haruhi frowned at the boy in front of her. Why was he so tired? Things were finally getting interesting -- really interesting.... Well, she couldn't entirely blame him for trying to ignore the class; he did have better things to think about. But it was no excuse to get a bad grade, especially after all the effort she had put into helping him with his homework.

After finishing with the assignments in class, she decided to make a quick study guide, something that would actually make him learn what he'd need for the upcoming test. He might be some kind of hero, but she was the one with the power to reshape reality, and he'd either let her teach him, or she'd persuade Yuki to make him pay more attention in class.

Despite his protestations. He may be in charge of a lot, but he also would need a reminder that she was the supreme commander, and he was just a vice commander.

"I am exhausted," he declared to no one in particular, when the lunch chime rang.

"Oh? Time traveling?" she asked him, teasing. "Maybe fighting off more thugs to protect Tsuruya-san's honor?"

Kunikida paused mid-step as he was about to approach Kyon, then suddenly seemed to think better of it after hearing that remark and moved to an empty seat near Taniguchi. "Farewell forever, dear friends," Kyon sighed. "Chased away by fear of Haruhi and being caught up in our madness."

"Idiot," she retorted, smirking. "Come on, if you're going to insist we can't talk about important things here, let's go to the clubroom for lunch."

"Naturally," he returned, rising to his feet and falling into step beside her. "There's no way that comment could be misconstrued."

She snorted and gave him a sharp look, but admitted internally that she was pleased. He usually remembered his position, only usurping hers in times of dire emergency, or the occasional times when he ignored her position as his superior entirely and engaged in shameless flirting. Though that hadn't happened since shortly after Valentine's day, when she thought back on it. Well, it was kind of cute--

She paused, mid-way through pummeling the thought into submission, and made herself face it head on. Alright, she admitted to herself. Kyon could be cute. There was no shame in admitting that, though; even though he was a 'normal' human, it was only on a technical level. He didn't have powers, but he was pretty cool. He handled the abnormal with a level head and a placid expression. That was respectable, at least. She nodded decisively.

"Just wondering why you never have any energy," she commented, opening the clubroom door. Yuki was in her normal seat, already halfway through a thick paperback titled, 'The Life of Pi'. Seated at the table near Yuki, Mikuru was tiredly resewing her maid costume. "Oh? What happened to the costume, Mikuru-chan?"

"Got a lot on my mind," Kyon muttered, pulling his seat out and collapsing into it. "Even if you don't. But, man am I hungry."

"It wasn't torn or anything," Mikuru answered, smiling. "But this one seam scratched a tiny bit ... I realized how to restitch it to make it more comfortable."

"Well, I like that enthusiasm!" Haruhi said, nodding her approval. "Hmm, I didn't know you knew a lot about sewing?"

For some reason, the older girl looked vaguely haunted. "Yes, I know rather a lot about sewing," she mumbled, lowering her face and focusing on her needlework.

"Oh? Maybe I should get some supplies, and you can sew new costumes?" Haruhi suggested.

"I don't know how to design costumes," Mikuru answered evenly. "Maybe I will tomorrow. Otherwise, if you bring me a pattern and cloth, I'm sure I can make it."

"That's good ambition!" she approved. "Hey, Kyon, learn from her example, huh? Have a good reason to be tired. You were totally dozing off during history. Luckily, I'm looking out for you, so I took some notes you can check out."

He blinked at her as she flourished the small stack of papers, taking them with a grave seated bow, made comical by the chopsticks he held in his mouth. "Thanks," he managed around the utensils.

With obvious effort, he focused his eyes on the pages of notes she had taken, setting his chopsticks down. While he was distracted, she snagged his bento and the chopsticks, smirking as she finished the rest of it off. That'd teach him; next time he'd learn not to be so tired!

He frowned at a particular line, turning his head sideways as he studied it. "I don't think 'exactly like Genghis Kahn' tells me much," he said, glancing at her and then rolling his eyes when he saw his demolished lunch. "Urg. Anyway, just saying something is like something else doesn't tell me anything when I don't remember the original reference."

"You absolutely do," she challenged him. "Didn't you say that I imposed order like Genghis Kahn, once?"

"What, wiping out all opposition in a bloody march with no quarter offered, replacing the older system with a regimented and cleanly run organization of your own devising?" he asked, squinting. "Something like that?"

"Exactly like that!" she replied, beaming. "Man, you are so book dumb sometimes!"

"I guess I did say that," he murmured, mildly disquieted. "I must have perfected sleep-learning, or something."

"Anyway," he announced, rising to his feet, "I'm still really hungry, so I think I'll see if there's anything left at the cafeteria."

"There isn't," Kanae answered him, opening the door and ducking her head slightly. Koizumi stood behind her with a large paper bag in both hands. "I was really hungry after last night, too, but I guess I took too long to get there -- I had to run off campus and stop by the bakery a block and a half away. Thankfully, Koizumi-san helped me out!"

Kyon blinked, frowning as he glanced at the pair, then sighed and sank back into his chair. His stomach gave an unsettling growl, and Haruhi began to feel a little sorry that she'd taken half his lunch ... but then, the cafeteria was empty, and she was still hungry, too.

"I didn't expect a lunch meeting," Koizumi said cheerfully. "But when I saw Michikyuu-san heading out of the campus, I thought I'd see if she needed help with anything." Kanae pulled out a chair for herself and another for Koizumi as the esper closed the door behind him with one foot, then set the bag on the table. "I hope no one has any problems with pork buns?"

"And chocolate cornets!" Kanae added. Blushing slightly, she handed one of the buns to Kyon, adding, "Thanks for last night, Sempai."

Haruhi couldn't help when one of her eyebrows twitched. "Excuse me?" she asked, distracted from the free food by that last comment.

"It was the first time, I.... I mean...." Kanae blushed more brightly. "It wore me out quite a bit, but with Sempai and Nagato-san, I don't mind at all!"

"Kyon!" Haruhi screeched, standing up so quickly the chair beneath her rolled across the floor until it crashed into the wall behind her. "What is the meaning of this!?"

"I'm pretty worn out from last night, too," Mikuru added, covering her mouth as she yawned.

Koizumi winced, actually making a tiny whimper as he turned his gaze toward Kyon and begged, "Please tell me that this is a misunderstanding?"

"I don't know what she's talking about," Kyon said defensively. "I'm pretty sure I spent almost all last night learning martial arts."

"That's amazing, Neo, now what does it have to do with you wearing out an underclassman!?" Haruhi demanded, glowering down at him.

He stared up in befuddlement for a long moment before understanding dawned in his eyes. "It is not like that!" he insisted, jumping to his feet and dismissing his exhaustion to protest hotly, his own chair sliding backward into the clothing rack. "I swear to you -- I did absolutely nothing inappropriate!"

"Er, I said something wrong, maybe?" Kanae said with an embarrassed chuckle, sticking her tongue out and miming a blow to her head. "Last night I got to practice sliding! It took a long time, but I think I'm finally starting to learn how to control it a bit better, thanks to Sempai and Nagato-san! Asahina-san was there, too, but a lot of it gets really fuzzy...."

"T...that's all that it was, though?" the brigade chief pressed, still glaring at Kyon.

"Er ... um ... Asahina-san, do you think you could help, here?" he asked, turning a pleading gaze on the tired upperclassman.

"Kyon-kun was a good boy," Mikuru answered sleepily. "It's Nagato-san's fault for teleporting me straight out of the shower."

"I...it seems that a rather large closed space has appeared," Koizumi said in a mournful tone. "I'm afraid I will be absent for a while...." He bowed apologetically toward Haruhi, then nodded at Kyon, adding, "I will leave everything else up to you."

As the esper marched out of the room, Kyon sighed and rubbed at his eyes, calling out, "Good luck, Koizumi."

"Yuki-chan," Haruhi said, before biting back her protest. Well, she had agreed that the other girl could 'borrow' Kyon. But what did she need with Mikuru and Kanae?! "I'm expecting an explanation for this!" Come to think of it, what were the practical limitations of 'borrowing', anyway?

Yuki raised her gaze from her book languidly. "Last night," she began, without preamble, "I neared overload due to queued data-creation and modification requests from you. To prevent overload, as per the instructions given by him and yourself, I undertook to dispose of all junk data and error-causing behaviors. After preparing all three subjects with nanites for preservation, Michikyuu Kanae attempted to slide to an alternate dimension, simultaneous to the activation of Asahina Mikuru's time travel device, while I engaged the dimensional anchor with a modified temporal anchor function.

"The resultant actions, guided by stored data from yourself, were sufficient to create a semi-stable permeable reality governed by myself that was outside of both space and time, allowing me to ground myself from the negative attribute data that would cause error behavior. This same space was also used to simultaneously allow Michikyuu Kanae practice sliding between nested pocket-dimensions and Asahina Mikuru to undertake her requested training in sewing. Per his own instructions, he undertook martial arts training and assisted me with ... personal issues."

"After spending sufficient time to resolve internal issues, I restored all of us to the baseline physical reality and undid the time-based changes in physical age, as well as clearing out all non-necessary mental data to prevent unintentional corruption or trauma of hosts by acquired data."

"You mean," Haruhi said, struggling, "everyone spent last night training on stuff, and then you wiped it all out?"

"Negative. The results of training remain, even if the specific datum of acquisition are no longer present. Additionally, physical conditioning is preserved, even though aging was reversed. In this way, muscle memory and skill can be preserved memetically."

"How long did we actually spend there?" Mikuru mused. "It's strange, since I can ... kind of ... vaguely remember it, but not really specifically recall much. Even so, I know much more about sewing, now." She gave a tiny shiver. "Much more. If I'd known, I'd have suggested something more serious...."

"That'd explain it," Kyon said, shaking his head and settling back into his seat. "I remember all of the basics of what I learned, and I felt strangely light this morning. And, weirdly enough, I felt like I really, really missed--" He coughed suddenly, staring into his half-eaten pork bun. "But, yeah. That's what happened. It's funny, though ... I know a full year of training in martial arts ... which is pretty much enough to realize I've got a long way to go." He sighed, shaking his head. "Anyway, sorry about that, Haruhi. I guess it did sound a bit strange, the way Kanae-chan said it."

"Hehe.... My bad. Sorry, Sempai," Kanae added, still blushing as she half hid her face behind a pork bun.

"I'll say," Haruhi agreed, feeling oddly deflated. "But, that's no fun! Why am I left out?"

"Your presence would create more data," Yuki answered unapologetically. "I would be more likely to enter an error state. This is undesirable."

Kyon winced. "You could try," he said, somewhat pleadingly. "If not for us, then for Koizumi, who is working overtime for you, now."

"Cornet?" Kanae offered Haruhi sympathetically. "Even though it felt like it was that long for us, Sempai still came back here with you the next day, right?"

"I guess," Haruhi agreed reluctantly, taking the pastry and biting the head end absently. "But there better not be any fooling around in these dream-training things! And I don't care how busy you are, I'm still making you pay attention in class, Kyon."

"You will require more protein to generate the mass your conditioning has come to expect from your training," Yuki answered, turning her gaze back to her book.

"Yeah? I guess that makes sense. My own fault for asking for martial arts." Then he shook his head sharply, taking another bite from his pork bun before adding, "Though it seems I'll need that to help Tsuruya-san a few days ago."

"Huh? Yuki-chan, I would have expected you to take better care of him!" Haruhi protested weakly, trying to remember that she needed to control her frustration.

Yuki looked up from her book, for a moment the merest hint of confusion flickering in her eyes. "I thought you would wish to do that yourself," she said quietly.

"Delicious pork bun," Kyon mumbled, devouring another and studiously ignoring the conversation. "Thanks again, Kanae-chan."

Haruhi felt her face color as she nodded. "Right," she decided. "Come on, Kyon, grab another bun and let's get back to class before the bell, okay?"

"Sure," he agreed, taking the notes she had made for him and following her out of the clubroom. "And, thanks for the help with my schoolwork."

"No problem," she mumbled while they walked down the stairs. "It's not as neat as training you in martial arts in your sleep, though."

"It's something I can talk to my parents about without being sent to an institution," he told her, smirking. "Isn't that something?"

"It's no good seeing you when you're feeling down," he said, shrugging apologetically. "Didn't I already tell you that?"

After class finished, Kyon cracked his neck, unconsciously stretching his muscles and joints while switching stance from foot to foot, as though in preparation for a fight. Suddenly knowing basic martial arts was strange, if very convenient from a practical standpoint. Knuckling back another yawn, he turned around to follow Haruhi to the clubroom, surprised to see her ordering a stack of note paper, still sitting at her desk.

"Here," she said, thrusting the papers toward him without meeting his eyes. "You're exempted from the club meeting today. Go home and get some rest. If you're not too tired tomorrow morning, we'll go over the homework before class."

"Not with you," she said, grimacing. "Anyway, I need to have a talk with Yuki-chan and Mikuru-chan."

He blinked away some of his exhaustion. "If there's anything I can help you with--"

"This is something I have to figure out for myself," she said, shaking her head. "Really, just get some rest. We're going to have a lot to talk about tomorrow."

"Okay," he allowed, wishing that either of them were smiling at the moment. "Well ... take care, then."

"And what's this about you fighting thugs for Tsuruya-sempai?" Kunikida asked, following with a concerned expression.

"Yeah," Taniguchi said, nodding seriously. "Suzumiya talking about nonsense like time traveling isn't going to raise too many questions, but people attacking a sempai, and you getting into fights? I hate to tell you that you should back off, since you and Suzumiya seem to be heading toward 'item' territory ... but if she's losing it, I don't think you want to get dragged down with her."

Kyon looked down to the stack of note papers in his hand. "Thank you, Taniguchi," he said, struggling for an earnest tone. "I should be honored to have a friend like you, trying to spare me the indignity of being dragged into a whirlpool of depravity and academic success."

Kunikida chuckled weakly. "To be fair, Kyon," he said, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably, "even if it wasn't worded diplomatically.... Well, perhaps it would be better to say that you're generally a respectable person. If you're, ah, pursuing companionship solely for help in studying, wouldn't Sasaki-san be a better choice?"

Struggling to think of an acceptable response, Kyon frowned and cracked the knuckles on both hands, prompting his friends each to take a step back. "What, precisely," he asked, "has changed? Haruhi hasn't become somehow worse, or really that different than she was last year."

"Yeah, well ... she's rubbing off on you," Taniguchi said, spreading his arms in a helpless gesture. "It was great when you somehow were taming the shrew. Don't get me wrong, it was nothing short of a miracle that you were able to reach her! But now she's turning you a bit crazy."

"I'm not sure what's gotten into you two," Kyon decided. "But I haven't been resting well lately. Maybe I seem more docile because I'm tired, but you're probably making too much of it. What does a joke between Haruhi and myself have to do with the rest of us going about our business as normal?"

"Well, if it was just Haruhi, that'd be fine," Taniguchi said, shaking his head. "But Tsuruya-sempai mentioned you getting into a fight on her behalf, as well. She's too well respected to be considered responsible for it, and she's not the type to spread baseless rumors, so naturally...."

"It's just that the general consensus is, grades aside ... if you're getting into trouble, Haruhi must be behind it," Kunikida finished. "Especially since she mentioned it earlier ... that pretty much seemed to confirm that it wasn't a joke. You don't want a reputation as a delinquent, do you?"

"Well, no, she said you were a warrior-philosopher, or something else silly like that," Taniguchi said, shaking his head and making a dismissive gesture with one hand. "But what else do you call someone who solves problems with violence?"

"A problem solver?" Kyon asked. "Anyway, I don't know what else to say, here. I appreciate the warning, I guess, but if it comes down to it, I'm at Haruhi's side until the end -- so, sorry." When Taniguchi opened his mouth to say something else, Kyon raised a hand to forestall further comment. "I'm really tired. I'm going home to get some rest. Maybe this whole thing is a product of inadequate sleep, and we'll all feel better about it tomorrow."

"That seems very peaceable," Kunikida agreed, shooting Taniguchi a warning look as Kyon's hand dropped to his side.

Haruhi reached the clubroom second, Yuki somehow being there first, as she usually was. "Not visiting the computer research society much these days?" she asked the slighter girl, who had almost finished her paperback.

The smaller girl gave a tiny nod and closed her book, turning to look at Haruhi expectantly.

For her part, the brigade leader walked to her desk, turning the computer on to give herself a brief distraction. "You like Kyon, don't you?" she finally blurted out.

"Um, anyway, Yuki-chan ... I did say you could borrow him when you needed to," Haruhi admitted, frowning. "But I'm having a hard time figuring things out right now."

"I.... I mean, Kyon and I...." She hesitated, uncertain what to say. Eventually, in a very quiet voice, she managed to ask, "Are you going to start dating Kyon?"

After blinking once, Yuki answered, "I do not seek to initiate courtship rituals or physical intimacy with him, though I will reciprocate if he demonstrates an obvious inclination. However, as has been observed previously, my understanding of his genuine desires and emotions is faulty; I can therefore not safely assume that such demonstrations have occurred without verifying them through a third party."

Haruhi stared at the smaller girl hard, furrowing her brow. "You're telling me," she said slowly, "that you can't tell if Kyon likes you, and you don't want to mess things up? So you'd need to ask someone else if he really liked you and wanted to date?"

Yuki's face tilted upward slightly, as though she were considering the statement. "Yes," she answered after an extended pause. "That third party must be trusted; I would like to nominate you."

Drumming her fingers on the desk, glancing at the monitor as the OS screen flashed past and the generic blue background appeared, Haruhi asked, "You want me to help you hook up with him?"

The smaller girl's gaze lowered. "Uncertain," she answered. "Our behaviors do not conform to typical models among humans. I am unable to determine how this would change the interactions between the group definitively, but there is a significant probability that committing to such a course of action would result in dissatisfaction among most others."

"Yeah," Haruhi sighed, rubbing at her temples. "If only there was a way for everyone to be happy, huh? But there's only one Kyon to go around...." She brightened suddenly. "Ooh! Hey, Yuki-chan, what about, um, making a bunch of copies of Kyon!"

She stared at Haruhi blankly for a minute, then pointedly turned her attention back to the book in her hands.

"Yeah, you're right," Haruhi grumbled with another resigned sigh. "Don't even let Kyon know I suggested that; he wouldn't like it.... Maybe I should just resign myself to letting him choose whoever he wants ... I mean...." She trailed off, staring at the ceiling and musing absently until she was distracted by Kanae and Mikuru walking into the room.

"Hello Suzumiya-san," Mikuru said sleepily, collecting her sewing kit and the maid costume from where it had been left to finish her repairs.

"Close the door, Kanae-chan," Haruhi instructed. "Lock it, too. Koizumi's ... working because I'm problematic, and I sent Kyon home to get some sleep."

"Um?" Mikuru noised, as Kanae followed her orders and took Koizumi's normal seat at the table. "I...is something wrong? Suzumiya-san, if you and Kyon-kun aren't getting along--"

"It's nothing to do with him and I," she said crossly, rubbing at her forehead and spinning her chair to face the window, adjusting herself to sit cross-legged on the seat. "Because, Mikuru-chan ... you like Kyon, don't you?"

Mikuru yelped quietly, looking up in alarm and sucking the fingertip she had pricked with her sewing needle. "Er.... That is.... Of course! He's a very good friend!"

"You don't have to act clueless and moe right now," Haruhi grumped. "I mean, romantically. If I weren't being an obstacle to you, you'd try and date him, wouldn't you?"

"It's ... forbidden," Mikuru said quietly. "I...if you must know, then ... yes, I do like Kyon-kun ... he's reliable, and doesn't have ulterior motives. But I'm not from this timeplane; I can't have, um, relationships with anyone from here. S...so, please don't think of me as a threat, Suzumiya-san! And you can't ask me to think of him without you being in the picture; if it weren't for you, I never would have been sent back and been able to meet him anyway! I don't want to come between the two of you!"

Haruhi stuck one foot out and turned the chair around to face her club members. Kanae rubbed at one eye and peered at Mikuru in bemused fascination, while Yuki's eyes were fixed firmly on Haruhi. Mikuru herself merely gazed at her sewing project with a bowed head, her hands not moving, her expression downcast.

"I don't like that answer," Haruhi mumbled. "It's just like an action movie where the hero dies. Or where the hero likes two girls, so one isn't quite as pure-hearted or kind as the other, and is killed to make it so the hero never has to choose. Yuki-chan likes Kyon, too. Augh! This is frustrating, really, really frustrating!"

"P...please don't get frustrated!" Mikuru begged. "There's nothing to worry about from me! Kyon-kun and I ... will never be more than friends."

Haruhi sighed, pushing the keyboard away from her so she could cross her arms and rest her head there. "Maybe I'm thinking about things too hard," she forced out. "Maybe, really, I should be asking who he likes, right?"

"I'm trying to sort things out," Haruhi answered. "Kyon didn't mention it ... but for a while I thought maybe he liked me ... then I thought about it more and realized, maybe he's just being so nice to me because he has to be."

"That's not true at all!" Kanae said firmly, shaking her head. "I've been to a lot of worlds, and in some of them you have a power, and in some you don't. But Sempai likes you in a lot of them. That can't be just coincidence."

"He does?" Haruhi asked hopefully, turning her eyes to the underclassman. "It wouldn't be so much of a problem if he would just admit it and make the first move!"

Kanae nodded quickly. "Absolutely," she said cheerfully. "It makes me a bit jealous; most worlds I jump to, he wants to help me but has to take care of you, more...." She shrugged, her smile slipping momentarily before she forced more cheer. "But ... that's what's great about Sempai! He doesn't have to want to ask me out to care about me and want to make sure I'm okay. And that's ... fine ... for me."

Haruhi drummed her fingertips on her desk absently. "You really think so?" she asked quietly, wondering about Kanae's actual feelings. Fleeing constantly through alternate realities, with Kyon as the only reliable person she knew.... That situation seemed oddly familiar.

"I think so," Mikuru said earnestly. "Don't let yourself get down, Suzumiya-san! If Kyon-kun ... didn't like you, he wouldn't have tried so hard when he asked you to help Nagato-san. He would have found a way to break things off with you at the same time, or give up your powers for good! He didn't, so...."

Haruhi's fingers drummed the table again. "I still don't like that answer," she mumbled.

In a dark mood, Kyon strode out of the school grounds. He paused a few steps out of the gate as a mature woman in a sharp suit approached him, giving a terse nod. "Mori-san," he greeted her neutrally, struggling to keep the irritation his classmates had instilled from his face.

"Sir," she greeted him, somewhat stiffly. "I'm here for our meeting, as you requested?"

He took a deep breath and gave the woman a slow nod of his own. "Is Koizumi in trouble?" he asked.

Her expression eased slightly as she shook her head. "He's just busy at the moment, Sir." He spent an idle moment wondering what the hell his future self was going to say to this woman that had made her so deferential to him. "This way...?"

The familiar black cab awaited a short distance down the street, and he shrugged at it in bemusement. It would get him home faster, letting him bypass the train. Which in turn, most likely meant that he should get more sleep once he got home.... He got into the back seat, Mori opening he door on the opposite side and sitting next to him. Arakawa wordlessly started the car up.

He didn't feel like trying to puzzle through whatever it was that his future self had arranged, so he decided he'd try relying on raw bluster: "If you'd care to begin...?"

"Very well," she agreed. "While en route to his current assignment, Koizumi-kun relayed an update on the situation with Suzumiya-san."

"So far," Mori said evenly, her eyes turning to fix on some distant point outside of the car window, "everything regarding Suzumiya-san has matched your predictions. Assuming you're correct, and tomorrow morning is the peak of closed space creation for the two week period that we established, then we'll accept that you have the situation under control." Her eyes hardened and shifted to his; he felt he should be trying to return her hard stare, but could only gaze back lethargically.

Hopefully, he told himself, the lack of excited reaction would convey some sense of confidence to her. Surprisingly enough, it seemed to, and she quickly looked away again. "In the meantime," she continued, unprompted, "we're also following up on your request to ensure that Michikyuu Kanae is provided the same protection you are afforded. Naturally, since she's joined Suzumiya-san's club, this makes her a person of interest to us anyway."

"Of course," he said, nodding. Why had he thought to request that from Arakawa? It made sense the Organization would watch over anyone in the Brigade anyway, if only to determine who they were and what powers, if any, they might have. Stabbing blindly at the next conversation topic, he asked, "And the puppet Student Council?"

"Well, as you said, Sir," Mori sighed, "there's not much we can do about Kimidori Emiri. However, she was never part of our equations anyway; in fact, we typically tried to hide our agenda from her because the IDSE and ourselves have our own goals. If she's an enemy, I don't hesitate to lay that problem firmly at your feet, since you've started this mess. That being said, we had nothing planned within the next two weeks anyway."

"Right," he said, committing the details to memory. This would absolutely have to be written down if he was to manage whatever madness he was going to do last Sunday. "Good. Did Koizumi mention the potential IDSE bargaining chip we had on the table?" Those words sounded good ... right out of an intrigue filled political drama. Doubtless Haruhi would be thrilled to hear this story later.

"New data?" Mori asked, giving a small nod. "Again, that falls firmly into the area of 'not our problem'."

"I know," he said patiently. "But if we're working together, well, as I mentioned before, I'd like us to be on friendly terms. My plan isn't something inane, like, 'bite off more than you can chew and chew it anyway'. While I am doing my best, I don't have the arrogance to believe I'm infallible."

Mori turned her face back to him, her eyes softening as she raised her eyebrows. "More and more, I'm starting to like you, Sir," she said with a wry grin. "You remind me of myself at your age. Well, in that case, the only thing that occurred to me is that ... this entire thing, every action you've taken so far, could be an IDSE orchestrated ploy. That is to say ... for all we know, they've arranged things from behind the scenes specifically so that you would 'collar' Suzumiya-san and thus restrict their precious 'data creation' to a safely controlled vector."

The thought chilled him deeply, to consider he could have been manipulated so perfectly. If it were true, had Yuki betrayed him? Or was she, too, just a puppet? He didn't like the idea of anyone being a puppet for anyone else.... Resolving to ensure that Haruhi endured less harsh restrictions from himself in the future, he gave a thoughtful nod he didn't quite feel.

"Then again," he said, realizing that thanks to exhaustion, his expression hadn't changed despite his alarm, "this also connects to the other theories of the Organization; Haruhi is God, for example." He'd never believed that one.... Able to warp reality, sure, but God? Even Koizumi said he hadn't bought into that one, and he was the closest thing to a Haruhi-worshiper Kyon had ever met. "I don't think I'm going to ask Haruhi to create a rock she can't move anytime soon ... but we can't exactly prove this, can we?"

"Not really," he admitted. "The theory's sound, but I don't believe any of us are predictable enough for the IDSE to risk it. I can easily see them wanting Haruhi controlled to provoke reactions safely, but threatening Yuki? After what I told them? That's like giving a monkey a chainsaw and hoping that it'll create a new form of art. It might work, but probably it's just going to get messy and end poorly."

Eyes widening in surprise, Mori laughed aloud; from the front seat, even Arakawa snickered. "Your argument is as compelling as mine," Mori allowed, recovering. "Neither can truly be proven yet. Very well, Sir. I hope for all of our sakes, you're able to do as well as you claim. In the meantime, is there anything else your plans will require?"

"Nothing serious, for the moment," he said dismissively. "Maybe a coffee machine for the club room, at the rate things are going."

"If everything works out after tomorrow, it will be a small price to pay, Sir," Mori agreed as the car pulled to a stop. "Koizumi-kun has made that request many times. Thank you again for your candor, and good luck with your objectives."

"Don't mention it, Mori-san," he replied, somewhat bemused as he opened the door and stepped out of the car, waving at the pair as the vehicle drove away. Did the clubroom actually have a coffee machine coming to it...? That would be amusing ... but he'd feel guilty if it got back to Haruhi as any kind of abuse of his authority.

He saw his sister approaching, looking over her shoulder at the vanishing car curiously. "I even said I wasn't serious," he mumbled to himself. "Well, it's not like everything I say I want will come to me. If it were, I'd wish that Haruhi and I could really get along, and she'd find a way to be happy."

"Haru-nee-san isn't happy?" his little sister asked, drawing close enough only to hear the last part.

"So does Mom!" his sister said brightly. "She's always telling me to study harder than you, since you set the bar low!"

"That's swell," he grumbled, rolling his eyes and heading into the house. "Here's an easy bar to clear: I'm going to take a nap."

His eyes slowly blinked open from his nap, staring upward into Yuki's eyes as she peered down at him. He forced back a yawn and sat up, glancing around her apartment. Looking somewhat irritable and wearing a bathrobe, Mikuru knelt at the table, mumbling about getting phone calls first. Kanae was sitting next to Mikuru, working on her homework and evidently unperturbed.

"Hello?" he said by way of greeting, looking down at himself ... he was wearing his dress shirt and slacks, too tired to change into his pajamas or strip. Though, that last thought was thankful, in retrospect.

Kanae blinked at his voice and looked around. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "This isn't my room! I didn't even feel the slide!"

Yuki turned her gaze to Mikuru without changing expression. "No," she answered. "With your permission, we shall proceed again."

Shifting his shoulders, Kyon sat up and nodded. "Is this going to be a nightly occurrence?" he asked, trying to keep annoyance from entering his voice.

"Unknown," Yuki answered. "The amount of time Michikyuu Kanae will require to master her ability to shift dimensions is as of yet undetermined."

"Oh, right," Kyon realized, blinking. This wasn't just about Yuki dealing with her 'error' data. "Well, in that case, I'm ready, Nagato. I think I've got a way to go before I finish what I chose to learn ... and I can't travel back to last Sunday until I finish it."

"More sliding practice!" Kanae cheered, throwing her hands into the air excitedly. "I've never been so fortunate in any world I've jumped to!"

"Um, I should keep a positive attitude, too," Mikuru contributed. "If it's not too much trouble, Nagato-san, could you call me before teleporting me here next time? I'd really like to arrive dressed ... if Suzumiya-san were to hear about, um, me arriving in such a condition on a regular basis, she'd probably become even more upset."

Yuki looked away, adopting an expression Kyon hadn't seen since he asked her what happened to people after they died. "I should not say," she eventually answered.

"Well," he said, frowning, "I already know that there's supposed to be a huge closed space incident tomorrow. Do you have any advice on that front?"

"Er, um," Mikuru managed, her face turning red, "you should ... make the first move. Suzumiya-san is just ... stressed that.... Well, I probably shouldn't say, either. But I trust you to sort things out!"

"Yeah," he agreed. "No need to put off your error correction any further than required."

"Understood. Initializing," Yuki announced, and for a moment, Kyon wondered how Kanae could not have noticed being teleported as the world exploded away around him.

"Kyon!" Flashes of light, crackling energy dozens of orders of magnitude lower than the ones in the spaces that Yuki had pulled him through with her teleport echoed through his field of vision before his eyes snapped open to see Haruhi kneeling over him. She was wearing her school uniform, and he guessed without checking he was too.

He blearily blinked and sat up, squinting at the gray sky overhead. "This again?" he asked, stretching.

"Sorry," she mumbled, unable to meet his eyes. "I thought I was having a pretty bad day, then ... it got worse."

Kyon: Big Damn Hero

The Straightforward Flashback and Exposition Arc II

Chapter Four: Epileptic Plot Tree