Welcome to the Brian Randall FAQ.

First things first -- I want to get notifications for your new fics, and you promised that'd be possible by now.  What gives?
    It's possible, I just don't have a pretty interface.  I'll get one of those, but you make a fair point.  Just e-mail me and say you'd like to be notified when I post new stuff.  I could make a separate service for every story I write, but I don't think I will ... so keep in mind that's how it works.  Anyway, if you want to be signed up, drop me an e-mail.

What is Brian Randall?
    Brian Randall is a Brian-Randall-oriented unit, manufactured in 1979, Redwood City, Caifornia.  He is an Aries and has existed for a minimum of 1.203464217600^12 rotations.

Are you a family man?
    I am not currently configured so, though I am believed to be compatible with those functions.

Do you have loyal minions?
    I am currently Chief of Minion Services/The Dragon for the Soulriders.  I do have minions and they are loyal.
       ...just not to me.

Where were you educated?
    Spotty education at various facilities throughout the country, most of them temples and community colleges.

What are your hobbies?
    Brian Randall's hobbies are largely based around computers, and include writing, reading, playing games, and working on the Soulriders community forums. He also enjoys playing table-top Pathfinder games.

What other interests do you have?
    Gravity, the tao, steller phenomena, memetics, folk music.

Where do you work?
    Through cosmic irony, after journeying across the entire country, I work as a QA technician in the city of my original manufacture. Current tasks are centered around qualifying and examining hardware for flaws, which must be purged.  This explains some zeal for perfection, which I am not actually capable of achieving.
       And yet we strive.

How many electronic devices do you carry?
    I hope to some day become a cyborg, or at least mistaken for one.

Can you complain about Haruhi crack / dark fanfiction and the culture behind it on fanfiction.net in an extensive rant?
    Nah.  I'll just say it seems like a waste of effort, and most of the time the one punchline a story offers isn't even very strong.  For the dark fics, I just don't like pointless darkness.  Having there for character growth is fine ... having it for nothing ... not so much.

Can you be more concise when you complain about deconstructions?
    Sure.  I don't like most deconstructions (the depressing ones), because most of them can't be bothered to respectfully reconstruct.
    To me, it feels like you're taking something awesome and wonderful, and then you're destroying it.  And looking proud.
    Look, guys ... the story came pre-assembled.  It's really easy to take it apart.
    Once you do, can you actually make something with the pieces you have?  Or are you just proud of your ability to dissasemble?
          Mostly, it works out into not liking 'feel-bad' fanfiction.

Why am I such a jerk?
       At least one of the following is true:
    A.) I have a rage disorder.  All intense emotions are accompanied by an equal amount of destructive anger.  This is a side effect of the fact that I am recovering from a mild case of Disassociative Identity Disorder.
    B.) When I was younger, I had a piece of my soul invested into an item of power.  I then fell in love and gave this item of power to a girl as a sign of devotion.  She lost it.
    C.) I am bitter because I have an overactive galbladder, and produce so much bile that I must carry a bottle of vinegar around with me.  Drinking vinegar is one of the few things that can overcome too much bile.
    D.) I believe in true love, but am a time traveler.  I am capable of seeing my true love once more, but not allowed to do so, as it would cause a paradox.
    E.) I am an Aries.

Even though you're a jerk, I'm a glutton for punishment.  Can I get you to comment on my fic?
    My code of conduct obligates me to say yes.  I'd really rather you went to soulriders and posted in the creative writing section, so that if I couldn't comment quickly, someone else could.  But you can also contact me directly, if you like, though I won't be any help to you if you're just outside of my fandom.

Any positive thoughts about happy endings?
    I am a firm believer in happy endings.  Fiction is an escape mechanism, and I'm okay with that.  The real world sucks enough; when my characters suffer, I want it to be because they're working for something amazing, not just because it's possible.  Earn Your Happy Ending is fine.  Shooting the Shaggy Dog is not.

Why did you really leave ff.net?
    Saw through me, did you?  Alright.
       Spacemonkeys made me do it.
No, seriously, though.  Who was the one voice that drove you away?
    In the words of Mok's computer from the movie Rock and Rule: "There ... is ... no ... one ... voice."

How do I submit questions to the Brian Randall FAQ?
    Simply believe!
       Or e-mail.