# memento mori

## a suzumiya haruhi no yuuutsu fanfic

### by brian randall

disclaimer: the light novel series begun with 'the melancholy of suzumiya
haruhi'/'suzumiya haruhi no yuuutsu' is the property of tanigawa nagaru and is
used here without permission. no disrespect is meant with the posting of this
story.

note: ignores one particular scene in novel 11, and may contain spoilers up to
that point. this is a less than happy story, though it will strive to be as
uplifting as it can, considering what it's about. hopefully the ending is
positive, but it's generally a very sad story, and some of your favorite
characters may have to suffer ... because that's the nature of life, isn't it?
so make the most of what you've got. what else can you really do?

* * *

The tone was very different from the last time that Nagato and I had spoken
quietly in the hospital. Then, of course....

I didn't know how to react. Part of it was the creeping sense of shock and
horror I'd been trying to push away crashing back down onto me. I felt sick
and terrified. My head pounded, and even without my inner-ear woes, I would
have been staggered with dizziness.

If I weren't lying down, I would have easily fallen over.

I was dying.

And for once, it wasn't in any way a supernatural event. No conniving enemy.
No vicious plot. No meddling.

I was just unfortunate.

Was that even the word? As stunned as I was, my mind groped for sense. This
wasn't _fair_!

My breath was coming in ragged gasps, and I realized my eyes were stinging--
No, no -- I needed to calm down.

Keep it together, I reprimanded myself. I was able to keep my head when I
thought I could have the problem solved with powers like a god. Why couldn't I
reclaim some part of that sense? I've panicked before -- when facing problems
beyond my depth, I would have thought it was perfectly justified. When
Asahina-san was kidnapped, I was so frightened that I called Haruhi and asked
her for help with the situation!

Come to think of it ... that was always my answer, and I'd been about to fall
back on it again, wasn't I?

"Who can take care of this problem for me?" I seemed to be plaintively crying.
It was a fair question sometimes. When Asakura Ryouko manipulated data and
came after me with a knife, there was nothing that I as a mere mortal could
have done. When Asahina-san was kidnapped, that _too_ exceeded my
capabilities.

And when I got sick, my gut instinct was to wait for Nagato to fix it for me?
Not that I hadn't thought of her solving that problem with Asahina-san, as
well.

But humans have been dealing with their own mortality for centuries! Shouldn't
I have been able to do the same?

"I ... see," I said unsteadily. I tried to shake my head, forgetting to brace
myself against the dizziness, and collapsing back into the bedding again.

Nagato stared at me, as silent as a shadow.

"Thank you," I finally said. "I ... need to think about this for a bit. I
appreciate you telling me."

Her liquid-helium eyes blinked once, her gaze still fixed on me. She gave a
tiny, curt nod, then stepped back to the side of the bed, pressing the button
to lower it without saying a word.

Probably, no equipment in the world was powerful enough to detect her
footprints on the floor as she left. Perhaps she actually didn't. I was lost
trying to absorb the reality of the situation -- staring at the ceiling even
after the light flicked out as abruptly as it had turned on.

You would probably expect that after hearing something that momentous that I
didn't sleep a wink the entire night.

I don't know when, but at some point, I must have drifted off despite
everything....

* * *

As rattled as I was by the shocking revelation, I was woken up unexpectedly --
so shockingly that I tried to sit up.

Despite the fact that she had cried out a cheerful greeting from the doorway,
Haruhi reached my side to push me back into place before I could do more than
halfway flail toward rolling off the bed. "Hey, now!" she grumbled, smiling
despite that. "No falling out of bed while you're recovering!"

I had no response. My mind was slow to wake on the best of days, and that day
was probably not one of those. I could only stare at her, blearily trying to
wake up, while Asahina-san, Nagato, and a worried Koizumi stepped in. Just
behind them was the nurse who usually brought my breakfast.

"Kyon-kun will be receiving another MRI today," the nurse warned, "so you can
all visit for a bit -- but only one of you can stay with him while he's being
scanned."

"No problem!" Haruhi said brightly. "Today, to encourage you to get better
sooner, we've even brought you breakfast! Mikuru-chan helped, but this soup
should revitalize _anyone_! Even someone as lazy as you should be energized!"

"...good morning to you, too," I managed, the memories from the previous night
crashing back to me. I'd have liked to have thought that it was a bad dream,
but Koizumi's expression, an incredibly rare break from his typical mask, lets
me know that it was not.

Asahina-san had been caught up in Haruhi's excitement, so her concern was
overshadowed by her cheerful demeanor. "Y...yes, hopefully you'll be back on
your feet soon, Kyon-kun!" she added sweetly.

That was enough to get me to smile a bit, too, but it was a limited one, at
best. "Thanks," I managed, as Haruhi set a still-hot bowl on the slide-out
tray that I'd taken all of my recent meals on.

"I'll leave you be, then," the nurse remarked. "I'll be back in about an hour
to bring Kyon-kun to his MRI."

"Thanks," I said again, as Haruhi uncovered the sealed bowl with a flourish,
peeling back the rubber lid and letting the aroma reach me. It did smell good!

Once the door was shut, Haruhi very critically asked, "And how long _will_ it
take you to recover, anyway? You don't have that needle in your arm anymore,
so you're doing better, aren't you?"

"That all depends on how well it works," I answered. "The doctor said those
were, ah ... immunoglobulin, I think."

"Yes," Koizumi supplied. "It contains the pooled antibody -- immunoglobulin G
-- extracted from the plasma of over one thousand blood donors."

"Is that so?" Haruhi asked, eyes widening. "Very good that you know that,
Koizumi-kun! But--" She turned back to me, frowning. "What do you _need_ such
a thing for?"

I turned my attention to the soup bowl and fumbled for the spoon, almost
dropping it before getting a mouthful of the hot broth. It really was
delicious.

"The treatment lasts between two weeks and three months, and is used for the
following," Nagato said softly. "Acute infections, immune deficiencies, and
auto-immune diseases."

"...what?" Haruhi asked, looking between Nagato and Koizumi before turning on
me, scowling. "Kyon! What do you have? I don't want us to have to guess this!"

Setting the spoon down as Asahina-san's smile faded to a look of concern, I
sighed. "My immune system's ... acting up," I answered. "It's destroying my
nervous system."

"B...but-- But you took that treatment!" Haruhi said anxiously. "That takes
care of it, right? I mean -- you're going to get _better_!"

"It might _stop_," I said, forcing a smile I didn't feel. It was only a
lopsided grin, at best. "They'll do some tests on me to see if that treatment
helps. But the existing damage won't be reversed. Except ... Haruhi...."

"What is it?" she demanded hotly, hands balled into fists at her side as she
trembled when I trailed off.

"...I might not _get_ better," I concluded lamely, turning to stare into the
depths of my soup.

Koizumi raised a hand to his face and turned to stare at the floor. Nagato
watched us quietly for only a moment before she turned to stare at the window.
Asahina-san's head shook back and forth violently, whipping her hair around as
tears sprang from her eyes instantly. "No!" she cried. "Kyon-kun-- No, don't,
don't...."

It was a terrible moment, and I had a misguided thought that I could somehow
make a joke that would help things go more smoothly.

"But," I said, trying to sound cheerful, "you're always saying I'm the worst
member of the club anyway, right? You even made that chart about it! So, that
wouldn't be a terrible loss, would it?"

It was a stupid thing to say. I've said many stupid things in my life, rivaled
probably only by Taniguchi, but that was among the worst.

Asahina-san could do nothing more than choke out incoherent sobs. Koizumi
deserved some credit for what happened next. When the older girl collapsed, he
roused from his own thoughts to catch her. Haruhi's eyes shone as her
trembling grew more pronounced, her arms shaking. "K...yon," she grated out,
as her expression shifted to a scowl. Her face went almost completely white,
and then just as quickly almost completely red.

I had never seen Haruhi look so furious before. I wished I could have been
there to save Asahina-san, but beneath Haruhi's glare, I would have been
frozen even if I weren't confined to a bed!

"What," she forced out, almost a growl as her breathing became labored, "are
you saying?"

I didn't have the strength. I had to look away from Haruhi's gaze. "I might
not make it," I said, making my own shoulders shake.

I had thought about it, but somehow spitting out the warning that the doctor
had already given me made it even more real.

"Koizumi-kun, take Mikuru-chan and Yuki out of here," Haruhi snarled. I wasn't
looking, but I could imagine her eyes blazing like angry stars.

Koizumi hauled Asahina-san upright as she went from incoherently sobbing to
wailing, and after a single glance at Haruhi, retreated for the door. Nagato
wasn't far behind him.

The second the door clicked shut behind them, Haruhi exploded. She stomped one
foot on the floor and pushed the tray away from me -- she did it slowly, but
her limbs trembled with barely-restrained fury. Her hands curled into fists
and grabbed the front of my hospital gown. I thought she was going to give me
a thrashing, but her body was shaking too much--

Haruhi, I knew that membership in the Brigade was a lifelong commitment, but
what was with this reaction?

"How," she snarled, her voice thick. "Kyon-- How can you even _joke_ about
something like that? Sometimes--"

She took a shuddering breath, needing to start over:

"Sometimes you're so _stupid_!" Her voice was even thicker, as though she were
on the verge of choking, and I felt myself shiver in anxious anticipation --
Haruhi was not a violent person, but was this where she was going to change
that? Was what I said in such poor taste that she'd hit me for trying to joke
about it? "You-- You...."

But ... what she actually did next was pull herself down to me, pressing her
face into my chest as.... Well, Suzumiya Haruhi, chief of the Brigade, burst
into tears, sobbing into the thin material of the hospital gown she was
clutching.

"You _can't_!" she bawled. "You _can't_ die, Kyon! We-- We have too much to
_do_! You _have_ to get better!"

As almost every other time in my life when it was time for me to do something
meaningful, I was at a loss for words. What was I supposed to say? I'd never
_seen_ Haruhi in such a state!

For all of her amazing qualities, sometime I forgot that she could still be a
normal girl, too. So, while she clung to me like a barnacle, I raised a hand
of my own and gently patted her back.

"I.... I'll try," I managed, still a bit shaken by this new facet of Haruhi.

"You're not going to _try_," she managed, between sniffles, her voice muffled.
"You're _going_ to get better!"

Oh, Haruhi.... "I'll do my best," I promised, as her hot tears soaked through
the thin hospital gown.

What else could I do?

* * *

I had no idea how long Haruhi stuck to me, while I almost mindlessly patted
her back. She finally sniffled hugely once, then shook her head, pulling
herself free. Her expression was strange to me; 'troubled' isn't something I
was used to seeing on her face. Her eyes were red, and she rubbed at her
cheeks before giving me a scowl.

"You must eat properly," she declared, pushing the tray back within my reach.

As tasty as the soup was, evidently enough time had passed for it to grow
cold. With Haruhi in that state, even I knew better than to mention it, so I
slowly nodded and ate it anyway. Turning away, Haruhi went through a bag I
hadn't even seen her bring in, wiping her face with a cloth. No sooner had I
finished the soup than the door opened, the nurse from earlier peeking in.

Her gaze lingered on Haruhi, who immediately stood ramrod straight, then went
to me. "Done eating?" the nurse asked lightly. "It's time for your MRI."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Am I going to be getting these daily?"

"Well, that's up to the doctor," she answered.

"I can come with him, right?" Haruhi asked quickly, flinching slightly at the
wheelchair I had grown unfortunately familiar with. "I want to ask the doctor
a few questions, myself!"

The nurse nodded and cleared the tray away before helping me down into the
chair. Haruhi fidgeted anxiously, as though she wanted to help somehow, but
wasn't clear on how.

"Where did the others go?" Haruhi asked, looking around in the hallway.

"They're in a lobby down the hall," the nurse answered gently. "Did you want
to visit them?"

Haruhi hedged for a moment, then shook her head. "I'll see them later," she
decided. "For now, Kyon is what's important."

All this fuss over me... "Alright," the nurse agreed. "First of all, cell
phone off, and leave it in the basket outside of the room. Any metal jewelry
or clothing fasteners can interfere with the operation, as well, so you can
come in the room, but can't get too close to the machine -- understand?"

Haruhi held her tongue until we were in the examination room, though followed
the instructions. I had gotten used to the machine, myself, but it was new to
Haruhi, so she looked at it with wide eyes. It was pretty imposing, though!
The technicians helped me out of the chair and onto the machine, while the
doctor looked at Haruhi with mild surprise.

"A friend, Kyon-kun?" he asked pleasantly.

"Yes," Haruhi replied without hesitation. "We take classes together, Sensei.
Kyon told me about his condition, a little bit -- but how bad is it really?"

It's not like I made that up! The doctor hesitated, looking between me and
Haruhi.

Sighing, I allowed, "I'm not trying to hide anything from Haruhi, Sensei."

"Alright, then," he allowed, as the antenna was put on my head again. The
technicians prepared the system, but the doctor turned his attention to the
girl who had accompanied me. "As I'm guessing Kyon-kun has explained to you,
the prognosis is pretty difficult."

"But you gave him a treatment for it?" Haruhi asked sharply.

"That's right," the doctor agreed. "With a bit of luck, it will halt the
dysmyelination, or greatly slow it down."

"And a magnetic resonance imaging machine will show that?" Haruhi pressed.

"It can," the doctor agreed. "In ... Kyon-kun's case, the action is very
severe, so with the correct settings, it's very easy to observe. If we are
lucky, then we will compare today's scan with the one from the day before
yesterday -- before treatment -- and the day before."

"And you'll see less progression?" Haruhi asked sourly, as though the words
tasted bad.

"Exactly right," the doctor agreed. "We'll also take another scan tomorrow and
compare it with today's -- then we can have a much better grasp of how
effective the treatment is."

"And if it's halted?" Haruhi pressed more confidently, as the machine around
me whirred to life, a low hum I could feel in my bones. "What then?"

"Well," he said after a thoughtful pause. "If we're fortunate, and we can
arrest the degeneration, training and therapy can help overcome the minor
speech impediment and coordination difficulties. Unfortunately, there's
nothing we can do about the hearing loss at this time...."

"But then, Kyon's cured?"

The doctor sighed at this. "The issue is with Kyon-kun's immune system, so it
will still be problematic. I've submitted blood for testing at various labs,
but we don't understand _why_ it's behaving the way it is. His situation is
similar to other conditions, such as multiple sclerosis, Guillain-Barre
syndrome, Krabbe's disease, or metachromatic leukodystrophy."

Even though I could only see the interior of the machine, I could imagine even
_Haruhi_ staring, not recognizing most of those. I'd heard of the first, but
the rest were new to me.

"Our first priority is trying to stabilize Kyon-kun's condition, however," he
continued. "If we can do that, then we can look at longer-term solutions.
Possibly a way to address the immune system's behavior."

I could imagine Haruhi's face when she got an answer she didn't like.

"You heard that, Kyon?" Haruhi asked, while the machine quietly rumbled around
me.

I answered, "Every word."

"Right! So because of that, every day before you're better is another penalty
you will owe me!" she declared. "You also made Mikuru-chan cry, so that's a
_double_ penalty, you understand?"

I resisted the urge to sigh, since I was supposed to keep movement to a
minimum. It was fine to talk, though, so I muttered, "I shouldn't be
surprised...."

"You'll have to treat just the two of us at the cafe to make this up," Haruhi
continued. I couldn't see her, but I could imagine her nodding, arms crossed
over her chest. "And, also -- you're missing important lessons, so homework
and study will continue!"

...in a way, Haruhi's insistence that I was still going to be part of those
things was actually comforting.

"Homework, penalties.... You'd better enjoy this break!" she warned.

The doctor chuckled in response.

"Hey, Haruhi," I said.

"What?" she called back, her tone of voice allowing me to envision her
bristling, prepared to deal with my 'insubordination.'

"Thank you."

"I...it's ... what I'd do for any member of the Brigade," she mumbled, barely
louder than the whirring sensor mechanisms around me.

Strangely, I couldn't imagine her expression when she said that. I wished I
had a mirror to see it.

* * *

After being unloaded from the machine and getting back into the wheelchair,
the doctor said he'd pore over the results, but wouldn't know what it really
meant until he could get one more scan in the following day. Then came a blood
test.

I wasn't a fan of needles, but over the days leading up to that point, I had
become largely numb to it. I was surprised to see Haruhi cringe at the
extraction, but she quickly put on a brave face. Once I was back in the
hospital bed, it was time for lunch. Haruhi grimaced and shook her head.

"I'm going to check on everyone else," she said. "I'll bring them back here,
and we'll have lunch with you -- but your health is important, so don't wait
on us to start!"

Once she was gone, I was rewarded with solid food -- the porridge and soup had
started to wear on me. What a treat! Katsu donburi -- not a favorite, but a
welcome change.

I was only a few bites into it, moving slowly to avoid stressing my worse
coordination, when the door opened and the Brigade trooped back in, Haruhi at
the lead. Asahina-san and Koizumi followed her like lost arctic explorers,
forced to rely on the unflagging confidence of a leader facing a difficulty
they could not understand, while Nagato trailed behind them, her usual
expression in place.

Koizumi looked surprisingly troubled, and Asahina-san's eyes were red, her
cheeks still marked where she had rubbed her tears away. She looked in a daze,
offering a despondent and confused expression, instead of her normal cute
smile.

It was my fault for upsetting her, wasn't it? Haruhi had even assigned me a
'double' penalty!

"Sorry to worry you all," I offered, forcing a smile.

"We-- Ah, y...you're doing better?" Asahina-san asked anxiously, clasping her
hands together and giving me a pleading look.

"Of course he is!" Haruhi insisted, her hands full of hers and Asahina-san's
trays. "And there will be a test tomorrow to confirm it!" She paused then,
thinking about something, and her face turned into a grimace.

Koizumi set down his tray on the small table in the room -- the same one he
was carving apples onto, a few months ago. "More importantly than how you are
doing," he asked, "how are you _feeling_, Kyon-kun?"

"Still good enough to beat you in chess," I answered, hoping that joke would
go over better than my last.

The smile he gave me at that was ... different. Usually I was irritated by his
falseness, but for once, I could see this one was genuine -- earnest.

"Koizumi-kun," Haruhi declared, wheeling on him, "tomorrow, you can bring one
or two games to play with Kyon. I will also have instructions for you later,
but for now, they are to be kept secret from Kyon! Absolutely secret!"

"I'm right here, Haruhi," I reminded her, before taking another slow,
deliberate bite of my lunch.

"That changes nothing," she insisted, nodding decisively. "In the meantime, if
anyone can think of activities we can do here until Kyon is released, don't
hesitate to share them!"

"Of course," Koizumi chuckled.

"U...um, Kyon-kun, if there's ... anything I can do, let me know," Asahina-san
offered anxiously.

I could think of a few things.

"Aside from having her put on her nurse outfit and check your temperature,"
Haruhi interjected flatly.

As pleasant as the image might be, I'd really been prodded and measured enough
already. "Is that because it's the Brigade chief's duty first?" I teased.

Asahina-san's eyes widened as she gasped at that, reassuming her cute demeanor
-- for me, that was enough! Always smile like that, Asahina-san! Much like
Haruhi, it was no good seeing an unhappy expression on her face.

Haruhi scowled at me, but it wasn't a very deep scowl, and I thought she must
have put too much spice in the curry she had gotten for lunch -- her face had
turned very slightly red.

Before she could answer, the regular nurse who attended me peeked into the
room. "Kyon-kun," she warned softly, smiling. "Your family is here, and will
want to speak with you for a bit." She paused surveying the Brigade -- my
friends -- then added, "You should have a little more time before that needs
to happen, though."

Haruhi's expression dropped at that. "Well ... we ... can't get in the way of
that," she muttered. Brightening, she shook her head. "That's fine!" she
declared, nodding. "After lunch, we'll regroup at Yuki's to prepare for
tomorrow!"

"Ah, I ... have part-time work this afternoon," Koizumi apologized, shaking
his head. "I'm sorry for that."

"I'm not happy about you missing such an important event," Haruhi started,
glancing at me briefly, "but I'll allow it -- I'll send you a text message to
keep you updated, understand?"

I bent to my lunch, wondering how things would go with my parents.

* * *

There was an unfortunate sense of tension across the remaining time with
Haruhi and the others -- I suspected she was especially annoyed with being
bumped out by my parents, and also unhappy about Koizumi's 'part-time job'. I
hoped that Koizumi wasn't overburdened because of me, at least.

I had to try and put those thoughts aside once my parents returned, my little
sister in tow.

My little sister impatiently asked, "Kyon-kun, when are you coming home?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "It seems there are more tests to do."

"Are you feeling well?" my mother asked anxiously.

"Nothing hurts," I answered, shrugging as well as I could without moving my
head too much. "So ... what's this about?"

"Your doctor -- Yamada-sensei -- wanted to speak with us," my father answered.

As if summoned by his name, the doctor that -- much to my shame -- I hadn't
learned the name of until that point stepped into the room, quietly closing
the door behind him. "Ah, hello," he said, pausing when he saw my sister.

"It's-- It's alright," my mother said shakily. "We're not going to hide this
from her."

My pulse quickened. This didn't seem like a prelude to good news.

"Alright," Yamada-sensei agreed, nodding. He moved to the same screen that he
had put my previous MRIs against, and put up a new one. I couldn't really read
it; it was all confusing gray blurs to me. "We'll need to measure tomorrow
again to be certain, but it appears that so far the immunoglobulins have not
had an impact on the degeneration," he said solemnly, indicating specific
areas on the scans of my brain.

By my parents' blank expressions and my sister's look of confusion, it made no
sense to them, either.

"It's very early to make a prognosis, but considering how quickly the
condition is progressing, it's not a good idea for us to lose time in pursuing
treatment options," he continued.

"Okay," my mother agreed quickly, nodding. "What other options are there?"

"The issue as far as we understand it is the immune system," he said. We all
knew that much at that point, though.

With the exception of my sister at any rate, who moved to my side and tugged
at my hospital gown sleeve curiously. I fumbled and patted her on the head
before she grabbed my wrist, looking up at me in concern. Even if she didn't
understand what was going on, she could read the mood.

"Now, the immunoglobulins -- ideally -- would have basically tricked the
immune system to halt the dysmyelination," the doctor explained. "Since that
didn't work, the next option, which we can start as early as tomorrow, is to
undergo immunosuppression. That's basically ... trying to intentionally shut
down the immune system."

My parents stared. My sister looked scared. I ... had no idea what to think of
that. It sounded dangerous, though.

"What this means," the doctor continued, "is that we have to deliberately
attack the immune system and weaken it to the point that we can halt
dysmyelination. This is ... not without risks, but the procedure is routine in
other situations, so also not without precedent. We regularly do this for
patients who receive transplanted organs to prevent rejection."

"That ... sounds fine," my father offered hesitantly, trying to force a
reassuring smile as he glanced toward me briefly.

"In this case, because of the abnormally high white blood cell count, we're
going to need to be very careful -- there's a chance we could overdo it. In
order to be as safe as possible, once we begin the treatment, Kyon-kun will
need to be in physical isolation to prevent contamination or infection. With
his immune system suppressed to reduce neural degradation, he could become
very susceptible to illness."

My little sister gasped. "K-Kyon-kun!" she choked out, eyes large and watery
as her grip on my wrist tightened. "You're going to get better, right?"

Ah, just like Haruhi.... "I hope so," I told her earnestly.

"Alright," my father agreed, nodding. "If that's what it takes, then...."

"In that case," the doctor said, offering a weak smile, "I'll leave you alone.
The hospital visiting hours.... Well, we'll waive them for the time being, so
take all the time you need."

My sister sniffled loudly, eyes glistening. "Hey, come on, Imouto," I tried to
cheer her. "It's not that bad!"

I wish I could have been more confident, but that last bit of news.... I
mirrored my father, then, trying my best to remain stoic, even in the face of
uncertainty.

* * *

Most of the time visiting with my family was spent breaking things down for my
sister. She sniffled a lot more, and finally cried, clinging to my arm like a
plush toy. "Kyon-kun has to get better!" she wept.

It ... made me look at her in a different light. When things were positive, it
was simple to look at her a nuisance. But here, in such a situation....

"Don't be like that," I told her, trying to keep my voice light. "Haruhi's
already ordered me to get better, you know!"

"You'd better!" she insisted.

I smiled at her, but I was already getting tired. Once it was time for dinner,
my mother pulled my sister away. "We'll-- We're going to see you tomorrow," my
mother said. "Once you finish eating, get some rest, alright?"

"Of course," I agreed.

After that, I ate, and then dozed off for a while.

I woke late in the night -- at least I thought it was late in the night.

This time my visitor wasn't Nagato, but Koizumi, standing just inside the door
next to the light switch. Even though I was typically a heavy sleeper, I found
myself rousing once he hit the switch. I rubbed my eyes before fumbling for
the controls to the bed.

"Not who I was hoping for," I mumbled, trying to crack a joke even as the
dizziness of turning to look at him hit me.

"My apologies," he said with a wan smile, moving a chair to the side of my bed
and sitting down.

I was about to joke again -- coming into the room late at night and taking a
chair without so much as a hello?

But then.... If Haruhi was upset with me, wasn't Koizumi already working hard
enough without me giving him grief?

"How are you doing?" I asked, once the bed was upright again, giving another
rub to my eyes before letting my arms fall to my sides.

"_My_ condition should be no concern," he answered sardonically, shaking his
head. "More to the point is the concern of your health!"

"Haruhi's not taking it well?"

This was a pointless question to ask; I could see _that_ well enough. His
level stare told me much the same thing.

"Has there been a lot of closed space?" I tried instead.

"There has been a bit," he agreed, nodding. Shaking his head again, he added,
"But the behavior is ... different. The celestials do not rampage as they once
did. They now ... shuffle about a bit, as if indecisive. Then they might smash
a building or two, and then before we can move against them, they disperse on
their own."

That sounded like it wasn't that bad, to me.

"That, and your condition have stressed me a bit," Koizumi added. "Obviously,
Suzumiya-san is concerned. While the situation is manageable as things stand,
if your condition does not improve...." He grimaced and shrugged.

I sighed at that. This felt like a familiar situation. Haruhi didn't like the
outcome, and everyone scrambled around trying to fix things to suit her?

"Well-- In any case, the Organization has no idea who has done this to you,"
Koizumi continued. "And this is beyond our resources to resolve -- though we
will handle the expenses for your stay here."

That was a relief! I didn't like the idea of my family struggling to keep me
in the hospital!

"While I've tried, our contacts with the IDSE haven't told us anything,
either," Koizumi added. "I ... am a bit at a loss."

"Ah," I realized, frowning. Nagato hadn't told him? "I guess you didn't ask
Asahina-san?"

"Should I have?" he returned, looking puzzled.

I shook my head carefully. "No, of course not. I already talked about it with
Nagato, though. It's not the work of some enemy or outside faction, though --
this is just ... what happened." I spread my hands in a helpless shrug. "No
one is behind it."

I was rewarded with the rare sight of Koizumi looking stunned, his mouth
dropping open in shock. "That," he sputtered, shaking his head. "I-- What?"

I couldn't enjoy the moment, with him looking so scared.... It was refreshing
to see this true side of him, but I would have rather it not be at such
expense!

"Koizumi ... I'm sick," I answered. "It just happened."

"I.... This couldn't be what Suzumiya-san intended!" he complained.

"I don't believe Haruhi would do this to me, even subconsciously," I insisted.
"Nagato said it was just a condition I had that was dormant until now -- from
long before I met Haruhi. Before Haruhi's powers entered the picture, even!"

"Well," Koizumi said, shaking his head. "If that's true, then.... That would
answer a question about the universe existing before Haruhi, wouldn't it?"

"I don't believe that she would have made a world where I was going to get
sick like this," I agreed.

"As fascinating as it would be to explore the philosophical impact, the
immediate concern is restoring your health," the esper declared. "I can't
imagine it's beyond Nagato's ability to treat!"

I felt like an idiot. Somehow, the thought of asking Nagato to resolve it if
it weren't from some sort of abnormal instigator hadn't even crossed my
_mind_.

Before I could fully process it, Koizumi continued, "But-- If it somehow _is_
beyond her, or her superiors refuse to let her help, it cannot possibly be
beyond _Suzumiya-san_ to resolve!"

"That's true," I mused. There was _nothing_ Haruhi could not accomplish,
should she truly wish to.

"I--" Koizumi cut off with a cough, then stared at me, amazingly solemn
without his smile. "I said once that if it came down to it, I would side with
you over anyone else. Naturally, the Organization is concerned, but there is
no plan to handle this. Even after the scare we had in December.... If you
require Suzumiya-san's ability to restore you, then I will stand at your
side."

I wasn't able to follow that, so I stared. "What?"

"If you ... decide to tell Suzumiya-san the truth of her nature," he
explained, giving a small shake of his head. "Certainly, her power can resolve
things, if Nagato's cannot! The Organization is uncertain of what might
happen, and would undoubtedly not approve of this action -- but that does not
matter. I at least would be willing to stand by your side, and I believe that
if anyone could encourage Suzumiya-san to be calm and remain responsible with
her powers ... it would be you!"

I felt as stunned as Koizumi must have been to find out that my condition was
natural.

"I ... hadn't thought of that," I admitted.

Koizumi looked satisfied, as though a major hurdle had been cleared, and
relaxed back into his seat. "So -- if that is your decision, I will stand at
your side," he said, relieved to have gotten that out.

He misunderstood, of course. Thinking about it, I had no reason to think that
Nagato _couldn't_ cure me. But she hadn't offered, and I'd been so stricken by
the entire thing I hadn't thought to ask! Just because there was no
supernatural cause for things, didn't mean there couldn't be some cure, could
there?

"This-- This is a lot to think about!" I exclaimed.

"Well, I will apologize for that," Koizumi said, offering me another of those
strange sincere smiles. "I trust that it is in good hands. Now ... I hope you
will forgive me, but I should return home and rest for tomorrow."

"Of course," I agreed, rousing myself from my own thoughts. "Thank you,
Koizumi." And then, because it wasn't something I said enough, but it was
true, I added, "You're a true friend."

The esper coughed and nodded, making his way to the door before switching the
light back off. Before I fumbled for the bed controls to lower it again, while
he was closing the door, I saw he'd gotten something caught in his eyes.

* * *