So much anger.

So much rage.

Stupid World of Warcraft. I get ONE fucking day off in the next two weeks, and that's today. I figure I'll play WoW on my day off and finish that quest I've been putting off on my warrior forever.

Big mistake. It turns out that as a level 29 warrior, I can't complete it without getting a group into an instance. This isn't a huge problem, but it's an instance no one would ever have a reason to go to, put somewhere where the players who are the right level for it would never bother to be.

So I wasted my entire single fucking day off because the 'soloable game' that Blizzard promised is only soloable by the time the quest (and reward) are obsolete anyway. My choices are ... what, power-leveling and just grinding until I can solo a level 29 elite with two guards? Making the guild help me out?

I give up. If Blizzard was trying to punish people who play the Warrior class for making such an idiotic move, they succeeded.

But I also just wasted my one fucking day off trying to have fun.

I'm furious. I'm about to delete that character ... but that would require logging in, which I no longer have time to do because all of my playtime was wasted sitting in front of a god-damned cave waiting to find out if anyone else was (ever) going to go in and was willing to help me out, or wanted my help.

Then I switched to my rogue for a bit ... and my level 9 rogue crits harder than my level 29 warrior. His DPS is double what the warrior was at the same level.

So angry at wasting time..... Wanted to unwind, but no. And now all my friends are level 40 and higher, so I can't play with ANY of them. It's so awesome being the guild leader, AND the guild lowbie.

Anger.

After taking some time to think about it, I've come to the conclusion that most likely I won't be changing my mind and continuing World of Warcraft.

It's gone beyond, "Am I having fun?" and to, "Can you enjoy the game knowing that one of your best friends thinks this game is more important than you and the majority of your mutual friends?"

The answer is no. I keep getting flashbacks to Everquest, when I focused on that game and ignored the majority of my friends for it. I hate how destructive I was of my own life, and seeing someone else do the same thing (even for a different game) depresses me to no end.

I doubt I'd ever be able to play without being reminded. And I don't think I want to play with someone who's only made uncomfortable by my presence.

I can't believe I willing played a game that would cost me a friend.

I wish I could go back in time and just not buy it.

But I can't.

Bridge-burning complete.

I've backed out of every game I was part of on pishoque, and have informed the guild at large that I'm retiring.

I've got two things left in my life to destroy.

I'll keep the job.

One thing left.

Ever have one of those days?

I woke up, and wasn't feeling well, so called in and went back to sleep. That was nice, and I felt a bit better when I woke up.

I cleaned my house. Over the last few days I've actually gotten it pretty clean. I'm happy about that....

But I'm cleaning to escape other issues, I think. I'm not happy. And I'm not sure why. :/

I canceled my World of Warcraft account today. Rez told me he was leaving the guild. I forget what he said.

I thought he meant that I sucked at gaming and leading the guild -- our guild is too small to do raids, and what would Rez want to do with a level 34 guild master when he's got two characters that are already higher level?

I forget where I was going with this. I'm depressed. Really depressed. I don't know why.

I have until the subscription runs out. That's in another month and a half or so.

And they let you renew if you change your mind later.

I mentioned it to the guild.

They reacted the same way. So I guess the entire thing is a meaningless guilt- trip on my part, and I didn't even realize it.

Probably best I don't play.

Can't lose control and accidentally snipe people if I'm not online.

Positive thinking.

I'll have more free time without WoW, I guess. I'd write fanfiction, but I don't think my fics are that great, and it's kind of sad that it's the only thing I'm good at.

Can't shake off the depression. I guess I'll meditate.

Graaaaaawr.

I said "I quit" today.

I think I meant it, too.

But not right away. I need to find another job, first. But I can't continue working for a company that has an uptime-dependant service if they have daily outages. This isn't about preserverence, it's about masochism at this point. Sure. It might get better one day, but right now, I'm suffering.

I can't handle being responsible for things that I can't fix. And it's not that I don't know how to do my job ... it's that it's not my department that's causing this. It's just my department that has to deal with it.

So. Let's flaunt that inability to hold a job, Brian, and get to work looking for a new employer!

I don't hate my life. But I'm sure getting unhappy with some things in it.