Obsession of the Moment: Full Metal Alchemist.
It is not without its flaws.
It is not as good as Scrapped Princess.
But it's still pretty good.
So today was a horrible day at work. I resent my inept manager, and his inane demands.
It's amazing to watch the transformation from "One of the guys" to totally clueless manager.
Spent most of my day doing inventory, as the whole shipping manager blah blah blah.
Felt like a waste of time.
So draining. So pointless.
We're all just biding our time until the company goes under.
Highest bet in the pool says twelve more months.
Lowest says three.
Patience. Patience. School.
Caved on the no-spending-until-laptop is purchased (in no small part due to my mom's explanation about my birthday coming up etc).
Bought an optical mouse to replace my ailing (normal) mouse. It's cordless. Very handy.
After my last mouse took a tragic fall, I was able to coerce the sensors back into shape. Unfortunately, however, it would sometimes 'stick', and you'd need to lift the mouse up, carry it to the left side of the pad, and slide it all the way to the right about three times before it'd start tracking in that direction again. But up/down and left were fine.
This turned out to be problematic in combination with me trying to photoshop an image off of 4chan. I managed to do so, taking the four cards that were stuck together and editing out the lines (and filling in the gaps!) with reasonable results.
And then someone else posted it before I could get to it in 40 MB .png format. My thunder was a-stolen. Pity. I may take a crack at it again, just to see if I can do it, and it was kind of fun (should be easier with a mouse that's both optical AND works), and, hey, I like both Mogudan's style, and the Scrapped Princess characters.
....
Frustrated. Lost. Trying to keep up a brave face, but lacking in true confidence.
Lacking in direction and motivation.
Continously worried sick that my game is going to fail, and I will have dissapointed my friends. Or already have.
Eating poorly, and feeling sick regularly.
Lonely.
And, also, I'm really disliking Outwar. Maybe just ignore it, now. Requires serious dedication to win.
And you can't really play except to win, or you'll be crushed as someone else uses you for a stepping stone. (Hey, that's the way it's gotta be, but at the same time ... I got games I can win to play.)
Hmm.
Tsukihime OST.
....
Infinity.
That line is always there. Sometimes I fear I'll find that edge.
Sometimes I hope I do.
Don't have words anymore.
I used to think I did.
Maybe I was right.
I'm lost now.
Stuck.
Gotta find the way out.
Frustrated.
But underneath it all....
Hopeful.
Maybe not optimistic.
But hopeful.
Bleah.
Something's happened to me.
I'm not sure what, exactly.
I was pursuing the path last night ... trying to find the way. But I fell asleep before I achieved anything approaching a major epihpany.
Had a series of strange dreams. Very disturbing, especially the one where I ran into my step-mother, and I think I was trying to achieve some form of petty victory over her ... but I couldn't out-petty her, and she kept laughing at me.
I know what it means, I think.
And I think it speaks pretty poorly of me that I had it.
But there's more, too. I don't understand it, but it feels like I'm throwing 'me' away to create a new persona within myself.
Confusing.
Must meditate on this again later.
Obsession of the moment: Outwar. Only click on that link if you want to help out my Outwar character. Or start your own. Or something. Anyway.
I doubt this OotM will last long. It's only a three Tin Sugar Cube rating.
When it fades ... Gunbound.
Or such.
I haven't been playing new games as much, because I'm really trying to finish some of the games I have lying around before picking up anything new. The fact that I have exiled myself from further purchases until I get a laptop is helping to keep me to that. Funny.
I've also been pretty good about swearing (incoming money to the Jar O' Shame has dropped dramatically; some days, I don't put any money in). I've been good about the red meat.
I'm feeling pretty good about myself.
...yeah. That's about it.
Well, other than some laundry room Drahma, but it's what I get for waiting until the weekend to do laundry. The SUPERbowl weekend.
A Discovery:
Fish and Chips CAN, as a matter of fact, be made badly.
I went to the Windsor Fish and Chips Company for a late lunch last night. I should have been tipped off by the fact that even though the name was displayed above a Brittish flag, the menu was entirely in Chinese.
I highly suggest that everyone go to this resturaunt, at least one time in their lives. The reason for this is that, well, after the meal there, I was with a spring in my step, and a song in my ears. The world seemed brighter, more vibrant and vividly alive than it had ever seemed before.
It was just so nice compared to the meal I'd survived only minutes prior!
Yeah. They had some amazingly sucky fish and chips. I mean, how hard is it to make? Fish, potato, knife, breading, deep-fat-fry.
But no, they had some really crappy nasty batter that was still runny on the inside, and burnt on the outside, and their chips were the lame kind with the funky corrugated edges you can get at the supermarket. It made my stomach hurt. I haven't eaten since yesterday, since remembering the meal.
I feel sick again.
Curse the fact that I can't complain. -_-
Curses again.
Anyway.
As a warning to the #tel crowd. If another whine from You Know Who gets back to me, I'm going to explode in a ball of Gaul-driven verbal beat-down and yell to the channel exactly why so many people are leaving, and to STFU already.
I feel a need to lash out, and I instinctively hunt the less intelligent. Maybe I just want an easy target.
But I loathe attention whores, oh yes I do....
...and no, the irony is not lost on me.
I now run a game.
I guess, actually, if I stop to think about it, it's been going for a while now.
It makes me happy. It is my shiny, confusing, whacked out, and strange game.
Game.
....
What, you want a link?
Fine. Admire ... my game!
Or, you know, not.
The dang thing is huge.