Later: Chapter Four

Disclaimer: The series begun with the light novel 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi'/'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended with the creation of this work.

I wake up earlier than I like, and almost immediately berate myself for the thought. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Nagato sleeps in, and I am able to swap myself with Shamisen -- much like a ninja -- and sneak to the bathroom without waking her. Another tiny proof of her changed nature.... Then again, at this point I honestly know the human Nagato better than the one that was an interface -- even if the two aren't all that far apart, in most ways.

After I finish my morning rituals, Nagato stirs, emerging from my bedroom to sleepily stumble to the balcony door, then plod to her own apartment. A few minutes later, she returns, finished brushing her teeth, and I set her breakfast on the table. "I have to hurry," I apologize, looking at the clock. "I should be back before noon, though."

After what rest I got -- not quite enough -- I tried thinking about things with Haruhi. Really, I'd been doing that a lot lately, or trying very hard not to. Making myself try and face the problem head-on was a lot like taking a greenhouse sheltered sapling and then planting it on the slope of a mountain. Not being acclimated to the bitter cold and high winds, the plant breaks or dies back heavily, and takes years to recover from the stunting.

Ultimately, I run into my process of deferral again, though at least this time it seems somewhat more justified. There's still a lot between Haruhi and I that hasn't been said. And really, Nagato and Haruhi might want some time to discuss things, too. Until I was convinced that Nagato genuinely didn't mind....

If Haruhi's going to be part of my life, why not try and make that as a friend, before anything else?

The universe genuinely does conspire to thwart me -- some days, I believe that. I reach the Tsuruya estate at the right time to run into Kintaro and his mother walking to school. Haruhi has already run off somewhere, promising to return later.

The wind is picking up slightly, and the skies suggest rain soon -- probably this evening, if not earlier. Kintaro has an umbrella in his bag, just in case, and I study the approaching storm front before remarking, "I'm thinking of heading out of town for a day or two."

"Aw!" Kintaro protests, pouting. "I knew it was bad news if Uncle came over so early."

"Well, I can't be the only one who has things to take care of," Tsuruya notes, patting his shoulder. "That's why you have Mother and Uncle both watching over you!"

He brightens slightly, looking over his shoulder at me with a smirk. "Alright.... Where are you going, Uncle?"

"Research trip," I answer. "Nagato is determining where. Hopefully some distant gardens are a positive inspiration, hmm?"

"That would be nice," Tsuruya agrees with a chuckle, glancing to one side at another young student being walked to school by an older sibling -- in Kitago uniform, of course. "Right now, I do seem to have a sand garden with tanuki prints in it."

"And it'll probably rain tonight," Kintaro reminds us, gesturing at the skies as we round the corner leading to his middle school's entrance gate.

If there's strong rain, or much of any snow at all, there's not a lot of point to grooming the sand anyway. "I think so, too," I agree.

Kintaro looks thoughtful, then nods, turning to face the pair of us at the gate. "Will you bring me something from wherever you go, Uncle?" he asks hopefully.

He nods again, spotting one of his classmates, then jogs through the gate to catch up. Tsuruya sighs and turns around, heading back towards her estate. I glance at her again -- she dresses in the same style of clothes as any of the other mothers walking with their children in the area, when she walks with Kintaro to and from school. She catches my glance and gives me a sidelong smile.

"So," she prompts in a quiet voice, once we pass the end of the block, and Kintaro's school vanishes from sight. "What's the cause for the trip? Since Nagato-chi's going with you, you're not going to elope with Haruhi, are you?"

I almost stumble at that, but her laughter is too cheerful for me to really shoot a glower at her. Nagato didn't talk to Tsuruya behind my back about this, did she?

She nods at that, looking curious. "Haruhi inspired you to find your other old friends?"

"No ... he passed away some time ago -- I was hoping to visit his grave, actually. I never said anything resembling an appropriate goodbye when we last talked.... I should give him at least that much, shouldn't I?"

Tsuruya's smile vanishes as she looks up at the sky thoughtfully. "I suppose so.... I didn't know him terribly well. For whatever reason, Mikuru-chan didn't speak about him much. Anyway, would you bring him flowers from me, when you go?"

I think about that for a minute. "You know, yesterday morning.... She let me know she was visiting a doctor tomorrow, though I don't think she meant to."

She takes a deep breath as we stroll through the gate to her estate and pauses on the driveway, where no other staff are in sight. "I don't mean to make you worry for nothing, but I think she might be really sick," she explains hesitantly.

Tsuruya looks sympathetic. "Come with me," she decides, gesturing for me to follow her.

I have to wonder what sort of dismay my expression shows. We walk side-by-side beneath the wild cherry trees that fill the yard, and around the house to the shrine garden. After bowing to the torii, I uncertainly follow Tsuruya within.

There's no official rule that non-family can't enter the garden, but I feel a bit like a trespasser, being in this familiar space at the same time as her. She walks around the stone walkway through the arrangements to the tiny shrine building, then pauses. I make a mental note to restock the incense soon as she takes a stick and lights it, contemplating for a long moment before quietly ringing the small shrine bell.

The tone lingers in the garden and she glances briefly at her husband's portrait. Turning back to face me, she steps off the shrine's small steps, then sits down and pats the space next to her.

Sitting at her side, I realize that I've never quite looked at the garden from that angle before.

"It could be a minor thing, and I could be wrong," Tsuruya sighs. "It fits logically. I was unclear on the trouble she has with her parents, but maybe she doesn't want them to know?"

"Also," Tsuruya continues, unable to keep the concern from her voice, "Haruhi and I did not ... part on the best terms. So, even for her, I think, it would take something significant to overcome that, when she came by. She came to the estate door without calling-- To be honest, I considered sending her away, but...."

"I know that Haruhi was upset ... over Mikuru-chan missing ... and I'm sorry that she's gone too-- But to hold the grudge for so long.... Well, she said she wanted to apologize and though I think she was trying to hide it, she was in a desperate state. I asked, but she wouldn't tell me why. I invited her to stay if she needed help -- what else could I do?" Tsuruya doesn't look directly at me, but I can tell she's anxious about this too.

"You know," I tell her, "I think of all the people Haruhi knew in high school, you were the one she got along with the best."

"Aside from you," she corrects. Then she shakes her head glumly. "Especially if Koizumi-san.... Ah, that's a pity for both of them."

Haruhi hadn't seen fit to tell Tsuruya that she and Koizumi had dated? But then, if Haruhi was hiding something, Tsuruya would be more likely to figure it out than I was. "She told me some things about Koizumi.... She didn't specifically say it was in confidence, so maybe it was just that it didn't come up?" I suggest.

"Perhaps.... Will you tell me what it is?" she asks very quietly. "I'd understand if you said 'no,' of course."

I think for a moment. I don't keep secrets from Tsuruya, when I can help it -- would telling her upset Haruhi?

I'll have to take that risk, I suppose. If I can't face it alone, well ... at least I don't have to. "Alright," I say, my own voice just as quiet. There is a reason that Tsuruya and I have the trust between us that we do, after all.

After explaining things to Tsuruya, she's sympathetic to Haruhi's past, but it doesn't shed any light on what happened -- unless whatever it was that Koizumi died from is the same thing that Haruhi has. That seems really far-fetched, though -- I can't put stock in that without further proof.

Without any additional clues to go on, we sit together on the shrine steps for a while, then Tsuruya puts one arm around my shoulders in a comforting hug. "Try not to think about it too much; settle things with Koizumi-san first, and we'll sort the rest out later."

On that advice, I go back home, where Nagato is already waiting with pre-purchased lunches from the market and an itinerary. Being herself, she even has a short printed report -- a copy of his obituary, the address of the cemetery, and a picture of him.

I didn't know he had an older sister.... His job title is listed as some sort of senior executive. He's a Toudai graduate, naturally. Other than the tidbit about his sister and his parents, there's nothing there to really tell me more about him -- anything I didn't know. Unsurprisingly in the face of his Toudai education, his high school is unnamed.

The picture is typical Koizumi. Older than when I saw him last, but far younger than me now. He looks perfect as ever in his nice suit. I guess it's from the time he and Haruhi were working together, but there's no date on it, so I can only wonder.... Some part of his smile looks genuine enough that I think that must be it.

Behind all that, there's the tickets Nagato has already printed out for the train. "He's in Tokyo," I realize. "I suppose that's where his family must be from, then."

Despite all that, I lose myself in thought on the taxi trip to the station, only realizing then that we're going to the bullet train platform. I moodily stare around. It's been renovated, and it's not the first time I've been back here....

Nagato realizes this with a tiny grimace of distaste as we walk through the entry archway to stand around and wait with everyone else. "I forgot," she says quietly.

A few minutes later we're seated comfortably, hurtling along towards Tokyo at some ungodly speed. How fast do these things go, these days?

I used to try and learn all kinds of trivia like that; now, I can't even bother to look at the digital readout over the central aisle to check. Instead, I watch the surrounding landscape blur past. We go so quickly, there's no real attempt to post billboards along the way. The distant mountains still move slowly enough to be worth watching, but we're on the wrong side of the train to try and view Fuji.

Nagato watches the view for a while, and I flip through the papers again, though they tell me nothing new. After we eat our lunches, Nagato sighs quietly and leans back in her seat, dozing off. I try and do the same, but instead, I think about what happened between Haruhi and Koizumi -- and then remember what happened with Tsuruya's marriage at the same time.

While I was finishing my training at Kurama-dera, both Nagato and I were fairly busy with our own lives -- her adapting, and me pulling things together enough to actually do my job. Tsuruya was our mutual friend, though, so we were not oblivious to her sudden (to us) engagement upon her finishing her remedial year of college. In retrospect, that extra year was probably something Tsuruya planned to delay the inevitable.

Tsuruya's family was very proper, and this meant that as a dutiful daughter, she didn't really have much choice in who she married. Her father designated her the heir -- the next head of the family -- but I found out later that this was for political purposes. Her father would rather have had a son, so the plan was to adopt someone into the family as her husband. A specific someone, of course, a notable member of another powerful family like hers.

His family likewise had substantial holdings (though, not as impressive as that of Tsuruya's family) and he was already set to inherit the role of family head. In this way, he would take her family name and assume Tsuruya's inheritance, bringing control of all of the holdings of both families to a single heir -- the child he might have with her.

I was also adjusting to life on the grounds and working with the staff. At first, I never did anything outside of the auspices of Hakase-sensei's guidance. I was allowed to practice grooming the sand gardens, but only briefly before he replaced it with his own design. The other staff were quite friendly -- a requirement of the Tsuruya family, I guessed.

I tried to likewise be just as friendly in return, but there was very little overlap between managing the grounds and keeping the house proper. The maids might encounter us on the porch while they were putting out laundry to dry -- or we might go to the door to warn of incoming rain. The cook -- Yamada-san -- occasionally would set out a warm thermos of tea, especially in fall and winter. Really, that was the most of it -- more due to the size of the estate than anything else.

Despite that, there was a palpable sense of unhappiness throughout the household after the formal engagement. Tsuruya put on a brave face, but didn't remotely care for her fiance. Regardless of all that, the wedding was planned for the following spring.

As a gardener, I was not supposed to fraternize with Tsuruya -- unless she came to me, for whatever reason. As her friend, I tried to invite her over to spend time with Nagato and I whenever possible. She wasn't forthcoming about her specific issues with her fiance, and I couldn't bring myself to pry -- not after all she'd done to help us out.

Nagato was starting to shift her focus from the bookstore to her editing, and didn't tell me how much she was making, but I guessed it was quite a lot. Certainly, she wasn't concerned about finances, like she had been when first starting out. Unfortunately, despite how much she was settling down, she didn't have ideas to get an explanation out of Tsuruya, either.

It was an immensely formal affair; Nagato and I went together. Tsuruya meant well by inviting us, and we tried to be there to support her as much as possible given the circumstances. We were still uncomfortably out of our element, even though Tsuruya had discreetly gifted us appropriate attire beforehand.

The wedding was in the very classic style, meaning we wouldn't have many opportunities to approach the couple alone -- given our relatively unknown status compared to many of the other guests, there turned out to be almost none. I did get a chance to personally hand over the first copy of my book, at least, and that was my introduction to the man.

He had a large frame, and I wouldn't have described him as handsome by any stretch. Even dressed in the traditional outfit, he didn't appear noble to me. Dark eyes, dark hair, and a smile like a politician's. No ... phonier by a huge stretch. If that weren't enough, Tsuruya's father, either through ignorance or pride, bestowed a sword upon his new son-in-law as a wedding gift. It has long been held that receiving a blade as a wedding gift would bring bad luck.

I felt there was a pall over the wedding that only Nagato, Tsuruya, and I could perceive. Tsuruya tried to look happy, but I felt that anyone should be able tell she really wasn't. It just seemed the people closest to her didn't care enough to say anything about it.

I didn't get a chance to talk to her until after she came back from her honeymoon -- the day her husband moved in.

It's unpleasant to recall that period of time -- far worse then when I thought I was going 'mad.' Thanks to Nagato's brilliant management of my books, I was starting to make income outside of what Tsuruya was paying me. So, things were actually starting to improve for Nagato and myself.

Her husband was, to put it plainly, a brutish drunkard, violent, and with a temper that could spark at the slightest thing. From the first week on the estate, he began utilizing his new position as head of the household -- if not the family -- systematically replacing or dismissing the vast majority of the staff.

Yamada-san and myself were the last two employees left from before he moved in. Hakase-sensei was dismissed the day that Tsuruya's husband found me experimentally shaping the sand while my teacher contemplated what design would actually occupy the space. The rationale of Tsuruya's husband was relatively straightforward: Why pay for two gardeners, when the estate needed only one?

While the elder man was obviously more experienced, it also seemed I'd demonstrated that there was no need for further training.

Many of the replacement staff didn't last long either, and Tsuruya started to decline my invitations to come over and spend time with Nagato and I. She had the very good point that her husband was jealous enough as it was. So, I did my best to just do my job, hoping that some opportunity would arise to help improve Tsuruya's situation -- or stop her husband.

After Tsuruya had been married a little over a year, her husband's angry, violent outbursts turned to her. I respect Tsuruya greatly, and she's a strong person -- but I will always feel that her strength was not best spent trying to endure his unreasonable behavior.

Tsuruya wouldn't speak of it, but it was apparent to all of the remaining staff. Yamada-san's last day was when she made a complaint about it. The horrific outcome of that scene was borne by Tsuruya behind closed doors later -- and events began to make me wonder what I might do if she did nothing to help herself.

Though I am seldom given to anger, my own thoughts began to turn to violence. Could I do that? Shouldn't I, if I wanted to call her a friend?

I couldn't discuss such a thing with Tsuruya, because she was still trying to make the marriage work out of loyalty to her family. Nagato was out of the question, because she would absolutely take it seriously. At the same time, she could tell I was keeping silent about something, which was making things needlessly tense between us, too.

With nothing better to do, waiting for a chance to arrive, I began to haunt the Tsuruya estate, arriving early and leaving late -- always finding some portion of the lawn to tend, or some part of the hedge that needed trimming. Even though it wasn't requested, I spent the better part of two months meticulously getting the moths out of the cherry trees, despite Hakase-sensei's warnings that without the moths, there would be even more petals to deal with.

Done with the tedious de-mothing project, I stood on the corner of the sand garden nearest the shed, contemplating moving the central boulder. This process would take extensive manpower, because of the stone's size. It was occasionally rotated or adjusted in the garden throughout the years. According to Hakase-sensei's lessons to me, that stone was the oldest part of the Tsuruya estate.

Previous iterations of the house had been burned and razed over the centuries by rival warlords, rampant fire, and most recently an earthquake. But none of these attacks against the estate had ever managed to destroy the main boulder. It had supposedly spent time in a koi pond, and as various other garden arrangements in the estate. It was only in the last few centuries that it had enjoyed its role in the sand garden.

The sky was darkening overhead, and I should have been going back home -- there really was nothing left for me to take care of, good intentions or not.

I looked over at the back porch as a panel slid open, and Tsuruya stepped out, still regal in her kimono. Her eyes went to me, and she gave a wan, false smile. Moving with very slight steps to conceal a limp, she made her way along the porch towards me.

I hurried around the edge of the sand garden to the lower walkway, stopping at the corner of the house. "Tsuruya-san?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. She's wasn't bruised anywhere I could see, but with that limp, I knew....

She laboriously lowered herself to sit on the edge of the porch, legs dangling over the walkway. "Hey, Kyon-kun," she said, her voice rough. Her eyes closed and she tilted her face up towards the sky. "How is your writings?"

Studying the stone once more, I answered, "I haven't really been focusing on writing much lately."

"That's too bads. The grounds are well tended ... in good hands." She sighed, "Hum...."

Her husband yelled something inarticulate from within the house, and Tsuruya flinched away, slipping, stumbling off the edge of the porch. I tried to catch her, but it was so unexpected we both crashed to the ground, her collapsing across me with a whimper. I could not imagine the carnage were he to run out and see us in such a state.

Tsuruya pulled herself upright quickly enough, and I likewise hopped to my feet, dusting myself off and wishing I knew what the correct thing to do was. My training said that properly, I should do nothing; this was above my station, and I shouldn't interfere. My friendship said that I had seen more than enough, and that the rest simply didn't matter any more.

The disarray of where we fell across the sand garden was going to be trouble. I took her hand and led her across the walkway and around the corner of the guest house -- towards the gardening shed. "K...Kyon-kun," Tsuruya mumbled in confusion, "what are you doings?"

"I can't just stand by and wait," I told her insistently. "Tsuruya-san -- I owe you too much to be able to just watch this going on." My stomach was revolted enough that she'd had to endure what she had. "This isn't right; you have to get away from him!"

She resisted my pull, tugging back and standing at the edge of the walkway. "No, Kyon-kun," she said shakily, looking anxiously over her shoulder. "Y...you mustn't -- there will be troubles if he catches you trying to help me!"

I wanted to tear my hair out at that. Why? "Tsuruya-san -- don't you want better than this?"

She gave me a very sad smile, and a tiny shake of her head, and said, "We don't always get what we wants, Kyon-kun."

I was frozen in shock as she moved away, limping towards the step and reclaiming the height of the porch -- just as the sliding door violently slamed open, her husband glaring furiously across the scene, eyes flicking across me, then locking on her. "So," he said sourly. "Off playing with your lover again?"

I was already running straight across the garden, unmindful of the designs in the sand. To my credit, I finally made it in time -- sort of. I caught Tsuruya again after her husband backhanded her off the back porch. Once again we tumbled to the sand.

I wonder now if the anger those years ago I had at Haruhi in the same home were somehow a future echo of the anger I felt then. My vision grew red; my blood felt like it was boiling in my veins. Rage empowered me, and--

In complete honesty, I could go on at some length to explain how furious I was then. In verse, in prose, possibly even in song. There's no real point to iterating the intensity of that anger, though, because in the end it did no good.

Alerted by a blinding spike of pain through my entire head, but especially my upper lip, I came back to awareness to see that Tsuruya's husband had obtained his sword. He wasted no time waiting for me to recover, though, and hacked at my head clumsily.

As it turns out, the closer part of the blade to the hilt is not as sharp. It seemed that for that reason, when I didn't have enough energy to react in time, the blade cut into the side of my head a short distance -- I don't know how deeply -- and stopped there.

It did, however, cause the vision in one eye to suddenly turn gray, and a good portion of my body to go numb.

I had the vague impression that things were very bad for me as the blade was wrenched free. I could only lay there and stare upwards in shock. Tsuruya was a strong person, though -- she tackled her husband to the ground and wrestled him for control of the weapon.

I would have liked to watch, but I couldn't turn my head. I could only stare and wonder how long I had to live -- to wonder if Tsuruya would survive for my poor choices. I had never really thought about the idea of me having an affair with Tsuruya. It hadn't even crossed my mind -- I was in her debt in a great many ways, and wanted to be her friend. How had her husband gotten that impression?

Just as I reached the conclusion that I would die there, a familiar voice spoke from somewhere behind my head. I could hear it despite the fact that I couldn't pick out the sounds of Tsuruya's fight with her husband.

"Really," Asakura Ryouko said, sounding just as cheerful as ever, "I had hoped to be the one to do that to you first. Did you like my deflection? I adjusted it perfectly so you'd still survive! Are you enjoying that sensation?" Then she giggled breathily, and I could feel it on the top of my head, through my hair. "Well, now that you've gotten this far, let's see what happens, hmm?"

My head turned, not of my own volition, and I felt a pinprick on my earlobe, along with a giggling voice that made me want to retch. But ... my vision returned to normal, and my numbness faded -- though I had no strength to move whatsoever. I caught a glimpse of the knife in Asakura Ryouko's hand as she rose to stand over my head, and I saw Tsuruya struggling with her husband.

She was strong -- no doubt. He was drunken, though, and numb to the damage she could try to do to him. Did Tsuruya know martial arts? Did he?

She wrenched the sword from his hands, though, and stumbled away. He charged her, and I saw it -- etched into my mind with the same clarity as few other events in my life.

As though in slow motion, he stumbled, slipping forward. One flailing hand deflected the sword very slightly down from Tsuruya's half-hearted guard position, and then he lurched into the point of the weapon. It pierced his body with seemingly minimal resistance-- I wished I could close my eyes, but I couldn't. A surprisingly small spurt of blood escaped from where the blade was running into his chest -- and then another from his back as he was run completely through.

"And ... the finale!" Asakura said brightly, almost giggling. "Should I save him? Make them go best two out of three?"

Tsuruya stared in slow, horrified realization as her husband looked at the sword running him through in consternation, struggling somehow to his feet. With a show of strength that I could not fathom, considering that I had thought him a normal human, he grabbed the handle of the blade, which Tsuruya let slip from her fingers, scrabbling backwards to escape him.

He pulled the blade a short distance out of his chest, then collapsed to his knees, a whining grunt escaping his throat.

Kimidori ignored this. I wished I had that option. "Kyon-kun," she said, "you've become quite clumsy. It's an annoyance to us that this has had to happen."

"So sorry to inconvenience you," I rasped, not realizing until then that I could speak. And blink again, too.

Tsuruya's husband turned to look at me and made a whuffing noise before falling forward and groaning -- and then abruptly making no sound at all.

The area was completely silent, outside of Tsuruya's panicked breathing, and my own unsteady rasp. With a certainty that I had known few things in my life, I knew that Tsuruya's husband was gone.

"It will be further inconvenient for us should a murder investigation remove you from Nagato Yuki's living situation and environment."

"W...what's going on, here?" Tsuruya asked anxiously, scrabbling her way to my side, but stopping warily outside of Asakura's reach.

Even though I could speak, I couldn't move. I tried to put my emotions to the side for the moment, wanting to be rational with these creatures. I was emotionally too spent to feel much of anything, anyway. Someone tried to -- and nearly did -- kill me. In return, Tsuruya accidentally killed him trying to defend me. Why was it I only caused trouble?

No -- no time for that. Kimidori and Asakura were mostly logical creatures, so if I could deal with them on that level, they should be somewhat reasonable.

"These two are Nagato's family," I said shakily. "They're going to help us out." I claimed that more because I wanted to believe it than from any real conviction.

"It is better for your sake and that of Nagato Yuki that this line of questioning ends here," Kimidori warned. "As her emotional stability improves, the need to protect you dwindles."

"Take care ... or make a mistake soon," Asakura chirped, as my stasis faded. "I'd like to play with you again! Or maybe you'll write me one of your little poems?"

When I could sit upright, the creatures were gone, the sand garden was immaculate, untouched. There were no traces of blood -- or any sign of Tsuruya's husband. It was only me and Tsuruya, alone in the quiet.

I'm roused from my unpleasant reverie by the announcement that our stop is approaching. Nagato stirs, stretching a bit, then blinks as she wakes up and looks out the window. Thankfully, we exit further down the line from the Toudai stop, so I don't have to deal with that. As we exit the train station, stepping into the afternoon city, I can see no sign of the clouds that were threatening Nishinomiya.

We stroll down the street a short distance, Nagato taking my arm in one hand and letting her umbrella dangle in the other. In Tokyo, it's much colder, and the city is recovering from a light snow. There are small traces of it piled up atop signs and clinging to the branches of the very few trees around.

I may have come to like winter more than spring, but I still don't like it when it's too cold. Thankfully, it's not far to the taxi stand, and a few minutes later, we're struggling through the traffic towards the cemetery.

I knew land was expensive in Tokyo, so I was a bit surprised that Koizumi had done well enough to be buried there. All the same, it makes a sober day that much more grim. Neither Nagato or I quite expected the wide sea of grave markers that stretches before us.

There are occasional trees or bushes to disrupt the regular monotony of the square plots, and a fence surrounds the area, blocking out some of Tokyo's noise. Nagato and I scan the nearest grave markers, but ultimately have to find a caretaker and ask to be shown to Koizumi's grave.

The kindly old man eyes the potted plant that I'm carrying -- my offering for Koizumi from Tsuruya, then bows and leaves the pair of us alone.

If he hadn't told me it was Koizumi's grave, I might not have known. I spend a few minutes studying it in silence, then look up at the late afternoon sky.

His marker is fairly stately, gray stone, like everything else around us. His years of birth and death are recorded on one side, along with his more conventional name -- not the complex kanji for his posthumous name. I expect Nagato can probably still read that, even if the characters are outdated and obscure to me.

A family member or other friend must have been by recently, as the snow has been cleaned from the stone. An origami orchid rests near the base, tilted to one side in a slight breeze. Opposite it, someone has set a small granite bowl, filled with sand. A small bundle of burned out incense sticks remain stuck up, thrust out in solidarity.

Beneath the origami flower is a card, slightly worn from the elements, but miraculously still in place. This card lacks a name, so I wonder who left it.

After studying it for a moment, Nagato reaches into her bag, pulling out two sticks and a small box of wooden matches. We each light one and set them before his grave.

Breaking the silence, I address the marker, "I'm sorry I never even found out about this until a few days ago, Koizumi."

Nagato turns her head slightly, but doesn't look directly at me as I continue. "Um ... well, that's my fault.... I do wonder how it is that things ended up turning out the way they did for you. As strange as it all turned out, I hope that at some point, you had been happy, anyway."

Sighing, I set the potted plant down, to one side of the origami orchid. "This is from Tsuruya-san," I explain. "Um.... I grew it myself. I hope that someone from your family finds it and knows that, well...." Clearing my throat, I add, "I wrote something for you, too:

"Things left unspoken,
"In youth, there's always more time--
"I'm sorry, my friend."

I leave a card with that written on it, and my information, so his family will know who came to visit the next time they come by. And then ... unable to stop myself, as disrespectful as it is, I carefully turn the other card over, wondering what message was left for Koizumi.

K-

You deserved better, and I know it's late, but even this late, you're often in my thoughts. I miss you; I miss all of you. I wish you were still with me for this, but since you're not, I hope wherever you ended up....

Be well, wherever you are.

-S.

I lay the card back carefully and sigh, concluding, "I'm sorry I couldn't bear to face you after you told me why I couldn't take the test myself. --that I'd chosen to run away. But then.... Trying to be my friend, how unpleasant must it have been for you, telling me that if I did poorly on the test, that...." I sigh again, thinking to leave the rest unsaid.

Nagato blinks, pursing her lips and turns to look at me. "What?" she prompts me, curiously.

Well, this was for Koizumi's benefit. Or, if I tried to point that out, Nagato would correct me it was for our benefit -- Koizumi was dead, after all. Still, I had hoped not to say it.

I glance around to ensure no one is in earshot. Except for an incredibly distant figure, brooding over another stone marker, and the caretaker near the gate, the area is quiet and lonely. "If I failed the test -- Koizumi had told me what the entity had determined. That Haruhi would change things to make it so that facts would.... Eh, basically, that if I messed it up, that Haruhi would disrupt the world, possibly very badly." I don't like that reminder, so I shrug, trying to dismiss it.

For a very long while, nothing at all happens. Then Nagato blinks rapidly, her eyes probably stinging from how long she kept them open. She quickly turns her gaze back to the stone marker. "Oh," she answers, giving a tiny frown and losing herself in thought.

I suppose she has nothing to say herself.... Grim subjects all around. After a few more minutes of quiet contemplation, we finish paying our respects and leave.

Nagato seems pensive, for some reason. "What's next on the itinerary?" I ask, once we're out the gate and back on the streets.

That makes sense. Well.... Tomorrow's a full day of visiting gardens around the city before taking the train back home. "What did you want to eat, Nagato? Any place in particular?"

Later that evening, in the quiet of our hotel room, I have some time to reflect. The view isn't much to speak of -- just more of the seemingly endless city. Nagato is oddly restless, tapping at her laptop much too slowly for it to be her usual editing work. Something original, maybe?

"Troubled?" I ask, wondering what she made of the entire thing. She has been to a funeral with me once before, but neither of us felt much inclined to visit the grave of Tsuruya's husband afterwards.

She looks up from her laptop screen, and then immediately turns her gaze out the window, not meeting my eyes. "Just ... thinking," she answers.

I wonder what about, but decide not to ask. Strangely it's now, more than at his grave, that I find myself really reflecting on Koizumi.

What must it have been like for him? What happened in the end, between Haruhi and the esper?

"I just can't figure out what he was thinking," I sigh. I should really be focusing on the new design for the sand garden, but it's so distant now.... No, better to think about Koizumi today and focus on tomorrow, tomorrow.

Nagato's lips press together, but she says nothing, turning her attention back to her screen. Well ... if this is hard for her, I should know better than to push. "I think I'll go to bed, now," I decide, shaking my head. "Don't mind me."

By the time I finish in the washroom, Nagato has already closed up her laptop and curled up in one of the room's two beds. The curtains have been closed, leaving only the lamp between the beds for illumination. I climb into the other bed and shut out the light, staring in the darkness and thinking instead of sleeping.

Nagato isn't close enough for me to hear her breathing, but I suspect she's not asleep.

Something feels incomplete, somehow. I spend a long while dreamless, just trying to sort things out -- to solve the mystery of Koizumi, I suppose. What were the Agency's motivations? Were they his?

I wanted to believe that last one a little. I'd once said that I couldn't believe that Haruhi would genuinely want a person to die ... to Koizumi, in fact. And if I didn't die, considering how badly I upset her.... Well, she hadn't wished he'd died, though ... even if I don't understand the circumstances of how it happened.

And then when I thought about it, maybe I didn't really want to believe that Koizumi's death was staged just to try and make a point to Haruhi. Wouldn't that really be saying very little about both of them?

The next day is spent visiting some famous gardens of Tokyo. I've seen most of them, some fairly recently, but it's a bit of a respite. Nagato is still either restless, or maybe just bored, so I let her choose what to do for the rest of the day after lunch.

It's incredibly quiet, with soft, plush leather chairs. Nagato picks out some books she hasn't seen before, and one she thinks I should have before catching an evening train back out of the city. When I check the book, I see it's a massive tome containing all seven volumes of The Chronicles of Master Li and Number Ten Ox.

It's late by the time we reach Nishinomiya, and the taxi drops us off at home. The scent of recent rain drowns out pollution, making the air seem clear. Clearer than Tokyo by miles. There's a light on in my apartment as the pair of us climb the steps. I glance at her, but she doesn't seem to have any more idea than I -- she gives a brief shrug.

Well, other than my sister, only Tsuruya and Kintaro have keys. We go to the door and I open it cautiously, only mildly surprised to see Tsuruya and Kintaro there, playing with the reproachful Shamisen.

"Yeah," I agree, shrugging out of my coat and hanging it up, gesturing Nagato in as well. "It was alright -- I got some pictures for my sister."

"Did you get me anything?" Kintaro asks hopefully, trying to pretend he's not sleepy.

"We did," Nagato answers, surprising me. When I turn to look at her, she glances back towards me before looking away and suggesting, "Why not read him a chapter now?"

Somewhat belatedly, I produce the tome that Nagato gave me earlier, showing it towards Kintaro. His eyes light up. "There's a book?" he asks in delight. "Wow!"

"Aha ... alright, are you staying over here tonight, then?" I ask, glancing to Tsuruya questioningly.

She looks uncertain, then gives me an apologetic, pleading nod. No problem, there ... it's a bit reassuring to be missed, even if I was gone only so briefly. "Okay, get ready for bed," I instruct him, pointing towards the washroom.

"Was Shami giving you a hard time?" I ask. My sister had agreed to stop by to feed him in exchange for the use of one of her old cameras while I was gone. He shouldn't have gone hungry or thirsty, despite his complaints.

"You know him," she assures me, shaking her head slightly. "Hmm, go set down your bag, relax a bit-- I don't want you worn out on account of appeasing Kin-chan."

"Fair enough," I agree. Really, napping on the train has left me restless, so I'm not that tired. I'm sure Kintaro will drift off to sleep mid-chapter somewhere, so I'll have to restart it some other evening -- but that's okay. I drop my things off in my room to sort out later, and by the time I return to the living room, Kintaro has just finished setting up his futon in the guest bedroom.

"Ah, I think I'll go help Nagato-chi unpack," Tsuruya says, making me wonder what the two were discussing when my back was turned. "Check in once Kin-chan is asleep?"

I suppose I can do that.... But I can't help but think that something is being hidden from me.

Well, maybe there's something Nagato wants to talk about with Tsuruya.... I can guess what it might be -- more about Haruhi.

So, Kintaro probably remembers the basic premise from the movie, hopefully he likes the book details too. I don't mind the idea of losing myself in reading him a story for a bit. It's been a long time since I read him something, come to think of it ... there may not be many more chances as he grows older. Really, he could probably read it himself, if he wanted -- I doubt there are too many complex characters he hasn't learned yet.

I sit on the floor by his futon and open the book up to the beginning of the story.

When Kintaro is happily asleep, I sneak out of the guest bedroom. The living room is quiet, only Shamisen patrolling the hall when I exit. After a moment of debate, as though he knows I'm heading out, he stalks past me and curls up on the pillow near Kintaro's head.

After that I step out into the cold night air on the balcony and walk to Nagato's back door, knocking quietly. She lets me in immediately, and I pause to look around her apartment.

Other than furniture that Tsuruya and I insisted she get, Nagato didn't see any need to collect much. It makes things a bit easier when I do the weekly cleaning, I suppose.... Still, she's got a kotatsu very like the one in her old apartment, and a much more updated tea set. Tsuruya is utilizing both of them when I step into the room.

"Kin-chan's asleep," I report to Tsuruya dutifully, taking a seat between her place at the table and Nagato's. "Anything exciting happen while we were gone?"

"Haruhi said she was sorry to miss you, before she left," Tsuruya notes. "She gave us some very nice gifts before she headed out, and said she would be back in town soon -- but didn't know where she's going to be staying." She gives a little shrug at that.

Tsuruya then prompts, "So, what did you think of Haruhi? You got along with her well, didn't you?"

"Yeah ... she's calmed down a bit." Well, a lot, really. "Is that what you two have been chatting about?"

Giving me an enigmatic smile, Tsuruya shrugs. "Maybe.... Any ideas for the sand garden?"

"Nagato-chi will be joining us for lunch; do you think it will be done by then?"

It can be, if I make that the first priority of the day. "Absolutely. Still ... Kin-chan's alone next door, so I should probably head back." And if I need an early start, I should get to sleep early, too.

"Okay, we can talk about it tomorrow!" Then, since no one else is around -- except Nagato -- Tsuruya leans close and gives me a powerful hug. "Take care until then, Kyon-kun. I'll see you for lunch, alright?"

I hug her back, nodding, then we break apart and I climb to my feet, heading to the balcony. "Take care until then, Tsuruya-san, Nagato."

"Rest well," Nagato replies, not quite smiling, but not as bothered as she seemed earlier. Well, there's that, at least.

Still ... just the three of us. That takes me back a bit, to the end of those dark times with her husband....

For the first time in many nights, I fall asleep almost instantly once I lie in my bed, dreaming of that past day.

Later -- Chapter Four

A Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi fanfiction