I feel angered and upset.

Good things happened today. I gave a gift, and recieved nothing in reciprocation.

I feel that this is positive. I did not expect a gift in return, and I think, ideally, that this is how gift exchanges should be done. The recipients expected no gift, and they appeared to be pleased to have it. That's what it's about. Doing something nice for someone not because of an obligation, like a holiday, or a birthday, but because you CAN.

Maybe we could cut down on commercialism if we did away with Christmas and just encouraged people to do nice things for eachother.

Anyway. Unfortunately, Lord and Lady Buffington felt the need to give me something in return. I don't like this because it gives me the idea that they wouldn't have, had I not given them something first. It makes me feel like I'm (in a way) imposing on them to get me something back.

I didn't mention this, of course. I just joked about how they didn't love me because they got me nothing (which is a stupid joke, in retrospect), and then we all laughed, and she said she'd have a present for me at their Winter Holiday party, so I'd have to come and get it.

Of course, this goes back to Rose. Yes.

So I simply said, "Well, my standard proviso still applies to attendance," expecting to get a dissaproving look and have the issue dropped.

Jackie, of course, did not know about the proviso, and asked about it. When she found out that my proviso was, "I will attend, provided that Rose is not there," Jackie retorted, "Well, that's really mature, guys."

Two things about this. First, I think that considering that I will not enjoy myself if I am made to endure her, attending would be stupid. Why bother going if I know I'm going to be miserable? I've never really fit in with the 'furry' crowd, anyway, so why not save everyone trouble and not attend. If I did go, I would get upset, I'd get annoyed, and eventually, I'd explode and yell at Rose because she's so self-absord it repulses me.

A brief digression. I don't hate her. Hate is too strong. Despise is not, because she inspires the utmost levels of revulsion and disgust in all that I abhor in humanity within a single being. Perhaps the reason I dislike her so much is because she reminds me of the self-centered, egomaniacal, controlling, and simple-minded person that I used to be. With one critical difference. I wanted to become a better person. She gets no sympathy from me, because as far as I can tell, she does not.

Secondly, "guys"? What, she's got issues with me, too? Well, that's actually somewhat comforting, if so. If she's aware that she causes some form of reaction from me, then maybe she isn't such a bad person after all, and maybe it's all a miscommunication.

Or maybe Jackie just thought that Lord and Lady Buffington agreed with me, and it'd be better for me to torture myself with Rose's presense/cause an ugly scene that cost me several friends when it escalated to violence (Rose's boyfriend is actually a cool guy, and I think he'd probably kick my ass if I insulted her, but that wouldn't stop me from saying what I feel would need to be said).

So, yes, Jackie, I think this is the mature response, and I hope you understand how angry I am at you being so critical without knowing the entire story.