Disclaimer: The novel series of Suzumiya Haruhi that began with 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints.
Most people are satisfied with achieving whatever they think is good enough, and then stopping there. But what's the point of that?
Taking an uninspired step in a well-worn path.... It's fine to be able to do the same things as everyone else, sure, but don't get fooled into thinking that's the most important thing in the world!
So, I'm not at the top of the classes -- I'm still pretty high up there. I have enough spare time after studying to investigate more interesting things, too. Okay, yeah, I could be going to the school at the bottom of the hill if I worked a little harder, but that'd be throwing my life away completely.
Plus, there's another reason to go to Kitago, anyway.
In some senses, and it really pisses me off to admit it, I'm not different from anyone else at all. Except for the fact that I realize it. To get really astounding grades, I'd have to give up all my free time entirely.
Maybe, over the last few years, I haven't found anything.... But I haven't stopped looking, and this place will be no different.
If anything, this represents a whole new frontier of interesting and amazing things to find! A whole new population of students to search for something amazing -- a demon, a hidden shrine maiden, a secret fighter for justice! A psionic warrior who fights against alien invaders from a dimension beyond time itself to protect our world -- and the universe!
...was my initial expectation.
Something like that was what I had hoped for, at least.
Reality just has a way of letting you down. After enduring the opening speeches, watching closely -- without hesitation -- for any sign of the unusual, I saw nothing. The faces of the other students passing me were as blank and boring as anywhere else. Shiny new uniforms and dull faces.
Class just made things worse, with boring introduction after boring introduction. The most profound was the student directly before me, who seemed to go out of his way to sound even less interesting!
After that, I'd heard enough, so let my frustrations be known, rising to my feet so quickly my chair slid back behind me, clattering against the desk of a student I remembered from last year in middle school. I slapped my palms against the top of my desk for extra emphasis, ignoring the sting from being a little too enthusiastic as I declare my name and my mission.
This draws Boring-kun's attention to me and he turns slowly around in his desk to look at me with the same expression as everyone else. As if to say, 'Was I for real?'
I had no time for that -- or them -- if they had nothing else to offer.
You would hope after making such a declaration that someone would come. That someone would approach, give you a little amused, slightly embarrassed smile, and start off a conversation that goes something like, "So ... do you really want to find out more about...."
And there, I'm not ... really sure what I expected to find. Something, though. At least a pointer to him!
But in the end....
...no one came.
At least, no one I cared about. A few girls approached me and tried to get me to talk about whatever mindless shows they watched. Asakura Ryouko was probably the most annoyingly persistent of them; I got the impression she wasn't going to give up, even if I did stop talking to her. She's the kind of easy-going, popular girl that's likely to end up class representative. As if I'd fall for something like that?
Annoying meddlers.... Like I care what she thinks? This is the absolute epitome of what I don't want to deal with!
And except for Asakura, all of them give up fairly quickly, so ... how sincere were they, in the first place?
You try and put up a strong front, and not to give up hope. Hell, I followed the clues left to me by that person back in middle school and came here to find something! I'm sure ... that person is long gone by now. Even so....
Does the trail of clues just end like that?
I can feel the beginnings of a truly frustrating depression welling up. When the chime between classes rings, I don't even bother to scout the school until the next chime, like I usually do. Instead I just wait at my desk.
Before I really have a chance to think about what that all means, Boring-kun turns halfway around in his seat and gives me a wary regard, one eyebrow raising as he gives me a curious half-smile. "Did you really mean that?" he asks, taking nearly a week to voice the question I saw on his face the first day I met him.
Yeah, that's some real initiative there, waiting until everyone else loses interest in me before you even say 'hello.' I bet you get all the girls, don't you?
Somehow, as dispirited as I am, I can't just tell him, 'Actually, lately I've been depressed and frustrated about not getting anywhere; maybe I should just quit. What do you think?'
I mean ... I can just say that. But quitting once someone has actually noticed what I'm doing? Thanks, Boring-kun, you may not have meant to, but you've reminded me I can't give up. Someone has to be special, different, and unique. And until I find that person, I may as well be the placeholder for them.
Glaring at Boring-kun's face ... what was his real name, anyway? I'll have to find out at some point, but no way in hell am I going to admit I forgot already. Well, shooting him an unimpressed look, even though I'm actually a little glad he noticed, I wait for him to say something else.
He looks only the slightest bit uneasy, weathering the gaze that sent the boy behind me running after a mere five minutes, back in middle school.
Okay, seriously lacking in initiative, but....
"About the aliens, espers, and time travelers," he clarifies, as though I didn't already know exactly what he was talking about.
Not impressing me so far, Boring-kun.
I don't need to ask Boring-kun himself to find out more about him. Anyway, if I did ask him, he'd just say what he thought I wanted to hear, not the truth. So, in order to find out more, I spend some time over the next weeks studying him.
He tries to talk to me every day, though I honestly can't really tell what he's getting at. He doesn't seem to be moving towards asking me out, at least at first. I'm not sure what compels him to keep talking me, but it keeps me searching, so as annoying as he is ... he's useful, too.
In the meantime, from the opening athletic competition, I notice very quickly that Boring-kun is, or could be, a star athlete.
It's not too hard to linger near the other girls as they dumbly moon over the guys, saying which one is 'hottest,' and who's most likely to place well in the athletic teams. One of them must have shared a class with him in middle school, remarking on his nickname. 'Boring-kun' was nice, but he already hates his own nickname, so that's perfect; I can annoy him back just as much as he annoys me!
He set a record for the hundred meter dash, and generally did about as well as the top athletes. Despite all that, he's as lazy as he looks, and shows no interest in joining a club. Even when students approach him and ask him to join sports clubs, he politely defers with an explanation that he enjoys the 'going home' club just fine.
It could just be left at that, but Kyon's inexplicable athletic prowess is one of two odd factors about him. I could dismiss him being some sort of physical savant, just with good reflexes and in good shape, sure. Maybe he even has some part time job that just kept him remarkably healthy, and that's why he doesn't join any clubs.
It'd be fun to imagine him as a crime-fighter, patrolling the streets late at night, but I don't see him as having the personality for that. Jumping from rooftop-to-rooftop in the dead of night, probably wearing some sort of badass trenchcoat, like some ... big damn hero?
I wish!
Anyway, the other thing that sticks out about him doesn't come up until our first test. For a guy who seems to put no effort into studying, he sure aces every exam. He doesn't look like the most avid student, but without fail, the bigger idiots in the class -- the student who sits behind me, and a pair of annoying girls named Saeki and Onoki -- approach him to beg him for permission to copy his homework.
He doesn't much react to them, except to roll his eyes and hand his assignment over with a rueful grin.
I grumble about people who can't accomplish anything on their own, but he just ignores that to ask me about something else I did in middle school -- the talismans I hung up everywhere, this time.
"What does it matter, if it didn't work?" I mutter at him. It's not like I can be that surprised that it's going around ... but who keeps telling him about me?
Kyon isn't the only thing I investigate, of course. There's a lot to search for, and at least one amazing person to find ... hopefully. Or some sign of him, right?
I don't find that, though.
Sure, I spend every lunch for a week checking the pool for kappa. I inspect the grounds and get used to finding the spots around campus where it's easy to hide under bushes -- a few discarded packs of cigarettes betray most of them with no effort.
And, really ... that's the best thing you guys can think of to hide? That you smoke? Talk about being clever about being stupid....
It's not that hard to get into almost every locked room in the school, though I don't find anything good in all my searching. Certainly, no clues or notes on how to find ... him.
So, when everything else turns up blank, I've got a justifiable reason to investigate this guy -- Kyon.
It doesn't take long to track down the girl that mentioned having a class with him last year -- a girl named Sakanaka. I capture her on the way to homeroom one day, surprising her by grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around in the hall.
"W...what...?" she begins uncertainly, revealing a startled, panicked look.
Whatever. "Tell me what you know about Kyon," I bark at her. "You had a class with him last year?"
Her look becomes even more confused before understanding of some sort seems to dawn on her, and she offers me one of those empty smiles girls like her are always sending one-another. "Oh, so that's why Saeki-chan...."
I can't imagine what pointless thing she's talking about; she thinks about it for a moment and then shakes her head.
"Um ... well! I can say that he doesn't appear to put much effort into academics, but always gets good grades! And you saw him during the athletic competitions, didn't you? He's not often motivated, but he's always been popular for sports in middle school! It's something of a surprise that he doesn't join a club, really; I'd think he'd be a natural for that."
Yeah, well, if I applied myself just a bit harder and focused on just one thing, I could join any sports club I wanted, probably.
They're too boring to stick with for more than a day, though.
So, as far as that goes ... Kyon's probably not a total idiot.
It's not much new, but probably Kyon doesn't have any amazing supernatural back-story for his classmates to all know about him so casually. I release Sakanaka's shoulder and nod thoughtfully.
"Ah, though...." She seems hesitant, and doesn't quite meet my eyes, giving me a shy, wary smile. "As I understand it, he's not actually dating anyone."
Another passing student catches this remark and freezes, shooting me a hard glance. It takes less than a minute for me to recognize Yanagimoto from middle school. "Serious?" she asks, glancing between Sakanaka and me. "Suzumiya's got a crush on someone?"
I give Yanagimoto a flat stare. Is that really what they think an investigation means? Is that the only reason a girl would ask questions about a guy?
Aside from which ... even if he looks ... kind of similar to what I think I remember, Kyon's not the one I'm looking for!
"I know Kyon spent much of his time last year with a female classmate; she was ... a bit off-putting, and had trouble making friends. Still! It seemed they became quite close, and studied together to keep her out of cram school!" Sakanaka offers, sending me a hopeful, encouraging smile.
"Oh, this is too rich!" Yanagimoto chuckles, rolling her eyes and flashing her teeth in a grin. "So, he hung out with some awkward girl that no one else got on with? You should be set, Suzumiya! Sounds like your perfect match!"
That ... isn't the kind of information I was looking for, exactly. "What about his habits and behaviors?" I ask. "Strange associates? Mysterious circumstances? Any signs of hidden powers!"
"The legendary aloof 'beast girl' of East Middle school falling for Kyon! Haha!" Yanagimoto shakes her head and dashes to another nearby friend, whispering in her ear urgently and gesturing at me, before the pair both break into amused giggles, looking at me as though somehow, they knew something I didn't, instead of the other way around.
Idiots.
Sakanaka gives them an unhappy frown, then offers an apologetic smile. Dismissing them, she shakes her head and says, "Um, really, that's about all I can say about him? I know he and Kunikida are close friends -- probably, he'd be the best person to go to in order to discover more!"
And then he'd immediately tell Kyon that I was investigating him. While he may be interesting, am I really willing to watch him slide into the same tired, predictable patterns as everyone else? I can imagine that happening, whatever potential he does have vanishing into a tide of unremarkable teenage hormones.
But then ... I suppose that would be him showing his true colors, wouldn't it?
And thanks to Yanagimoto trying to start a rumor about me -- a rumor that no one else from East Middle school will believe, I expect -- that's going to be what happens.
Except ... it isn't.
I have to admit, being caught by the shoulder the same way I originally grabbed Sakanaka was an unusual experience, but not a particularly pleasant one. I spun around, only halfway intentionally, since I was moving fast enough, and quickly planted my feet, glaring into the deep blue eyes of the girl that had accosted me.
"What do you want?" I growl at Asakura Ryouko.
Her expression is surprisingly flat, though her eyes narrow and she gives me a very small frown. "Suzumiya-san," she starts in a warning tone, "I need to discuss your intentions with Kyon-kun."
...what? My intentions? "How is this even your business?" I wonder.
"Your business is not mine," she says carefully. "But Kyon-kun is a good boy, and well liked by his friends. I don't think it will go well for you if you're trying to cause him trouble or lead him on!"
"Are you serious?"
"Absolutely," she swears, her look becoming even more solemn.
Well, this is the girl who's probably going to be class representative. I guess, to some degree, it makes sense.
Still! "What does it matter to you, anyway? Unless you're planning on asking him out?" I snap, ignoring the other students around us.
Her eyes track to one side briefly, then back to mine. "Well, since fair is fair, if I do, should I expect your interference?" she returns.
"Like I give a damn what he does!" I counter, glowering at her, prompting her to release my shoulder as her eyebrows rise. "Or you, either! Whatever it is, it's not my problem, so just back off!"
Her response is a quiet, "I see..." and a smile that doesn't seem to really reach her eyes as I storm away.
Stupid people and their pointless, inaccurate labels!
That's so.... She's so fake, anyway! Like she even knows Kyon? Onoki knows him better than Asakura does!
Annoyed, but not really sure about why, I skip homeroom and redouble my efforts to find something hidden. And, maybe a little, I also go off to a corner of the school where no one else will get in my way or distract me.
It isn't too hard to find a container of tennis balls, and from the roof of the main building, I can just pitch them at the decorative dome on top of the adjacent building -- the one with no roof access.
Like that isn't suspicious? What's inside that dome, anyway?
Maybe they're only tennis balls, but if they knock something open, revealing a hidden entrance -- maybe a secret compartment full of notes! Hey, while we're at it, maybe he's there, inside, just waiting....
But, really, I can't make myself think anything except that I'm flinging tennis balls at a remote rooftop for no reason. I can hear a nice metallic ringing noise when the balls bounce off the sides of the dome, but that's absolutely it.
Maybe something exciting will happen over Golden Week?
Hopeful for that, I keep glaring at the distant dome and pitching until I run out of tennis balls, wiping at my eyes when the wind makes them water too much.
Stupid....
The next day of school, after a vacation too disappointing to discuss, when Kyon gets to class and sits down in front of me, he turns around and starts talking to me like he usually does. I guess ... he must have been investigating me a little bit. I've been investigating him, so how long did I really expect to keep it in the dark?
Rumors really do get around, huh?
I guess, actually, I wanted him to find out maybe even earlier. Somehow, the question he asks is just the perfectly wrong combination of words; it makes me angrier than I should be:
"So," he starts without preamble, "I hear there's a rumor going on about the two of us."
At least he leaves it at that, instead of trying to take credit for it -- or put the blame on me. Still! I'm Suzumiya Haruhi! Am I just going to let my investigation turn into something so ... cliche and predictable?
Hell no!
"And what if it's true?" I snap, shooting him a glower. "Would someone as unmotivated as you do something about it?"
He snorts, looking amused. "Well ... if one rumor is true, two might be, as well. According to that, the best record is just a week, and we've been talking before class longer than that. I'm satisfied with what we have, really."
Somehow ... that ... felt like the right answer. I think I'd be angrier if he said almost anything else there. I can't actually think of anything else I'd rather have heard him say. But at the same time, it still makes me angry!
As though our discussions even come close to proper conversation, anyway.... But ... they have become a daily thing, haven't they?
Not sure why, but annoyed anyway, I give him my well-rehearsed rant about 'love.' Sure, even I ... sometimes get those lapses in judgment.
But that's all they are!
As far as him....
He's still annoying, but he's not a total idiot, and it's a useful kind of annoying.
I didn't mean it to be that way. It just happened.
Everyone is subject to patterns -- repeating behaviors because they're familiar. Even if you try and devote yourself to never being static, and to always being something that changes ... sometimes, it takes someone even more static and less impressive to point out that you've fallen into a rut, too.
The first time it happens, it's like a stinging slap on the wrist, a painful reminder that you've strayed and wandered into territory you'd planned on avoiding.
I wasn't sure how to feel about it. He hadn't cracked the system entirely, but he'd figured enough of it out. He missed the significance of the colors, and he didn't realize that I started counting with zero instead of one.
But even Kyon saw through what I was doing.
I could try and tell myself that it didn't matter; if I was trying to attract the attention of the unusual, the unnatural, wouldn't some normal and boring people notice me, too?
It pissed me off that I went so far out of my way to attract the attention of something or someone amazing ... and all I got was Kyon. Stupid hair! I don't need to look good for Kyon, I need to get the attention of someone else!
That's why my hair was cut that morning.
I didn't need to focus so much on a dead-end, did I? If changing it all the time only gets his attention....
Except, I'm so distracted by the idea of Kyon's reaction to my new hair, I totally miss Sakanaka coming up behind me in the hall outside of class. "Um ... Suzumiya-san, that's a very ... interesting style choice!" she remarks slowly.
"It's efficient," I reply tersely. Hell, her hair is shorter, too. Just like Yanagimoto's, come to think of it.
While they aren't friends, seeing the two of us side-by-side, the other girl in question joins the pair of us, smirking at me. "Trying a new hairstyle to get his attention?" Yanagimoto heckles.
"I...if so, that's probably the ideal choice, then," Sakanaka agrees reluctantly, offering an uncertain smile. "Your hair is ... rather an awful lot like the girl he spent so much time with in middle school, now!"
By the time he comes to class, I've managed to work some ribbons into my hair, changing it to something that Sakanaka unhappily agrees is different from ... whoever, anyway. Come to think of it, I had the same color ribbons when I met that person in middle school, didn't I?
I don't know why it bothers her so much, but to be completely honest ... I'm not sure why it bothers me so much, either. Trying not to think about it, once class starts, I watch Kyon covertly. Taniguchi, the last straggler to still bother Kyon for homework, copies answers frantically, trying to avoid being caught by the teacher.
Onoki seems to have moved on to copying off Sakanaka, for some reason.
I had been putting off trying to join the Supernatural Research Society for last. You could say that I was saving the best for last, but really, it feels a lot more like I'm trying to delay yet another inevitable disappointment. What's the best I could hope for?
Well, the best I could hope for is that the Supernatural Research Society is everything I want, and I'll get to meet him again!
What ... I actually get is a group that rivals the Mystery Research Club in terms of boring activities! A pack of ghoulish freaks who look like they would burst into flame if they were exposed to proper sunlight! A bunch of giggling girls and two solemn, pale boys who take themselves far too seriously -- and seem to get along all the same anyway.
As a group, unbelievably boring! The most repugnantly stagnant group dynamic ever!
Worse, they don't even actively investigate supernatural phenomena, they only discuss it! Please! How can you consider yourself a research society if you don't actually research?
Their defense is a pathetic excuse that books are a form of research too -- this lot of people shouldn't even disgrace a club room with their formation! They should just be members of some other group, like that Literary Club. Heck, they're so pale, they look like they need sun even more than the one girl in that other club did! But her club could use members, and if these wastrels are just going to read, at least they'd be making room for legitimate researchers!
They don't really see it that way, of course.
Worthless group of occult freaks can't even find anything real to research, and are way too narrow-minded for what 'Supernatural' means, anyway.
The biggest disappointment of the entire year so far! With something so unbelievably lame, and no real sign of him.... I'm forced to admit that if it weren't for Kyon, reminding me that I couldn't give up ... I probably would have.
After that ... though he was still annoying, I couldn't figure out why. He kept talking to me, though, so I kept talking back. Answering his questions, more than anything else.
I wanted to be angry at him for being so annoying, and a little bit, I was. I couldn't be truly furious, though ... even if he didn't realize it or mean to, he had showed me that I was slipping, falling back and becoming that person I didn't want to be -- another dull conformist!
He probably wouldn't admit it, watching me, studying me, I guess ... which wasn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, he pays attention to me, but not in the annoying, fawning way of some of the idiots I've sent running over the years do. He's not an alien, or a time traveler, or an esper that I can tell -- I have a hard time buying any of those things, from him, really.
Anyway, it's something. And it's his predictable behavior, not mine, so I don't have any reason to doubt myself over it.
He may think he was figuring me out, but I've been spending just as much time figuring him out, too!
So he's some wonder-kid -- big deal! He puts no effort into his assignments, but always turns up passing grades, and is always at the top of the class on tests. He doesn't show any interest in participating in sports, just chatting about baseball stats -- but he'd be a star player, and if he weren't too lazy to sign up, he'd be picked up by the baseball club faster than he could say, 'Koushien.'
He's a waste of his own potential!
Still, this leads to the following conversation:
I probably shouldn't but, hell ... everyone else is even less worthwhile to talk to, so when I find myself getting the second-best seat in the class (right in front of Kyon, of course), I turn around to face him when he greets me.
"So," he asks, "is it true you've tried out every club in the school?"
Like I need a reminder for that.... "Not one of them was good," I sulk. "I tried them all, sure...." Then, since I am frustrated, and he is the one I talk to ... who, even if he doesn't realize it, gives me a reason to keep searching....
So, not expecting it to go anywhere, I vent and voice all of my frustrations about the lacking clubs in this school. He weathers my diatribe without batting an eyelash, and when I'm done, he looks out the windows.
Still ... at the end of it, he turns to face me and gives a surprisingly profound speech about how we should all be happy and complacent with what we have. Somehow, he himself doesn't catch the most important part of this speech: That there are people who are special, unique, and different.
And these special, unique, different people -- these geniuses -- weren't satisfied with the world, and strove to make it more interesting! Exactly like I was!
I mean, he's wrong, but he's so wrong, he reminds me of why I have to keep searching.
And, even if he didn't realize it, he was right when pointed out that I would never just 'find' the club I was looking for. Obviously, if I want this to happen, I have to do it myself!
Even if the epiphany comes in the middle of class, and he seems utterly indifferent to me when I jump up in front of him and block his view of the chalkboard. So, in a way, that's the second time he's done me a favor by reminding me how little I'm working to stand out. What does he give me for my thoughtfulness when I'm ready to thank him?
He reminds me we're still in class.
Like I care!
Still.... Annoying though he may be, he's way too useful to ignore.
So, because of that, he'll have to be my first member!
Author's notes: Thanks to Halbarad and the rest of the Soulriders for their extensive help pre-reading this one, and sorry for the necessary evil of 'yet another take on Melancholy from Haruhi's PoV'.... Hopefully, it still worked. :)