My life lacks Drama.

VERY WELL!

I am creating Drama from this point forth:

Wallace, you and I were brothers, separated at birth, and both designated heirs of a rich and ailing countess.

Jim, while it was unintentional, you destroyed the lives of three women forever with a vat of jello, a trio of 40 oz. bottles of tequilla, and a handy-cam. Only I managed to shield you from the public eye behind a veil of mystery. Living under the oppressive blackmailing scheme I've worked onto you for the past years, you've finally developed the mental circuitry required to destroy a living being. On top of that, I am a declared enemy of humanity, so you're practically obligated to murder me.

Mark, after a ski trip to Reno, you and I left a hooker dead in a hotelroom, along with sixteen packs of chocolate flavored bubblegum. The police have never approached us. We've never spoken of it since. But now, an enemy returns, with evidence that can destroy our lives forever. Can we outwit the mastermind, and prove his guilt in the murder?

Sterling, through intense meditation and herbal therapy, you've come to realize that I am, in fact, you, reincarnated. It is now your moral duty to bitchslap your reincarnated time-looped soul into shape, or else you'll rest uneasy in your grave.

Walker, a secret you thought you drove into your brother's grave, along with the steak through the heart that finally killed him, is about to return. Can you make up your differences between your forces of Basassness, and my forces of Awesome? Only aligned can they destroy the menace that is ... your undead brother!

Ryan, in an ironic twist of fate, my plan failed, and in addition to not killing you, I ALSO failed to escape from the amazing simulator you've trapped my mind in. Can I escape in time to make it to the office in time to rescue those orphans?

David, now that we've reached a truce in the schools of monster hunting, your knives to my arc-rifle, a new foe appears. Will our combined powers be enough to combat the horror that is ... moving out?

Cheri, as horrible as it may seem, the real Leeloo is still thin and svelte -- and nearly starved away, too. Locked in the ventilation system for nearly two years, the good Leeloo is now ready to fight Shadow-Leeloo, and rescue Ditsoac from her evil.

Rez, in addition to hacking your server, Ayame also erased your entire MP3 collection. Can we find our way to the legendary hard drive of the Dark Acolyte, which is supposed to contain all the songs in the world?

Dracos, Bjorn has fallen to Banality. Can we combine our powers and ressurect his belief in the fey?

Bjorn, in the next compelling episode ... wait. I haven't seen Bjorn in a while.

I wonder where he went. O_o

Oh well -- good-bye, Sunnyvale, and hello Portland~!